The Road To Getting A Baby Sister

Thanksgiving really is my favorite holiday. I love the honesty of it. I love how, for one moment, our souls are stripped bare, like the trees outside and we are forced to stand in front of a group of people and declare what we are most thankful for. I don't think we do enough thanking in this world. I don't think we take time to look someone in the eyes, put our hand on their arm and tell them that the act of kindness they just bestowed on a child or the card in the mail last month or the telephone call out of the blue meant something to us. It's very easy to go through this life wondering if anything you do matters at all. Does anyone notice how hard I am trying? Does anyone realize that was hard for me but I did it anyway because of love? Does anyone care? But then, just as I'm about ready to take the electric turkey slicer thingy to my throat and end it all because I can't get gum out of the Halloween costumes, Thanksgiving quietly taps me on the shoulder, opens her arms for a hug and says "it's okay, I'm here". And I know I'll be okay.

This year we headed south for the holiday because (and I can hardly type this without getting teary) Mike's baby brother Steve got married. The same Steve I met in 1989 when he was 3 and I was 17. The same kid who was so shy he wouldn't talk to me but he'd pull my ponytail and say "ponytail" and then run away laughing. The same kid who I eventually won over and then proceeded to take everywhere and talk about everything with. The very same kid who has held this incredibly special place in my heart for 21 years is grown up and graduated from college and married. How did that happen? Just yesterday he was on the floor playing with our dog Josh and his stuffed soccer ball, laughing for hours as they tugged and pulled and wrestled.

Apparently time passes and little boys grow up and they fall in love. Luckily in this case, he fell in love with a gentle, kind, sensitive soul who will be a wonderful sister to me and Mike and a loving, enthusiastic and positive influence as Auntie to my girls. We totally lucked out on this one. Vanessa really is perfect for us as she's perfect for Steve. I love when it works out like that.

So we found ourselves traveling down to Corona, California. We stayed at a hotel all together. My mother in law broke her foot in three places (OUCH) and is completely in a wheel chair, unable to put any bearing on her foot at all. So my sisters in law along with our husbands got together and we put together the Thanksgiving/Rehearsal dinner that Marilyn had already planned out. Amber took over decorations because she's amazing at that . Her flower arrangements looked like they were hundreds of dollars. She had the cutest ideas for name tags and she did a great job with color scheme and making it look Thanksgiving-y but also Wedding-y which is hard to do. Faith...oh Faith. Faith got all the pre work dumped in her lap because she was the only one there in So Cali prior to the event. She did all the shopping. I sent her a list and she and Ken got all the items and began prepping for the event on Thursday at 10am. I made the list and was responsible to make sure we weren't missing a step and I have to say "yay" for my list making abilities. Bill took over hosting duties and Heather helped us where we were short handed. I didn't want to give her an official job duty given she was without Rick and might need to tend to something her kids needed. The boys all ran herd on the kiddos and somehow, by the Grace of God (truly) we pulled it together. Luckily it was catered so the only thing we made was the peas and the corn. I know there's no way we could have done more stuff than that. My favorite part of the day came about half way through dinner when Bill asked each person to stand and say what they were thankful for and how they knew Vanessa and Steve. I love this part because it always surprises me what people are thankful for. This year, I was very thankful for family and how families can come together because of a union of two people. When two people get married, a new family is created. I think families are one of the strongest forces against evil there is in this world. I think a family that tries to have The Lord be part of their home and who invites Him into their family as a full member is an incredible force against evil. I feel that way about my original family of three with my mom and dad, my little family of four now with Mike and the girls. But I especially feel it when I see the girls with their grandparents and I see my Mom teaching my daughter right from wrong or I see my Dad playing some game with them all the while they are laughing and unaware a wonderful memory is being seared onto their heart and that they'll carry it forever. I grew up as an only child so there wasn't a lot of family when it came down to numbers. But there was plenty if you measured in love. I missed my family this Thanksgiving but I was so happy to be with Mike's whole family. All the brothers were there except for Rick who is deployed with the Air Force. But all the sisters and cousins were there. It made me so happy to see the girls laughing and playing with their cousins. We took the kids bowling while the boys had their bachelor party. We went to the San Diego temple for the wedding then back to Corona for the reception. The reception was in her parent's backyard with a large tent and space heaters all around. There were pearls dripping from everywhere and candles flickering. It was a romantic and beautiful setting for a reception. We danced and danced and danced and then everyone went to the front yard with sparklers to see Steve and Vanessa off on their honeymoon.

All of my sister in laws are special to me. But there's always been this part of me that knew that the day would come when I'd be cruising into age 40 and Steve would come waltzing in with some hot babe in her twenties and all the brothers (including my husband) would be fist bumping and high fiving him. And of course, then I would have to hate her. And I wasn't looking forward to it. Now, don't get me wrong, Vanessa is one hot babe, and I've caught more than enough high fives and giggling from the grown men I call my brothers to last me for a long while. But thankfully, she is so nice that it was not even a little bit painful and I don't have to hate her. Not one little bit.

FRIDAY CONFESSIONS

I plan on much more confessing to be done next Friday. I'll be in the throws of a family wedding and I have high hopes of saying/doing things that were awesome at the time, but possibly not in the best taste and prudence over all. This week, not so much to report. Sickness and a house plagued by it, does not provide for much more than a bad attitude and a hope for the ability to squash cheerful people like bugs.

