I know I'm sharing WAYYY too much info with you...

I know some posts on my blog have been ultra personal recently. My feelings for Mike, politics, friends etc. have bordered on the "too much information" line for all of us to continue feeling comfortable. But see, in just a few weeks, I'll be shipping this whole blog off to a publisher and having it printed and bound into a book for each of my girls to keep when they are all grown up. I would be remiss in NOT sharing the extra personal details of their lives. If the feelings I recorded in these posts were less than honest or less intimate somehow, they would wind up with a watered down version of their history. Because goodness knows, I will NOT remember these stories. I will remember some yes, but the day to day feelings and stories of our lives are forgotten unless we write them down. And if we sugar coat and make all words appropriate for all audiences, we lose our authenticity.

So you'll have to just excuse this post.

I've been thinking a lot about infidelity, loyalty, faithfulness lately. I have a husband living a world away at war so these thoughts cross my mind. Being a woman in the year 2008, with a former professional life, relationships with friends and a head not buried in the sand, I have known my share of people who have strayed off the faithfulness path whether in dating relationships or in marriage. Even Mike and my relationship started while I had a boyfriend who had NO IDEA I had a crush on this nerdy boy in English class. However, in my relationship and marriage to Mike, I have never been unfaithful. Not ever. Mike has not been unfaithful either. I know this because he is still alive. I know, I know, you skeptics out there will say "you can never REALLY know if your spouse has cheated". But I know. Are we bullet proof when it comes to cheating? No. Are we vulnerable to infidelity? Sure. But we work on it. We talk about it. And I could not be in this marriage with my whole heart if I thought for one second that I was wrong about Mike's faithfulness. And I'm in this with my whole heart. If I'm wrong...well then shame on me for kissing you with my eyes shut so tightly. (name that movie. "that thing you do" Liv Tyler to the lead singer of the Oneders)

IN ANY CASE, I've been thinking about this topic. I've shared my thoughts with Mike. It's been bothering me. A lot. So I did what I always do when something is bugging me. I whined to Mike for like hours about it. And he talked me off the ledge. Then I whined to Chuck. Then to Amber. Then to Heather. Then to my Mom. Then to anyone who would listen. And there was still this little thing in my heart that was less than settled. Then I got this email from my husband. The little thing in my heart just got swallowed up by a big ol dose of awwwwww shucks I love that guy. So in the spirit of sharing too much with you...and in the spirit of sharing my truth with my daughters, here is an email I got today from their Dad. It's as much for them as it was for me. Enjoy.

You need to know before it starts I sent him some pix of our girls that Amber had taken and asked him to tell me how he liked them and also asked him when did our babies become little girls?.....okay, on with the mush and gush.

Love em... I can't believe how freakin cute our kids are! I don't know when they turned into little girls.

I know it was a rhetorical question, but for me, it was the first day of preschool when the door opened and they broke from us to run into class without a wink of hesitation. I'd even remembered what you'd said about the meet-the-teacher, and I was still amazed. At that moment, eager and unafraid, as they walked thru that open door, they were walking into the next chapter of their lives.

Do I sometimes miss seeing them as babies? So tiny wrapped up in hospital swaddling blankets, Jessica eyes shut tight and Katie with those Jedi-eyes wide open, or Jessica chug-a-lugging while Katie lay in the apparatus, or Jessica lying on her jungle mat chewing the parrot's tail with Katie excitedly flapping like a bird, or Jessica and Katie cracking up at each other when I would move them up and down into each others view, or the way both would strategically roll, turn 90-degrees and roll again to get somewhere;first solid food; first teeth; Jessica doing her little rocking forward-and-backward getting ready to crawl just moments after Katie crawled to get that piece of cookie, or Jessica cautiously going one step at a time while Katie flew down the stairs on her belly like it was a sport; their first words; them taking their first steps on the same day; Jessica throwing all of her crib-items into Katie's crib trying to wake sleepy-sleepinson, or the first time a "thump" came from upstairs and we knew they knew how to get out of their cribs; jumping off the first step as they'd watched Cayden do a year before; easy dinners at restaurants, then hard dinners at restaurants; Katie's first sentence "I down go"; Jessica's first "I love you"; their first time on the grass outside, first time in the pool; first running in the sprinkler; first time down the slide with help; first time down the slide on their own; first time Jessica swam all by herself; first time Katie flirted with an older boy all by herself; birthdays and holidays; family and friends; Molly, Anna, Jessi, Whitney; Jessica's worries, Katie's seeming carelessness; fevers and coughs; bumps and bruises; projectile vomit and burning diarrhea; tears. Laughter. Wonderment. Joy. Pure, unadulterated love.Do I miss seeing them as babies? The short answer - No.

