Happy Birthday Rick

It was my brother Rick's birthday yesterday. He's technically Mike's brother but we don't keep track of those things around here. I have NO energy to type all the great things about Rick but my favorite thing about him is that he brought Heather into my life. Sorry Rick, it may not be technically the best thing about you but it's my favorite. So Happy Birthday to Ricky Ricardo, hope it was a great one.

I'm alive

Jessica sick this past weekend. Took her to urgent care. She has bronchitus. Doc looked at me and said "you don't look so good either". Haw Haw Doc...you're super funny. Can I test your blood? He asks. "Sure whatever". Turns out I needed a blood transfusion. Go to the hospital. Got 4 units of blood. Was very aenemic. Did CAT scans, ultrasounds and took as much blood as they gave me I think. Now I'm home. Feeling like a bus ran me over. Sleeping non stop. Can't really think straight. Mind is fuzzy. Bye.

8 thoughts on 8

I have been very hesitant to do a formal post regarding Prop 8. It passed in California. I voted yes on it. It states that the constitution of the state of California will be amended to define marriage as a union between one man and one woman. Here are 8 thoughts I have on this whole prop 8 subject and maybe some things you might want to know, or not...whatever. Clearing my throat, taking a deep breath and here we go.

• I have been embarrassed by the behavior of some people on both sides of this issue. I have seen both Yes and No supporters preach the same gospel of hate and intolerance, of fear and control. I wish in the deepest places of my heart that people could express joy and positive statements about their beliefs in politics, religion or how to BBQ chicken and would leave the other side alone. Tearing someone down just is NOT cool. For any reason.
• I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Our church does not take many official positions on political issues. But the wording of this proposition forced us to take a stand because it defined marriage. The proposition did not speak to civil rights for any group, of laws or protection under those laws. It did not speak as to what will or won't be taught in our schools or where the law might lead us should the proposition fail or succeed. All it did was define marriage in a way that we believe. So we HAD to take a stand to support it. It's what we believe as a fundamental part of our doctrine. To not support this definition of marriage would be to in fact go against what we believe religiously.
• I do not believe in legislating religion or morality. I am pretty liberal. I believe in teaching people correct principles and letting them govern themselves. I believe in protecting the rights of free speech at all costs. For example, I don't believe in burning our flag. However, I will fight for the right of someone else to burn our flag because those freedoms that protect his right to burn that flag are the same freedoms that allow me to have this blog and declare that I am a Christian.
• As far as proposition 8 goes, I could not take my religion or God out of it because it was for those reasons and those reasons alone that I supported it.
• I would fight very hard against laws that would take Constitutional rights away from anyone. However, I believe marriage is a religious union. It is only in modern times that we attached legal weight to this union. It was created by God, it is ordained by God and I believe God intends it to exist between a man and a woman.
• I believe in civil unions for gay couples. I believe that their rights to declare each other as their legal life partner for medical, property and legal reasons should be protected by law. Some of the very best people I have ever known happen to be gay and I love them and I respect them and I would be very sad if my position on this issue hurt them in any way. These people in my life that I am referencing are amazing, generous and treated me with such kindess at times in my life that were the very darkest. I know they feel so rejected and hurt by the passing of this proposition and I know nothing I say would ever change that and for their saddness I feel genuine sorrow.
• Our church came out with a statement that is the whole reason behind this post. I want to BE SURE that my fellow church members AND those who are not of my faith are clear as to what the LDS church's stand is on this issue. We have been heavily criticized in the media for intolerance and hate and that is not what we are about. Here is the direct quote: the LDS church made a statement on November 5 clearly stating that the church believes that gay and lesbian couples should have equal rights. In the church's response (found here at ldsliving.org) is the following paragraph:
  Allegations of bigotry or persecution made against the Church were and are simply wrong. The Church’s opposition to same-sex marriage neitherconstitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians. Even more, the Church does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.
• I hate contention and fighting among good people in whom I have seen great love and compassion, tenderness and respect. Please do not spread that attitude of hate and please reach out to those people you know who do not know what we believe and be sure that they do. It's important.

I just KNOW the Secret Service will be pulling up at any moment...

I watched Prez Elect Obama give his first press conference today and they announced he was considering various individuals for all positions in his cabinet and will be making those announcements over the next few weeks. I got a tingly feeling and I thought..."maybe he will pick me for something."