Let's see, oh! Here's a good one. I ordered a certain product online and did not tell Mike I ordered it. The item cost over $200 and making a purchase of that size and not telling each other is just not done around here. But it was a selfish, needless item and one I was pretty sure Mike would not agree with me using the product in the first place. So I didn't say anything. A teeny weeny lie of omission. WELL. Of course he found out. He freaked out. He gathered all debit cards and credit cards from my person, sternly lectured about how we make decisions together and this was just useless and not even good for me. He was pretty steamed. I was appropriately contrite and really did feel pretty badly about it. Sneaky is not my motive operendi. I like being an open book. So this transgression bothered me far more than it bothered Mike. But none the less, he was pretty pissed. It was a good lesson to all of us that if we have to hide something we are doing or that we want from our significant other, then it's not the pricey item that's the problem. It's all about how you communicate and value each other as a couple. I let him stew for a day and one night and peppered his stew with I'm Sorries and I was wrongs. After the second sun had set on his disgust I told him he'd need to pull his head out of his butt now and get over it. He was glad frankly that a truce had been called because he's not very good remembering things let alone why he is mad (an emotion I am thankful he feels so much less than most) A truce has been established and joy has settled back over the land.

Long story short, just maintain full disclosure with your man. It's a good practice and one that I am going to try and be more faithful to in the future.

More confessions to come. (Hopefully of raiding the groomsmen rooms, jumping into the hotel pool at midnight and letting some cute groomsman get to third base at the very least. hubba hubba Until then...

2+2=4

I'm not much a fan of formulas. I don't like prediction and for a to always proceed b followed by their trustee amigo c . I like a little unpredictability in life. For example, I hate red roses and broke up with a serious boyfriend one time over them because if I figured he didn't know by now that I hated cliche's then he wasn't trying hard enough. I like movies with twists and turns. Who Done It's are my favorite where you don't know the killer until the last few pages. I have often said I would love to be a spy but have too big of a mouth and could never stand up to torture. I loved when in college and I thought we were super broke, that Mike surprised me with a secret savings account he had been putting money into for a new computer. I like to change things up now and then, go for the unexpected. This is why today turned out to be so incredibly lovely.

I thought I knew how today would go for sure. I mean,two sick kids with scarlet fever and strep throats no less. Their mother, me, also sick with the same. Their Father unable to take off from work. Not a grandparent or helper in sight. It was going to be me in charge all day long and I knew it was going to be another tough day. I figured a lot of holding of hot, smelly, sticky children, administering of antibiotics, Popsicles and food requests for stuff that doesn't hurt my "froat". A lot of whining about being hot/sick/bored/tired from all sides and by the end of the day me seriously wondering why I paid $30,000 to modern medicine for the opportunity to procreate. But see, it didn't go down like that at ALL.

At 7:45 Katie awoke to a desperate need for hot chocolate and a gooey ham and cheese croissant because it was soft and would not hurt her throat. I laid there staring at her eager face. "Come On Mom. Get your jeans on and let's go pick food up from La Bou." The fact that she knows about picking up breakfast foods from French boulengeries at age 5 is a different story for a different day. The fact that she knows these particular croissants have been my single breakfast weakness since I had one at 10 years old is just about paying attention. "Go see if Jessica really wants one too". Not long passed before two ratty hair, stinky kids were jumping on my bed begging for warm croissants, french ham and melted guyere along with shaved belgium chocolate melted into fresh dairy milk and steamed to the perfect temperature. My kids are foodies. I grabbed my jeans, stuck on a hat, told them to put on their warmest footie pajamas and we headed out. I wondered about the wisdom of doing this when we were sick but we had been not hungry for a lot of days now. I think I was just overcome that there existed a food option out there that sounded good to all three of us and I could go get it without having to comb my hair. I called the order in so it would be all ready and all I had to do was pay and lug a bag of warm croissants and three cups of not too hot, not too cold chocolate to my van which was parked in front of the shop. I had eyes on the van at all times as the whole place is glass fronted and there were like two pepole there just in case you were going to leave me a hate comment that I let the girls stay in the car.

We were happy to have food that tasted and went down easily. We ate much less than usual as we were still not feeling great but it was still a far better cry than the bowl of milk soaked wheaties I thought was in our breakfast plans for the morning. Score one for Katie, her bright ideas and excellent palette.

I hunkered down with a book actually entitled "Happy Ever After". Not my normal thriller genre. It was actually the forth book in a quartet about four best friends who grow up playing pretend wedding day. Fast forward to adulthood and they form a business in which they plan and execute lavish weddings in Greenwich Connecticut. The first book as the best friend/wedding photographer meeting a groovy lit professor and having her "Picture Perfect" love story. The next features the best friend/florist getting her Bed of Roses. The third installment has the best friend/pastry chef Savoring The Moment as she falls in love with a guys she's known her whole life. Now in this one the best friend/wedding coordinator gets her Happy Ever After with a tough no nonsense mechanic who happened to be educated at Yale. I normally do not like these types of books. They annoy me. But when I am sick, I like the comfort of the simplicity of when love runs smoothly and the guy gets the girl. I put on the free babysitter known as the PBS Sproutlette channel and the girls were snuggled up with me with their own 5 year old version of formula stories. We normally never spend time like this. But today it was called for. And it was so nice. We had long conversations about Uncle Steve and Auntie Vanessa's wedding coming up. They wanted to know what the deal was and why the heck they weren't the flower girls because don't they know "we are EXCELLENT flower girls cuz we have TOTALLY DONE IT BEFORE!" I explained that there were two nice little girls were hadn't met yet who hadn't gotten a turn to be flower girls yet so Auntie Vanessa is going to give them a turn this time but that they still had a very important job. They had to check out Uncle Steve before he went into his reception and make sure he was perfect from head to toe. They were the groom checkers. And they are highly excited about this new job. They spent the rest of the day making ghetto gifts to give out at the reception to people that are coming to the wedding. We shared popsicles, talk about cigarettes and how they are bad, new rules about the handling of aluminum cans. The most exciting news of the day was Jessica has an officially loose tooth. Katie asked me if she would get money too when Jessica looses her tooth and the tooth fairy comes. I told her the Tooth Fairy is going to pay Jessica for her tooth and then whatever Jessica does with the money is her business. It was not even a question. They are going to share the proceeds from Tooth Fairy Collections 5050 no matter who's tooth it is. I was surprised but in a good way.
It was a day where I really got to see the love parts of our family and how we are happy to take care of one another. I did my fair share of taking care of them but they took care of me just as much, fetching water, medicine and reminding me to rest. All in all, it was a nice little day. The kind you don't remember but then, years later, you wish you could have back.