The long answer - The memories of their infancy will remain in my heart and mind forever. Those years shaped who they are but also shaped who I am. And just as I don't miss being a kid myself, or high school, or the AFA, or my mission, or college and young-married life, or those early Air Force days, or medical school or residency,... I don't miss those days of being a young(?) father. I am so enamoured with them, and with you, and with us, as we are now. I don't miss them as babies, because I have them now as little girls, and I have the promise of seeing them grow, and I will breathe-in each moment as it happens, from seeing them tomorrow on webcam as I sit in my room in Afghanistan, to the someday when I lay on the doorstep of eternity with them and their children gathered around me to say goodbye, to that day when they run to our embrace as they too cross that threshold, to seeing their,and our, posterity as the sands of the sea, as the stars in the sky.

And now do you see that I have always been, and always will be, faithful, and that I will continue to work on my faults. I love you, Amy. I love Katelyn. I love Jessica. I love brother Jesus, for he marked the path and opened the way for us to be happy here, and to be together forever as a family in the light of the glory of our Father. I will never stop loving you. I know this just as I know that I will never stop loving Kate or Jess. And though our love has gone through times of burning hot and bright, and through moments of flickering low, the flame has never gone out. Since spring of 1989, almost 20 years, there has not been a day of my life that I have not loved you. Whatever change life may bring, I will always be...

Your endless love,
Mike

Some of My Favorite People

I didn't get to spend time with Mike this weekend. How I would have loved that had it been possible. Just to have a weekend to hang out, make spaghetti, forget the garlic bread is in the oven and burn it and then snuggle up on the couch and watch TV with our lap tops on our laps and the smell of burned bread in the air. It's amazing what you miss.

In any case, I was able to spend time with three of my favorite people this weekend.

My Grandma Bea spent two nights at my house. She's 88. She's going through a hard time and is lonely. But my girls make her happy because they love her and play with her and hug and kiss her and there are moments when she folds one of their little clothes items strung over some chair that she stands a little straighter and taller and her eyes go from sad to having a purpose for a moment. I wish I could give her that all the time. Getting old seems to be very very difficult. I pray that I am able to grow old and if given the opportunity that I will remember to be thankful each day even as my world grows smaller and people fall out of it and loneliness creeps closer.

Stephanie Werner - Steph was my doctor in Nebraska and my girls doctor from the time they were born. She is here checking out a radiology program at Travis AFB and I got to pick her up at the airport yesterday and spend the day with her visiting and catching up. There are a few people in my life that I am just thankful that God brought to me. Steph is one of those people. She was one of the staff docs that were responsible for the residents so she was one of Mike's bosses. But he saw something in her and the way she practices medicine and her compassion that clicked with him and he learned all he could from her and a big part of the way he practices medicine is due to Stephanie. As my doctor, she took care of me during my pregnancy and made sure I ended up with my babies at the end of it all. She fought for specialty care for my twins and made sure I was being checked all the time. At every office visit we'd grab the ultrasound machine and watch the babies swim around and she treated me like she would her sister and celebrated with me and worried with me and was there every step of the journey. I had to have a c-section and she was who I called on the way to the hospital and she was the first one there in the morning to check on me and make sure it went okay. She became our family doctor and when I realized I had postpartum depression, she jumped on getting me the help I needed and checking in with me every day until she knew I was okay. And when having twins drained me and strained my shoulder so the muscles tore from constantly holding a growing baby and I was so tired I thought I would die she treated me as my doctor and volunteered to babysit if I needed her. She never made me feel like a loser and cheered my on at all times. She shared her own struggles in regards to motherhood and how much she loved her boys and let me know I could do it even if I didn't do it perfectly. We joined forces and gave a briefing to all the Family Medicine Doctors in the program about how to get their patients who where infertile care through the military so more people could afford to do infertility and have the family they dreamed of. She referred patients to me who were struggling with infertility and I was able to feel like I helped some girls just like me realize their dream of becoming a mother. Steph is one of those people God sends to you that you at just the right time for a season in your life in which they will save you. Steph saved me. And for that I will forever grateful. And she's a lot of fun and we laugh and totally get each other. When she was my doctor we had to be careful because we couldn't really be friends. And we never crossed that line where we were more friends than doctor/patient. But now, she's just my friend. And I am so thankful for both.