Now, I've met Barack Obama and even went pee one time with his wife, just the two of us, arm in arm on our way to the ladies room, talking while tinkling, lipstick refreshing together and back into the throws of a busy cocktail reception. So technically, I am not UNKNOWN to the Obamas. It's not outside the realm of possibility that our next President could call upon me to do my duty and serve my country as an integral member of his team.

So I'm thinking of what he might ask me to do.

I can't be anything where I get to know national secrets because I would fold like a bad hand of poker if I was ever threatened with torture. Especially if it was torture by dentistry. I would sing like a bird.

Is there a job like Secretary and Special Advisor to the President on weekly sale flyers and new products at Target?

I could totally be their event planner. I could plan a State Dinner you guys, I really could. And I would plan way funner post-dinner games than they have now and I would get a better band. The Marine Band is great don't get me wrong - but Cold Play is better. And I have a feeling Barack would be down with a better band.

I probably could swing it as Press Secretary as long as I didn't have to keep a lot of secrets. I blame my big mouth on torture, but really I just like to spill the beans.

Let me know what you guys think and I'll let you know if I get a knock on my door even before the Press is notified because you know...the whole unable to keep a secret thing.

Thanks for your time,

Undersecretary to the Secretary of Nap Time

Costume Pictures

Finally, I have downloaded some pictures. The first group are of our trip to Utah. The DVD Sleeping Beauty came out the day before we got there and Auntie Amber put together a fun princess Sleeping Beauty party the first morning we were there and the girls all dressed up in Princess stuff and Cayden dressed up as the Prince in his suit. It was so cute. He and the girls cuddled on the couch, everybody had their babies and Cayden and Katie had their thumbs and it was a magical morning. I'm not sure what happened to all my pix of the rest of my trip because my camera won't let me download them.

The second group is of Halloween. Katie was a ballerina elephant and Jessica was a ballerina zebra. I made their tutus and all the glitter and adornments to the animal costume. Look out Martha. First we have a few of the Halloween carnival at the Meekers Ward and then we have the girls preschool costume parade and Halloween party. I loved their costumes. It POURED RAIN on Halloween so we all cuddled in my big bed with a Care Bears Halloween movie. I don't have pictures of that.

HOLIDAY DEALS

I am not known as a bargain hunter or shopper. I admire my friend Jody the most of anyone in the world in regards to this. When she was my neighbor on Andrews AFB I saved the most money of my life when we went shopping. I would go to buy something and she would roll her eyes take it out of my basket and explain to me how I could get it for cheaper and better. She dressed her son in Gap and OshKosh and she always looked fabulous and she never spent money. Mike LOVED when I lived near Jody. I'm sad to say I have gone back to my non frugal ways. I blame my Dad really who is famous for picking up the most expensive shoes or home fixture and who loves to buy stuff. Expensive stuff. So I have a genetic thingymajig that throws me off the scent of a bargain. Now, I'm NOT AS BAD as some people I know. I get my hair cut for a reasonable price, my favorite store is Target and I buy 80% of my kids stuff off season on sale.

But there's one place that I am proud to say that I go each year at this time and I get the best deals. It's called the DOLLAR STORE. Now here are the reasons you need to get your holiday hoopdie on at the dollar store. First, by Thanksgiving they will be out of Christmas gift bags. The gift bag is one of the dollar store secrets. Gift bags go anywhere between $2.50 at Target and up to $5.oo at Hallmark. At the dollar store they are a buck. And they are super cute and have cute adornments like buttons or silk flowers and great handles made out of sheer ribbon and they are as nice as the other places that sell gift bags for way more. And if you get there before Thanksgiving, you can get big ones that will hold entire outfits for Grandma or large toy items. They have big bundles of tissue paper also for a buck. I choose to buy my wrapping paper elsewhere. But I buy bags to hold the Christmas cookies or fudge I will give to people, I buy candy canes to put out and I buy ceramic mugs to stuff with bags of homemade hot cocoa mix. I bought tacky decorations for Mike's plywood shack in the desert and I bought ring pops for the girls. When I presented the ring pops and showed them how to wear them like a ring Katie exclaimed "It's SOOOOO BEAUTIFUL" and Jessica said "It is like a TREASURE." That was so worth a dollar. Remember, go to your dollar store now for great holiday items that you have to buy anyway.