Love In the Time of Cholora

Today was just one of those days. The kind that makes you wish you crawled back under the covers and never came out. We've been battling sickness in one form or another around here for the past three weeks. Today was the day in which the doctor I live with tells me that he needs to be a "dad" and I need to take them into the doctor and be seen. Given our crazy temps/rash/sore throats...I bit the bullet and took us in. We have scarlet fever and strep throat. Yay Team! As soon as he said scarlet fever my mind went to Beth and Jo March and their death scene on Beth's bed because she just had to go and look after those stupid Hummel babies and got scarlet fever. I was assured it is not as serious today and we have great medicines to fight it blah blah blah. It didn't stop me from being a wreck. And my poor Mother In Law broke her foot in three places and Steve gets married next week and she will most likely be in a wheelchair. i'm so tired, the keys are blurry and I better tuck in....


uh,turns out scarlet fever is no fun.

Say What?

I don't want to forget some of the funny things my kids are saying right now. Sometimes we'll be having a conversation and I feel like looking around for hidden cameras because I can't believe the stuff that comes out of their mouth. (Sentimental, braggy mommy rubbish ahead...proceed with caution)

• Jessica starts everything she has to tell me with the following sentence. "Mom, I have some good news and some bad news." Then she tells me how many of each she has. "Mom, I have one bad news and two good news-es" Today, this was the good & bad news. "Mom, the bad news is that if we put the picture I drew for Katie to thank her for being a good nurse to me while I am sick on the dresser, we can't put our fan on number two or it will blow off. The good newses are that we can put the picture on our dresser with either no fan on at all or on speed one."


• The girls have an alarm clock on their dresser that goes off at 7:05 a.m. They begged for this alarm clock so they can know when to get up and get ready for school. Katie tells me all the time "Mom, you would think that the sound the alarm makes in the morning would be a happy sound but it's not. It just reminds me that I am very very very sooooo tired!"


• Both girls are always talking about their enjury level. Me: "Girls, I need you to pick up your play room." Them "Mom, we are so tired we just don't have enough enjury in our legs to do it." Or, another example Them: "Mom, I ate all my dinner. I'm sure gonna have lots of enjury now."


• Lasternight. Even Mike and I say lasternight now. It's a combination of yesterday and last night. Everynight when we tuck them into bed, they say something like "Mom, we went to sleep good lasternight didn't we?" or "you read a whole book lasternight, can we have two books tonight?"


• They play this computer game called World of Zoo. If you have 4 or 5 year olds, go get it. They will love it. You get to be a zoo keeper and take care of all the animals. There are zebras, monkeys, kuaula bears, giraffes, big cats and pandas. The girls get to name the animals, pick what they'll look like along with the color of the animal. (pink and white giraffes!) Then they get to take care of the animals. They earn love points from their animals if they do a good job. They feed, bathe, play with, train, exercise, groom and heal their animals. The animals come up to the screen and kiss them and give them love points when they do a good job. They sit in front of the computer and talk to these animals like they are totally real. Jessica: "Hi sweetie -pie my favorite zebra how are you this morning. Okay girl, it's okay, it's just me. Here I brought you an apple. I knew you'd like that. yes, yes, I love you too. Okay girl, where's little lady? Oh, there she is!! Hi little lady..." and it goes on and on. It seems sort of sad and pathetic because they don't have a real pet and they want one so badly. And I'm feeling myself starting to break down and think about dogs again. But once we got past the guilt that they are taking care of imaginary computerized pets, we noticed that they are having an absolute ball. They love it so much and it's so cute.


• It was so sad/cute, on Halloween they gave out candy because they had already gotten so much candy. We explained that since Halloween was on Sunday this year, that it would be a good idea for us to think of something we could do for our neighbors instead of just focusing on getting as much candy as possible. They were totally on board for it. They made 44 ghosts out of tootsie roll pops and white kleenex and black yarn. Then, Katie cut up her extra nice drawing paper into four squares per sheet and drew a Halloween picture for the trick or treaters. She had over 25 pictures ready by 6pm Halloween night. I gave them the big basket that normally holds our fruit and onions on our counter top. They filled it with all their treats. I let them put on their kitty ears and I drew whiskers on their faces. We talked as a family about how normally on Halloween, people pass by our house but nobody is home to give them candy because we are out trick-or-treating. This year, we were deciding together as a family that we'll make the sacrifice of getting candy in order to be here to serve the kids in our neighborhood by giving them candy, along with a craft that we worked very hard to make. They were totally pumped. (Brainwash your kids much? yeah, me too) In between trick or treaters they sat on the love seat looking out the window onto the porch. They would yell, "someone is HEEEERE!!!" as they flew off the couch to answer the door before the people could ring the bell. I can't even begin to think about what sort of thoughts my neighbors had when they went through their Halloween candy and found a picture drawn by a 5 year old and a crumpled piece of Kleenex tied (barely) around a tootsie roll pop. We are THAT family. The whackadoos down the street that put a used Kleenex in your trick or treat bag. BUT in my defense. The girls said they had a better time doing that than trick or treating and asked if they could do that next year too.
• Mike and the girls have a new tradition at the park. They slide down the slide and he pours a pixie stick in their mouth. The rules are they can't slow down to catch it and he had to stand in the same place each time. He said they love it because pixie stick dust was going everywhere...in their hair, eyes, mouth, ear etc. He said it was the most fun they've had in a long time.
• Jessica told me that she learned at school that there are things you should say to people and things you shouldn't say. Jessica" like you SHOULD say you are nice, be my friend, I will help you, I like your shirt, you are nice and good job. What you SHOULDN'T say is you are fat, you are ugly or go to HELL." And there's where the title of my post today came from. Because in that moment I turned to her and said "say WHAT?"

