Thanks Amb

I like my new background and I always make my sister in law Amber change it for me. I love her. And it's not like she has anything better to do. Her husband is getting his PhD and studying for the LSAT, she is pregnant with their third, yes I said THIRD, baby, my niece Grace who I will call Gracie Poo because I can't help myself. She is busy volunteering at church, has friends and younger siblings that she spends time with and has much better things to do than change the color of my blog background. But I love green and pink but I hated the Happily Ever After banner that was on my last background because ewww...it's just gross. First, I'm WAAAAYYY too young to have Ever After anywhere near anything I've done. And I don't want to give people the idea that we are this gross couple who say we are happily ever but then rip each other's throats out when no one is looking. We are average. Some days we are happy and some days we are all..."meh." Most days we are just trying to get through life and not screw up our kids too badly. We eat casseroles and order take out and collapse on the couch once we get the kids to bed just like everyone else in the world. So Happily Ever After had to come down.

Today, I sat. Then I got up and sat some more. Then I tweaked my knee when I was hobbling around with my walker. I said ouch a lot. Then I sat again. Tonight I have big plans. I'm gonna do some sitting and oh! some more sitting. Life is rad.

Jessica is a cuddles today because she's not feeling well. I love when my kids are minorly sick because they curl into me and I hold them and I smell their heads and kiss them and I love it. She is currently watching me type and wrapped around my left arm with her head on my shoulder. I love this kid. Katie is resting in my bed. I normally NEVER let her sleep this late but Jessica said she wants to snuggle with me so we should let Katie rest some more. I think J is needing some alone time. So it won't end the world if we leave Katie alone for a few more minutes.

Mike is minutes away and has my Rachel's yogurt. Praise be. I love Rachel's yogurt. If you have not tried it you are missing out. Lavender Honey is the best.

Remember

We did nothing special for Memorial Day this year. Mike prepared to go back to work tomorrow. The girls planted and did some gardening in Grandpa Meekers yard. I read a book. (Still can't walk yet and won't be able to until June 9th) But all across our country, there are people who are taking a moment to remember those they have lost. My Dad took my Grandmothers to East Lawn today where several of my family members are buried. Both of my Grandmothers have outlived their husbands and parents. My Grandma Houlie has outlived all of her siblings. My Grandma Bea only has her baby sister left. As this day exits quietly in my house, I find myself extremely grateful that I did not have cause to visit a grave today. I am thankful I have my husband and my children in the other room and that I can hear them laughing as they do the dinner dishes. I am thankful that my Mom only has a cold today and that I could call her on the phone to see how she's feeling. I am glad my Dad and my Grandmas were together today and that I can call them after I post this to find out how their day went. I know it will not always be so, but this Memorial Day, I find myself extremely thankful. As I say my prayers tonight, I will remember those of you that I love who have lost those close to you and I will ask God to comfort you and to ease any sadness that you might be feeling. Instead of remembering those who have been lost, I hope we can all take a moment to think of those that are doing the "remembering" today.

God Bless & Love Wins... Amy

Good Fathers - New Babies

Mike and I were talking about good fathers the other day. I was thanking him for stepping up and carrying our family through this time that I've been down with surgery. He has taken time off work and has taken care of the girls on his own. And instead of feeling resentful or wishing the time would go quickly so he could get back to normal life, he has been so grateful for the time with his girls. In his words: "Normally I work super hard and if I work super hard and get everything done, my reward is to get to go to Afghanistan again. It just sort of sucks. But now, I've had this time with my girls that I would never have had if you didn't have surgery and needed me to be home. I got to actually take care of them and spend real time with them instead of just an hour before they go to bed at night." I think that makes Mike a pretty awesome Dad in my book. I feel so happy when I watch the girls with him and how they are so in love with him. I know because of their relationship with their Dad, they will have a better chance of picking a guy who will be kind and a helpful companion to them when the time comes because they had that example. My Dad was the same way. He raised me, spent time with me, took me shopping for my homecoming dress, cooked, did - I mean - helped with all my science fair and such projects for school. I never felt like my Mom was the caregiver and my Dad was the distant father figure. And I picked to share my life and children with someone who feels that it is a privileged to be a father and spend time with his girls doing the mundane chores that make life run.