Steve - Steve is my littlest brother. Technically we do not share blood. He shares blood with Mike. Steve was three, the age of my girls, when I met him. He was shy. He didn't want anything to do with me. Then, one night, I tickled him in the ribs. And I laughed when he tried to slyly tickle me back. And ever since that night, he's been one of the people in the world that I most look forward to seeing. When I was younger he would flip my ponytail up and down, fascinated with the different ribbons and bows I would wear in my hair. After I got married and we got Joshy Boy, he would play for hours with my dog. Before Josh, he was deathly afraid of dogs. But getting to know Josh took care of that fear. He spent the night at our house, we took him to the snow, went to his baseball games and always tried to get him that one thing he really really really was dreaming about for Christmas. As he got older we became friends. And now, he is Uncle Steve to my babies who are the age he was when we first met. He has told me before that he's the only one of his brothers that has no memory of not having a sister because he's had one for as long as he can remember. I could not love Steve more if we shared blood. He's in college and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of his life. Whatever he does he will be successful and happy and blessed because if he's not, I'll fix it. That's what big sisters do. And Mike loves him every bit as much as me. He's one of my favorites. Oh, and ladies? He's single, cute, smart and a snazzy dresser.

Friday Confessions on Saturday

I have a lot to feel guilty about this week. I really hit a wall Wednesday. It seems like it was forever ago because I've been feeling so much better. It's amazing how life feels so overwhelming when you are tired. I have had three nights of great sleep and I feel like a new person. But that doesn't mean guilt isn't revenging my conscious - even if it isn't keeping me up at night.

• I'm just going to always lead off with Diet Coke because it is my main bad habit and the one I always feel like I should change because I cope with chemicals. Yes, the chemicals I choose are sugar free, caffeinated yummy cola but still...coping with chemicals is just something you should always acknowledge should you have an occasion to confess what you feel guilty about.
• I asked my exhausted, jet lagged, road weary parents to watch my kids overnight two nights after they had come back into town knowing they would say yes and knowing they were just as tired as me but not caring because I was just that tired.
• I gave my kids M&Ms as a reward.
• I bought a Strawberry Shortcake DVD because the one I rented from Blockbuster worked out so great in regards to giving me "ME" time. I normally do not buy DVDs and I normally only let my kids watch shows that either teach them something or provide some sort of classic reference (Disney classics). I have no idea what Strawberry Shortcake brings to their life in the way of culture, values or learning. I just know they lay like immobilized surgical patients on my bed and do not blink for 54 minutes in a row. And that's all I care about in regards to the purpose behind the video.
• I talked really loudly while Jessica was trying to watch a show today and she repeatedly told me to be quiet and that I was being too loud. I continued to talk and then used the moment to point out to her that "this is how Mommy feels when she's trying to watch Gray's Anatomy and you just won't shut your trap." Then she laughed at me and turned back to her program and I muttered under my breath that "payback was a b*t*c*!" and I did like a snap and word to your mother move behind her back. How horrible of a mother am I?
• I really need to do laundry.

Peace Out. Word to your mother. Don't talk during my show.

Gettin' My Coma On...

