Being out of control is tough for me. I am stuck right now, helpless for the most part, unable to drive, walk, shower, care for my children and many other things because of my knee surgery. As I watch TV, I find myself thinking..."wow...Calista Flockhart is really acting her butt off in Brothers and Sisters. She must have good knees." Or "Shaq is able to make commercials and he doesn't even look like his knees are sore. How is that possible?" I watch the American Idol contestants and judges and think, look at Ryan come down those stairs and he doesn't even need a handle. Or Paula. PAULA! Is on 6 inch heels and dressed in clothes that I am sure will render her unconscious due to not being able to breathe but there she is walking around and not limping or seeming to wince in pain.
I feel out of control. I feel like I smell. I feel like my leg will never get better and if it does, I have to do the other leg. I am fighting depression and feeling like I wish I was Oprah. Oh wait. I always wish I was Oprah. Again, someone in very high heels with no knee issues. Knee issues suck.
Did you know the knee is the largest joint in your body? Did you know my knee caps never grew right but grew on the side of my leg? Did you know I hate being stuck and out of control?
I think my frustration about not being in control is fascinating and shocking to most people. Because normally I am just easy going and so not bossy or uptight or one of those control freak kind of people.
I will go now so you can go pee your pants from laughter. I even had trouble typing it. Control plus me...best friends we'll always be.
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1 comment:
Hang in there, sweetie, you're doing great. It may be a long road, but it's going to be so worth it that one day when you can run around with your girls without any pain and you can focus all of your energy on them. :) We're praying for you!
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