Monday, November 9, 2009

Do You Believe?

Over at my favorite blog Nat The Fat Rat, Natalie challenged all of her readers to examine what they believe. Please don't go read her blog though because it's so cute and witty you'll never come back here. Stop it. Don't you click that link. Whatever, you suck.

So I really dug down deep today to examine what I truly believe. Not as in what I am supposed to believe or what I should believe but what do I really, deep in my gut, down to my tippy toes, really, truly, madly believe in? The following is what I came up with. (Please keep in mind that my monthly visitor Veejay Singh will be making an appearance any day so this list was made while highly emotional. Yeah, so I call my period Veejay Singh, isn't that cute? I have my reasons that I will explain to you if you want to know, just email me. I can't post it.) Okay, here's what I truly deeply honestly most sincerely believe:
  • I believe in parenthood. This may surprise you that this is first on my list. But the way I have changed inside since becoming a parent is so monumental that I can't even talk about it sometimes. And same with Mike. We were laying in bed on Saturday morning listening to the strains of Imagination Movers on Disney Channel and we agreed that it is so cool that we each feel exactly the same about our kids that we don't seem crazy obsessed to each other. Because let me tell you, if regular people knew how much me and Mike Meeker talk about our kids and spy on them and listen to them when they don't know and how many times we go in their room while they are sleeping and just sit on the floor and stare at their little sleeping forms by the light of the silvery moon, we would be locked in a padded room. FOR. SURE. We are stalkers. We stalk the lives of Katie and Jessica. And we love it.
  • I believe in the healing power of Diet Coke. The other night, I was in my zone, cooking up a fabulous dinner for me, Mike Meeker, K, J and my parents. I got a little tired, a little winded and I chugged a Diet Coke straight out of the fridge. It was frosty. It was COLD. It was so good. And I instantly felt better. When I am on a road trip and I think, crap the desert will never end, or this road is so BORING, if I stop at a gas station and fill myself up with a 44 ouncer with extra extra crunchy type ice, I turn into a driving machine! I love Diet Coke. It has been there for me through many many many rough times. Whether it is over ice, straight out of the can, adorned with a cherry or lime or warm, flat and on my night stand, I just love it. I even love the can. Silver, black, red...obviously the three best colors ever. Look in my closet and you will understand.
  • I believe in low maintenance friends. You know those friends that are all clingy and needy and are all "don't like that girl cuz she was so rude to me" or "why haven't you called me back?" or "do I look fat?" or "waaaa waaaa waaaa!"??? Those chicks don't really work for me. Look sister, if I wanted a girlfriend, I'd become a lesbian. I want a friend. Here's what they look like so you can snag some for yourself. They are in your life for good, no matter what. No matter if they haven't talked to you for six months or a year because you can't get your crap together. They know the real you, the quirks and the stuff you suck at and they love you anyway. They call you on your crap and when you hurt them they let you know. Then, after you say sorry, they forgive you. And they don't hold a grudge. They would get on a plane in the middle of the night if you needed them. And you would get on a plane in the middle of the night if they needed you. But you know that unless a child or husband dies, you won't have to pay that much for a plane ticket. They aren't superduper skinny. When you see them, no matter how long it's been, you are so happy and at some point in time during the visit at least once you will do the following: laugh so hard you can't speak and you clutch your stomach and you will cry your eyes out.
  • I believe that Jesus is my Savior and is the Savior of the world. I really do you guys. I believe He truly lived. I believe He taught people to be kinder and more loving. I believe He taught us to fight our natural tendency to be jealous, petty, judgemental and intolerant. He spent most of His time with people that were cast out from normal society and were considered immoral and bad. He loved them and taught them His gospel of love, peace and hope. I believe that this stuff really truly happened. I don't believe it's a fairytale or some story that Christians made up. I believe He suffered and died for all of our sins and I believe He rose from the dead and came back to teach people more about what is truly important. I believe He did this willingly because He loves us. I believe that we can get through anything in life if we turn to Him and allow the miracle of His atonement to truly work in our lives. I believe this 100%. There's a poem that Carol Lerwill, the kindest of ladies, gave to me when I was 18 and I carry to this day inside my scriptures. When I feel overwhelmed and unsure I turn to it. It says, "I know only as much of the world and God, as a creature with two eyes must. What I understand I love and what I don't understand, I trust." I am far from a perfect Christian. I struggle daily make my life reflect what I believe. But it doesn't mean at the end of the day that I don't believe it. Know what I mean jelly bean?
