Over the past three weeks Jessica and I have seemed a little like oil and water. She's been pushing her boundaries, arguing and I've been out of patience, out of breath and sharper with her than I would like to be. Basically, I've wanted to ring her neck on multiple occasions and have gone into my room to cry after putting in her room to cry. Katie's been extra good because she's the chick who wants to be popular and have everyone like her so she just wasn't gonna step into this mess.
Obviously, something had to change. And I realized it wasn't going to be my 3 year old. So I conducted an experiment. I would be really sweet and not react when she did something naughty unless it was an established rule breaker. Like going in the street, throwing food on the floor, being unkind etc. On top of that, I would go overboard to praise every little thing she did right or sweet. I told her like 30 times a day that she was nice, and good, and kind, and sweet, and gentle, and loving. I told her she was a good minder and that she listened well to mommy. When she was loving to anyone, I gave HER extra love and hugs. I made a point to spend time holding her and tickling her back and running my fingers through her hair. I decided not to freak out if they didn't take a nap. As long as they were relatively quiet and in their room for the duration of naptime, it was fine. I had fun with her and made sure we laughed together about something each day. I'm only like 5 days into my experiment and I CAN NOT TELL YOU WHAT A DIFFERENT KID I HAVE. She is going out of her way to be good. She is making every effort to be loving and do loving things. She is minding so much faster. The whiny voice that I thought would drive me over the edge is gone. And Katie has even gotten better. They have been so loving to each other and have played so well together the last couple of days. Tonight when we were going to bed after our books and song and before prayers, I said "I have an announcement so everyone touch your ears so I know you are listening. I just would like to say Jessica Rose has been extra good today. She has been so loving, kind and sweet and I am so proud of her." Mike got down on his knees and gave her a big hug and told her how happy he was to hear that and he was so proud of her. Then all of a sudden Kate jumped up like a rocket and I thought (oh, no...she's going to feel left out) and she ran over to Jessica and grabbed her around the neck and yelled "I'm proud of you too Jessica Rose!" And gave her a million kisses. If you could have seen the look on that kid's face...seriously, it brought tears to both Mike and my eyes. She was so proud of herself and so happy that we were all celebrating that she was being good and loving.
I swear, it took very little effort on my part to change my reaction and attitude. And it has made parenting so much fun this week and so much easier. I knew this in my head, I just needed to change my attitude. I feel like I have my Jessica back. And I feel like the girls love each other so much and we are having fun together again. I hope it lasts.
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You just used 2 of the love and logic techniques. That is what Love and Logic is all about. I love being able to tell my girls that I love them but that choice has a consequence. Noticing them in positive ways is a fun way to add to their self esteem bank account. Check out the book at your nearest library or sign up for free weekly e-mails for tips, stories and sales on love & logic recourses. http://www.loveandlogic.com/ Here is just one (of about 11, last time I counted) “Parenting with love and logic : teaching children responsibility” By Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay.
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