By Wednesday morning, I was SPENT. I had a very scary incident in my neighborhood on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I won't bore you with the deets but police, trash, people in my backyard and beer bottles exploded against my house were all part of the festivities of early Sunday morning. So I had a wee bit of trouble sleeping Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights. Plus, I had a big ol' kink in my neck. So fast forward to Wednesday night, add a little prescribed pharmaceutical enhancement, my SWEEEEET parents taking the girls and I was getting my coma on by like 7pm Wednesday night. I was OUT like a light and stayed horizontal until ...can you stand it?...11:00 this morning. I woke up a new woman - totally! I woke up a better mother and a better human being. My kink was gone. I had no headache. I had energy and wanted to bask in the sunshine. I wasn't counting the hours today until nap time. In fact, I told my kids to SKIP naptime and we went and picked up my Grandma Bea and brought her to our house to spend two nights with us. Tomorrow, we are going to do something fun and take her shopping and do fun girl stuff and then on Saturday we are going over to Mom and Dads for the official Europe recap with pictures, gifts and fun. And then on Sunday, I'll be having dinner at Bill and Marilyn's with STEVE who is in town and who I love and did not get to spend a lot of time with when I was in Utah. So the next few days look bright and sunny! It's amazing how your outlook changes with a night of good, really good, like as in first time you got a massage good. Man, that was one good coma.

Jalapeno Juice -

Have you ever diced a fresh Jalapeno pepper, taken the membrane and seeds out like all good gringos should do, then washed up in the sink. Only to lick your thumb HOURS LATER and have your lips and tongue explode with heat? Apparently, the soap didn't reach this one little spot on the back of my thumb and there was some left over oils from the pepper and let me tell you, it was agony. My lips exploded and my tongue freaked out and I ran to get milk which is known to put out spice fire in your mouth.

Just remember this story next time you are dancing with the pepper. Wash twice, with soap and warm water and scrub scrub scrub.

Happy Birthday Grandma Houlie....

My Grandma Houlie turned 83 yesterday. It brings a smile to my lips that I was able to take her, my other Grandma and my two girls out for a fun dinner on the town. We had yummy food, fun conversation and the girls were so excited and so loving to everyone at the table. My Grandma Houlie's real name is Lura. She is called Grandma Houlie because when I was little my parents told her that Houlie in Hawaiian meant American or White. So she insisted that she would be my Houlie Grandma and my Grandma Bea could be my "Spanish" Grandma. Now, she's never to this day realized that Houlie is not a complimentary term in Hawaiian and we are just content to leave her in the dark since it's been so many years and she loves her nickname. For those of you that don't know ...Houlie is equivalent to Honkey or Whitey or some other not so nice label for ignorant white people that think they know everything and ruin the culture of the island. Sooooo....we are just going to keep this little secret between us okay bloggie friends? She's old and had no idea about computers so I think the secret is safe.

Anyhoo, my Grandma was very involved in my life and has always made me feel very important. She is the type of person that would drop anything she was doing if she felt she was needed by her family. She is a colorful character who is very full of life. She can make a car dealer weep and she always gets the best deals on cars because she can haggle better than anyone. She is short and has all white hair so she comes into the dealership looking like this sweet old lady then she rips into them until they are begging her to just please take the keys to the new car and go away. She and my Papa Tom always took me to the ocean or camping when I was little. I went on lots of vacations with them. She taught me how to play poker and how to cheat at it too. She can argue politics, religion or any issue you might want to argue about and she gets soooooooo carried away when she argues then when it's all done she's so happy that there was a lively discussion. When she was younger, she said most of their holidays with her family, somebody would get in an argument over something or another and would wake their kids up in the middle of the night to leave because they were mad. She makes the best pies. She has pie dishes that are the hugest pie dishes you have ever seen. Her specialty is Sour Cream Lemon and let me tell you - it's the best pie ever. She can shoot, hunt, fish, camp and she once beat out all the other men in her small hometown of Kiwani, Illinois at a bat throwing contest. Bat as in baseball, not nocturnal creature. She threw the bat farther than any man or boy in the town. I guess you could say she's a tough old broad who was waaaayyyyy ahead of her time. She always worked when my Dad was growing up and was very good at business and was always the Manager of the fine jewelry department at Macy's when she wasn't running my Papa's jewelry store.

We had a great time at dinner last night. It was fun to see how much she loves my girls and how much joy they bring to her life. She's a funny lady and I'm glad she's my Grandma.