My Election Day Minute By Minute (well not really)

7:14 a.m. Girls come bouncing in my room to wake me up because they are dying to get to the polling station and vote. Not really. They bounced in my room, announced they had to pee and wanted to snuggle and watch cartoons.

8:30 I tell them to stay in bed and watch one more cartoon so I can pick up my bedroom for the house cleaner Little Luz who is coming at noon.

9:00 Cereal. Mike calls and tells me Happy Election Day but not Happy Democrat Day because he's still a Republican even though he voted for Obama and he wants to make sure I know that and this election isn't starting some crazy trend of us being politically united. He tells me to fill out my sample ballot before I go. I ask him what sample ballot? And he yells at me to open the damn mail instead of sticking it in a box because there is important stuff in there like my sample ballot and they probably won't let me vote today unless I find it. I tell him I'll take my chances.

10:00 I sing Santa Claus is coming to town multiple times for the girls because Jessica isn't behaving at all today and I want to maximize as many days as possible of using Santa as leverage to get her to do what I tell her to do.

11:00 Jessica goes to time out for like the forth time this morning. I chalk it up to her practicing civil disobedience and her right to be heard on election day. But my house is not a democracy so this behavior is not going to fly thus the clocking time in time out.

12:00 We leave before Little Luz gets to our house. We stop at Jimboys and get a Quesadilla for a snack for the girls even though we are having Mexican tonight. I pick up my vacuum cleaner at my Mom and Dads.

12:30 I drop off the girls at preschool and they discover their teacher is sick and they have a sub. Jessica is very unhappy about this because she LOVES like in hero/idol worships her teacher. I do not care. I sign them in and hit the road.

12:32 I debate about possibly not voting because I need to get my nails filled.

12:40 I arrive at the polling place and it is uncrowded and I have to wait for like 5 minutes. I take this as a sign that I am being blessed for doing my civic duty and think about what color is going to go on my nails while I am in the booth. I get distracted and almost vote for Ralph Nader. Not really.

12:45 I vote for my O'Boyfriend or as my Grandma calls him "BAMIT" because she can never remember his name and I vote Yes on 8 and a few others and I get choked up because I am so moved by the little gymnasium and the volunteers and the Styrofoam cups of coffee and bake sale going on. It's all so Americana and I'm proud to be a part of it.

1:00 I get my nails done and read about 5 chapters of the Gold Coast by Nelson Demille. One of my favorite authors and books of all time. I've read it 2 times but I'm rereading it because the sequel just came out after 20 years. It's the best of Demille's books with the exception of Night Fall or North Country and well, he really knows how to spin a tale. I get a french manicure in case you were wondering.

2:00 I go to the doctors because I get bronchitis every Fall and I got what I thought could be bronchitis this past weekend and I wanted to be proactive rather than get sick all winter like last year plus I wanted to talk to her about my major anxiety levels since the whole scary neighborhood beer bottle busting people in my backyard incident. She told me to get a gun and that she could give me a referral to a good dealer in town where she registers hers. Ummmm....I was looking for some Xanex Doc. Do people really have gun dealers in 2008? I think an alarm and Xanex are still my best bet given 2 three year olds and the fact that I have ANXIETY.

2:45 I run into Ulta and throw more support at our fledgling economy by buying a new eyeliner brush and some Buxom lip gloss.

3:30 Pick up girls from school. Have an in depth conversation with a 7 year old about the advantages/disadvantages about the Leapster 2.

4:00 go to mom and dads. Have snack. Mom packs toiletry bag to come back to my house so we can have a girl party while we get ready for dinner. Not really. I just wanted company and help getting the girls ready.

5:00- 6:00 we all primp, do our hair, make up and get gussied up for our dinner on the town.

6:20 I show up to pick up Grandma Bea for dinner. I bang on her door and ring her door bell and call her on my cell phone and bang on her windows for 10 minutes while I am debating whether or not to call the Fire Department because I am sure she has fallen while trying to get ready for dinner. Her neighbor Nadine who I am sure just watches out the curtain all day nosing into the neighbors business comes running out of her house after I've been knocking for like 2 minutes telling me to bang on the door and demanding to know who I am. "It's Amy Nadine. Isabel's Granddaughter." "who?" "AMY, ISABEL'S GRANDDAUGHTER." "You need to bang harder and call her." "I'M CALLING HER ON MY CELL" "Who are you and what are you doing?" Oh brother. I just keep banging and ringing and calling and starting to worry.

