Rambling...

There's nothing of value here, I promise...move on to the next blog you read. These are just my thoughts that are so jumbled I could not sleep last night and I feel like I need to purge. If I lived in L.A. I would seek out an emotional colonic. I have neither the time nor the cash for therapy. At least not the amount of therapy I would need. It's not that I am not narcissistic or self indulgent enough...it's just I don't feel like getting a babysitter. So I blog and try and get it all out there. And therapists always want you to end up blaming your mother. And I think my Mom rocks. So I've found myself defending her honor to my therapist and then they just think I am in denial and the therapy quickly comes to a Texas standoff. Blogging is better.

I wish I was a chef. But they work crappy hours and my knees hurt so badly that I would never make it. I think a good chef is one of the hardest things anyone can ever do. It's like finding a good artist. It's just so rare to find someone with the gift. My Dad is a good chef. He's also a good artist. I love cooking shows. Top Chef is the bestest show on the planet.

Jessica does this puppy imitation every time you correct her behavior. It's a coping mechanism when she doesn't like what you are telling her. I find myself being harder on her because she is jumping around laughing and acting like a dog and Katie cries and acts contrite. I am going to try and understand that Jessica is just figuring out a way to cope and that Katie has probably learned to cry and say sorry and she gets off easier. It's so hard to be even and consistent. I am not a manipulator. I really don't have hidden agendas and go through the back door with people. So if my kids are manipulating me, I just don't ever see it. Either I am ignorant or they aren't manipulating me and things are fine.

I miss Washington DC Amy. D.C. Amy took the subway and wore long coats and cool scarfs and hats. Elk Grove Amy wears sweats and jeans and drives a dented minivan. D.C. Amy got her hair cut at a cool salon in Pentagon City by a guy that cut Hillary Clinton's hair once. Elk Grove Amy is lucky to get into Fantastic Sams once every few months. D.C. Amy read a book every three days and ate lunch in the rotunda of the National Gallery of Art. Elk Grove Amy re-reads the same pages of books like 15 times and eats PB&J on her couch. Washington DC Amy entertained and threw fantastic parties. Elk Grove Amy is resentful when she has to cook spaghetti. Washington DC Amy went to the movies on Saturday nights with her husband. Elk Grove Amy does not go to the movies. Ever. Washington DC Amy went to awesome restaurants and walked around the awesomest city ever and lived on an Air Force Base and had friends. Elk Grove Amy goes through drive-thrus, hangs out at the play park and lives on a culdesac where she does not know a soul. I miss DC Amy even though I like being a SAHM and living in California and am glad I'm not working right now and all these things are choices. But I still miss her. She was sassy. And wore cool lipstick.

I think getting the newspaper is stupid. It creates a lot of mess and I can read the news online. If I were so inclined. Which I am not. Because I hate the news. It's so depressing. Meh.

I read Nat the Fat Rat's Blog and she was singing the praises of PB & Honey sandwiches. We are trying to be more financially conscious. So I started eating these. They are so delicious. With multi grain bread and crunch PB and delicious honey. yum.

I love good teachers. My girls have the BEST preschool teacher who they love and who loves them in return. She cares about their safety both emotional and physical. She works her butt off for these kids. And she makes no money. I think that sucks. Teachers should make way more cash.

I miss my Gram. I don't just miss her physical presence because she's in Washington and then is going to Oregon. But I miss her since her mind got really bad at Christmas. I just miss her.

My friend's husband has cancer. I called her the other night thinking I would be that super upbeat friend who was all joke joke joke and not all sad and debbie downer like. I sobbed when I talked to her and I haven't been able to stop crying when I think about her. Not because I feel pity for her or because I feel guilty. I just would give anything I had to keep her family from going through this right now. I can't explain it. I just honestly would do or take on anything to take this away from her because she's just so cool and funny and has the best attitude. If she reads this, I'm sorry I fell apart and was that friend that I so didn't want to be.

Rick isn't going to Afghanistan. His deployment got cancelled. Yay for Heather and the kids and Rick. I was really glad to get this news today. I was worried about Heather because I love her and I didn't want her to be lonely. I know he'll still have to go at some point but I'm hoping it will be for a shorter period of time. Mike will go back in 13 months. The thought of that takes my breath away.

I am going to go make dinner. Lasagna or french toast with strawberries, bacon and a fresh fruit and veggie smoothie? I'll call Mike and let him pick.