LADIES & GENTLEMEN...THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH (and I have a migraine)

The circus came to town! Mom and Dad got us all tickets for my birthday...so off we went today!
Katie & Jessica talked about how they were going to see the elephants all week. And let me tell ya...the elephants didn't disappoint! They were amazing.
I think the tigers were most reflective of how my head started feeling during the circus. A dull roar that seemed like it could spring out of control at any moment. The actual tigers were great, just grumpy enough and uncooperative enough to keep the circus goers on our toes.

Jessica loved the guy riding a motorcycle from a high wire. With a scantedly clad lady hanging from beneath the wire! With FLAMES on their costumes!

Katie loved the clows. Me and clowns? No so much.

Then we went out for Greek food for lunch.

The girls had been told they would go to the circus and have an ice cream. But an ice cream at the circus costs $9. And popcorn was $7. A coke was $5. A snow cone in a keepsake cup was $15. So we went to cold stone AFTER the circus. Think they minded?

Then, like music to my ears, Grammie and Papa asked the girls to come back to their house to hang out. By this point my head was pounding. There is some sort of circuit in my brain that has a synapses that misfires when too many lights, sounds, whistles, people and dark are combined all at once like at the circus, or casinos, or Dave and Busters or dance clubs, or buffets. My whole system just sort of shuts down and I want to curl into a ball in the corner until it stops. That's what happened today. I think it happened a little to Jessica too. It's just like it's too much all at once. It was SUPER fun to get to go to the circus and I highly recommend you go if it comes to your town. Unless you have a weird brain, firing, synapses thing. Then, go to talent night at the senior center. That's more my speed.

And thus began my new goal...

So as you know, yesterday I set about declaring my new goal of taking more pictures, living in the moment and capturing our lives. So my Dad came over last night for a training session on my camera, I bought a camera case and a big ass memory card today and set about excitedly capturing the glory that would be "our day". Some children were ready and willing to get on board with the new plan and cooperate.

Others...were not.

NOPE. Not gonna smile. Don't care if it IS your new plan Mom. Not going to play your games.

But I WILL demonstrate that I can write my name. But I won't look at you. Or smile.

Once the glue came out, Jessica abandoned my plan of capturing the joys and smiles of childhood.

But once Grammie showed up with me to pick them up from preschool, all of a sudden they wanted to pose like Miss America contestants. Well...at least they wanted to run and hug their Grammie and thanks to my awesome camera, I could snap a quick picture.

And finally, after being allowed to make a "swimming pool" out of couch pillows, and jumping off of their kids table into the "water" and doing the "backstroke" while "kicking" really hard so they don't "sink"...they were willing to let me take a picture of them smiling in unison.

I guess when you actually try and take pictures and your kids aren't used to a camera being attached to your face, it doesn't always go the way you think it will.

More tomorrow!

Okay, I'll just get it out there....

I've been hesitant to mention this, but I have been consumed with something new. I found out about the story of a wonderful family in Arizona who were hurt badly in plane crash in August. The Mom..Stephanie has a very popular blog in Arizona that was previously unknown to me. But since the story, the Nie Nie blogs and support have been everywhere it perked my curiosity. So I started reading. And then I couldn't stop. And now I feel as concerned about this family as I am my own. It's so strange how we come to love and know each other in blog land, without even meeting. If you have not heard of this story (it was on the Today show today) you need to read about it. You can go to http://blog.cjanerun.com/ to get updates on the family and the overview of what's happening then go to NieNie's blog and just start reading from the beginning. You will be amazed and inspired is all I can so. I am worried, heartbroken, greatful, blessed and lucky. In honor of Nie, I will be doing the following:

Wearing only red lipstick, nail polish and toe polish until she gets better. (her signature color)
Write love letters to my husband and kids - (see previous post)
Set off helium balloons at the next birthday.
Take pictures and do a better job of documenting our days so that I never forget what it is that I had the luck to experience.

A comment on Nie's blog that was by Anna Quindlen summed it up for me...She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”

Gretchen

Gretch came over last night. We sat in my living room drinking diet coke and eating the closest thing she could find to bon bons and talking about everything from boys we loved once upon a pimply past, to mistakes we made to the fact that our lives are happy and have meaning and purpose. Gretchen's visit last night was sent to me straight from heaven because it was exactly what I needed to rejuvenate my very soul.