66 Months

Dear Katie & Jessica,

I've not written on this here little blog in quite awhile. The largest gaps I've had so far. I've wondered why I have stopped writing. Have I run out of words to share? Not possible. Am I just sick of the whole mommy blogger thing? A little bit. Am I sad or depressed? A touch. Am I just too busy? No. Am I swinging from the chandelier and guzzling Chardonnay? Always. But I have come to realize that none of these reasons are the reasons why I have this horrible writer's block. It is because I'm scared. I am scared of what people will think of my words. I've never censored myself on this blog. I never go back and re-read what I've wrote and think about what anyone will think of it. About three months ago, I was bored on a Saturday afternoon and I went back to read some of my old posts. I realized that perhaps, just a tiny bit, I might have over shared things that fly through my crazy mind. You know I'm crazy. Dad knows I'm crazy. But having the Internet know I'm crazy was just something I hadn't thought of when writing. Not that anyone really reads this thing other than our family members and few great friends. But I started to think what if some stranger stumbled on over here and read my words. It was then that I started to think this blog thingy might not be such a great idea. I decided to make our blog private. Then I decided to heck with it, people can think what they want. This is for you guys anyway. It's for you to have and read someday when you have kids of your own and you are feeling crazy and lonely and in need of a voice during the endless days of potty training, table wiping, Target shopping, bath giving, "no" saying and sleep wanting. Maybe during those days of your own, you might decide to finally read those blog posts your old Mom wrote back in the day. And maybe it will help you to know me better. Maybe it will make you feel like less of a loser. Maybe you'll know how much I like you guys. Maybe you'll remember how much fun we have together. It's the three of us most of the time. I thought about how much I like you guys while we were running errands today. Nothing big happened, we were just talking as I drove around my beloved home town. I caught glimpses of you guys in the rear view mirror as I passed what used to be my junior high school where I met Dad. And I thought about time and how fast it's all going. I realized I needed to write some things down. I'm crossing my fingers that this might get me out of my writing funk. Besides, now that I'm such a posting flake, nobody is reading this thing anymore anyway. So, here we go...

You guys turned 66 months old this month. Sunday will mark the five year anniversary of those first formal portrait pictures you guys took. I remember that Halloween day like it was yesterday. It seems impossible it's been five years. You started kindergarten in July. You have the very best teacher in the entire world. Kindergarten has been the best thing we've ever experienced. You guys love going to school, doing homework, making friends, carrying your backpack, singing new songs, displaying your new artwork and sharing all the things you've learned. I volunteer in your class one day per week. It's my favorite thing in my life right now. I used to play school when I was a little girl. I lined up all my stuffed animals like students and I stood in the front and taught then whatever I was learning at the time. I loved to play school. Going to your class has brought back those same fun feelings as well as this happy feeling inside my heart that we are sharing something so important together. I've grown to love your classmates, our school and your teacher. You both are almost truly becoming readers. You are great at math and you love art, singing and making cards and gifts for various people in your lives.

I think I would like you to stay five. It has been the very best age so far. You are so happy. No matter what we are doing, you both bring the party with you. I can be standing in line at the grocery store, pumping gas, going to the bank or attending a doctors appointment and you guys celebrate it with gusto. You are loud. Both of you are so very loud. But so am I. So I get it and I like it. You still love each other like crazy. You make friends easily but ultimately, no matter who you are playing with, you circle back around to each other to give a quick high five, hug, or kiss and then go back to what you were doing. I keep thinking maybe you'll run out of things to talk about or get bored playing together. But you love being together and you spend most of your day giggling, skipping, twirling, dancing and hoopa-looping (hula-hooping). Sometimes I listen to your conversations without your knowing. It's in those moments that I realize how having twins, having you as twins, getting to be your mother and getting to witness your relationship is the greatest blessing in my life. It brings me so much happiness beyond what I ever imagined was possible.

Don't get me wrong we have our challenges. Jessica - you are stubborn and very good at pleading your case in many different ways should you get into trouble. You love to show off, even if it's against the rules. Katie - you want to please others so much that you have a habit of verbally pointing out how great you are. You remind us when you obey the rules, eat healthy foods, clean up your room or do anything remotely good. You love to toot your own horn which if your sister is getting scolded and you are pointing out how awesome you are. I hate to call a five year old a butt kisser. But basically...yeah. You both get into plenty of mischief if left unattended for very long. However, you are now old enough to play without a lot of supervision and do basic chores around the house. Your daily chores are: brush teeth, get earrings cleaned, get yourself dressed, clean up your room, make your bed, clean up your drawing area and playroom, put your dishes in the sink and wipe down the table and floor underneath where you ate. We forget sometimes, but for the most part, you are great at your chores. You get a gold star sticker for each area every day and every day you get all stars in each area, you get a quarter. At the end of the week, we go to the dollar store and you can pick out something you want to have. It's your favorite thing to do because you can walk through this huge store and pick anything you want. I hate the dollar store. But I love it when you complete your chores. So I'm willing to put up with cheap toys made in China that I will have to throw away in a week or two.

