Crazy Baby Lady????

It seems like our nation is gripped in controversy over the recent birth of octuplets to the single mother who has six other children at home and lives with her parents. Just the sentence I wrote above might lend insight into my initial opinion of this issue. I recently watched a Momversation.com webisode in which three different women debated this issue. One felt it was an issue of reproductive freedom. One felt no judgement at all upon this woman. I am TOTALLY conflicted in how I feel about this issue.

The facts: She receives over $500 in food stamps per month. I don't know about you, but I can't feed TWO kids on $500 let alone 14. It took a 52 person medical team to deliver the babies at a cost to the California tax payers of close to one million dollars. The medical bills for these children will be in the millions by the time they can sustain life on their own. Then they will go to the home of the mother's parents where she lives. She also has no source of income other than government assistance. However, there has been no reports that her six children she had before this were not cared for or neglected in any way. There have been only positive reports about the type of mother she is.

Here are some more facts: I am infertile. I went through six years of various infertility treatments including the same medical procedure this woman went through. The government also paid for my medical bills including the surgeries, the infertility docs, the maternal fetal medicine specialists that I saw every week for expensive ultrasounds, the treatment of my preterm labor at 29 weeks including a week long hospitalization and the very expensive C-section and care of my infant girls who thankfully had no problems due to their premature birth at 35 weeeks. My total out of pocket for these six years of treatments was about $30,000 including travel expenses to go from Nebraska to Washington DC where I had my (thankfully) last and final IVF cycle that produced the girls. All couples who have undergone infertility will tell you that $30,000 is a drop in the bucket compared to what this normally costs for this type of medical care. I can safely tell you that if you add up all my care over the many years, it most likely will total close to a half million dollars at least.

I know what you are thinking. Because I'm thinking the same thing. "But Amy, Mike is EMPLOYED by the government. He works for them and your insurance is what covered your medical costs. You guys are MARRIED and now totally able to financially care for your children. You only had twins. You aren't the CRAZY BABY LADY!"

And that is where the facts get a little fuzzy. See, I was the crazy baby lady. I was the lady who was crazy hungry for babies that she gave herself shots suspended in oil for over 100 days in the butt. Then, I was the crazy baby lady that snuck a big 32 ounce diet coke with extra cherries from Sonic everyday even though she knew caffeine was bad for the babies. Then, I was the crazy baby lady that thought I would ease on into motherhood with no problemos whatsoever. After all, I was in my early thirties, relatively sane, semi-capable, good at my job and had every intention of hiring a nanny. Then, I was the crazy baby lady that had twins and got sleep deprived and post pardom depression and snuck up to my bedroom to cry and cry and cry and then would come downstairs and act like everything was fine. I was the crazy baby lady who was smiling like an IDIOT on my first Mother's Day, a mere month after the girls were born, even though I was sobbing my heart out on the inside because I still felt hopeless and broken and infertile and unhappy even though it looked like I hit the jackpot with two healthy beautiful twin girls. And I wasn't grateful, I was sad and terrified. The facts are this. I WAS the crazy baby lady. And you know what? I still feel like I am her sometimes.

So judge away America. I don't think anyone can really decide whether someone is going to be a good or bad or great or responsible parent based on outside circumstances. I am SO thankful that my doctors were not interested in making any medical miracles with me and refused to implant the THREE embryos that I wanted them to implant. My WONDERFUL doctor who was ethical and responsible would only implant two embryos. And I continue to include this doctor in my prayers when I count the things in my life I am thankful for. Because honestly, had I had triplets, we wouldn't even be having this discussion because I would be locked away in the loony bin and I'm pretty sure they don't have wireless there.

To me, if we make this lady's issue about reproductive freedom, we start down a slippery slope that could end in making sure people like me don't ever have kids. This might be a good thing but I have to say that I am glad I was allowed to go down this scary road called parenthood. It is a road that is different for each person and if we make up criteria in which people are allowed to become parents, I most certainly would not have qualified. I know people out there with tons of kids that are GREAT parents. And I know people out there that should never become a parent. It's not for everyone. The trouble is, you don't know for sure if it's for you until you do it. And then it's a little too late. But luckily, I feel like I've moved past the crazy baby lady stages on most days. And isn't that all we can hope for?

Disclaimer: for those of you out there that are perfect mothers out there and all pottery barn kids upped and nordies dressed, CONGRATULATIONS. No really, yay for you. Buttheads.