As Mike and I discussed fathers and what it means to be a good one, Mike mentioned that my cousin Jeff was one of the best fathers he knew of as far as our peers go. I totally agree. Jeff is an amazing father to his wonderful daughter Emi. He is the perfect blend of fun, attentive, worry when necessary, teaching, coaching, leading all with love as the overwhelming focus. And Jeff became a Dad for the second time yesterday when his son Luke was born. Jeff's kids are so lucky to have him as a Dad. (They also have a FABULOSO Mom in Jeff's wife Ali) We are so happy they have a new life to cherish, nurture and love. That baby is one lucky little guy and we are so glad to welcome a new member of our family. Jessica is DYING to call Emi today to tell her "congratulations on her new brother and for getting to become a sissy." So we'll be doing that later today.

Fathers Day is rapidly approaching. I want to do something extra special for Mike this year but I am sort of limited in my mobility. If you know of a creative and fun idea, please share it. If I don't get help, I'm afraid Mike is going to end up with a tie and a grilled steak. LAME. Help please.

Who Knew You Could Tell So Much From Cookies?

Mike picked up the girls early from preschool yesterday. We were back and forth as to whether Katie should go at all due to her injuries but the girls begged to go so we compromised and let them go for everything except the outdoor playtime. Katie has had several head bonks with classmates during outside time so we wanted to try and avoid another blow to her noggin for a few more days until the current blow can heal. When the girls got home they each had a ziploc bag with two snickerdoodles inside each bag. Apparently, Mike arrived before snack time so their teachers allowed them to take their snack home. I was both delighted and surprised when they proceeded to partake of the snickerdoodle treats like this.

Instead of each claiming a bag and eating the cookies inside, they opened the first bag together. They took out a cookie and broke it in half and each ate their half of cookie. Then they took out the second cookie, broke it in half and shared it. Then they opened the second bag of cookies, took out a cookie and broke it in half. Jessica took that half to Mike to give to him to eat and Katie brought me her half because they said they wanted to share. Then, they divided the last cookie and shared it.

I found it interesting that this method of dividing their treats was so automatic. It wasn't discussed, there was no bickering about who got the bigger half, there was really no discussion about the whole process at all. We didn't suggest this to them, they just automatically did it.

When Katie went to the ER on Monday, they gave her a sucker. She would not lick it even though I unwrapped it and gave it to her. She held it and asked the doctor if he had an extra sucker for her sissy who was at home. He said "sure" and presented her with the second sucker. She asked my Mom to hold it and save it for Jessica. Then she gave her still dry sucker back to my Mom and asked her to wrap it up back in the wrapper so she could eat her sucker when Jessica was eating hers. She would not accept stickers from the doctor without getting a second set of stickers for her sister.

Jessica's favorite thing in the world is preschool. She won't even think of going if Katie can't go. When we got home from the ER, it's the only time that Jessica opened the front door and came out of the house without permission because Katie was back and she wanted to make sure she was okay. Our babysitter said Jessica would not leave the front window area the whole time Katie was gone and kept asking if she thought Katie would be okay.

I know this is not normal sibling behavior. But I was an only child. I wished my whole life for a brother or sister. When I told people that they would always say "oh, if you had one you guys would fight", and they'd list all the reasons it was great to be an only child. But I can remember for as early as I can think of that I would say to myself that if I had a brother or sister I would never fight with them and we would be best friends. I feel like God heard my heart and knew I really and truly ached for that sibling bond. And I feel like He answered my prayers and gave me so much more than I could have ever had in my own sibling. I feel like my girls have that sort of bond that I always wished for. And I feel so incredibly grateful. All of that hurt inside from infertility and feeling alone has been totally washed away and replaced with the joy I feel in being Katie and Jessica's Mom. It's honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me.

New Bossy & The Geek

Chapter 11 is up. So much fun to remember!

My Favorite Things: Bedsore Edition

So being stuck in bed for the past two weeks has heightened my awareness, appreciation and reverence for some things that I otherwise tend to overlook. They say "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" and I've never felt that to be more true than right now. So in honor of that, I have selected some of my favorite things that I am loving right now in my present state.