6:34 Gram comes to the door. She had been on the phone with my Aunt who is upset about the election and was simultaneously watching her Spanish Soap Opera and lost track of the time. I tell her I've been out here for a long time and she acts like it's my fault that Nadine called her to tell her "someone" was outside trying to get in her house. ugh.

7:00 We arrive at Ernestos for dinner with my awesome cousin Susan who just married awesome Kevin and who my girls worship and adore because she was the bride/princess and they LOVE her and she is so beautiful. She is also nicer than she is pretty and she's the prettiest person I know in real life. So you can guess how nice she is. My girls run in and tell Susan hi and that they love her. Kisses, hugs all around. I wish my extended family lived closer.

7:30 My carnitas arrive and I remind myself why I love living in California. They cook the pork with oranges and cinnamon and onion.

8:00 John McCain comes on the television at the bar to concede the Presidency. The restaurant got quiet and they turned up the volume so all could hear. It was a great speech. He is a great American and looks so tired. I find myself sad for John McCain even though I am happy about the outcome. The cut to Sarah Palin tearing up and my carnitas almost come up on me.

8:30 Hugs, kisses and good-byes all around and we head home.

8:50 I pick up my previously ordered groceries at our local grocery store that has online shopping and the guy brings all of it out to my van and I don't even have to get out of the car. I am so thankful to be alive and parenting in 2008 and not in 1908 because I do not have to bake bread, churn butter, milk cows or chop wood. Or sew. And they have carnitas in 2008. And a great new Presdient. Life is good.

8:55 I talk to my mother in law about Prop 8 and her election day activities of volunteering at a yes on 8 working station and I am proud for her work and for getting involved in the community.

9:20 Katie's Prayer: "Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for this bedtime. Please bless Daddy on his trip to come home soon. And Heavenly Father, please help me not to cry. And help me not to pout. And Heavenly Father, I am going to tell you why. Because Santa Claus is coming to my town. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen." I silently pray Jessica is listening and am glad for whoever made this whole Santa thing conditional on good behavior.

9:30 I watch Obama's speech on you tube. He's a great speaker you guys. And he's going to be President. Mike calls me to tell me Happy Election Day again and that he's happy about the outcome and he loves me. We laugh about life, the kids and share just a moment of togetherness while the house is quiet and the kids are asleep and I miss him the very most.

10:00 My Dad comes over because I realize I have no Ambien CR and I can't sleep without it since the whole incident. I go to Walgreens and rush back. I love you Dad.

11:00 I talk to Susan to tell her how glad I was to see her, we chat about the election again and Grams and life and I just love Susan and I'm so glad she's my cousin.

12:03 Here I sit, election day is over and I'm going to bed.

This is way cuter than that political crap I just posted below...

Katie's Prayer Tonight:

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this bedtime. Please bless my Daddy he'll be safe on his trip. Please bless that we will have a good bedtime and not get out of our beds and play. And Heavenly Father I love you and I know you love me and you can always count on me. And please help Santa to bring you a present after Christmas time and help my sister Jessica not to be wild during prayers so we can have treats and get to best friends with Mama all three of us. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen. And bless Snow White.

And my heart melts and I agree to let them stay up and play until midnight or whatever they want because they are just that cute.

I promise lots of pictures tomorrow...

Well here we are on the eve of a historic election. No matter what the outcome, history will be made tomorrow. Will we have the first African American President? Will we have the first female Vice President? Will traditional marriage be upheld? Will farm animals get some respect? Propositions will be passed or defeated, people will be out of a job or hired and little old ladies will sit for hours at voting poll stations all over the country because they come from a generation of volunteers. The mix of tradition, the process of voting, the ideals of democracy in action, the concept of one voice making a difference, standing up and being heard versus the modern issues facing this election like same sex marriage and green energy production make me scratch my head in wonderment. Whatever your political thoughts, I hope for one thing for our country. I hope tomorrow, we let our voices be heard and we vote. Blue state, red state, purple state whatever...your voice matters. Thousands of people before you have sacrificed their very lives for the privilege you have to cast your vote. My husband is away serving our country so that in some small way, that privilege will hopefully be preserved. I am so proud to be a citizen of this country and participate in the democratic process. When you look at the rest of the world, especially as women, we are so very lucky.