Let's see, just a few more things. Summer was great for you. You learned how to swim. Katie- you can dive to the bottom of Grammie and Papa's pool in the deep end and get a hockey puck off the bottom in one breath. Jessica - you can swim across the pool and love to swim with your goggles and sit in the spa. You took two units of swim lessons and loved them. We went on vacation to New York for Dad's family reunion and to visit Auntie Heather and Uncle Rick before Uncle Rick left for the desert on deployment. You loved playing with your cousins. We had a "slumber" party in our hotel room for you guys, Chloe, Sariah, Nora and Devon. None of your cousins actually slept in our room because you guys are all little and they wanted to go back to their parents for sleeping time. But we watched a movie, had popcorn and root beer, played games and T.P'd Grandma and Grandpa's hotel room. Uncle Steve and (soon to be) Auntie Vanessa took you on a date for sodas and paper a paper airplane contest. You were both so excited to have a real date! You've had many adventures with Grammie and Papa going to the park, bouncy place, visiting the Great Grandmas, doing art, swimming, having movie parties and lots of stuff we probably never hear about. Spending the night at their house is your very favorite thing to do. You are going to be black cats for Halloween. We'll be giving out the candy this year. Between the pumpkin patch, church parties, harvest fair at school and harvest party at your class...you've gotten plenty of junk to eat. So instead you've made tissue paper ghosts out of tootsie roll pops and Kleenex to give out to all the kids that come to the door. I love that you guys are just as excited to give out candy as you are to get candy for yourselves. You are both counting the days until we go to southern California for Uncle Steve's wedding. All of your cousins are coming and you are so excited to see Auntie Vanessa in her "bride outfit" and dance at the wedding.

I love you both so much. My only wish is to slow down time so that I can remember and savor every moment right now. You give so many kisses and hugs to me every day and pick flowers off every bush to give to me. You snuggle me when we have movie parties in my room on our big bed. You tell me every day "thanks Mom, you're the best Mom ever" if I give you something you really want. It sounds so braggy and sugary sweet. But you guys really are sweet. You are messy and can trash our house in two seconds flat. You are loud whether you are playing outside or at a library. You are expensive and have so much energy that makes me tired just thinking about it. But you really truly are happy and sweet girls. Our family gives me so much joy. Even though we'll be relocating for a new Air Force assignment next summer, I know you'll be okay because you have each other. I know I'll be okay because I have you guys and Dad. We love spending time with you guys and would rather hang out with you two on a Saturday night than go out with any adult friends or even be by ourselves.

Thanks for bringing so much light into our home and so much love into our hearts. To say that I love you doesn't even come close to how I feel about you. I think the best thing we could ever hope for our family is that we'd like each other and be best friends even if we weren't related. That's how I feel about you guys. Thanks for always including me in your playing, backyard picnics and being so excited that I come into your classroom and help out. You love for me to talk to your friends and are so proud that your Mom is the class helper. I know this won't always be the case. I want you to know that it's okay when the day comes that you'd rather I not tag along. If I get lonely, I'll come back and read these posts. And that's the reason I'll never stop trying to continue writing. I want you to know how you've changed my life. You've changed me and how I see the world. Good work guys. Keep it up!

Love You -
Mom

It's Started Already

On the way to school Katie asked me the following question...

"Mom...when you open your eyes in the morning, do you want to sometimes just close them again? Because that happens to me all the time! Because it's so so so early!!!"

Yep Katie. That happens to me. All. The. Time.

With All Her Heart...

We were sitting in church today. They post up in the front of the church the page number of the hymns we will be singing. Number 116 was going to be our hymn for before the sacrament is passed. Jessica always opens the hymn book to the page of the hymn we are singing and looks at the words and music notes. When she was little, she used to get excited if she could find the right number. For the last few years, she loves for me to take her finger and move it over the words as we sing them. Sometimes she'll recognize the chorus or some of the words and she'll sing them softly. Mostly she loves to hum along with the organ.

Today, before the hymn started she told me in an excited little whisper..."Mom! I read all of these words! The title says Come Follow Me". Then she took her little finger and said "The first line says, come follow me, the Savior said, then let us in His footsteps tread." I hugged her and said in an excited whisper "Good job buddy! You really read all those words!" Then the organ started playing the song. In the most serious of little faces and sitting up as straight as she could sit she belted out the whole first line of the song at the top of her lungs in her very best singing voice. After the first line, she looked at me with so much excitement and I knew she was saving singing that first line of the song that she had studied so hard just for me. It brought tears to my eyes and a huge lump in my throat to see how excited she was to read and to hear her very loud little girl voice sing about Jesus. (she is VERY VERY loud) I normally don't get emotional about this kind of stuff. But there was just something about her excitement, the words of the song, the spirit in the room and it all coming together in a beautiful moment with my daughter.

I'm so thankful to be a parent. I didn't think I would love it this much. But I love it more than anything I've ever experienced. Today, I am truly grateful to God for my family.

Pushing Through It

I have decided to push through this horrible case of bloggers block. I think I can do it if I focus and set up some parameters. Pioneer Woman had blogging rules on her website today and I think I will come up with some blogging rules for myself to help me avoid these blocks that come from time to time. Here's what you can expect from now on regarding this blog.

• I'm going to write from the heart. I am going to tell you things I would tell my very best friend. I'm going to use my "voice" as a writer that is as authentic and real as possible.
• I am not going to filter myself. If one day I feel like spouting political views...great. If the next day I want to gush about something the girls did...super. If the next day I want to tell you about how an indecent picture appeared on the Disneyland monitors after a ride on splash mountain of me and my newly married self...I will. No filters! sorry Mom!
• Even though I have no filters, I won't be blogging about super personal stuff that is going to make you cringe with uncomfortableness. Like the horizontal mambo or my finances. Nobody wants to know about either of those things. I can't guarantee content won't make my mom uncomfortable but you should be okay.
• I'm going to try and remember I am writing this blog so my girls will know me. Not the rule making, nagging, at the end of her rope lady that they get most times. But my thoughts, dreams and humor. I want them to know that my life was hard, joyous, stressful and full of love. I want them to know I laughed a lot and that they have a mother that can laugh at herself. I'm going to try to remember that they, in their adult versions, are my audience. Katie and Jessica at my age now. That's who I write for.
• I'm going to blog daily. Because I agree with PDUB, if you don't nurture something everyday it will die. That's what happened to my blog over the past few months.
• I will be honest. Even if it's not pretty. Even if people judge me.
• I'll try and post more pictures.
• I will push through this block that I seem to have.