  • I believe in shopping online for children's clothes: I took K&J shopping for clothes on Saturday night. LUCKILY, my Mom came with us. She ended up pushing them in a cart to the toy aisle or around and around the store while I shopped for their clothes. I THOUGHT that they were getting older so maybe they could come in a dressing room and try some stuff on. I was buying clothes for fall/winter and didn't quite know what length they needed in pants, how much of a waist they might have and what size of shoes would be perfect for shoes to be worn with tights vs. shoes to be worn with socks. I envisioned a fun, multi-generational girls night of shopping. Giggling in the dressing room, oo's and ah's when something was just too too cute to pass up. It didn't happen. The girls hated it. I hated it. I still ended up coming home with clothes that don't fit them and they did not see the inside of a dressing room. It was horrible. I have so much more fun and I get way better deals when I just stick to shopping online after they go to bed.
  • I believe in straight leg jeans. All this skinny leg, boot cut, flare crap is just too much. Straight leg jeans look good on everyone. You might think you look good in flare jeans but unless you are a size 2, you don't. Skinny leg jeans look good on a lot of people as long as for every 10 pounds you weigh over super model size you add one inch of shirt length and add one size to your jeans. Do not squeeze into skinny jeans if your size comes in more than one digit. And the chubbier you are the darker the denim you must wear in all cuts. But to be safe, everyone from size 0 (I know no one at this size) to size whatever (I know a lot of people at this size) just get dark denim, straight leg jeans. And unless you are positive that you have a fabulous butt, cover it a little. It can't hurt to be sure.
  • I believe in eating quality food: This does not mean healthy food. It means quality. We only have so many meals to consume in life. Let's enjoy them. Let's eat artfully prepared, flavorful, creative, fun dishes. Let's experience cuisine from every corner of the globe. Let's linger over our meals with good conversation, sipping our Diet Cokes and laughing. Let's talk about our day, both the good parts and the bad over a great salad and fabulous plate of pasta. Let's put down the fast food cardboard that we eat in our cars while trying to get everything done. Let's slow down, dine on white plates, sample vegetables and fruit in every color of the rainbow, sink our teeth into something prepared with love whether it is curry beef from your favorite Thai place or your Mom's meatloaf. And if while we are enjoying our food if we could try and eat smaller portions and make it healthy...all the better. But that's not necessarily what I truly believe in. But I do truly, deep down in my heart believe that crappy food is such a waste. When I eat something in my car on the go and I don't taste it and am glad I didn't because it was in all honesty crap on a cracker, I am so sad because I should have stopped at the grocery store, bought a perfect piece of fruit and some fabulous cheese and I would have been so much happier.
  • I believe football is a problem in my marriage. When I married Mike, he knew not of football. He was raised in a household where the Dad did not like football. The family did not watch television on Sundays. It was not allowed. When we got married, I was a football FAN. I loved the San Francisco 49ers and the Stanford Cardinals. They were my boys. I knew A LOT about football. I could name the players, the coaches, the mascots and I could tell you how everyone was doing most of the season. I thought this made me extra cute to boys. I was the cool football girl. I was giving off the signal that if you dated me you wouldn't have to worry about being dragged to some chick flick and having to examine our relationship all night long. We could catch a game, maybe even eat some nachos. But alas, my new husband Mike Meeker did not care. He was a baseball fan. "Come", I said to him, "give football a try." He began to watch. He watched some more. Mikey likey. Fast forward 17 years. Mike records HOURS of college ball on Saturday, NFL on Sunday, sports center, college game day final and all the other analyzing type Chris The Devil Berman shows and it has become the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I hate football now. I don't want to watch it or hear about it or know about it. I get itchy when football season approaches. (Except for Troy Polamalu because how can you not? The guy is an animal) And Mike reminds me every year that I can not say anything to him about his love of football because I made him watch it and it's all my fault that I created a monster. I gave unto my husband football and he did watch. I hate it when that happens.
  • I believe in bed time. I used to be a night owl. I have been known in college to frequent the Denny's at three. In the morning. Oh yeah, I was a bad ass. Now, if it is past my kids' bedtime and they are not in bed I get this panic, heart palpation feeling inside. Bedtime must be observed. Because if their bedtime gets pushed back, guess what? That's right. My bed time gets pushed back and that is where the real sweaty armpits and panic attacks start happening. Because, and they don't tell you this before you have a kid, no matter what time you put the little suckers to bed, they will get up at exactly the same time in the morning. Yep. Just because you let them stay up, it does not translate into them sleeping in. Apparently, when you are 4 and you open your eyes in the morning you think the world is bright and full of fun and possibility so you just pop out of bed all happy and ready to take on the day. When do they get to the age where they wake up like a normal person and realize if I hit the snooze button and get an extra 20 minutes of sleep that it will probably be the best 20 minutes of my day?