So on that note, Yay Barack, Yay for Proposition 8 and let's end our dependence on foreign oil. Go America!!!

I know I'm sharing WAYYY too much info with you...

I know some posts on my blog have been ultra personal recently. My feelings for Mike, politics, friends etc. have bordered on the "too much information" line for all of us to continue feeling comfortable. But see, in just a few weeks, I'll be shipping this whole blog off to a publisher and having it printed and bound into a book for each of my girls to keep when they are all grown up. I would be remiss in NOT sharing the extra personal details of their lives. If the feelings I recorded in these posts were less than honest or less intimate somehow, they would wind up with a watered down version of their history. Because goodness knows, I will NOT remember these stories. I will remember some yes, but the day to day feelings and stories of our lives are forgotten unless we write them down. And if we sugar coat and make all words appropriate for all audiences, we lose our authenticity.

So you'll have to just excuse this post.

I've been thinking a lot about infidelity, loyalty, faithfulness lately. I have a husband living a world away at war so these thoughts cross my mind. Being a woman in the year 2008, with a former professional life, relationships with friends and a head not buried in the sand, I have known my share of people who have strayed off the faithfulness path whether in dating relationships or in marriage. Even Mike and my relationship started while I had a boyfriend who had NO IDEA I had a crush on this nerdy boy in English class. However, in my relationship and marriage to Mike, I have never been unfaithful. Not ever. Mike has not been unfaithful either. I know this because he is still alive. I know, I know, you skeptics out there will say "you can never REALLY know if your spouse has cheated". But I know. Are we bullet proof when it comes to cheating? No. Are we vulnerable to infidelity? Sure. But we work on it. We talk about it. And I could not be in this marriage with my whole heart if I thought for one second that I was wrong about Mike's faithfulness. And I'm in this with my whole heart. If I'm wrong...well then shame on me for kissing you with my eyes shut so tightly. (name that movie. "that thing you do" Liv Tyler to the lead singer of the Oneders)

IN ANY CASE, I've been thinking about this topic. I've shared my thoughts with Mike. It's been bothering me. A lot. So I did what I always do when something is bugging me. I whined to Mike for like hours about it. And he talked me off the ledge. Then I whined to Chuck. Then to Amber. Then to Heather. Then to my Mom. Then to anyone who would listen. And there was still this little thing in my heart that was less than settled. Then I got this email from my husband. The little thing in my heart just got swallowed up by a big ol dose of awwwwww shucks I love that guy. So in the spirit of sharing too much with you...and in the spirit of sharing my truth with my daughters, here is an email I got today from their Dad. It's as much for them as it was for me. Enjoy.

You need to know before it starts I sent him some pix of our girls that Amber had taken and asked him to tell me how he liked them and also asked him when did our babies become little girls?.....okay, on with the mush and gush.

Love em... I can't believe how freakin cute our kids are! I don't know when they turned into little girls.

I know it was a rhetorical question, but for me, it was the first day of preschool when the door opened and they broke from us to run into class without a wink of hesitation. I'd even remembered what you'd said about the meet-the-teacher, and I was still amazed. At that moment, eager and unafraid, as they walked thru that open door, they were walking into the next chapter of their lives.

