Kid Stories - New Stuff

I haven't updated the blog lately at all let alone posted an update on what the girls are up to. So please excuse any sort of cutesy, get a sugar shock cavity sort of stories.

Jessica:

• totally into reading right now. She's up to about 25 sight words. She freaks out if Mike doesn't leave her a note taped to the door every morning telling her he's at "close work" so she'll know he's not gone again to Afghanistan.
• She loves to grab your cheeks, squeeze super hard and plant a loud smacking kiss on your lips.
• She is very obsessed about the rules and order of games. If we do the hokey-pokey and start with our arm instead of our leg or forget to put our whole selves in she makes us stop and do it over.
• she is learning how to wipe her own bottom.
• she loves to clean the lint out of her toes. It's her favorite thing to do and she cleans out Katie's toes too everyday.
• She has changed over from Peanut Butter and Jelly to PB & Honey as her favorite sandwiches.
• Every place she goes she exclaims "this looks awfully familiar". Her other favorite phrases are "actually mama...", "I drew this picture, I will explain all of it to you...", "I need to wash my hands, please make the water cozy.", "Katie! I will make up a scene and then you do it."
• She still loves her sister but she also loves Carlos, Alex, Emily B, Emily C and Alexis G.
• She asks if we can go bowling everyday.
• She recently got her haircut and got her bob hairstyle back. She looked in the mirror for like three days after and said "Hello Bob, I'm SO glad you are back!"
• She has an imaginary friend that is a "handsome ant named Kevin".

Katie

• She is obsessed with making jokes about poo poo and her bum bum. She adds the word poo poo to songs as in Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree now goes "I can take an armful and make a treat. A poo poo ball that would smell so stinky" then she laughs hysterically.
• She thinks the pink applicator of Playtex tampons looks like a strawberry Popsicle. I won't go any further except to say all pretend play has been with new tampons in the applicator and not applicators in the trashcan for which I thank the heavens above.
• She has serious "dance moves". She demonstrates these moves by spazzing out all over the living room then tells us "I'm going to take dance lessons this summer. My teacher is going to be so lucky to learn all my moves. I will teach them to her. She's gonna be so happy."
• She is sort of scared to take swim lessons. She wants to be sure they aren't going to let go of her hand and let her sink. She told me "Mom, when I grow up to be a lady and have my own babies I will teach them how to swim, but you have to hang on to me still while I teach them okay?"
• Her favorite word is "lovely" as in "this day sure is lovely" or "I am going to do a lovely dance for you" or "doesn't my hair look lovely?"
• Anytime I ask her to pick up something or do something for me instead of just doing it she says "sure! I'd be happy to!"
• She loves to take her blankets and make elaborate dresses, scarves, veils (like a bride) and she is always going to a wedding or a party with her creations on.
• Her imaginary friend is a lizard named Iggy.

Both

• They don't do well if they nap together. They play instead. So we make one of them sleep in my bed and one in their room for naps. The way we decide who sleeps where is that I hide a penny underneath some object. Then I give them a hint that rhymes with where the penny is hidden. As in "If you seek the penny you must know where to LOOK, you can find what you are looking for under a........" And the penny will be hidden under a book. Whoever finds the penny gets to pick where they sleep. But instead of always picking what they want, they will instead pick what their sister wants. Then whoever wins the penny will deposit it into their sister's piggy bank. It's like their thing they do each day to show their love for their sister. It's weird that a kid would be willing to give up sleeping in Mom's bed and would give up their money to give to their sister. But it's like their thing they do everyday to show that they love each other. The sister who does not find the penny says thanks a million times to the sister who is giving her first choice and giving her the penny. It is really sweet and makes my heart warm and happy.
• They love to annoy each other by copying each other and saying everything the other says. It's the only thing they really do that makes each other upset.
• They hate to have their hair brushed.
• They still love preschool and ask to go everyday.
• They are looking forward to their circus birthday party.
• They love to have their armpits tickled.
• Every night when Mike comes home they exclaim "Mama, YOUR BEST FRIEND IS HOME!" They believe every person has a best friend because they have each other.

FUNK

I used to have a different definition of the word "funk" than I do today. It used to mean something that smelled bad as in "the bathroom smells like funk". Or, it used to be cool, eclectic art or home decorations or jewelry as in "I know this girl and her apartment has a really cool funk and eclectic vibe". Also, I used to use the word "funk" to describe music as in "bring in da noise bring in da funk." But now, today, funk has taken on a whole new meaning as in "I am in a FUNK." I'm not sure what is wrong. I have some ideas. I have a Grandma I love who is going through life altering changes as she faces a life with Alzheimer's. This new information causes my Mom a lot of sadness and I feel so sad but also so worried about how all these changes will affect my Grandma and my whole family dynamic and relationships. My knee surgery is looming like a gray cloud. I hate the idea of my bone being sawed and screws being placed in my leg and my knee cap being relocated which will set my hips at a different place and change the way I walk and cause amazing amounts of pain. Then, after six to nine months of working through the pain and sweat of rehab, I have to do it all over again on the right knee. Right now, I take care of the girls, I keep their lives going, I keep our schedules and basic needs met, I do the shopping, cooking and basic picking up of the mess that we make in the house. (I don't clean because we have little Luz for that) I do clothes shopping and organizing for the girls and I shave my own legs. There will be most likely 90 days in which I cannot do this. I think about Mike and how hard he works in his job right now and all of these duties will be added to his plate for the month of May. Then in June and July I will have to figure out how to cover these things without his help while still not being able to do these things for myself. It's a lot. And as soon as I think these things I think about other people I love who have cancer and husbands with cancer and husbands at war and who are at war themselves and who are losing jobs and can't feed their kids and I say to myself "shut up already and snap out of this funk you are in you ungrateful ninny" and then my funk gets worse.