I believe in a lot of other things too. I gotta go watch Dancing With The Stars in like two minutes because Derek Hough and Maxim Smirkovski are hawt.

Thank you and goodnight.

P to the S: Donny Osmond? Who knew?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Friday Friends and Family

Every Friday from now on, I am going to introduce you to some people we like. It might be friends, it might be family, it might even be you. It might even be someone we don't know but who we just really really like.

Today, I'd like to introduce Katie and Jessica's very own super hero, their cousin Cayden Meeker. Cayden is one year to the day older than the girls. When the girls were little, like babies, Cayden came to visit and entertained them for an hour by just jumping off of a stool in front of their high chairs. They would laugh hysterically and then he'd do it again. Lather, Rinse Repeat.


Whatever Cayden does, thinks, eats or drinks - you can bet my daughters will want to do, think, eat and drink it. We have had to have teriyaki chicken pineapple meatballs once/week since we visited Cayden in October because "Did you know Mama that this is CAYDEN'S favorite dinner?"


I love Cayden because he has this best heart. He is kind and loving and good. This past visit a few weeks ago found him surrounded by five girls (Jessica, Katie, Sariah, Chloe and his little sister Emma), three Moms (me, Amber and Faith), one Grandma (Marilyn) and a little baby girl (his sister Gracie). He was the lone male in a sea of females. He endured it with kindness and even managed to look like he enjoyed it. He was a good sport, agreeing to play the part of the prince to the girls' princesses or the monster to their squeals of delight. One morning it was just me and Cayden in the kitchen and he requested some toast. I made his my very best toast, slathered with butter, cinnamon and sugar. We chatted away about life and such. He told me that I made the best toast he'd ever had and could he please have another piece. We chatted some more and I was reminded of what I have known since he was a baby...this kid is pretty special and he's going to do amazing things in his life.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Amy's Parenting...Judge Away...Come On I Dare Ya

Let's describe this little ensemble shall we? Starting from the bottom, leopard print slippers on the wrong feet. A dead unicorn costume on the floor. Moving up we have last year's Christmas pajama nightgown that is a print of gigantic pieces of candy. A jaunty orange apron from Home Depot compliments the ratty nightgown. Atop the rats nest of hair is a straw cowboy hat and pink butterfly sunglasses with pink lenses.

Katie: "Mama, what do you think of my outfit?"
Me: "Ummmmmm..."
Katie: "Do you think I look like a beautiful princess?"
Me: "Sure?" (If you were from the land of carpenters and hobos)
Katie: "I think I should wear this to school so all the kids can see my interesting and beautiful outfit."
Me: "Ummmmm, maybe we could take a picture because it lasts way longer than just one day at school." (translation: there is no way in hell you are wearing that to school chica)
Katie: "Great idea Mom! A picture is super and I can give it to my friends and maybe they can find outfits like this one and we can get dressed up in them and have a TEA PARTY!!!"
Me: "Sure, super idea." (My kid is going to get the crap beat out of her on the playground. Maybe not today. Maybe not at 4. But the beating is coming people, the beating is coming.)