Do I sometimes miss seeing them as babies? So tiny wrapped up in hospital swaddling blankets, Jessica eyes shut tight and Katie with those Jedi-eyes wide open, or Jessica chug-a-lugging while Katie lay in the apparatus, or Jessica lying on her jungle mat chewing the parrot's tail with Katie excitedly flapping like a bird, or Jessica and Katie cracking up at each other when I would move them up and down into each others view, or the way both would strategically roll, turn 90-degrees and roll again to get somewhere;first solid food; first teeth; Jessica doing her little rocking forward-and-backward getting ready to crawl just moments after Katie crawled to get that piece of cookie, or Jessica cautiously going one step at a time while Katie flew down the stairs on her belly like it was a sport; their first words; them taking their first steps on the same day; Jessica throwing all of her crib-items into Katie's crib trying to wake sleepy-sleepinson, or the first time a "thump" came from upstairs and we knew they knew how to get out of their cribs; jumping off the first step as they'd watched Cayden do a year before; easy dinners at restaurants, then hard dinners at restaurants; Katie's first sentence "I down go"; Jessica's first "I love you"; their first time on the grass outside, first time in the pool; first running in the sprinkler; first time down the slide with help; first time down the slide on their own; first time Jessica swam all by herself; first time Katie flirted with an older boy all by herself; birthdays and holidays; family and friends; Molly, Anna, Jessi, Whitney; Jessica's worries, Katie's seeming carelessness; fevers and coughs; bumps and bruises; projectile vomit and burning diarrhea; tears. Laughter. Wonderment. Joy. Pure, unadulterated love.Do I miss seeing them as babies? The short answer - No.

The long answer - The memories of their infancy will remain in my heart and mind forever. Those years shaped who they are but also shaped who I am. And just as I don't miss being a kid myself, or high school, or the AFA, or my mission, or college and young-married life, or those early Air Force days, or medical school or residency,... I don't miss those days of being a young(?) father. I am so enamoured with them, and with you, and with us, as we are now. I don't miss them as babies, because I have them now as little girls, and I have the promise of seeing them grow, and I will breathe-in each moment as it happens, from seeing them tomorrow on webcam as I sit in my room in Afghanistan, to the someday when I lay on the doorstep of eternity with them and their children gathered around me to say goodbye, to that day when they run to our embrace as they too cross that threshold, to seeing their,and our, posterity as the sands of the sea, as the stars in the sky.

And now do you see that I have always been, and always will be, faithful, and that I will continue to work on my faults. I love you, Amy. I love Katelyn. I love Jessica. I love brother Jesus, for he marked the path and opened the way for us to be happy here, and to be together forever as a family in the light of the glory of our Father. I will never stop loving you. I know this just as I know that I will never stop loving Kate or Jess. And though our love has gone through times of burning hot and bright, and through moments of flickering low, the flame has never gone out. Since spring of 1989, almost 20 years, there has not been a day of my life that I have not loved you. Whatever change life may bring, I will always be...

Your endless love,
Mike

Some of My Favorite People

I didn't get to spend time with Mike this weekend. How I would have loved that had it been possible. Just to have a weekend to hang out, make spaghetti, forget the garlic bread is in the oven and burn it and then snuggle up on the couch and watch TV with our lap tops on our laps and the smell of burned bread in the air. It's amazing what you miss.

In any case, I was able to spend time with three of my favorite people this weekend.

My Grandma Bea spent two nights at my house. She's 88. She's going through a hard time and is lonely. But my girls make her happy because they love her and play with her and hug and kiss her and there are moments when she folds one of their little clothes items strung over some chair that she stands a little straighter and taller and her eyes go from sad to having a purpose for a moment. I wish I could give her that all the time. Getting old seems to be very very difficult. I pray that I am able to grow old and if given the opportunity that I will remember to be thankful each day even as my world grows smaller and people fall out of it and loneliness creeps closer.

Stephanie Werner - Steph was my doctor in Nebraska and my girls doctor from the time they were born. She is here checking out a radiology program at Travis AFB and I got to pick her up at the airport yesterday and spend the day with her visiting and catching up. There are a few people in my life that I am just thankful that God brought to me. Steph is one of those people. She was one of the staff docs that were responsible for the residents so she was one of Mike's bosses. But he saw something in her and the way she practices medicine and her compassion that clicked with him and he learned all he could from her and a big part of the way he practices medicine is due to Stephanie. As my doctor, she took care of me during my pregnancy and made sure I ended up with my babies at the end of it all. She fought for specialty care for my twins and made sure I was being checked all the time. At every office visit we'd grab the ultrasound machine and watch the babies swim around and she treated me like she would her sister and celebrated with me and worried with me and was there every step of the journey. I had to have a c-section and she was who I called on the way to the hospital and she was the first one there in the morning to check on me and make sure it went okay. She became our family doctor and when I realized I had postpartum depression, she jumped on getting me the help I needed and checking in with me every day until she knew I was okay. And when having twins drained me and strained my shoulder so the muscles tore from constantly holding a growing baby and I was so tired I thought I would die she treated me as my doctor and volunteered to babysit if I needed her. She never made me feel like a loser and cheered my on at all times. She shared her own struggles in regards to motherhood and how much she loved her boys and let me know I could do it even if I didn't do it perfectly. We joined forces and gave a briefing to all the Family Medicine Doctors in the program about how to get their patients who where infertile care through the military so more people could afford to do infertility and have the family they dreamed of. She referred patients to me who were struggling with infertility and I was able to feel like I helped some girls just like me realize their dream of becoming a mother. Steph is one of those people God sends to you that you at just the right time for a season in your life in which they will save you. Steph saved me. And for that I will forever grateful. And she's a lot of fun and we laugh and totally get each other. When she was my doctor we had to be careful because we couldn't really be friends. And we never crossed that line where we were more friends than doctor/patient. But now, she's just my friend. And I am so thankful for both.

