To Read Again in 4 Months

Dear Katie and Jessica -



Your daddy is leaving for four months very shortly. I wanted to write this letter to you so I can read it to myself again in 4 months so I can remember where I was at emotionally during this time in our lives. I hope someday you'll read it with your therapist so you can know that I didn't mean to psychologically damage you during this time, but the United States Air Force stuck you with me and me alone as your parent for this time while Daddy is away. I hope by reading this you will come to accept that all damage done was by ACCIDENT.



There's some things I want you to know about all this craziness going on. First, I want you to know it could and is a lot worse for a lot of other people out there. Some Daddy's go away for a lot longer than our daddy. Some Mommy's and Daddy's have to go away at the same time. Sometimes there are daddy's and mommy's out there who don't love their kids more than life itself and would not give their right arm just so their kids could be free of this whole experience. Luckily, none of the above applies to either of you. Second, your Daddy will be safe and he will come home to us. I can't explain to you how I can know this. But, I know it like I knew that my dog Moz died hours before my mom called me to tell me and how I knew I was not only pregnant with twins but with twin girls and that their names were supposed to be Katie and Jessica just 3 weeks after I got pregnant. I know this like I know that Jesus loves us and like I know that you both will smile tomorrow. There are some things you just know deep down in your heart. When you feel something so strongly deep down, cling to it and be proud of it even if others wonder if you are just wishfully thinking. You are not. I am not. Your Daddy will be safe. Third, we will be just as much of a family without Daddy here as we are when he is here. Families come in all shapes, sizes and types. All that you have to have in order to be a family is love, commitment, hugs and dirty laundry. We will have all of that during this time and we will do all of the things that make it feel like we are a family. You will still have your bedtime, even if there are lots of nights I need you to sleep with me. We will still eat dinner together every night, even if it is chick food that Daddy would never touch but that I am going to glory in making. You will have clean clothes, even if Grammie has to come over and wash them because I forget. (Daddy does all the laundry so this one might take me awhile) We will still say prayers every night, even if we are praying FOR daddy instead of praying WITH daddy. You will still get the same number of kisses, even though it's because I am making sure I give you double. Fourth, I am going to be tired. There are days that I will need to take a nap with you. There are days I'm going to want us to stay in our P.Js and just veg out. But I promise that these days will be the exception and not the norm. I will strive to make sure we continue our adventures, that we get out in the sunshine, that we continue to explore the world around us. I will make sure we still go on our "dates" and that we swing, and color and do play dough. Finally, I will try my best. There are very few things in my life that I can honestly say I tried my best at. But being a mom is one of them. Being a good mom to you is the most important thing I've ever done and I promise you that I will try to be a good mom AND a good dad to you both over the next 4 months. I can never fill the shoes, or combat boots, that daddy will leave. He is special and we will miss him terribly, but we won't just be O.K. We will be the very best I can make us.

Love,
Mom