So my funk marches on for now and the thought of turning this blog into a whine fest makes me want to puke.

On a lighter note, the CIA is recruiting. My secret dream is to be a CIA agent. I have a whole long story about this that I'll save for later but trust me, I take this dream SERIOUSLY. I could even endure torture unless they wanted to do some sort of dental procedure. If they even brought out the little pick thing they use to clean your teeth I would sing all of our national secrets like a canary. I need to work on this before I apply to be an agent.

That's all for now. Pray for my funk to move on out.

Birthday Shout Outs

So I'm late in wishing my Mom happy birthday on my blog. Not that she reads it or would notice or care but I'm late just like I'm late in everything right now in my life. Except my period. Oh it's right on time wretched curse. But Mom turned 22 again on Saturday but we celebrated last Thursday so I feel really late in posting her birthday shout out. My favorite things about my Mom. She's the best grammie the girls could ever have. She is straight up and smack you in the face honest and has no ability what so ever to be fake in any way. (this can present a challenge when dealing with events when fakeness is called for but it rocks in all other ways) She is awesome to my husband which given 17 years of marriage she has been an eye witness to his flaws and he has been an eye witness to hers so the fact that they love each other makes me love them both a lot. She still laughs at my Dad's jokes even though she's heard them a million times. She is both shy and tough. She is fiercely as in pit bull plus rottweiler plus doberman pincher loyal to those she loves and I happen to be one of those people so it's great for me. She calls me on my crazy. She's the same today and she has always been. A constant among the sea of change in my life. Thanks Mom and happy birthday.

Now as for my Grandma Bea, today is ACTUALLY her birthday so I'm not late at all. We had a rockin party for her at her house on Saturday night. Scene: A room full of old people that can't hear so aren't talking. Crickets chirping. Chirp chirp. Pizza. Orange Soda and Root Beer. Cake and Ice Cream. Balloons. One princess crown courtesy of Jessica and Katie. And the best part, my 89 year old Grammie surrounded by people her love her and came to honor her and made an effort to let her know that she is special. Because she is so so so special. She is kind and generous and good. She is sad right now. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and is preparing to move into an assisted living place where she can have her meals prepared and some nice staff to help her with her day to day responsibilities. I look at this as a wonderful blessing for her, an exciting new chapter in her life. She is fun and kind and has never lacked for friends so I know she will be happy and make friends and relish in the fact that she does not have to cook or do things for herself that she is honestly not able to do any longer. My prayer is that God will send her a friend that will give her companionship and someone to help her not feel alone and scared. I know God has sent specific people into my life at specific times in which I have needed them and I believe He will do the same for my Gram. 89 years today she came into the world. And all of us are here because of her. I was so happy we got to honor and celebrate her on Saturday night. She is truly one of the bright spots in my life.

I've been gone for awhile...

I have good reasons for not blogging for awhile. First, I went on facebook for the first time. And within a day, 39 people from my past lives had reached out to me. This scared the holy crap out of me. I've discussed my reverse case of agoraphobia here before. I do not have a fear of leaving the house, however, I have a big fear of anyone coming over to my house. And all of a sudden it was people people people everywhere. It scared me for a second. Then, I decided it made me really happy. It was great to see these names that I hadn't seen in twenty years. To know that there were people out there that I share the common history and experience of childhood with and that we shared similar memories and experiences. So the first day I was all "facebook is the devil" and today I can honestly say "facebook is a nice way to keep in touch with old friends as long as you don't take it seriously and go over the top with glam pictures of yourself and try to be all sexy and cool because then you are just path-et-ick." (Emphasis on the ick) My second reason for staying away is that my Internet connection plug got bent and so we could not connect to our cable modem until Comcast came out and fixed it. Thirdly, I am depressed. Not in a need an intervention way but in a normal way. I have to have surgery on May 1st on my knee. Then in six months I have to have the same surgery on the other knee. Each surgery carries a six to nine month recovery period. Longer than a knee replacement surgery. This is depressing to me because it means I will be re-habbing for the better part of the upcoming year. Mike will go back to the desert in approximately 13 months so I will be recovering from surgery for the majority of the time he's here. This means cancelled vacations and plans because he has to use all his leave to take extra care of me. Fourth, I just haven been inspired by the creative bug that makes me walk over to my lap top and sit with it for fifteen minutes while I think and reflect.

That's all. I enjoy this blogging thing. I enjoy the writing of it and the retelling of my stories. It's fun for me.