Steve - Steve is my littlest brother. Technically we do not share blood. He shares blood with Mike. Steve was three, the age of my girls, when I met him. He was shy. He didn't want anything to do with me. Then, one night, I tickled him in the ribs. And I laughed when he tried to slyly tickle me back. And ever since that night, he's been one of the people in the world that I most look forward to seeing. When I was younger he would flip my ponytail up and down, fascinated with the different ribbons and bows I would wear in my hair. After I got married and we got Joshy Boy, he would play for hours with my dog. Before Josh, he was deathly afraid of dogs. But getting to know Josh took care of that fear. He spent the night at our house, we took him to the snow, went to his baseball games and always tried to get him that one thing he really really really was dreaming about for Christmas. As he got older we became friends. And now, he is Uncle Steve to my babies who are the age he was when we first met. He has told me before that he's the only one of his brothers that has no memory of not having a sister because he's had one for as long as he can remember. I could not love Steve more if we shared blood. He's in college and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of his life. Whatever he does he will be successful and happy and blessed because if he's not, I'll fix it. That's what big sisters do. And Mike loves him every bit as much as me. He's one of my favorites. Oh, and ladies? He's single, cute, smart and a snazzy dresser.

Friday Confessions on Saturday

I have a lot to feel guilty about this week. I really hit a wall Wednesday. It seems like it was forever ago because I've been feeling so much better. It's amazing how life feels so overwhelming when you are tired. I have had three nights of great sleep and I feel like a new person. But that doesn't mean guilt isn't revenging my conscious - even if it isn't keeping me up at night.

• I'm just going to always lead off with Diet Coke because it is my main bad habit and the one I always feel like I should change because I cope with chemicals. Yes, the chemicals I choose are sugar free, caffeinated yummy cola but still...coping with chemicals is just something you should always acknowledge should you have an occasion to confess what you feel guilty about.
• I asked my exhausted, jet lagged, road weary parents to watch my kids overnight two nights after they had come back into town knowing they would say yes and knowing they were just as tired as me but not caring because I was just that tired.
• I gave my kids M&Ms as a reward.
• I bought a Strawberry Shortcake DVD because the one I rented from Blockbuster worked out so great in regards to giving me "ME" time. I normally do not buy DVDs and I normally only let my kids watch shows that either teach them something or provide some sort of classic reference (Disney classics). I have no idea what Strawberry Shortcake brings to their life in the way of culture, values or learning. I just know they lay like immobilized surgical patients on my bed and do not blink for 54 minutes in a row. And that's all I care about in regards to the purpose behind the video.
• I talked really loudly while Jessica was trying to watch a show today and she repeatedly told me to be quiet and that I was being too loud. I continued to talk and then used the moment to point out to her that "this is how Mommy feels when she's trying to watch Gray's Anatomy and you just won't shut your trap." Then she laughed at me and turned back to her program and I muttered under my breath that "payback was a b*t*c*!" and I did like a snap and word to your mother move behind her back. How horrible of a mother am I?
• I really need to do laundry.

Peace Out. Word to your mother. Don't talk during my show.

Gettin' My Coma On...