• Showers. Oh the blessed ritual of the shower. To be clean. To cleanse. To scrub. To shave. To perfume thy body with essential oils and froofy smelling good stuff. To not stink. This is my most favorite of all things that I can think of right now.
• Vegetables: Asparagus roasted in olive oil and sea salt, artichokes steamed in butter and balsamic vinegar, green leafy lettuce mixed with ripe tomatoes, cucumbers, beets and olives tossed in a wonderful zingy dressing, zucchini grilled on the BBQ, mushrooms fried in garlic butter, corn on the cob, a baked potato, carrots tossed in brown sugar and butter, eggplant dredged in panko and fried to a perfect crisp, steamed broccoli, spinach salad, stir fry. These are the things I am dreaming of. Mike is not big on cooking so we are surviving on take out. Take out does not yield many vegetables and my body is screaming for the manna of rabbits.
• Car rides- to feel the wind in my hair as I drive a vehicle along a country road would be lovelier than just about anything besides a shower.
• Pedicures - my feet are so gross right now. I thought they would be fine given that I AM NOT USING THEM FOR ANYTHING but alas, such is not the case. They are dried, cracked, hard, calloused homes for dead skin cells and lint from my bed linens. Oh to have a pedicure in which someone could return my feet to their former fancy selves.
• Deodorant - I won't elaborate on this one. But trust me, deodorant is a great thing.
• Books - now books are something I have enjoyed my fill of recently. In particular, David Baldacci and Adriana Trigiani have been keeping me company along with Stephanie Meyer who by now is a close intimate personal friend.
• The Internet, in particular, TV shows on the Internet. I have loved catching up on Lost, watching old episodes of the Office and re-watching the Gray's Anatomy Season Finale so many times that I am now positive who, if any of the two, are going to live or die. I am a genius is why.
• Sleep - it is the only time Miss Knee doesn't hurt. In sleep I am running and shopping and being all around fabulous. My dreams are the high point of my day. Maybe I'll see you there tonight. Maybe we'll shop, for jeans two sizes smaller than we wear and then eat chocolate cake that causes us to drop another size so we have to take our jeans back and exchange them for a size smaller. Oh dreams. My heart beats for thine eternally.

And these, my lovelies, are my favorite things.

Child vs. Kitchen Countertop...Child Wins.

This is Jessica Meeker for Action News reporting from a home in the quiet suburbs of California where yesterday, a child of four hit her head on a kitchen counter top and smashed it to smithereens. The child, one Katie Kate My Sissy Meeker was running inside of the house, apparently not looking where she was going and came into contact with said counter top. The counter top was composed of tile and grout that when hit became jagged and sharp pieces. The child in question is composed of sugar, spice and everything nice. Katie (Age 4) was rushed to a local Emergency Room by her Papa and Grammie where doctors reported she suffered a hematoma head wound, abrasions on her eyelid and cheek and a puncture wound just below her nose. The child's injuries required neurological checks every two hours from her father and kisses that contained extra extra EXTRA magic from her mother.



Due to the fact that I, your friendly Action News reporter, Jessica was the only eye witness to this accident, I interviewed myself for this article. I am quoted as saying "WOE! WOE! KATIE YOU HAVE A LOT OF BLOOD! WOE! IT IS EVERYWHERE! THERE IS SURE A LOT OF BLOOD." Katie's mother who had recent knee surgery, was reported to have had to occupy the adjoining emergency examination room from her daughter due to the fact that she was going to hurl at any moment and pass out.



We are happy to report that both mother and child are fine and resting comfortably while the husband and father fetches them Popsicles and snacks with the help of one Action News reporter that shall remain nameless.



This has been Jessica Meeker, Action News Reporter signing off.

Farewell to Aunt Jeanie

Mike's Aunt Jeanie's funeral is today. The family is all together and we are here because of my surgery. I wish we could be there very badly but timing was horrible making it unable for us to attend. Jeanie is my Mike's Mom's youngest sister. Annette was the oldest but was tragically killed in 1981 in a devastating accident. Then, Kathy is next and she lives in Farmington, Utah. Marilyn was born after Kathy and then Jeanie. Jeanie was single for many years, but finally found the love of her life and a remarkable person in Uncle Kim. They were married in 1992 just a few months after Mike and I. We attended each others weddings and were excited to be newlyweds together. However, Mike and I quickly began making the mistakes you make when you marry young. We squabbled and fought and any sort of external stress like big family gatherings brought out my insecurities so our bickering was always the worst during these times. Aunt Jeanie and Uncle Kim however seemed to step into marriage and their life together perfectly. Maybe it is because they found each other lately in life but every time they were together you just got the sense of how grateful they were for each other. The treated each other with this quiet tenderness that I have rarely seen in any couple. Where Mike and I remained "individuals" who acted without true regard for the other, Jeanie and Kim were a unit from day one. It was a great example to us as newlyweds of how we hoped we would be someday. Even though we still squabble back and forth, it's rarely serious and I am proud of the marriage we have worked to create. Jeanie and Kim had a direct effect on what we still hope to achieve.