Friday Confessions on a Saturday

• To start the ball rolling, I'm a day late in making my confessions. Last night, when I normally would have written them I was fighting with my husband because he said a bad word directed at me which totally made me mad. My parents had the girls and we were supposed to be spending an evening alone together if you get my drift. Well I definitely spent an evening alone, just me and my book.
• I took the girls to the park this week and purposefully picked the park that you had to walk a ways to get to the playground area because the road would be further away and I would be able to read my books for longer stretches of time because it would take them longer to be able to run into the street.
• I had a dinner tonight with girls from high school. I hadn't seen most of these people in 20 years. I was so nervous as the week went on and the dinner was getting closer and closer that I ate a cheeseburger this week and almost an entire package of Oreo double stuff cookies. Gee, wonder why I broke out.
• I went to my Grandma's for dinner on Tuesday night. She let the girls blow bubbles in her kitchen. This left the linoleum all wet and slippery from the bubble liquid. She could have fallen and broken her neck after we left. Instead of getting down on my hands and knees and making sure all the slippery was wiped up, I made the girls do it because I was tired and have bad knees. I hope my Grandma didn't fall because I'm sure 4 year old wiping was not very thorough.
• My jeans are shrinking. I swear they are tighter today than they were two weeks ago. Think it could have something to do with chocolate croissants and double stuffed oreos? Yeah I don't think so either. I just think they are shrinking.
• I love dramas on television that aren't very moral in their content. Gray's Anatomy, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives...I don't need to go on. But I live a pretty moral life. I don't drink, I don't sleep with random people, I don't commit corporate espionage. So I feel a little bit of giddy envy that there are people out there really screwed up committing all sort of crimes and sins. It makes me a little bit happy.
• I enjoy when people fall. I mean like I really enjoy it. A kid fell in the classroom when I was picking up the girls from preschool and all the other parents rushed to help him and I had to turn away because I was laughing so hard.
• I cleaned my entire closet today. It was so disorganized and a total mess. I am so happy it is clean. But the condition I had let it get in should be criminal. Seriously, a horrible horrible mess.
• I emptied out my van this week. The contents filled my formal living room. I even kept everything there until Mike got home so he could see just how much stuff I had in my van. His comment was "DANG...I didn't know a van could hold that much stuff."
• I have so many shoes. Mike begged me to throw away or give away some shoes today when I cleaned my closet and I promised him I would and I didn't. I just couldn't part with them. Even old beat up shoes. I promised myself I would take them to shoe repair guy. And I know I won't. But I still can't get rid of them.

Fun Girls Night Out

Thanks to a great girl I went to high school with named Kathie, I got to spend the evening with some girls I haven't seen in twenty years. Kathie put together a really fun dinner out with girls from high school. It was so much fun getting to see people I grew up with and share conversation and a meal. I have wonderful memories of my childhood and growing up years. It was wonderful to see these girls and see pictures of their children and see what wonderful people they have turned out to be. I got to ride with my best friend from high school Gretchen who I love with all of my heart and is the single person in the world besides Mike who knows me, the real me, the best. I also got to ride with my friend Kori who I always liked in high school and we hung out in a lot of the same groups so we were friends but who as an adult I have come to love deeply as we have reconnected and with whom I have found a true kindred spirit. So girls, thanks for a fun evening, one I was nervous about in the beginning but by the end of it I felt more centered and relaxed.

I'm less nervous about my 20 year reunion coming up this summer. But I'm still going to bleach my teeth and try to fit in a lot of plastic surgery.

Books Are Like Old Friends

My Auntie Lori is here visiting from Oregon, staying with my Grammy while our family struggles with decisions about her care and what to do in regards to her recent diagnosis of Alzheimer's. She asked me to bring some books over to her so she has something to read while she's at Grams all day and all night. I gathered up a paper grocery bag full of books today. As I made a pile of books on my dining room table, I tossed some in the bag for her and rejected some. Some I lovingly held, opened to favorite passages and read for a smidgen of a moment. To me, books are like old friends. My books take me back not only into their story and characters but back to a specific time in my life as well. I know people say smell is the strongest sense that will take you back to a specific moment in your life or a memory. But for me, opening the pages of a book or even looking at it's cover is the most powerful sensation in the world. As I stared at some books, I rolled my eyes or got irritated that I spent all that time wasted on it's pages. But mostly, I just basked in the wonderful memories of reading a book while drinking hot chocolate, reading a book while I had life saving iron pumped into my veins, reading a book while I had a insomnia and a midnight craving for Cheetos - the orange fingerprints were left there as evidence I have been there once too. I reminisced with vampires, CIA agents, attorneys (thank you John Grisham), murder detectives, veterinarians, Victorian era girls at a finishing school, lonely bachelors in Alaska and entire towns and families of characters in my series books that continue the story over several volumes. I love these books. They are my friends and they comfort me and bring joy to my life in ways no other thing can. It's been this way since Margaret asked God if He was there...and the Wakefield twins attended Sweet Valley High. So I wanted to give you a top ten list of my favorite books. Realize this is my top ten today, right this moment. In twenty minutes I'll think of a book I forgot or one that I should swap out and then tomorrow morning I'll change my mind again. Okay here we go. This is NOT in order of preference because picking a favorite book is harder than picking a favorite food or a favorite diamond. How would you do that. You can't. So here are ten of my all time favorites, some of them are series or sagas.

1. Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell (because Rhett Butler is the best character in literature)
2. The entire Harry Potter series except for book five (Because I want one of my daughters to marry someone like Ron)
3. The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy (Did a paper on this in college. The writing is like poetry)
4. The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood (Changed my life as a kid. Given how much of this book set in the future has already come true and how I can see the rest of it happening so easily it so scary. And the relationship between the protagonist and the Commander is amazing)
5. Zorro by Isabelle Allende ( Just plain fun adventure. You will not be able to put it down so prepare for sleepless nights)
6. The Circle of Six Triology, by Nora Roberts (Don't judge me - this is one of the most addictive series of books I've ever read, the characters are people you fall in love with and the author creates an alternate world that is wonderful and amazing)
7. The Pact, by Jodi Piccoult (If you aren't scared to have teenagers, you might be after reading this book. The heartache that Piccoult makes you feel is so real)
8. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (I am named after Amy from the book - but I always loved Jo the best and wanted to change my name to Jo. Amy is selfish and cares way more about money and status than any decent person should. I really am nothing like Amy. Maybe my parents dreamed I would be overwhelmingly beautiful and marry a very rich man. Sorry Mom and Dad)
9. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein (my parents gave this to me as a kid and I ALWAYS buy it for people that are getting married, graduating from college, having a baby whatever. If we were all the Tree this world would be so much better)
10. The Work and The Glory Saga by Gerald Lund (historical fiction about a family starting in like 1825 and ending up in like 1850 or something like that. It chronicles the establishment of the LDS church and the lives of the Mormon Pioneers but bases it on this fictional family that you grow to love as your own. )

Honorable mention goes to the Twilight Saga because Edward and Jacob are impossible to chose between and I'm in love with both, The In Death series by JD Robb, The Notebook but only if you didn't see the movie because hello? It RUINS it. The Wedding which is the sequel to the Notebook. Anne of Gables. Clan of the Cave Bear.

Mrs. Braggy Bragerson

I try to keep the bragging about my kids to a minimum on this blog. I love when parents celebrate their children but it can get over the top quickly so I try to keep the sickening cute moments and my amazement that I was chosen to be these girls' mother on the QT. But you know what? My absolute joy in being their mother overwhelms me sometimes and that joy just comes bubbling out in what for me is sincere joy but for others might be the cause of the upchuck of their lunch.

So we went to Grandma Houlie's for dinner. The girls were appreciative, loving, ate well and even apologized that we were late. Then, we jotted over to Grandma Bea's who returned today from Oregon with Auntie Lori and who the girls and I missed terribly so we just had to go over there with colorful pictures drawn for each of them.

Then they drank a bunch of milk on the way home. Mike had to go to a pharmaceutical sponsored dinner on treatment of advanced migraines so he was not with us this weekend. We got home after 9:45 and Mike was long asleep because he has been getting to work every morning at 5:30 a.m. so he's exhausted. ANYWAY...we do this thing every night as part of our bedtime ritual called the picking game. The girls line up all their babies/stuffed animals and they get to pick 6 each to sleep with each night. Jessica was really tired and asked Katie if she could get to sleep with Katie's "Hello Kitty" doll tonight because Jessica lost hers. Katie obviously did not want to give up Hello Kitty tonight. But she told Jessica that she would let her have Hello Kitty if Jessica would let Katie sleep with Jessica's favorite stuffed animal zebra. Jessica sadly but immediately handed over the zebra to Katie. As soon as Katie was done with her six picks which included no Hello Kitty but did include Jessica's zebra, it was Jessica's turn to start. Jessica picked Hello Kitty first and gave Katie and hug and a kiss and said "thank you Katie so much for Hello Kitty tonight". And then Katie all of a sudden asked me if it would be okay if she gave Jessica back her favorite zebra so she could have both Hello Kitty and the zebra and that she would be happy to just sleep with five babies tonight. I told her that I thought that was a very nice thing to do and made me very happy. She went over and gently placed the zebra in Jessica's surprised arms, and gave her sister an enthusiastic hug and kiss and told her that she loved her so much and that she knew Jessica would need both Hello Kitty and her zebra tonight because she might be feeling a little sad. Jessica started to cry and told Katie "thank you so so so much Katie. I am feeling a little bit sad because I didn't get to play or see Daddy tonight and I need all my friends with me. But the most important friend I have with me is you sissy. I could never ever make it without you." This was all said through tears that she was trying so hard to hold back. They hugged again and Katie happily bounced into her bed one stuffed animal down but feeling totally awesome and Jessica happily picked the rest of her babies and got into her bed. Then, (in case I wasn't crying hard enough by now) they each thanked God for each other in their prayers. Katie said "thank thee for my sissy who I love so much and please help her to not be sad." And then Jessica said "thank thee for Katie who gave me her Hello Kitty and gave me back my zebra which made me so so so happy."

Seriously, I don't think I've ever had a better moment in my life. All I wanted as a kid was to have a sibling. People would tell me that if I had one that all we would do is fight and I'd wish I was an only child. And I can remember getting really upset when people said this. I remember thinking and feeling that if I had a brother or sister that I would do anything to be their best friend and we would never fight and just love each other and giggle and play and I would tell them every day how much I loved them. Well, it wasn't in the cards for me to have my own sibling. But now, I have these girls who have that exact relationship that I always dreamed of having.