By Wednesday morning, I was SPENT. I had a very scary incident in my neighborhood on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I won't bore you with the deets but police, trash, people in my backyard and beer bottles exploded against my house were all part of the festivities of early Sunday morning. So I had a wee bit of trouble sleeping Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights. Plus, I had a big ol' kink in my neck. So fast forward to Wednesday night, add a little prescribed pharmaceutical enhancement, my SWEEEEET parents taking the girls and I was getting my coma on by like 7pm Wednesday night. I was OUT like a light and stayed horizontal until ...can you stand it?...11:00 this morning. I woke up a new woman - totally! I woke up a better mother and a better human being. My kink was gone. I had no headache. I had energy and wanted to bask in the sunshine. I wasn't counting the hours today until nap time. In fact, I told my kids to SKIP naptime and we went and picked up my Grandma Bea and brought her to our house to spend two nights with us. Tomorrow, we are going to do something fun and take her shopping and do fun girl stuff and then on Saturday we are going over to Mom and Dads for the official Europe recap with pictures, gifts and fun. And then on Sunday, I'll be having dinner at Bill and Marilyn's with STEVE who is in town and who I love and did not get to spend a lot of time with when I was in Utah. So the next few days look bright and sunny! It's amazing how your outlook changes with a night of good, really good, like as in first time you got a massage good. Man, that was one good coma.

Jalapeno Juice -

Have you ever diced a fresh Jalapeno pepper, taken the membrane and seeds out like all good gringos should do, then washed up in the sink. Only to lick your thumb HOURS LATER and have your lips and tongue explode with heat? Apparently, the soap didn't reach this one little spot on the back of my thumb and there was some left over oils from the pepper and let me tell you, it was agony. My lips exploded and my tongue freaked out and I ran to get milk which is known to put out spice fire in your mouth.

Just remember this story next time you are dancing with the pepper. Wash twice, with soap and warm water and scrub scrub scrub.

Happy Birthday Grandma Houlie....

My Grandma Houlie turned 83 yesterday. It brings a smile to my lips that I was able to take her, my other Grandma and my two girls out for a fun dinner on the town. We had yummy food, fun conversation and the girls were so excited and so loving to everyone at the table. My Grandma Houlie's real name is Lura. She is called Grandma Houlie because when I was little my parents told her that Houlie in Hawaiian meant American or White. So she insisted that she would be my Houlie Grandma and my Grandma Bea could be my "Spanish" Grandma. Now, she's never to this day realized that Houlie is not a complimentary term in Hawaiian and we are just content to leave her in the dark since it's been so many years and she loves her nickname. For those of you that don't know ...Houlie is equivalent to Honkey or Whitey or some other not so nice label for ignorant white people that think they know everything and ruin the culture of the island. Sooooo....we are just going to keep this little secret between us okay bloggie friends? She's old and had no idea about computers so I think the secret is safe.

Anyhoo, my Grandma was very involved in my life and has always made me feel very important. She is the type of person that would drop anything she was doing if she felt she was needed by her family. She is a colorful character who is very full of life. She can make a car dealer weep and she always gets the best deals on cars because she can haggle better than anyone. She is short and has all white hair so she comes into the dealership looking like this sweet old lady then she rips into them until they are begging her to just please take the keys to the new car and go away. She and my Papa Tom always took me to the ocean or camping when I was little. I went on lots of vacations with them. She taught me how to play poker and how to cheat at it too. She can argue politics, religion or any issue you might want to argue about and she gets soooooooo carried away when she argues then when it's all done she's so happy that there was a lively discussion. When she was younger, she said most of their holidays with her family, somebody would get in an argument over something or another and would wake their kids up in the middle of the night to leave because they were mad. She makes the best pies. She has pie dishes that are the hugest pie dishes you have ever seen. Her specialty is Sour Cream Lemon and let me tell you - it's the best pie ever. She can shoot, hunt, fish, camp and she once beat out all the other men in her small hometown of Kiwani, Illinois at a bat throwing contest. Bat as in baseball, not nocturnal creature. She threw the bat farther than any man or boy in the town. I guess you could say she's a tough old broad who was waaaayyyyy ahead of her time. She always worked when my Dad was growing up and was very good at business and was always the Manager of the fine jewelry department at Macy's when she wasn't running my Papa's jewelry store.

We had a great time at dinner last night. It was fun to see how much she loves my girls and how much joy they bring to her life. She's a funny lady and I'm glad she's my Grandma.