I am thirty nine. I turned thirty nine yesterday. It was a wonderful day. We took the girls to Joe's on the river and we danced. My parents joined us. Mike and I took the girls to Chuck E Cheese and then we all came home and took a nap. Then I went and had a massage. It was a low key great day. But thirty-nine. Let that one settle on your brain for awhile. On one hand I am OLD. On the other hand, this is the age I plan on staying for the next ten or so years so I better get comfortable with it. It's going to be around for awhile.

Amy at thirty nine is awesome. I feel old and achy in my body and joints. But in my heart I still feel like I have optimism and hope for my dreams to come true. When I was engaged I was standing in line at Michaels buying my wedding favors and a relative who was helping me saw the wistful, happy glow on my face and this is what she said. "I was like you once. I was so happy and full of life. I thought things were going to be perfect. And then life beat the crap out of me. And I changed. I hardened. It will happen to you. I guarantee it. You'll get hard. You'll have to or you'll break." I looked down at my pink jordan almonds and my squares of tulle and ribbon and I remember silently vowing to myself that no matter what life threw at me, no matter how bad it got, I would NEVER allow myself to harden. I would never allow myself to be cynical or bitter. I would keep my faith in people, that they are good and kind. I made myself the biggest promise I have ever made to myself at that moment. And you know what? I feel like for the most part I've kept it. I love people. I love their differences, their humor, their quirks. I love all different kinds of people, especially those that grew up different than me. I love gay people, straight people, fat and skinny people, foodies and non foodies, fans of Gray's Anatomy and fans of The Real Housewives. I love conservatives, liberals, muslims, christians and atheists. What I don't like is mean people. Mean people suck. I don't like people that are happy when someone else fails or is suffering. You will never hear me say "well, I guess they got what they deserved" or "now they understand how they made me feel". I think pettiness is one of the most ugly traits someone can have. I don't feel I have hardened. If anything I have softened. I was so tough and feisty when I was in my twenties. My thirties have taught me to be a little bit more gentle with people. Now gentle doesn't mean fake. I also hate fake people. I think I just try and cut people the same slack I'd like them to cut me. I feel like I kept that promise to myself that I made long ago in line at Michaels. And I'm so glad I did.

So if you can handle the new commitment to authenticity and truth along with a writer with no filter so you are going to get TMI and often, stop by every once in awhile. I will share my family, my love of motherhood, my love of Mike Meeker, my love of TV, my love of cooking, my fear of diets, my weird sense of humor and my life's stories with you. I'll never go private and I'll never stop writing.

Thirty nine. Seriously? I spent it at Chuck E Cheese? I played Air Hockey and beat the pants off my five year olds. That neon yellow puck was flying at them over and over again. We whacked a mole and made eggs knock over and rolled the skee ball. We laughed a ton. It was exactly how I wanted to spend my day. I love a chic restaurant and a night on the town just as much as any girl. But dancing to "Car Wash" and "Love Shack" at Joes and eating my fill of crab with old bay was just about perfect. Bring it on thirty-nine. Let me see what ya got. I think it's gonna be fun. We better learn to like each other...or the next decade is going to be hard on you.

Blogger Block

I have blogger's block. I looked it up. It's a real thing. It is. I can't think of what to write. Every time I sign on, I hem and haw and just have nothing in my brain. I think it's the new schedule, kindergarten and all the getting up at 645. Yesterday, I was going to get one of those low fat, build a better breakfast sandwiches from Subway after I dropped the girls off. I first drove to subway and realized I didn't have my purse or my phone. I drove home, got my phone, noticed all the lights I left on and the girl's nightgowns on the floor and picked up, turned off lights and drove back to subway. Phone? Check! Purse? Not so much. So I drove home. Got my purse. Acknowledged out loud to myself how stupid I am and drove back to Subway. OOPS. This isn't subway. I drove to Carl's Jr. What? How did I get HERE? Where did Subway go? The past two times, I was at Subway.

So I grabbed a breakfast burrito and went to the grocery store. Six boxes of cereal, three jars of mustard and one head of broccoli for a family of four and my head was hurting. I just wanted to suck my thumb and take a nap.

So there you go Internet. I'm taking a vacation. Not an actual vacation where in I would be at the beach, alone, with a book and a virgin pina colada...but a virtual vacation. From blogging. I will be back on Labor Day. And when I say I will be back...baby I will be BACK. As in on Fiyah!

Favorite Things Summer Edition

I have a whole truck load of stuff to write about. Vacation highlights, kindergarten, engagement excitement and a slew of confessions. They are all coming up. But I just can't stop myself from listing some of my most recent favorite things. Like Oprah. Except there are no give aways. Someday I hope to have a give away on my blog. I hear it's the only way you can really get people to comment. And did you know comments are the secret to how much you are loved? If I did have a give away, I think it would be stuff in my house that I just never got around to using. Wouldn't that be a good idea? I have crap all around this place still in the box. It seemed like a good idea when I was at Costco/Target/Pier One/Home Goods but then it just never materialized ya know? Anyway, this about my latest favorite things.