I'm sorry if this made you want to vomit. I just wanted a place to go back and read about how great it was once upon a time if when they turn 12 they get all snarky with each other and fight like sisters most often do. I will read this post in those times and it will help me keep the hope that they will return to this sort of friendship again someday.

Nothing is more important to me as a parent than that my girls love each other and are friends. I love you girls so much, you guys rock. Thanks for just letting me an observer in your crazy close best friend twin world.

The Worst Morning of the Year But the Best Night...A conundrum

So today is the worst morning of the year. It's when we Spring forward for Daylight Savings Time. Yesterday, I know was technically the day but well, we forgot and slept in. So today was the first day when 8:00 a.m. was really 7:00 and unfortunately, my kids adapted immediately to the time change. They were sitting on my bed demanding cereal at 6:30 just like normal. And in reality, it was 5:30. In the morning for crying out loud, which is exactly what I did when I heard their cute little voices. I cried. Out loud.

So after a cartoon or two (or four) we pulled ourselves out of bed and by we I mean me. I started my morning bleary eyed and achy from too little rest. I silently cursed the farmers for needing more daylight hours to farm their land and then I remembered that I love Pioneer Woman and I was all conflicted again. I can't explain to you how much I HATE this morning. My clocks were thankfully already changed thanks to Mike's guilt that we missed Sunday morning by an entire hour. Then, on Sunday the day sped by, creating nap time problems and late bedtimes and just all around confusion and chaos.

Today, however, after my system got over the shock of having to arise much earlier than normal, the day was great. My kids were exhausted and took extra long naps. We BBQ'd steaks in the medium warm weather and baked potatoes and roasted asparagus in olive oil and kosher salt. All of this commenced BEFORE dark. Mike got home BEFORE dark. Granted, he still got home after 7 pm but it was still light outside so I didn't feel like it was so late. Tonight, at 8pm the WonderPets circus debuted on Nick Jr. and the girls have waited for it for like a month. The first time they saw the commercial for this special episode they asked "Is it March 9th Mama?" And I have had to reply "no" everyday since until TODAY. This WonderPets Circus episode is the theme on which their birthday party will be executed so I'm paying really close attention. So even though Spring Forward day is the positively worst morning of the year for me, Spring forward NIGHT has been pretty great. And even though the girls will be getting to bed after 9pm, it's okay by me because they are SO excited about this WonderPets episode and by they I mean Mike that letting them stay up an extra 30 minutes is no big. Especially because it's really 8:00 so they are actually getting to bed 30 minutes early. Until tomorrow morning then they'll get up right on time which is not the right time at all and I'll be grumpy all over again.

Daylight Savings Time. You are a tricky little vixen.

Again With The Inappropriate Rap Songs...

You might recall about a week ago when we gave the girls a lesson on the lyrics to the rap song "I Like Big Butts"...on accident. We obviously did not set out to teach them the line "I want a sister I can't resist her, red beans and rice didn't miss her." But alas, we did. We sinned. We repented. We went forth vowing to sin no more.

Then, this past week, the girls checked out a book from the library about the founding fathers of our country. They have learned about George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Hancock but their all time favorite has been Paul Revere because he had a big mouth his whole life and people were always telling him to sshhh...but then one day he saved a bunch of people by yelling "The British Are Coming".

So tonight, the girls and I were talking about Paul Revere and how awesome he was because he was brave. Mike then decided to chime in to our conversation. "Hey Jessica", he said seriously, "I had a horsey named Paul Revere. It was just me and my horsey and a quart of beer." I started laughing. I said, "Daddy means root beer girls." Then Mike, ignoring my glare and obvious displeasure said "Girls Daddy and his horsey one day were riding across the land, kicking up sand, Sheriff's posse on my tail cuz I'm in demand." Then I said to Mike "Stop", but I was cracking up. So he googled the rest of the lyrics to Paul Revere by the Beastie Boys and we got up and rapped for the girls with arm throwing and hip hop moves included. The words are at best inappropriate and at worst disgusting and dirty.

I am worried this is becoming a problem. What if teaching our kids inappropriate rap lyrics becomes an addiction and all of a sudden they are asked by their kindergarten teacher to tell the class the difference between boys and girls and Jessica busts out with "fly girls are the girls who want you to see their name, their game and their identity." ? Or what if we have a house fire someday and instead of running out of the house Katie just jumps on her bed yelling "the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water let the mother-bleep-er burn!"? I'm telling you this could become a rapid problem. What happened to twinkle twinkle little star?

Peace Out -Word to Your Mother

Friday Confessions

I had trouble thinking up stuff for this week. As regrets, shameful acts and sins goes, this week has been pretty good. I have been a paragon of virtue and respectability. And if you believe that, well, you must be new here.

So here we go...