Friday Confessions Number I Have No Clue

I haven't unburdened myself in a long time. In case you are wondering about the history of Friday confession for me, go to Friday confession number one and you can read all about my obsession with Catholics and confession as a kid. I think sharing what you do wrong with others is healthy and it keeps you humble. I choose to do this to balance out all the cute stuff on my blog that might make others get a cavity from the sweetness of it all. In any case, let's get started on our confession for this week.

• Diet Coke. I need not say anymore than that but it's getting out of hand people. Since Mike left the Diet Coke is just really spiraled out of control.
• My kids woke up from their naps yesterday, I fed them some dinner then "convinced" them to climb in my bed and watch movies all evening so I could watch Kath & Kim, The Office, Survivor and Gray's Anatomy. Yes friends, you added it up correctly, that is three HOURS of television. I made it through the first two hours while the kids were in my bed watching Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears and they wanted me to lay down with them and I kept telling them they could either watch movies or go to bed all because I was being selfish and wanted to watch me some Must See TV.
• I ate tater tots last night for dinner. I bought them this week for the first time since college telling myself they were for the girls since I bought fish sticks and you can't have one without the other but really - I knew all along they were for me. They were soooooo good.
• I haven't unpacked from my trip.
• I still haven't bought my Grandma her birthday present yet and TODAY is her birthday.
• I don't open my mail. It's just too exhausting.
• I also still don't listen to my phone messages. I have a whole reason and philosophy behind it and stuff but it's still rude and I'm sorry.
• I judge people who pick up their cell phone while I'm talking to them in person. I think that's rude too. But I never pick up my cell phone because I never charge it so it's never working.
• I hated the movie WALL-E.
• I really think Sarah Palin is a doof. If John McCain wins and she becomes VP or heaven forbid Prez I might defect to Canada or Mexico. Mexico has better beaches but Canada has better water. It's a toss up.

Okay, the last one was totally self indulgent and not a confession at all so I better stop.

I know a lot of posts today...but I've had time...

There is this proposition in California right now on the ballot (I forget the number) which is in some way about cruelty to farm animals. The very graphic commercial shows really sick chickens, a cow getting hit by a forklift and just basic graphic cruelty that would make you sick to your stomach. It came on while I was sitting quietly holding Katie after naptime. I made a dash for the remote but not before she said "Heyyyyy...ANIMALS!!!!" I didn't want to scare her so I said "yep, animals" and held my breath. Then she said "bock bock, moo, cockadoodledoo" and I said "yep those are the sounds of the farm" and I was sure she was going to break into hysterical crying. (after all we just saw a cow get forklifted on it's side-I wanted to cry) She very calmly looked at me and said "Mama, those animals are not our pets. They are MEAT. Dogs will always be our pets only. "

Good gravy - I gave birth to a Republican.

Dear Mike...

Dear Mike -

It's the little things. All of the things you do around here, for me, for our family that make your absence cause a lump to swell up in my throat at the oddest moments. Like on Sunday nights when I have to take the garbage out to the curb. I forgot last week. You never forget. Each Sunday night as I roll the cans to the curb I look up and make a wish on the North Star that you'll come home safely and whole and that you'll be able to take out the garbage until we are old and gray because frankly, this job sucks. Today, I vacuumed out the car. I was fine when I did the drivers side, but on the passengers side I found a post it note in one of the many minivan compartments with your handwriting on it. It was nothing meaningful, just some numbers and letters strung together. But for me, it was proof that you were here. That you sat here in our van and that you thoughtlessly stuck something in a compartment knowing that you are the one who will clean out the van later and discard it. But today, I had to clean out the van and I missed you so much I could hardly stand it. I know that to most people this is probably funny because I miss you while I am stuck doing a chore that you normally do, but for me, I am ACTUALLY pushing the garbage cans out in the dark through tears. I think if every spouse had to carry the load that their spouse carries by themselves even if just for 2 weeks, that the common problem of being taken for granted or unappreciated would vanish from marriage all together. I'd just like you to know that I appreciate ALL you do for us, especially the little things. I had to put sheets on the bed and had do to all 4 corners and nobody told me I was doing it crooked. Sure enough, I woke up and my bottom sheet had come untucked in the night. And I cried. Not because my gross skin was touching our awesome select comfort mattress but because I knew the sheet came untucked because you weren't here to tell me I was doing it all wrong. Nobody has once called me over to the dishwasher and taken out dishes that couldn't possibly get clean because they were loaded wrong and then proceeded to reload the dishwasher. And when I pull out a spoon that has dried crusted cereal on it after it's already gone through a washing, I think of you and I miss you terribly. And late at night, after the girls have gone to bed and it's all me, I feel sad when I pull up a TV show that is so girly that it would make you flee from the room. The kind of show I could NEVER watch at 9pm at night if you were here. Sadly, Heroes has been left unwatched and saved on the TiVO just in case I get an urge to pretend you are sitting next to me and watch a boy show. So far, that one hasn't happened.