When I was in 7th grade and in Mrs. Hallenbarter's social science class I met this short kid with dark blond hair who became my best friend. (That was the same year I met Mike Meeker.) Gretchen and I stayed friends throughout high school, seeing each other through everything ranging from summer camp, first love, cramps, experimenting with wine coolers and cigarettes, softball tournaments, boys, boys, boys, boys, lots of blue eyeliner and salon selectives, tanning, getting a tan, oh and laying out in the sun, getting our drivers licenses, doing our Spanish commercials for Senorita Almas' class, eating lots of pringles, dr. pepper and frozen ice cream bon bons, aerobics class and meeting/falling in love with our husbands. When I think of my childhood, Gretchen is front and center and it's always summer, I can always smell Hawaiian Tropic SPF 4 in the brown bottle, the sky is the most brilliant blue and the wind is blowing in my hair. Man, I love those memories.

Although our lives took WAY different paths than we thought they would at 15, we are both happy. Gretchen's husband is a Pastor at a super large Church here in Sacramento and he is cool and hip and cute and adores her and in her words is "the best Dad I've ever seen". She works at the church, the kids work with their youth groups at the church and they help and do amazing things for the citizens of the world and our community. Her life is rich, her 4 boys are so freakin' cute that I can't choose which ones to have the girls marry and the best thing is that she's still deep down the same Gretchen I've always known and loved. And I've never had a friend as good as her since.

Written At The Same Time (WARNING - MAJOR MUSHY GUSHY AHEAD)

So while I was babbling on and on in the previous post about my love for Mike, he was writing the following love letter (email) thousands of miles away. I know...gross huh? Like eeewwww you guys, shut UP already! But ummm....no we aren't going to shut up. We are just going to gush on people. So please endure our long distance and now (I guess) public long distance love affair. When I was 19, Mike shouted literally from a roof top that he loved me and now he asked me to share with the 3 readers of my blog...that he's still willing to make it public knowledge that he sorta likes me.

From Mike's email that I received exactly after I posted the previous blog entry and went to my email inbox. Freaky? Maybe. Loveish in the coolest way? You bet.

Subject Title: Love Letter To My Girls

Dear Jessica - I love you so so much. I love you because you talk to me and you play chasing games with me and you love to climb on my shoulders. I love you because when you smile it's like the brightest sunshine. Maybe mommy or papa can take some pictures of you smiling and send them to me to make me happy.

Dear Katie - I love you so so much. I love you because you always seem to be happy. And when you are happy, it makes your happy spread to everyone around you. I love you because you are very good at drawing pictures of me and I love to see your pictures. Maybe I can tell mommy how to magically put your pictures on the computer so she can send them to me.

I love both of you girls so much! I miss you because I love to snuggle with you and play with you and I can't right now because I have to stay at work and take care of very sick people. I promise that I will come back again and do all those fun things with you. First comes the wedding, then halloween, then thanksgiving, then Christmas, then I get to come home soon after Christmas!!! YAAAAY!!!

Amy - I love you because you have loved and supported me with your whole heart, body and mind - even giving more than you thought you had. I love you because you are, in an inexplicably real way, part of me. The reason this is so hard right now is because a part - no - the best parts of my body and soul is missing. Know that the parts that remain here with me are yours. Know that they always will be, no matter what life-storms may blow or what trials we are called to bear. I love you... in the deepest, truest ways possible in this life, and my heart is burning with that love right now. You wanted to know how to get back that fire we felt when our love was first being kindled so long ago. It was simple, really,... I needed only to lose you for a week, with no hope of being with you for many weeks more, to wake from the illusion that your eyes, your smile, your lips, your voice, your wit, your humor, your compassion, your heart, your mind, your body and your soul were mine, and always would be no matter what. My heart has finally remembered what my mind has always known but has lately taken for granted... just how wonderful and precious a gift you are. Thank you for blessing my life with yours.

With all my heart, mind, body and soul, I am yours, and always have been.
With all the love I know, and all the love I will ever grow to comprehend,
I love you, Amy...
I love you.
- Mike

Life Is Good

Dear Mike Meeker,

It may seem strange to some to address this letter to "Mike Meeker" but as you and I know I have always called you Mike Meeker since we were 13. I still do 24 years later and I always will. When we are 83 (me) and 84 (you), I will probably be yelling (because your hearing will be gone) "Mike Meeker quit playing video games and get some work done around here." And just like now, you'll say "yep, I'm on it" and keep right on trying to get to the next level.