In summation, I wish this conversation and outfit was an odd occurrence at our house. But it's like this all day everyday. One day she came out with eleven different bows in her hair, high heels with knee high plaid socks. She is so weird.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Hermits

I am on day six of not leaving the house. Well that's a lie. I left the house on Saturday night for 20 minutes. Just enough time for my swine flu filled kids to throw on a french poodle and kitty costume and ring the doorbell of their Grammie and Papa, carefully receive two kinds of every candy in the bowl without transferring germies, swing my Grandma and Grandpa's but not get out of the car as to not transfer germies and head home. That has been my only outing in six days. I have been caring for the sick and afflicted which after all is what Jesus told us to do in the first place so I keep telling myself to cut myself a break but I can't help but feel like a total slacker/loser/anti-social/nerd/hermit. All I seem to get done is tickle backs, and legs and rub heads and get sippie cups of juice/water, watch every princess movie ever made, administer the ever controversial tamiflu (anti-viral medication to kill the swine) and stick the Braun Thermoscan into the ears of my housemates. I feel like I have two infants again because they are sleeping with me and making all sorts of noises in the night from cries to strange laughter and talking about unicorns. (I think this is from fever) I have discovered that this sort of vigil keeping, Florence Nightingale work exhausts my mind and body. You wouldn't think it would be that hard. Case in point, I didn't have to get dressed. I didn't brush my hair or put on makeup. So what's with all the tired? I think it's stress from wondering how the swine flu coming to my house might or might not change our lives forever. After all, that's what they are saying about this bug. You just never know how each person will respond to this flu. So I have been on high alert (aka super neurotic) looking for signs of breathing problems and monitoring the fevers degree by degree. Is that cough getting lower in her chest? Do I hear a rattle? Her fever is 104 for the love of all that is good and holy, call an ambulance! These are the things I have been randomly yelling to Mike from our master bedroom where he is sleeping on the couch trying to survive not the swine flu, but me. No, he says, the cough is in her throat and is just post nasal drip, no you don't hear a rattle and if anyone needs an ambulance around here it's going to be me because my ears are squirting blood because they just can't listen to you anymore. These are the things he says to me. I think he can take that Hippocratic oath and just throw it out the door right now because I am pretty sure part of it goes "and I swear to validate my wife when she is freaking out because our kids have the swine flu and she just won't shut up".

So here are the facts of the case and they are undisputed. (name that movie) Katie got the H1N1 and started to show symptoms Tuesday morning. I took her to the doctor, they tested her with a nasal swab and it came back positive for H1N1. We got her on the antiviral medication right away. She had no fever as of Friday morning and has been her spunky funny self since. Mike and I already had this virus this summer so we got sort of low grade fevers but never truly got super sick. It was more like when your body is trying to fight something off. Stinging/burning eyes, tired and minor aches and pains. Jessica spiked a fever on Thursday. She had a deeper cough than Katie had so I was more worried about her. But we got her on the antivirals right away and she hasn't had a fever since Saturday afternoon. But just to be safe, I decided to not let them go back to school until Wednesday of this week. I want the other Moms in our class to know I take the safety of their kids seriously and wanted to give us four days of no fevers before they head back to school. I would want the other moms to do the same thing, know what I mean?

Halloween was spent giving out candy with the girls helping by holding the bowl at the bottom but not touching the candy. They got to dress up and thought it was so cool that the other kids knew to come to our house. They loved every time the doorbell rang. I think they had more fun this Halloween than they did in years past where they went trickortreating to all the houses.

Final Score: Meekers 4.....Swine Flu 0

post-script: My niece Gracie who is three months old got the H1N1 and is now fine after over a week of being really sick. My sister in law Heather, nephew Devon and brother in law Rick all have H1N1. As of today, Heather is feeling better and Devon is starting to feel better. Lots more people we know have H1N1, it seems like it's everywhere already. I think this flu season is going to be very bad for some families. We are still all going to get vaccinated against H1N1, I'm just saying. Not to be all politically n stuff...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Had To Get Away (Vacation Part 2)