Okay I've babbled on enough. I just really miss you and wish for one night I had somebody to tell me that I'm crappy at parking and to repark the van after I've gone into the restaurant. Because you know what? I AM really crappy at parking and I'm sure there are people all over town who can't squeeze into their cars because I've parked too close and crooked. See the ripple effect your absence has caused? Come home soon. Please.

Knock Knock

Yay Jessica! She told her first knock knock joke today. Now, for about 2 weeks Katie has been going around saying "knock knock" and I say "who's there?" and she says "orange" and I say "orange who?" and she says "orange peanut butter" then laughs hysterically. Jessica and I laugh right along with her because she thinks she's so funny. But today, Jessica said "knock knock" to me and I said "who's there?" and she said "orange" and I thought how cute she's copying her sister and played along so I said "orange who?" and she said...drumroll........ "orange you glad I didn't say banana?" And I laughed harder than I have ever laughed at a joke while she laughed her belly off and we hugged and I congratulated her on her first successful knock knock joke. I bet she thought I had lost my mind.

The Gospel According to Katie

Amber and Chuck have this fun game they play with their kids. It's called the Bean Game I think. It has beans and a cup. Each kid gets asked a question about the scriptures, God, Jesus, the Gospel in general etc. that would be appropriate for that kid. If they get it right they put a bean in a jar and when the group gets 10 beans everyone gets a treat. This encourages teamwork, cooperation and no competitiveness which is good when you are trying to remember that Jesus told us to Love One Another.

Emma, (who is 2 by the way) loves the story of Jesus calming the storm when he is with his disciples. Peter is super scared and Jesus calms the storm by saying "Peace, Be Still". This is a lesson for our lives that when our own personal storms blow we need to remember that our Savior can bring peace to our hearts and lives. I love this story. I've told it maybe zero times to my kids. I'm a great Mom like that.

Anyhoo, so Auntie Amber is asking Emma what Jesus said when he calmed the storm and she goes "And Jesus said Peeeeeeeaccceeee???..." she sounded out the word peace so Emma would then say "Be Still". Instead, Katie, who was super into the game because of the promise of a treat at the end was trying to "help" Emma and when Auntie Amber said "peaaaaccceee?" Katie finished the answer by saying "zza!!"

So in case you are ever wondering, according to the Gospel of Katie, Chapter six verse five, Jesus said to his disciples "Pizza, Be Still". And so it was.

Sass

This blog is meant to chronicle the highs AND lows of life right? Especially the highs and lows of parenthood. I think we can all agree I've covered the highs. The high-fives, high-jinx, high-flying, high-hopes etc. of my life with my sweet twin angels. Well...um....today I flew on a plane with 2 three year olds who have spent the past six days hanging out with their much cooler, much braver, much more dashing and daring, one year older, sporty, all boy kind of boy cousin Cayden. Apparently, my girls, my angels, my little babies, now think they are members of the girl gang in the movie Grease - the Pink Ladies. Every second they are rolling their eyes at me and saying things like "duh mom" and when I correct them they say stuff like "sssoooooorrrrry" but in this snotty sarcastic tone like I'm the idiot that just chose to suck on poison or something. I swear one of them is going to say "hey! fungool. I'm Sandra Dee" at any moment.

