You Can Feel Free To Use These At Your New Year's Eve Party Tonight...

I'm sure you have fancy parties to go to tonight full of glamorous and chic friends where they'll be serving gourmet food and the conversation will be stimulating and thought provoking. Well, I didn't want you to have to go into that environment without some jokes and little ditties you can keep in your back pocket in case you get stuck for something witty to say. Stick to these and you'll be the hit of the party. Oh, they are brought to you by Jessica and Katie who are three but who also seemed to do very well at THEIR holiday party. So maybe these can work for you too?

• Do you know how to tell if a train is eating? You can hear it go choo choo.
• Sing this to the tune of the sugar plum fairy piece from the Nutcracker. "Strawberry YUM, strawberry YUM, whipped cream YUM, I got some on my BUM."
• Knock knock. Who's there? Poopy. Poopy Who? Poopy poopy. (it helps this joke go over big if you laugh yourself super hard and hysterically)
• Did you know that all of the reindeer used to laugh and call him names? (you can just go up to someone and say this sentence then walk away. They will think you are super cool and subliminal and know something they don't)
• If you are in a group, just start being super quiet and get a concerned pensive look on your face. When someone asks you what's wrong, just look really worried and say "do you think Santa likes to DUNK his cookies in the milk?"
• When drinking your champagne or sparkling cider, laugh really loudly every time you take a drink and exclaim in the loudest voice possible "ha ha ha it is tickling my boogies inside my nose!!!"
• When your hostess serves you dinner, look down at your plate and start crying super hard and say "But I can't eat all of this food!!!"
• Always ask your host or hostess if you can lick the beaters after the cream is whipped.
• If there is a lull in conversation or the party just needs a little pick me up...announce to the group "let's play the Baby Jesus game. I will be the donkey and you can ride me into Breath-le-ham!" Then get down on your hands and knees and wait for someone to jump on.
• Last but not least (and this is a classic), stick black olives on all of your fingers and chase your friends around screaming "I'm a MONSTER, I'm a MONSTER!"

Good luck tonight you guys. I'll be attending a dinner with my in laws at their church then going over to my Mom and Dads at about 8pm for the rest of the night with my chicks. I will be kissing my girls at midnight whether they are awake or not. Happy New Year!