I love my cousins. When I was a kid and my cousins from the Pacific Northwest would come into town, my excitement would skyrocket to spaztic proportions. My kids are no different. As an only child, there are no first cousins on my side of the family for K & J. We have wonderful cousins on my side, but we don't see them often enough. Mike however, has five younger brothers. And because it took us three million years after we got married to get around to making actual babies, the girls have cousins that are older than them as well as a host of younger rug rats as well. And just like their mama AND daddy, they worship their cousins. Especially Cayden who is one year to the day older and a boy and knows how to climb up on stuff super high and jump and will happily always agree to be the "monster" and allow them to permanently play the role of princess/puppy/kitty/cheerleader/dancer etc. (I would like to point out that I encourage my daughters to also pretend playing CEO, star athlete, corporate tycoon etc. Katie told me when being CEO means she can wear glitter and sparkles and pink lip gloss she'll think about it. I told her that a CEO could wear glitter and sparkles just not during work hours. So far, it's not catching on and we remain a heavily populated princess household) ANYWAY, cousins are the coolioest. And so is elk hunting with brothers apparently blah blah blah. So our travel savvy foursome found ourselves driving East to the lovely (?) state of Utah where Mike's brother Chuck, my rad SIL Amber and the aforementioned Cayden (aka the super hero), his 3 year old sister Emma and my new little bitty beautiful niece Gracie lives.

Mike ditched us and went up the mountain to go elk hunting with his brothers and Dad. They watched conference, the Steelers game, blah, blah, cold, snow storm, blah, full moon, blah, too cold and bright to produce good hunting, blah and blah and then he came back to Chuck and Amber's. Meanwhile, Amber and the kids, my other SIL Faith (married to Ken living in North Carolina) and her daughters Sariah and Chloe, my MIL Marilyn and my entourage spent four happy days hanging out and doing things geared to the awesomeness that IS cousin time. Basically, they ran around Amber's house destroying it and screaming in delight. We attempted to tire them out at the bouncy place but their energy knew no bounds. We went to the Mayan and watched the cliff divers, the girls went to preschool and ballet class with Emma one day, we cooked and hung out and lunched at delicious Bajio and Blue Lemon. I cooked my Julia Child chicken. We laughed and went to Rodizio and got caramels from Trolley Square and just hung out. Amber let me drive the whole time because you know...my freakishness? I was thankful and relieved. Mike came back from hunting early because it was so cold so we got to spend time with the boys as well. Funtastically fun. We had the best road trip and we rocked out to my new stereo in which you can plug an IPOD. 2,000 + songs of rocking out and singing at the very toppest of our lungs.

Great times with my great little family. We have fun together for which I am the most thankful of all.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

All I Ever Wanted...(Vacation Part 1)

Well ya'all, it's been a while since I posted. We have been a busy little foursome, coming and going to various parts of the country. South Carolina was first on our list in late September. We boarded a plane in San Francisco, a red eye all night flight if you were wondering, and jetted our way to the East Coast landing in Jacksonville. Our vacation was in Charleston, SC. Oh...Jacksonville isn't near there you say? Don't worry, we rented a van and drove and drove and drove after flying ALL NIGHT with two 4 year olds until at last we arrived at our beautiful vacation beach house on Isle of Palms in South Carolina. I did not make these crazy travel arrangements. My darling husband, El Cheapo, planned out our itinerary. Apparently he saved a lot of money by turning us into Zombies. I called our travel plans "The Meeker Family Vacation - Vampire Edition" because all of our travel was at night. I'm funny that way.



Anyhoo, we joined wonderful, amazing, kind, funny and generous friends from Mike's residency. There were five families in all. Matt, the fun single friend who is stationed in SC and was our coordinator and hostess with the mostest, Amelia and her baby boy Nathan (too cute) who was without her husband Dustin due to him being deployed in the desert (suck), Teresa and Aaron and their two darling little girls and Brent and Ingrid with their two little girls. It was a little girl festival plus one baby boy. We had this awesome and huge beach house with a pool, spa, plenty of room, a huge kitchen and entertaining area just a block from the coolest family beach with warm water, loads of seashells, perfect sand for castle making and little waves that were just the right size to gently knock over 4 year olds and produce squeals of laughter.



We got babysitters two nights of our trip and got to go out as adults which was so so so fun. We took a two hour walking tour of Charleston which was so amazing and then dined on fabulous seafood. Then, another night we went out for French food (yum) and enjoyed dessert on the roof of a historic hotel overlooking the harbor and lights of the city. Mike and I made fajitas one night and we hung out and visited. All of the boys played golf one day and the girls went to the spa the next day for massages and pedicures. We got to spend lots of time playing with the girls and they just had a blast swimming, going to the beach, doing art and playing with the other kids. Brent cooked an amazing breakfast, Matt's sister (the artist) did a painting class and art show with the kids and we loved the humid weather and heat.