In any case, I thought I would take a moment out of my glamorous day and write you a letter. When I tell our daughters that I am writing you a letter they want to do so also. Jessica would like to write you a "j" and a "d" and Katie would like to write you a "k" and a "m". I however, would just like to write a message to express my appreciation and love for you. I don't love you more because you are gone, it's just as Ingrid B explained to me so correctly, I just feel your positive impact that you have on our home and lives more because you are absent from both.

I would like to let you know that I think you are a great husband. I'm very thankful to feel this way after 16 years of marriage. You might not be suited for every chick out there, but you are perfect for me. This is why. You always get me water in the middle of the night. Even if we have just settled down and you are drifting off to sleep you'll still get up and get water for me. You allow me to end arguments and fights with a swift kick to your shin across the bed. It's our universal signal that our fight is over and I'm ready to be friends again. And you take the kick with good humor and thankfulness every time. You listen to my day and what's going on in my life. I imagine the details were way more interesting when I was working on Capitol Hill and got to meet famous people and plan amazing events but you still listen just as attentively even though now I'm working at home, meeting other toddlers and planning amazing pretend games. You have always supported everything I've wanted to do. When I wanted to be a photographer, you did a business plan for me and ordered business cards. When I wanted to take a sabbatical from work/life and join you on your med school rotations in Hawaii for 10 weeks, you worked our finances so I could do so. When I wanted to pour my heart and soul into a career you would brag to our friends that I was so awesome at my job I could make millions of dollars. And when I needed you to go through embarrassing and emotional tests, procedures and ordeals when we wanted to have a baby, you did so cheerfully with jokes and a great sense of humor. You even let me do a medical briefing with my doctor for your entire residency clinic about our very personal experience with infertility. You were a trooper. You are always a trooper. I think I can count on one hand (maybe 2) the number of times you've been in a bad mood. I know I would need only 3 fingers to count the number of times you have been mad at me. I would need both of our hands and feet along with our extended families to count my times. But you still don't complain and you just chalk it up to my Latin passion. Finally, I think you are a great husband because you respect me. And I respect you. So no matter what we've gone through or how we've changed, at the core of who we are lies respect. I think you are an amazing, brilliant and kind human being. And you think the same of me. Thanks for that.

I also wanted you to know that I think you are the best dad ever. Now, as you know, motherhood was a big transition for me that wasn't always easy. But it seemed as though when our girls finally got here, you never broke stride and eased into fatherhood...well like you'd been waiting for it your whole life. And you had. I know the thing you've always wanted is to have one person be in love with and to be a dad. Our girls have an amazing friendship with you. The trust and joy they have when they are with you is obvious to anyone who observes you with your children. I love that you cheer for Katie when she poops. I love that you get them out of dirty clothes, throw them in the bath, wash them thoroughly and put them in pajamas without me having to ask. I love that you get up on Saturday mornings and make cereal salad (all different kinds of cereal) and then play with them until you guys split PB&Js and chocolate milk for lunch. I love that even though you didn't grow up with it, that you love family snuggle time in our bed as much as I do. I love that you are 1/3 of the WonderPets and when the girls had to think of anything they could get you for Father's Day they wanted to make you a superhero cape so they could play WonderPets with you. I love that you care that their sippie cup plugs get really clean. Because I don't. And they would probably have some strange sippie cup plug disease if it weren't for you. Oh, one more thing. I love that you let them unlace your combat boots every night and then let them clomp around the house in them. Remember when the boots came up to their hips?

Okay, that's it. I hope you are well. I'm sure you are eating better than you do at home because anything is better for you than Rubios take out. I hope you aren't too lonely and I hope you can feel our love. Most of all, I hope you are safe. Be safe please. Our family would never ever work without you.

Love You Lots...Kisses and Hugs...Miss You Tonz, BFF-
Aim =)

If I could rewind a day...

I wish we could just do "do overs" for some days. Like today. I know this blog has been sort of a downer lately with Mike leaving and all but I try really hard to keep this blog honest and reflective of what we are doing and going through. And this past week has just sort of sucked. But today sucked in that special sort of way where you feel like the universe mounts your head like a dog and just humps the heck out of it.