• The Diet Coke thing is really getting out of hand. I have COMPLETELY abandoned my switch to Diet Dr. Pepper and am back on the hard stuff.
• I walked by the croissants at Costco with longing and saliva increasing ten fold in my mouth. But I kept on walking. But then before I knew it, I had a tub of jalapeno artichoke dip in my cart. It makes sense this substance comes in a TUB because it is guaranteed to make you into one. If you are tempted to buy it, run, run fast and far away.
• I am on a budget. But I took $170 of stuff back to Costco and bought $168 of stuff that were items I'm not really allowed to have on my budget but just got to the point where I NEEDED a few luxury items. My sinful purchases included the new JD Robb novel in hardback, the new Jodi Piccoult novel in hardback, a WonderPets sticker book, three bone in ribeye steaks cut extra thick, compound butter with garlic and Parmesan for the steaks, new hangars for my closet, paper cups and plates, smart portion puff snacks and a big bag of clementines. I guess the clementines weren't a luxury item but I could have bought apples on sale and bananas. I also rented HS3 which you'll know what that is unless you live under a rock. I also got a massage. This would seem like the worst offense by far in regards to money and staying on a budget. BUT I had one of my pre paid massages at massage envy so it really just entailed a $5 tip. But I still felt horribly guilty. Well, not during the massage. But before and after for sure.
• This next one really isn't a "sin" or bad thing per say, but it's something I feel so stupid about that it definitely belongs in Friday confessions. I went to the park today. I met two moms there that were awesome and we all hit it off immediately. We each were sporting our own set of twins. I guess twins are all the rage these days because we each had our own custom designer set. This immediately created a bond because we knew that each other were secretly INSANE even though we might look normal on the outside. One of the moms was Jewish and one was Muslim. Now the Jewish mom told us she was Jewish and that her kids go to a Hebrew school. I am assuming the other mom was Muslim because she had her head covered in a scarf and so did both of her daughters, she was middle eastern and based on our conversation, it just appeared she was Muslim and from a middle eastern country. I am a Christian girl the color of Elmer's glue. We had all conceived our twins via invitrofertilization which also created an immediate bond. And all three of our husbands were physicians which meant we understand what it means to be single-ish mothers. Our conversations took on a VERY personal tone including information about embryos and frozen embryos and sperm and ovary stimulation and blah blah blah. All of a sudden I BLURTED OUT the following sentence for which I will be eternally embarrassed. "We are like the United Nations for the park. We have three mothers: Jewish, Muslim and Christian and we have had the same life experience of wanting a baby and dealing the craziness of twins and here we are wishing we had more time to get to know each other better and become friends. We could be an example to the world. We rock!" Can you guys believe I said that? Am I a total idiot or what? I think I'll be avoiding that park for awhile. "There's the crazy United Nations girl...run run run!"
• I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Efron. I seriously think if Mike were out of the picture I would have a chance. Am I old enough to be his mother? Let me think...he's like what 21 right? I would have been 16. Damn it. I am old enough to be the Efron's Mom. Now I really need to repent of my thoughts. Damn you Efron. You are too hot to be my baby.

Oh the Nostalgia...

First school pictures. Oh how this brought back memories. The awkward head shot, the paper envelope with a see through window, the absolute LOVE these pictures evoked inside of me while I am sure everyone else will look at them and say...no big whoop. But for me, I got all teary eyed and everything when I looked at them for the first time today. Mike and I spent like 45 minutes talking about them tonight while we giggled and got all mushy reminiscing about the days of 5 lb baby girls that squeaked and gurgled. They are getting so big and I am not ready for it. I think kids should stay 4 years old for like seven years. It's the best age in my opinion. And we aren't even there yet.

Cheese Connoisseur

Setting:
Costco, cheese aisle.
Cast:
Me, pushing large cart quickly through aisles in order to make it home by nap time. Jessica and Katie, riding in the kiddie part of the cart, arms around each other "hugging" each other's necks very tight to the point where complaints were waged back and forth thus driving me insane.
Jessica:
"Mama, buy those little red cheeses." (Meaning the industrial size package of mini baybel)
Me:
"Jessica, we aren't going to buy that cheese because it is Gouda".
Jessica:
"But I like Good-ah cheese."
Me:
"Jessica, I don't mean "good" cheese, it's Gouda cheese."
Jessica:
"But if it's so good, why can't we get it?"
Me:
"Never mind".

AND SCENE

A typical day in parenthood...

I think every parent has had this day. None the less, it felt big, like as in monumental you know? For those of you staying up late to watch American Idol that you recorded earlier and don't have kids, enjoy it man, that's all I have to say. You'll have this day soon enough. For those of you watching your recorded American Idol in the middle of the night because your baby is up and needs to be fed and it's the only time you have to watch, enjoy this time in your life because babies grow up so fast. Oh who am I kidding? Your life sucks. Let's move on. For those of you with toddlers to grade schoolers and watched American Idol along side your kids who were putting off bedtime for as long as they could, you will remember experiencing the day I had today like it was yesterday and for some of you it was. For those of you with teenagers who watched American Idol in their room because they think you are lame, I'm sorry. For those of you with kids grown and gone and watched American Idol when it was on and then complained that it was on so late and promptly went to bed, you'll look upon my day with nostalgia. And for everyone else, just enjoy my story.

