A Letter To Jessica Rose On Her 4th Birthday...

Dear Jessica Rose,


You are my heart. You have it completely. I always knew I would have a child named Katie. Daddy and I agreed should we have a second daughter that Daddy would get to name her Jessica. Little did I know that you would come into my life and sweep me away into a love affair of epic proportions. You are one of the kindest and most gentle souls ever to be born. It is amazing that God has allowed me to be your Mom.

You are wierd about a lot of stuff. You have to follow the rules and order of games, you are bossy (but in a good way) and you spend a lot of time contemplating the universe and important issues like whether or not Santa dunks his cookies or do we think we could freeze the water in your bathtub and you could go ice skating on it. You have so much of your Daddy in you and I love you girls and him more than I love my own life. But you are also so much like me. And then, just when we think you are a mixture of both of us, you prove that you are neither…you are our Jessica Rose and you have earned the utter devotion of all three of us.

The love you have for me humbles me. Today you told me you’d rather have me as your Mom than even Cinderella or any other person. And when you say something you mean it. You and I have our own love language in which we express and communicate our love. I have never felt so overwhelmed as I feel when I gaze at you. You slay me daily. I would give you anything. My car? Take it if it will make you laugh. My life? I’d gladly give it if it bring about one of my special Jessica smiles that lights up a room. My soul? I’d trade it in a second to save yours. You came into this world a sleepy and tired baby that exuded the sort of gentleness and love that we could feel from your countenance.

The love you have for Daddy is the most special bond I have ever seen except for the bond you have with Katie. Your Daddy is a kindred spirit. You guys can sit next to each other and not do ANYTHING but just be and it makes you both blissfully peaceful and happy. You and your Dad don’t even have to talk about stuff; you guys just get each other. I don’t think Daddy has ever fallen in love with someone like he has fallen in love with you. And he continues to fall for you each day. You both are brilliant and stubborn and have the hearts of rebels who want to be left alone to do things your way. Equally, you both want to love someone deeply and be loved by them just as much. You are loyal to the greatest degree. You and your Dad…it’s an amazing thing to watch you guys. It brings me tears (happy ones) on a regular basis. When Dad is holding you and dancing to “This is Love” from Cinderella (you & Dad’s song) the smile on your face says that you are completely and utterly where you want to be loving and being loved by your second favorite person on this planet.

And that brings us to your favorite person. The devotion you have to your sister is the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed in my life. The kindness you show her, the way you give her all of your heart and everything she could ever want or dream of blows Dad and me away every single day. The way you treat Katie has set the tone for the friendship you have with each other. It is like no other relationship I’ve ever known or seen or even heard of. You won’t leave her side if she is sick or sad, you celebrate when she succeeds and you suffer if she is hurt. You worry for her and protect her and she does all of these exact things for you. But she does them because you did them first. You guys are Katie and Jessica because of both of you but it is so wonderfully peaceful and loving because of the tone you set for the two of you.

I am so proud of you for all you bring to your life. The way you study and question things makes me look at life in a whole different way. Things I would never notice or think of I find me doing so because I know you will ask me about it. You worry about things and for that my heart breaks for you. I am a worrier. Your dad was a worrier as a kid and is now a blocker outer. I hope that I can help you find a way to channel your worry into joy. But I think it’s just the way you are made. You focus on details and rules and you notice and hear everything. And in some ways, you worry so Katie doesn’t have to. Which she loves because she is so NOT a worrier.

But I don’t want anyone to think that just because you worry that you aren’t a joyful and happy soul. You feel and show joy in a way that makes even the most callous soul root for you. You cause people to sit up and take notice of you and once they do, they can’t help but do anything to keep you smiling and happy because you give back a thousand times more than anything anyone could ever give to you.

You are a blessing and a joy to have in my life. I feel like so much more than your Mother. I am your friend and your student and your biggest fan. I want so much for you in life. There is no one more deserving of love and happiness. As you turn four, I wish for so much more than sunshine and play dates and merry go round rides and cupcakes. Because you are so much more than a typical four year old. You are a precious daughter of God who I am lucky enough to have the honor of not only knowing but being intimately connected to. You bless my life in ways you won’t understand until we are in a place where are our hearts can talk to each other. But then again, I think maybe our hearts already do that. Because when we touch foreheads and look into each others eyes and I say “I love you my daughter” and you say “I love you my Mother” I feel like our hearts are speaking and not our mouths.

Happy 4 years old today my darling baby girl. Thank you for everything you have given me. Please don’t fall for a boy that treats you like crap. Because then I would have to hurt him and end up in jail and it would just create a whole big mess. Keep being exactly who you are. My Jess-eeee-ca Rose Meeker.

Love You So So So Much,
Mama