We saw Aunt Jeanie at our family reunion in July. She has struggled with immune issues for a long time and has had to be extremely careful of what she exposed herself to. However, Aunt Jeanie was always in the middle of fun. She was quick to laugh and expressed love easily. I don't think I ever saw her in which she didn't tell me that she loved me or said something very personal and kind. She had no children of her own so her nieces and nephews were very important to her and I always got the feeling that she loved us very much. I know that through my struggles with infertility that she prayed very hard for me. Aunt Jeanie wanted to have children and I felt she, more than anyone else, truly understood the pain of not having that happen. But when I had the girls, she was overjoyed for us.

Aunt Jeanie was so much fun and had a wonderful time. She lived with Marilyn and Bill when Mike was a little boy for awhile and Mike has so many happy memories of Aunt Jeanie making simple events like waiting up for Santa or singing songs extra special. She made up nicknames for people and loved to kick back and snuggle together on the couch and giggle and talk. When she sat next to you she always held your hand or tickled your back or put her head on her shoulder. There were just little and gentle things she did to let you know she loved you.

Aunt Jeanie courageously battled the cancer that took her life. Her attitude, faith and willingness to rise up and meet challenges was an amazing example to me. My heart feels sad for Uncle Kim and the entire family because her loss will be felt extremely deeply. She was a big part of the glue that holds the family together. I will miss her very much and hope with all my heart that Mike and I will someday grow to have a fraction of her capacity to love each other and other people and to treat them with the sort of kindness that she always showed.

Control Back Please

Being out of control is tough for me. I am stuck right now, helpless for the most part, unable to drive, walk, shower, care for my children and many other things because of my knee surgery. As I watch TV, I find myself thinking..."wow...Calista Flockhart is really acting her butt off in Brothers and Sisters. She must have good knees." Or "Shaq is able to make commercials and he doesn't even look like his knees are sore. How is that possible?" I watch the American Idol contestants and judges and think, look at Ryan come down those stairs and he doesn't even need a handle. Or Paula. PAULA! Is on 6 inch heels and dressed in clothes that I am sure will render her unconscious due to not being able to breathe but there she is walking around and not limping or seeming to wince in pain.

I feel out of control. I feel like I smell. I feel like my leg will never get better and if it does, I have to do the other leg. I am fighting depression and feeling like I wish I was Oprah. Oh wait. I always wish I was Oprah. Again, someone in very high heels with no knee issues. Knee issues suck.

Did you know the knee is the largest joint in your body? Did you know my knee caps never grew right but grew on the side of my leg? Did you know I hate being stuck and out of control?

I think my frustration about not being in control is fascinating and shocking to most people. Because normally I am just easy going and so not bossy or uptight or one of those control freak kind of people.

I will go now so you can go pee your pants from laughter. I even had trouble typing it. Control plus me...best friends we'll always be.

I enjoy being a girl...

As I sat, knee swollen, leg propped on pillows and stitches healing, I welcomed another Mother's Day. As usual, my feelings were close to my heart and tender. There were so many years that I dreaded Mother's Day. Sometimes I hid in my bathrobe, under the covers and refused to come out until Monday. Sometimes, I slapped on a happy face and headed to church and acted happy when they gave me a rose...even though I wasn't a mother, but so longed to be one. My first Mother's day was in the midst of post pardom and I still felt sad. Last Mother's Day I finally felt settled about my Mother's Day angst. This year, I felt grateful for my little family. I feel grateful for my roses on my nightstand and the three cards displayed on my dresser. I enjoyed a quiet day at home with Mike and the girls who kissed me every time they saw me and told me Happy REAL Mother's Day! They had already celebrated a pre-mother's day last week at preschool which I attended even though Mike had to wheel me in and out and I had to take more pain medication than is probably advisable to get through it. My Mom and Mike's Mom came by at different times and were given flowers and cards and kisses and hugs. Mike helped me wash my hair which I hadn't been able to do in 7 days. Did you hear that? 7 days since I washed my hair. SEVEN. We finally figured out how I could get into the shower with my right leg locked into place. So washed hair, roses, visits, cards and kisses. Life is good.