So it was my birthday today. (sunday) We already celebrated before Mike left with fun family dinner at Joe's Crab Shack and cake at Grammie Bea's. But I didn't sleep Saturday night. I had achey sore legs all night and left me getting up to stretch every 15 minutes to try to work out the charlie horses and kinks. And I just didn't sleep one wink. I was already on the edge emotionally and this just put the cherry on top of my pity party sundae. My sweet mom and dad took the kids in the morning so I could get some much needed rest after my legs finally calmed down. This was necessary but made me feel like a big loser for missing church. Then, Mike called and was all formal and weird on the phone and was able to talk for like 2 minutes. I got irritated in that 2 minutes and just wanted him to understand that I was tired and cranky and missing him so much. So then, after I woke up, the self pity just engulfed me and I spent some considerable time on my bed crying and feeling sorry for myself and wishing I wasn't so old, so far away from my husband, that I had not gotten irritated when he called, that I was skinnier, that I had pulled it together to take my butt to church, that I was enjoying my life more, that I had more friends, that my fingernail polish on my thumb wasn't chipped and that I hadn't eaten a half of bag of pistachios in the middle of the night before. This lead to more crying and a big headache. I ended the night with a very nice birthday dinner with mom, dad and my chicks and my parents were cool, didn't pry and reaffirmed their offers of help and encouragement over and over again. Mike called late this evening and explained he was around like 50 people when he called before and was sorry he was all stiff and formal and that he would just have to get used to everyone around him hearing everything he said and he filled me in on what his life has been like this week and I felt ever so much better. So instead of celebrating my life and blessings and health and family today, I spent wasteful time boo-hooing my little silly problems and picking apart everything going wrong in my life.

So, I vow here and now to make an attitude adjustment here and now. The negative thinking and self pity end now. I have to get it together and I'm going to. This just has been harder than I thought it would be. But I'm determined to pull my head out of my butt and get my smile on effective immediately. Hopefully, my posts will go back to reflecting the love I have for my life. Because I know I'm really lucky. I just have an easy time forgetting it.

Katie's Song

The girls get to perform a song before bed each night of their choosing. Here was Katie's tonight:

"Bears are mean but Daddy bears are nice. Turtles aren't mean either. And sometimes Daddy's are at home and then sometimes they go on trips but then they come home after Santa comes to our house. And this is a great song!"

All of this was done with gusto and the notes carried out like Bears are meeeean but Daaaaaadyyyyy bears are niiiiiiice. You get it. I thought it was cute but very telling about the stuff that's on her mind.

Have you Tried It?

Oh goodness I love this stuff. First of all, it's all natural so technically your kids could drink it and not die. Probably wouldn't recommend anyone drink it but if they do, you're OK. Second, it works better than 409. No joke. I am a 409 girl. Every time some new Fantastik or Cinch or Bam comes out I try it and then go back to 409. No longer friend. And the best part is....it smells so good you are just happy to have an excuse to do your counters, or wash your hands or whatever. The Lemon Verbena is my absolute favorite but the Lavendar is great for cleaning in the bedroom or master bath. I got mine at the grocery store. Buy the all purpose cleaner because it is super concentrated and you can make your own counter top spray. I even was swiffer-ing today and couldn't get some sticky spots up and sprayed it directly onto my swiffer wipe and the spots came up like nothing! And did I mention the smell? I love me a good cleaning product like when the clorox toilet wand came out I did a happy dance in the store. And the clorox bleach pen and tide to go? Don't get me started. But it takes a special someone to make me leave Mr. 409 and begin a new relationship with the new kid on the block. This product may seem pricey...but remember it is concentrated so you are actually paying about the same as 409.

Jessica's Prayer

No help from me...

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank thee for this day. Thank thee for our family. Please bless us to be good girls and not turn on the light and get out of bed. Thank thee for mama cuz she a good mama. Please bless Daddy that he be safe and give people medicine and tell them to drink lots of water so they feel better and come home after Christmas so we can be a family all of us together again. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

ugh...I had to turn off the lights while I gave kisses cuz I got all choked up.

