My Own Version of An American Tail

Mike has been making me cry every night for like a week. He's leaving for the desert soon for over 4 months. He's handling this pretty well emotionally speaking. He doesn't curl into a fetal position and suck his thumb nearly as often as I do when I think of 4 months of separation which translates for me to 4 months of single parenthood. Mike has been pretty great...always pointing out the positives, getting himself a brand new laptop with built in camera phone so we can teleconference, reading all of his deployment stuff, learning the rules, making plans, taking names. But I'm starting to think maybe somewhere deep down in his marshmallow heart that he might not be doing as great as I thought. See, he's been teaching the girls the words to the song "Somewhere Out There" for the past week. He always gets choked up when he is teaching it to them as soon as he gets to the part about wishing on the same bright star. He told me (amidst tears and choking up) that he wanted the girls to learn this song so when he's gone, they'll be able to go outside and see the North star and know he's seeing the same sky and that at night they'll be able to say the same prayers that he will be saying that we'll all be back together again. So each night, when we go through the next verse of the song, I can barely keep it together. But the girls LOVE learning the song so we continue even though he and I are emotional wrecks each night.

A few nights ago, we tried to explain to the girls what the song was about. We used Jessica's stuffed Zebra "Annie" and Katie's stuffed elephant "Harry" to demonstrate. Mike sang the first verse on one side of the bedroom while he held Annie. I sat on the other side of the bedroom holding Harry and looking out the window. Then it was my turn to sing and Annie looked away while Harry sang. When we wished on the star we pointed to their overhead light in their room as the star. Then as the song crescendos...the zebra and elephant slowly get closer and closer until the climatic last verse where they sing triumphantly side by side while they hug each other with their necks. TA DAAAA! We looked at Jessica and Katie after our performance and they just giggled and we had no idea if they got the gist or not.

So tonight, we are teaching the third verse to the song to the girls. Jessica sings the song in the cutest voice I have ever heard. So she asks us to get the zebra and elephant and do it the special way. So we grab Annie and Harry and begin to do our big Broadway number. As we are getting to the last verse where the zebra and elephant reunite in joy, Jessica starts bawling. Not like whining crying...like full blown tears, sobs, frown and serious crying. We stop singing and hug her and tell her everything is okay and ask her why she's crying. She is trying to get out the reason but it just sounds like "I Love Lucy" when she tries to explain stuff to Ricky while crying. It's just a big blah of "waaaa waaa waaaa cuz waaaa". Finally, she catches her breath and says in a super dooper sad voice "I'm sad because they apart"!!!! Then, she begins to wail again. So to clarify, we said "are you sad because Annie and Harry can't find each other?" And she immediately says "yaaaaaaa. waaaaaa. yes, daddy...they apart!!!" And we said ..."but Jessica, they are so happy they find each other in the end and then they hug and they are so happy." And she said "but we going to be apart and it will take a long time til we not and I AM SAD!"

So guess what you guys? Our kids pick up way more than we think. We haven't told the girls Mike is leaving or that our family is going to separated or anything. But somehow, Jessica figured this out all on her own and found her little way to let us know it was bothering her. Needless to say, Mike and I felt like crap. We grabbed the girls in the biggest group hug and four corner kiss we have ever had and we told Jessica that our family will be together forever. And even though we might be apart for a little while we will always be a family and will always be loving each other no matter where we are at. And we told her how awesome she is and what a great heart she has and then we said prayers and kissed goodnight and came out in the family room and cried our eyes out.

I really can't believe how much a three year old can teach me each day. We'll be more careful about what we say in front of them and we'll be doing a lot more listening to them. I really need to stop what I'm doing and listen to my kids more. There is so much going on in their little minds and hearts. I just love that little chick.