I have daughters. I am an only child so there was a higher female to male ratio in our home. My mother is one of four daughters. My Grammie Bea is one of four daughters. My mother in law is one of four daughters. My Grandma Houlie is one of three daughters and her
father died when she was 2 so her house was all women except for her one brother Larry. My sister in law Amber (who is one of four daughters) is preparing to have a second daughter bringing the number of granddaughters in the Meeker family to seven while the number of grandsons remains at two. Women surround my life, my history and make up my future. Our house is littered with stuffed animals, drawings of rainbows and hearts and ballerina stuff. In any drawer you might stumble across a hair bow or a ribbon. There are reminders of girlish, womanly and matronly things throughout my home. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think women are amazing. I think they are beautiful whether they are 89 or 4 years old. I like their smiles, their hair and their curves whether generous or slight. I like the tinkle of their laughter and the smell of their perfume and lipstick. I like that the mirror in the flip down sun visor of cars was made just for them. I like that they are always on diets yet universally love chocolate. I love their strength. I love their courage. I love their jewelry. I am so happy for the women in my life, especially my Mom and my daughters. Happy Mothers Day to all of the extraordinary women in the world. I am proud to be numbered among you.

Amy The Grouch...

I never liked Oscar The Grouch on Sesame Street when I was a kid. I felt that he was too mean and seemed sort of sad. I always hoped someone would come along, clean out his trash can and take him home to love. Maybe then he wouldn't have to be grouchy any more.

I am grouchy today. I am sitting in the same bed I've sat in for three days and I'm grouchy to those who poke their kind heads in to check on me. I feel helpless and totally reliant on my family. I can't even go potty by myself. I needed Mike to scratch my foot today and because he could not read my mind and know exactly where I needed him to scratch I got irritated. How stupid is that? Every time the girls come in, I remind them to watch out for my leg. Sometimes their little faces fall a bit because I'm their Mom and we haven't snuggled for any length of time for like three days and they don't understand why. They have been so sweet making me get well cards and kisses and I have tried to give as many hugs and kisses and snuggles as I possibly could. I miss being a Mom and doing things for them. They didn't come in one time tonight to see me. I wonder if they are forgetting me? And Mike, he deserves the Presidential Medal of Patience. Is there one of those? I know there is one for Freedom. But patience? If there's not, there should be. Because he is an ice pack making, pill giving, pillow fluffing, snack preparing, take out fetching, house cleaning, kid playing, laundry doing and hug giving dude. And I really appreciate it. I'm just grouchy.

Tomorrow, I am leaving my trash can for awhile and going to a post-op appointment with my doctor. Maybe he'll have some suggestions for my Oscar syndrome. I would much rather have Cookie Monster syndrome. Yeah...that's way more my style.

Round One Concludes...

So surgery is over. I woke up from surgery in agony, screaming at the top of my lungs in pain and sobbing. It was like out of a movie but I was in the movie in the worst role. I just kept screaming over and over again and they kept injecting stuff into my IV until my screaming subsided. Then, they let Mike come in and the surgeon came back to talk to us. He said that as as far as everything they wanted to accomplish, the surgery went fine. But that my knee was much worse off than he had thought and that the MRI didn't really show how damaged the knee had become. I have several places that are bone on bone so this surgery will most likely help me for awhile but I will have to have my knee replaced sooner than he had hoped. I was released into Mike's care with a blood drain and pain pills and I have been floating in and out of pain/no pain, conscious/unconscious, frustrated because I am helpless/grateful for the help of my family.

Tonight I get to see the wound for the first time. Mike has to change the dressing. I've been getting around the with aid of a walker and feel like a senior citizen and I'm not even 40. In fact, my walker is the same walker my 89 year old Grandma has. We match. So when I go to visit her at her new assisted living place, we can roam the halls with our matching walkers. Let's just all say it together shall we? PAH-THET-ICK

But I should have lots of time to write over the next few days and I'm not as out of it as I thought I would be so hopefully I'll be able to do more for the girls than I thought I would. They are being really cute and helpful.

Okay, gotta go I feel all floaty again. Thanks for the prayers.