Decision 08

Most of my conservative Republican family members are also Christians. I too, am a Christian. How is it then that there are so many differences in what we all believe? I think a lot of people out there who really want to help people, not give them a free ride are labeled as liberals because they believe government should provide and regulate some basic human rights. I am thankful that I grew up in middle class white America but that's just not how everyone grew up. I supervised a staff of 250 employees that pulled from mostly inner city Washington DC and let me tell you, these people are too busy surviving to worry about making sure their kids are applying to the right colleges. I just want to educate people who didn't grow up as lucky as me and I want to throw a lifeline to those who are unable to help themselves and if that means you take more of my paycheck, help yourself. I think my Republican friends and family members are concerned that the money we already give is enough and is just mismanaged so we should manage it better and what the government gets would be enough. Yet they oppose watchdog groups that would hold the government accountable as to how they spend our money because that would mean bigger government. I could go on and on and on and on and on about why I think both parties have lost their way...but in the end I have to choose. Neither party is perfect. But I have to align with the party who most represents the ideals that I believe in so strongly of feeding the poor, clothing the naked, sheltering the abused, standing for the oppressed and fostering a relationship of diplomacy and peace throughout the world. Yes, yes, I know there are problems with each candidate. We could pick them apart until November of 2027. One side can scream taxes, taxes, taxes, economy, the right to buy any gun for no purpose and house them loaded in my freezer and one side can shout healthcare, education, civil rights, end the war and make sure we give a hand out to every freeloader that crosses our boarders whether legally or un. But we all have to choose and November is coming quickly.

I have always found Christ's Sermon on the Mount found in the New Testament in Matthew to be a good guide to what should be important and how we should try to pattern our lives. I love the Beattitudes and the types of issues that Christ chooses to speak about. It seems as though when I read these passages of scripture, that the same problems must have faced the people back then as they do now, because the counsel that the Savior gives seems so topical for our day. I encourage you to read the Sermon on the Mount even if it doesn't help you make up your mind about who to vote for. It is rockin' scripture and my favorite that exists. So read it for me if for no other reason. You'll be glad you did.

Replaced Already?

Sorry Mike. You are away. A long ways away. What's a lonely girl to do but tape the new Ewan McGregor ad to her fridge and pretend it is her new husband. Ewan...what would you like for dinner? Spaghetti? Good Choice! Be careful not to get any on your foxy white scarf. And the spaghetti will never smell better than you Ewan. mmmmmm....have you SEEN this ad? Can you BLAME me? Don't worry...I just want to have Ewan around and have him sing that one love song from Moulin Rouge that he sang to Nicole Kidman when he and I first fell in love. And feed him spaghetti. All my thoughts are strictly PG. Well maybe PG-13 at most.

Go Sarah Palin!

I wanted to wait until tonight before I decided what I thought of Sarah Palin, McCain's running mate. I have been reading her bio, her website, articles about her stances and her history. And I can honestly say this. I don't think John McCain could have picked a better running mate. I found her to be articulate, sincere, normal and very common sense. I thought her attacks on Obama were funny, her devotion to John McCain heartfelt and her love for Alaska and the people there to be moving. My Dad said he felt it was very powerful when she stood on the stage with her daughter who has Down's Syndrome and said that there would be a person in the White House who stood for children with special needs. I thought her statements about John McCain's military service were very moving and she is right...he is the only one of the 4 people running in this race that has fought for this country. And he was a POW for many years. I think her passion for an Alaskan natural gas pipeline is very important because we need to take very large steps to decrease our dependence on dangerous foreign governments for our oil. I liked her joke about soccer moms. Q. What's the difference between a pitbull and a soccer mom? A. Lipstick. I thought that was super funny because I've known some of those soccer moms.

Obviously, I have come out strong for Obama. I'm still in the Obama court 100%. But I think if I were Joe Biden, I might be really scared. He has to go and debate this woman who is extremely comfortable and well spoken and who has basically no history. She can attack his record left and right and she has no record to attack. She's basically an unknown. This is smart since John McCain is so entrenched in Washington politics and has been a politician for eons. I wonder if she is the most qualified person to be Vice President but certainly if experience were the gauge on which we elected...Obama would not measure very high either. I believe in Obama's policies and his leadership. And as I've said before, for me it's about ending the war. But picking Sarah Palin was genius on the part of John McCain. Whatever the outcome this coming November...whether the first African American becomes President or the first woman becomes Vice President...both represent their respective "firsts" very well.

And he's gone...