• Mad Men is back baby! That Don Draper....mmmmmm....he could cheat on me anytime.
• The website eShakti. Seriously, they have endless designs of dresses in the most flirty, vintage, cool prints and styles. But it doesn't end there. YOU get to pick what kind of sleeves you want to have, how long you want the dress, what sort of neckline you prefer. And then you send in your measurements while wearing the bra and/or foundation garment (girdle/spanx) that you will be wearing while wearing the dress. Their little elves sew and sew and presto chango...the dress arrives exactly as you have specified. Isn't that the coolest? How many times have I passed up a dress because it has flutter or cap sleeves and my arm fat is going to spill out? Our how many dresses would I love but they are so short my knee scar shows? If you have any problem areas or just like cool dresses, you should check out this website. http://www.eshakti.com/default.asp
• Teachers! I volunteered in the girls' class today. I can't believe how awesome these teachers are. Our teacher is perfect for my girls. They love her and let me tell you, after seeing her in action, she is amazingly wonderful. It never stops amazing me how hard teachers work.
• Upstate New York: We just went out to NY on vacation. We didn't hit NYC but instead were up around the Niagara Falls region. I can't tell you how beautiful this area of the country is. Rolling hills and farms with white farm houses and red barns. Amish influences in the architechture and old fashioned Main Streets in little tiny towns. It was like a slice of Americana of a time long gone by. I loved it. Mike's family reunion was in Palmyra, New York. It was so beautiful and amazing.
• Waxed eyebrows. I admit I had neglected my eyebrows for awhile. I got them shaped not long ago and it made such a difference. Don't neglect your brows!
• OPI Gel Soak Off Nail Color - this stuff is amazing. Whenever I get a manicure, my polish chips off in like a day or two. OPI has developed this new nail color that is in a little pot and it has a gel texture. You paint it on and then set it with a blue light. It dries immediately so it's almost impossible to chip or smear. You don't have to file the natural nail on top or damage your natural nail bed in any way. And the color stays chip free for at least two weeks. The ad says three weeks but I'm really hard on my hands. You can get anything from really dark to super light. They have all the most popular OPI colors. I'm not sure if you can buy this stuff or if it's only done in professional salons. But I watched the nail tech no it and it didn't look hard at all. You would have to have one of those blue light machines but it would be worth the investment.
• Ali & Roberto - I can't help it. I know they'll never make it. But I get sucked in every time.

Life Has Been Dry Humping My Face

My Mom is on vacation so I know she won't see the title of this post and call me and ask me why I find the need to be so vulgar. If she did call me however, I would calmly tell her that the reason I needed to be so vulgar in the title of my post is because the only way to explain my life recently is as if the universe is dry humping my face. I know you guys know what I mean.

First, the girls started kindergarten. But it is July, you say, how can that be? Yes, well, that's what I thought too. However our school district has some crazy idea that year round school is a great idea and the girls started kindergarten in July. The ink wasn't even dry on their little baby graduation diplomas from preschool. They had like zero summer break. And back to school. I felt like we all got hit by a truck. I'll do a separate post about the first day because I have pictures and they are darn cute.

Then, after two days of kindergarten we went on vacation. To New York. Once again I let Mike make the flight arrangements. Stupid stupid me. We flew at night, from San Francisco, with many stops. He always does that to save a couple of bucks. We end up spending way more than we saved in parking fees, gas, luggage checking and ham sandwiches at the airport but he feels like he is getting a deal so I guess he's happier in the end. As for us? We are zombies by the time it's all over. We don't even know where we are. Katie and I have gotten really good at sleeping on each other on airplanes and during layovers. We were in New York for both Mike's extended family reunion and to spend time with Rick and Heather's family before Rick leaves on deployment. The girls loved playing with their cousins. We also got to meet my new sister in law to be who we love. I will post more on that later because it is too good of a story and deserves it's own post. It was a great trip. Just long and exhausting.

Then, back to kindergarten we went. Only now, I had missed back to school night so all the other parents were pros and I was a lost and lonely soul, looking like an idiot. I spent the past three nights trying to get the girls the right size of backpacks, homework caught up and reading all about our new school, new teacher, new policies, procedures and schedule. Kindergarten is currently kicking my ass.

The day we returned from our night of never ending airline travel, our good friend Matt came to stay for two nights. Matt is a friend of ours from Mike's residency in Nebraska. He just got back from Afghanistan and came out to see the Bay Area, run a marathon and see a girl. (not in that order) One of my goals in life is to see Matt happily married and raising children. He will be the best Dad in the world. We enjoyed his visit and the girls asked all day long "Does Matt really HAVE to leave?"

So finally... today is the first day where I have my house back to myself, have not changed out of pajamas and am preparing for a much needed nap. When I resurface, I will post amazing stories and pictures. Stay tuned for exciting stuff.

Get Out And Don't Come Back Until You Get A Job

As a kid, summer vacation was anticipated with mixed emotion. On one hand: no school, sleeping in, T.V., swimming and general laziness. On the other hand: my parents commitment to prevent all of the previous activities from occurring. They thought summer meant you should have plans and activities to keep you busy. Early on it was Vacation Bible School and then summer day camps that took place at the Community Colleges in the area. I'll admit, they were fun. I don't know if you can compare it to sleeping in and watching a Brady Bunch Marathon then laying out on my silver floatie in our pool, but it was as much fun as day camp at a college can be. I learned calligraphy, tennis, swimming, art, drama, astronomy etc. It was for geeky kids who's parents wanted to give them intellectual stimulation. I guess it was good for me and exposed me to a group of kids that I would not normally have hung around. I ended up marrying a man very much like those summer day camp kids. So all in all it was a good thing for me. But that's not what this post is about.

As time went on, I approached the summer in which I would be 15 1/2 and it would be legal in the State of California for me to get an actual job. I had to have a social security card so my Mom made sure I took care of that before school got out. My parents warned me to get out there and get a jump on finding a summer job. Once summer vacation started, I was expected to go to work, at least part time. I did not pay attention. So Monday morning, the first real day of summer vacation dawned and my Mom woke me up at 7 a.m. just like normal. She told me to get up. I was very confused. Did she not know it was SUMMER? She explained that because I didn't have a job yet, I would be leaving the house with her and Dad that morning and "pounding the pavement" until I found one. I would do this each day, all day until I found someone who would agree to hire me. I could not believe my ears. I didn't even know what "pounding the pavement" meant. Realize I was only 15 1/2 and didn't even have my learner's permit so I would literally be walking the streets of my small town to hunt for a job. ugh.


Because I was 15 and had not realized that they could not actually kill me or harm me in any way, I got up and left the house armed with copies of my resume' printed on light pink paper. My resume included my name, telephone number and all the extra curricular activities I had participated in. It also included three personal references; a family friend and two ladies I had babysat for. It was not impressive.