Now please understand this is in no way a reflection of Cayden. He's an amazing kid full of kindness and joy and life and enthusiasm. He is loving and fun. But apparently, my kids think he'll think THEY are cooler if they are well um...cooler. Which means, I, the Mom, am automatically UNCOOL. Which I totally don't like. I liked that they thought I was the center of their earth, the princess of the story that everyone clamors around for approval and praise. I'm the one they wanted to impress and I'm the one they wanted to make laugh. Now, dumb three year old jokes are funny like this humdinger: "Tinkle Tinkle Little Star. Won't you make me go pee pee?" What is that all about?

And I have to admit, Cayden IS cooler than me. I don't blame them for wanting to make him laugh and like them. I just can't help but think it's the end of an era. At least for a little while. I basically thought my mom was a clueless ninny until I was about 22 then all of a sudden, she became a genius overnight and has just gotten smarter since then. I guess I'll have to wait 19 more years until I am cool again. "Tell me more, tell me more, like did he have a car?" ha ha

I'm Back

I've been gone visiting Mike's brother Chuck and my sister in law Amber and our cousins Cayden and Emma over the past week. We had a blast playing with cousins and the girls getting some much needed Uncle Chuck time since their Dad has been gone. Uncle Chuck happily served as a sub in Mikey with hugs, allowing my girls to crawl all over him, getting them in their PJs, watching movies and just being a guy...know what I mean? In any case, I'll post the few pix I took ASAP and I'm just so thankful to Chuck and Amber for their hospitality and warm welcome and giving me some much needed adult conversation, help with bathtime and even some mornings sleeping in and a whole day off on Sunday. You guys were awesome.

This Past Week...

We had a great week! Our friends from Nebraska Ingrid, her daughter Sage and daughter Clare came for a visit. Ingrid's husband Brent is deployed and it was so great to get to visit and talk about all the things that we miss about our husbands and how many experiences we share being Single Moms for now. It's amazing how having husbands gone make you so thankful for all the little things they bring to a family. I know this trip was really hard for Ingrid (to travel with two kids all the way to California) but I want her to know that I really appreciated her making the huge effort it took to get them here.

Here are some highlights:

Back on Track...

Lord Voldemort. Nurse Ratchid. Lex Luther. The Riddler. Simon Legree. Goliath. Hitler. The Evil Stepmother. The Wicked Witch of the West. The Hunter that shoots Bambi's Mother. Bill the Butcher.

I have felt a sort of kinship with these characters this past week. I wouldn't say I channeled them as I was trying to get my kid's behavior back on track, but there were times as I was looking down my daughters' disappointed faces while they wailed as if someone was torturing them ; that the thought crossed my mind that if they had their story to write, it would include a character named Mama. And she would most definitely be the villain.

But I'm happy to report my sweet girls are back. Their departure from behaving was happily short - lived and a direct result of my guilt surrounding their Dad leaving. I eased up, let them stay up late, sleep in my bed and let rules slip by the wayside. In response, they didn't know what the boundaries were and well...just plain ol' freaked out. They started literally climbing the walls and it was like my voice did not reach their ears. It was like they could not hear me. So, when I finally realized what was going on and that drastic measures would need to be implemented, I began 5 days of toddler boot camp in which I, the villainous Mama, stayed on top of each and every behavior. There were consequences for every infraction and rewards for every good choice. I want to believe I was like Vince Lombardi during these 5 days, tough but inspirational at the same time. But my nerves were shot and I know that I probably didn't reach any level of inspiration until at least day two and a half.

Now, things are great. I'm back to looking forward to seeing their little faces in the morning and after naptime. They have gone to bed and nap without incident for three days straight and they are back to listening to my directions. Now, please realize they are still three years old. They still lose their ever loving minds from time to time but I feel that I am back to being able to reel them in, get them back on track and things are back to normal. Normal around here is not little stepford kids that don't make any trouble. Normal for us is very loud, very busy, very messy but very happy and loving.

So am I back to feeling like Mary Poppins and Maria VonTrap? Well, not quite yet. But the Mom from the Cosby show is looking like a definite possibility at this point. And she did just fine. So I think things are going to be okay.