Today, the girls visited the library for the first time. We had a preschool field trip and they were given a lesson in library responsibility regarding such matters as how to treat books respectfully, return them on time and then were read a story by an amazing children's librarian. After this was over, the other kids scattered while their parents stood in line to apply for library cards or left because they have no intention of ever returning. But not us. The three of us got in line. I explained that they would be getting their OWN library card. It would not be MY library card. I already have my own. But they would be getting their own card. They were half nervous/half excited as we stood in line waiting for the librarian in charge of new cards to call us forward. No joke you guys, she was in her sixties, had a salt and pepper bob hair style, had half sized wire reading glasses attached by a gold chain around her neck. Her LAVENDER (you can't make this stuff up) cardigan was open and paired with a light gray shirt and a charcoal gray librarian style skirt. I thought to myself..."if the girls actually remember this day, they will always have the perfect image of the perfect librarian." She was even sort of stern and rude.

She called us forward and Jessica and Katie had to tell her they wanted a library card. They had their permission slips signed and ready for her. She asked me for a piece of mail that would verify our mailing address since my drivers license was out of state due to the military. I told the girls in advance that they would need to PROVE they lived where they did so they had to bring a piece of mail they had received with them to the library. They brought the envelopes that contained their Valentine cards sent by their Grandparents. They had their names on them, they were addressed to our current address and the librarian checked them over, gave me a smirk and told the girls that their proof of address and library card application was approved. She then printed out their cards and presented each girl with a black sharpie pen and had them "sign" their name on the back of the card. They only had "sign" their first names because as Jessica explained "I only know how to write Jessica!" They PROUDLY took their new library cards, selected two books each and then we checked them out. When their cards were swiped and a brand new librarian some how magically knew Katie's name (because it was in the computer) they decided right then and there that the library was their favorite place they've ever been. Then they got to take home their new books. And their heads spun around and we had to read three of the five books TONIGHT. And I was asked no less than seven times if we could please go back tomorrow?

And seriously you guys, the books they chose could not have made me happier. Katie chose Babar the Elephant books because hello? Elephants. Jessica chose Are You My Mother? by Dr. Seuss AND The Bernstein Bears Get a Kitten. Classics! Even if they DON'T remember this day, I will remember it forever. I clocked many hours in the local library as a kid. It was where I went to write stories and visit all the exotic and magical places books were able to take me. I checked out my Judy Blume books with regularity and plagiarized the encyclopedias for my report on a U.S President. The library is truly an AMAZING place and I was so happy to share that with the girls today. If you ask them to show you their library card, you will earn their loyalty and adoration FOREVER. Because as they are happy to tell you "I PROVED myself at the library and I am very responsibility because I am a library expert!"

March Maddness - but in a good way.

(yes, i copied this idea from cjane but I was inspired and needed to write this letter. Sue me if you want.)

Dear Mr. March,

I am so glad you have arrived. I love when you arrive every year for you signify so much in my life. You represent the beginning of possibilities in life. As I watch tulips bloom and buds begin to form into blossoms I am happy inside in a way that no other month can make me. There are so many things to love about you that I just have to share them. I will shout them from the rainy or sunny rooftops you provide, from the hills new with baby green grass or from my blog that will soon sport colors indicative of the coming warm weather.

First Mr. March, I love that no sporting events that my husband cares about happen during your stay. I feel like I have no competition when you are around and that I'm #1 in his heart and mind. I thank you for that. Secondly, I love that you have a split personality and your moods are whimsical and vary from moment to moment. For example you rained on me this morning and got me cold and wet and miserable but then you broke out enough sunshine so I could grill the teriyaki chicken I marinated overnight. I have no idea what you'll bring me tomorrow but I know whatever it is will result in some sort of flower. And how can you not love a boy that brings you a world full of flowers? I love that I always feel healthy while you are visiting and that I always feel motivated to eat lighter and live more healthily in general. Fresh fruit begins to appear at the end of your stay and our farmers market starts representing a palazzo rather than a ghost town. Most of all Mr. March, I love that it is during your tenure that I purchase and plant my seeds for the year. I love the wonderment and possibility that I feel as I hold these little seeds in my hand and push them into the fresh rich soil with my fingers. I know that by the end of your tenure, something green will be poking out from my little pots and that soon I will be able to move my pots to a sunny spot in the yard and that I will be enjoying what we started together before I know it. You are who I spend my mother and grandmothers birthday with and you and I have decorated Easter eggs together for as long as I can remember. I have great memories with you Mr. March and this time around I have committed to really enjoying all you bring to my life.

So Mr. March, let's get ready to rock it. You and I are going to spend some quality time together, walking, thinking and beginning some much needed changes. You mean a lot to me and I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that you are finally here.

Love,
Amy

The Great Candy Debate of 2009

I went to Rite-Aid yesterday and purchased massive amounts of Easter candy because they were on sale 2 bags for $2. As Mike and the girls and I have torn into this candy and RAPIDLY consumed the different candies, I have thought about a question that is eternal in nature and incredibly more important for our society to address and answer than what we should do about our economy. This question is so important for people to answer because it says so very much about a person. So please, even if you have never been inclined to leave a comment on the blog, please weigh in on this issue, even if you do it anonymously.

Here's the question. What is the best candy in existence?

I present the following for your consideration.

I divide candy into different categories. I don't think you can pick one "BEST" candy because there are totally different candy for different moods and situations.

1st category: Chocolate
This category of candy is absolutely necessary in certain situations. PMS is just one. It's necessary when you get your heart broken, when you are concerned, when you are happy, when you have to pull an all nighter etc.