We got up at 3:30 to take Mike to the airport. My parents had the kids overnight which was a blessing because all of this would have scared them I think. We joined the sea of other military members and their family members and went from station to station getting the things they needed. Then it was just time to wait. Sit there, next to Mike and wait. I tried to memorize what it felt like to touch his arm and to hold his had but I realized I had memorized that feeling years ago. So we talked about the kids, what stuff didn't get done, how he was happy and excited to go and do some good over there. Finally it was time for him to go. He asked if I needed to say anything else and I said that I didn't except that I loved him and that no matter what we've gone through I would never have chosen to spend my life with anyone else and that he was the love of my life. He told me the same and how much he would miss me and how proud he was of me for the kind of mother I am and how he knows everything will be okay. I told him I knew this too and that we would be fine. I told him I didn't expect to hear from him until sometime this weekend. We kissed quickly and hugged fiercely and I walked out of the ready room. I was leaving out of this big huge hallway and I just had a feeling to look back and there he was standing at the door of the ready room to blow me another kiss and give me a thumbs up. And then I drove home. My feelings are mixed because I am exhausted and I have a bad sinus infection with a huge horrible headache so I can't be sure exactly how I am feeling. Mostly I am sad but peaceful. That's the best I can describe it. I feel really sad because I will miss my friend but I feel very at peace because I know we are all where we are supposed to be. I don't feel scared, just tired. I slept for a few hours when I got home this morning and now I'm just making myself a huge list of stuff I need to get done.

So in the words of some little Airman guy to Mike this morning..."well sir...are you ready to do this thing?" My answer is most definitely ...yes.

To Read Again in 4 Months

Dear Katie and Jessica -



Your daddy is leaving for four months very shortly. I wanted to write this letter to you so I can read it to myself again in 4 months so I can remember where I was at emotionally during this time in our lives. I hope someday you'll read it with your therapist so you can know that I didn't mean to psychologically damage you during this time, but the United States Air Force stuck you with me and me alone as your parent for this time while Daddy is away. I hope by reading this you will come to accept that all damage done was by ACCIDENT.



There's some things I want you to know about all this craziness going on. First, I want you to know it could and is a lot worse for a lot of other people out there. Some Daddy's go away for a lot longer than our daddy. Some Mommy's and Daddy's have to go away at the same time. Sometimes there are daddy's and mommy's out there who don't love their kids more than life itself and would not give their right arm just so their kids could be free of this whole experience. Luckily, none of the above applies to either of you. Second, your Daddy will be safe and he will come home to us. I can't explain to you how I can know this. But, I know it like I knew that my dog Moz died hours before my mom called me to tell me and how I knew I was not only pregnant with twins but with twin girls and that their names were supposed to be Katie and Jessica just 3 weeks after I got pregnant. I know this like I know that Jesus loves us and like I know that you both will smile tomorrow. There are some things you just know deep down in your heart. When you feel something so strongly deep down, cling to it and be proud of it even if others wonder if you are just wishfully thinking. You are not. I am not. Your Daddy will be safe. Third, we will be just as much of a family without Daddy here as we are when he is here. Families come in all shapes, sizes and types. All that you have to have in order to be a family is love, commitment, hugs and dirty laundry. We will have all of that during this time and we will do all of the things that make it feel like we are a family. You will still have your bedtime, even if there are lots of nights I need you to sleep with me. We will still eat dinner together every night, even if it is chick food that Daddy would never touch but that I am going to glory in making. You will have clean clothes, even if Grammie has to come over and wash them because I forget. (Daddy does all the laundry so this one might take me awhile) We will still say prayers every night, even if we are praying FOR daddy instead of praying WITH daddy. You will still get the same number of kisses, even though it's because I am making sure I give you double. Fourth, I am going to be tired. There are days that I will need to take a nap with you. There are days I'm going to want us to stay in our P.Js and just veg out. But I promise that these days will be the exception and not the norm. I will strive to make sure we continue our adventures, that we get out in the sunshine, that we continue to explore the world around us. I will make sure we still go on our "dates" and that we swing, and color and do play dough. Finally, I will try my best. There are very few things in my life that I can honestly say I tried my best at. But being a mom is one of them. Being a good mom to you is the most important thing I've ever done and I promise you that I will try to be a good mom AND a good dad to you both over the next 4 months. I can never fill the shoes, or combat boots, that daddy will leave. He is special and we will miss him terribly, but we won't just be O.K. We will be the very best I can make us.

Love,
Mom