I knew I just couldn't work in fast food. It's a great avenue for teenagers and the kids at McDonald's looked like they were having fun but I knew I just couldn't put on that hat and ask people if they wanted "fries with that". I went to Bel Air first, the grocery store in our town that was known to pay top dollar to teenage baggers. They explained I had to apply at their main office in Sacramento. I went to various stores, Paper Place, Corner Closet, MsFits etc. All places I liked to shop and did more of that really than look for work. I think I hit Round Table for lunch who explained I had to be 16 to work there. I went to a friend's house and wasted the rest of the afternoon drinking sun tea and complaining about my plight.


I knew the next morning would find me back out on the street. My Dad must have felt sort of sorry for me because he came home with the name of a man named Doug, who owned the Pizza Barn, a long time (now gone) pizza establishment in Elk Grove. He explained that this man also operated the snack bar at the softball complex at Elk Grove park and needed part time help whenever the softball complex was open. This would be most weeknights and all day Saturday and Sunday. I called Doug that evening and we arranged to meet at the Pizza Barn the next day. I totally dressed up and arrived 10 minutes early. I sold the crap out of myself to the point that Doug (a nice crusty old bald man) laughed right at me in the interview. He actually held up his hand to tell me to stop talking already and that I was hired. I would start off working at the softball complex snack bar the next day for a four hour shift. Woohoo! I'd hang out at the park, serve some nachos and flirt with cute boys all summer. I saw myself hand delivering sunflower seeds and Gatorade to dugouts of college aged boys who would worship me for quenching their thirst.

It didn't turn out that way. I swear that snack bar was the busiest snack bar in America. We sold way too many choices; nachos, hot dogs, polish hot dogs, popcorn, sodas, icees, candy, pizza and the list went on and on. There was always a line. Always. And there was a cash register in which the change was not calculated. That's right people. I might be the youngest person alive that had to make change out of my brain. Seriously difficult for this math impaired girl. In any case, it was hot, sticky, cheesy but very fun. The softball players were more lesbian than hot guys but the players and families were both friendly and my co-workers were nice. I remember this guy I worked with that I really liked got fired for stealing money from the register. How old Doug knew it was him is still a mystery. It's not like the register kept count of the money in any accurate way.

I lived on cherry/blue raspberry icees that summer. Just the other day I took the girls to Burger King and they got to have an icee. They had cherry and blue raspberry. I told the girls to get them mixed and to just trust me, they'd like it. They did and they loved it and have been begging for an icee everyday since.

I think this was a perfect first summer job. It taught me to be on time, to be part of a team, to work quickly, to deal with customers and to make change!

I want the girls to know about all the jobs I've ever had so this is the first post in a series about my jobs. Jessica told me the other day that she didn't believe that I had ever had a real job. So it inspired me to write about the many and varied jobs I have had so she can know her Mom did something besides make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and clip toenails. Seriously, I clip 40 finger and toe nails each week besides my own. Figure that out over five years. That is a lot of clipping. Gross.

You Got A Friend In Me...

Went and saw Toy Story with the girls, Mike and my parents. It was amazing. My favorite Pixar except I really loved Nemo. But it's every bit as good. Without ruining it for you I just want to share that it's so wonderful to know how many of us in this world have common experiences in childhood. If we didn't grow up all the same, how could we all get the jokes. Childhood is an amazingly special time that we should cherish and protect no matter if it is our own childhood or the childhood of our kids or the childhood of the kid of a friend. It's such a special time. And it's so short. I have a renewed commitment to helping my girls and all kids that I come in contact with hold on to that magic fairy dust that keeps life innocent and free of stress and fun. It was so fun to laugh through this movie as I held my babies on my lap and snuggled with them when they got too heavy. When the sad parts came I just held them tight and smelled the tops of their heads over and over again. It helped.

Go see this movie with a kid you love today. And if you don't have a kid, borrow one. It's so fun to see it through their eyes.

And my kids are never leaving for college. Ever. EVER.

The Tale Of The Firefighter & The Doctor

Once upon a time there were two little girls.

After two years of study, work and play, they graduated summa cume laude (or in other words they got straight Gold Stars) from the prestigious Tiny Tots Preschool. Early on, they knew they wanted to pledge the Alpha Beta Cappa (ABC) sorority. Katie majored in Art with an emphasis on the many uses of glitter. Jessica triple majored in "knowing it all" and according to her mother, she really must have learned a lot because she really DOES think she knows it all now.
Upon Jessica receiving her diploma, her teacher told a little bit about her. She wants to be a firefighter when she grows up. This was a surprise to her mom and dad given she can not watch and in fact hides during the part in Sleeping Beauty when Prince Phillip has to battle the fire to get to Aurora. But apparently, Jessica has a reason for wanting to be a firefighter when she grows up. (See post edit at the bottom of the post)

Upon Katie receiving her diploma, her teacher announced that Katie wanted to be a Doctor when she grows up. Her parents knew she wanted to be a Doctor because she tells her Daddy that she wants to grow up and work at his office so she can see him all the time. (Little did we know there was another reason we would discover later -see post edit also)

The graduation was so nice. The graduates demonstrated their educational accomplishments by saying The Pledge of Allegiance, singing the "Days of the Week" song, reciting the months of the year in order and a poem about how they are the future leaders of the world. Needless to say, their Mother cried her eyes out. She was an emotional wreck. The Dad remained stoic and did not shed a tear. It must be allergies that caused his eyes to water.

All in all, our preschool experience was perfect for our family. Kindergarten here we come!

(post edit - the girls have been talking about their jobs they are going to have when they grow up. Apparently, the reason Jessica is going to be a firefighter is so she can get the people who get hurt in the fire and take them to Katie the doctor who can fix them and make them better. Then, they can still see each other every day and be on the same team when they are big. Have I mentioned that I LOVE these girls?)