2nd category: Fruity Candy
This includes but is not limited to things like starburst, jelly beans and life savers.

3rd category: Hard Candy
Sometimes you need something to pop in your mouth and last a while. This comes in handy when you are on airplane and when you are on road trips. This type of candy is also critical when you are on a diet.

4th category: Movie Candy
Because do you really ever buy milk duds or junior mints someplace other than the movies?

5th category: Special Occasion Candy
This is the stuff you buy to have around at Christmas or give as a gift.

6th category: Generational Candy
This is the candy that you eat to remind you of being a kid. All the super sour candy and super hot candy came out after I grew up. The most sour candy they had around when we were kids were Sweet Tarts or Tart N Tinys or Lemonheads and we thought these were so sour. They are NOTHING compared to the super sour candy that came out in the 90's. This candy actually causes the eater pain. I think people that like this kind of candy are untrustworthy and secretly sadistic and have suicidal tendencies. Sorry Chuck and Steve...your generation of Sour Patch kids and Warheads just is wrong in the eternal scheme of things.

So here are my favorite candies in each category and then I will announce my Best In Show.

Chocolate: This is such a hard one because sometimes I just need a Lindt milk chocolate truffle and sometimes I just want a twix. However, I asked myself this question. When you are in the mood for chocolate, what is the one substance that you will ALWAYS be okay with. And the answer was simple, snickers. Always snickers.

Fruity Candy: This one is simple. Starburst, particularly cherry starburst. I considered Jelly Bellys, Mamba, Now & Laters and Laughy Taffy so those would get honorable mention. But Starburst win hands down.

Hard Candy: I don't even really like hard candy, but if I have to pick one it would be Pepp-O-Mint Lifesavers. Honorable mention goes to those hard strawberry candies with the gooey stuff inside they sell at Hickory Farms and butterscotch.

Movie Candy: Up until I met Mike I would have always chosen junior mints. But that got left in the dust 100% by milk duds eaten with popcorn. There is something about the salty popcorn, mixed with the caramel and just a little bit of chocolate that is a party for all of your senses. It hits smell and taste and sound and feel all at once. And we only eat this during a movie. So it also represents memories of our date nights when the popcorn was perched on Mike's knee and our hands would reach for the popcorn at the same time and brush and he would give my hand a little nuzzle and we'd munch and watch movies like Pretty Woman and Braveheart and Sleepless in Seattle and Titanic IN the actual movie theater.

Special Occasion Candy: For our family this would have to be something that comes from Sees. So the winner in this category for me is a coconut cream in milk chocolate. Honorable mention goes to strawberry creams and English Toffee too.

Generational Candy: The candy above all other candies that I picked at the circle K growing up was Fun Dip. You remember the one where you got two sticks of white hard candy that you would dip into pixie stix like powder. There was something about the dipping, the sweet and sour sensation and the fact you got to eat the stick at the end that made me very happy as a kid. I bought my girls Fun Dip to go in their Easter baskets.

BEST IN SHOW: Of all my favorite candies in each category, it's very surprising that it is so easy for me to pick a favorite. It's Starburst. Hands Down. And Starburst are very unhealthy, even for candy. So I'm not proud of my choice. But it's true.

So what's yours?

What is your directive?

Katie and Jessica asked me the other day this question. "Mama, what is your directive?" Given that this was coming from 3 year olds, I paused and felt needed to ask for further clarification. "What do you mean directive?", I said. Then Katie explained "You know Mama. Like what's your job?" I responded "ummmmmm." Then I looked at their expectant eyes and attentive faces and I went on to say, "I'm ummmm your Mom and my directive is to take the best care of you possible. I teach you things and make all your food and make sure you have what you need." And honest to goodness Katie looked at me quizzically and said "Is that IT?"

Man I felt like a loser. I feel like choosing to quit my very awesome and fulfilling and financially rewarding and inspiring and kick-A career was the right choice for our family. I know I'll never be a full time stay at home Mom forever but for now it was the right decision. I worked the first 2 1/2 years of their lives and have been out of work for about 18 months. We had three nannies when I was working all part time. In quitting work, I feel like I gave up who I was. Which let's face it, I was a total workaholic. My job defined me and let me tell you what. I was great at it. And now, I'm a great Mom. I really believe I am. I'm not a great housewife or homemaker because I refuse to acknowledge that housekeeping is in any way shape or form my job now. I didn't quit my job to scrub toilets and mop floors. I quit for the sole purpose of being the major influence on the raising of my kids.

But I wonder now, am I sending these two young girls that have come to my house the right message? Don' t I need to send the message to my daughters that you can be anything you want to be and that you can be a Mom and a CEO and a marathoner? (ha ha) In the moment when Katie said "Is that it?" I felt like in some way that I was letting her down and that she expects more of me. What if I raise them with the belief that all they can be are mothers and then they have my same problems of infertility and it never works out for them? I know women out there who are infertile that really think they are failures in life because their bodies can't do the one thing they were raised to value above all else.

I'm so conflicted here. I really miss work but I feel like my kids need me here right now. Can women have it all? Can you be all things to all people? And who's going to cut off the crusts of their PB&J and kiss them and snuggle them if I'm at work? It's all so confusing.