It was a perfect vacation balanced with grown up time, family time, girl time, guy time and reconnecting with friends that we love and shared the hardest three years of our lives with. After too short of a visit, we drove and drove and drove again to Jacksonville, boarded a plane and flew to San Francisco where we stayed in a hotel until the morning and drove home.



The girls were amazing travelers. They slept on the plane rides and were happy the whole time and loved making new friends and getting time with the 4 of us. They decided they LOVE vacation time.



Stay tuned for vacation part 2 where we go to Utah!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Off we go...

We are going on a vacation. A real life, honest to goodness, family summer vacation. We have rented a house along the Atlantic coast with several wonderful friends we knew during Mike's residency. We will visit the beach, enjoy the pool, cook yummy dinners for each other and laugh a lot. We all have kids, sans Mattie the single guy and Amelia's husband Dustin is deployed to the desert but thankfully she and little Nathan are still coming to partake in our fun. The girls are so excited to live at the beach and go on an airplane and "help" me pack their suitcases. Right now, their suitcases have zebra purses, leapsters, a plastic guitar and yellow nemo foam kick boards for the pool in them. I asked them if they thought we should pack some panties, clothes and pajamas and they said I could throw in one pair of Hello Kitty panties and their princess pajamas and that would be all thank you. Ummmm....I don't think so little darlings. Mom still has full executive authority over packing. Speaking of packing...I better get crackin!

Pictures from vacation and funny stories coming soon.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Why?

It seems like it's all my kids ask me. Why why why why why WHY? I answer the endless sea of questions from "why does a red ICEE make my teeth red?" to "will I die someday?" Sometimes the very trivial question of "why does Barbie have yellow hair" precedes or follows the very type of question that stops me in my tracks like "can I have a lemonade stand next summer and give all the money I make at it to kids that are sick and in the hospital or to kids that don't have mommies or daddies and why don't they have them and why do kids get sick anyways????" I make up the answers as I go. I find myself saying "just because" or "because God made it that way" a lot. The point that I am doing a very poor job at making is that I am sick of questions. I sometimes sit with Mike late at night and beg him to please not ask me anything or make me decide anything for 20 minutes. Questions are the bane of my existence.

So when I got several messages in my inbox these past few weeks from strangers who have somehow stumbled upon this silly little corner of the Internet, I thought how NEAT! A lot of these questions ask the same thing..."why did you start a blog?" or "what inspired you to start a blog". Well. Um. Let's see.

My sister in law Amber told me what a blog was. I didn't even know. So she said, go to blogspot and sign on and we can post pictures of the kids so you don't have to mail them to me. Good idea, I thought. And then I wrote a post. And I hit the button "publish post". And later that night I showed Mike. And he liked what I wrote. And then a few days later I wrote a little essay about something that happened in our lives. I forget what. And when I hit the button "publish post" I felt this little thrill of exhilaration. I thought, wow, I just wrote something and ANYONE could read it if they wanted. It was a rush even though I knew Amber was the only one that knew I had a blog. So then I added my blog address to my email signature. And I started to write about personal stuff that was embarrassing. Ha!!! I felt free and liberated. Here I was being honest about my thoughts or bad habits and anyone in the world could be reading this and I wouldn't know it. It was so freeing to my soul. I found that I still loved writing. When I was younger I wrote all the time. I took writing classes and was Editor of my HS newspaper. I had a regular column where I could write on any topic I wanted. An early version of this blog? Maybe. And I discovered I still LOVED the idea of strangers reading what I wrote. I love to write. Sometimes I think a post is really well written. I don't go back and edit. Most of the time I don't even read the post before I publish it. I just write in a free-style format where I just put my ideas from my brain to my fingers to the screen. Sometimes I will go back and read what I wrote weeks later and think...OH MY GOSH, I can't believe I admitted that! Or I will blush with embarrassment and poor sentence structure, dangling participles, poor spelling and the switching of tense. But I don't let these things bug me. It's MY blog after all and if I want to dangle my participles all over the place I can. I love it and the fact that even one stranger would send me an email telling me that they liked this little bloggy thing makes me happier than the squirrel with the mouth full of nuts that I saw today in my parents tree. (How's that for poor sentence structure)

So anyway, that is why I write. It's why this blog isn't private. It would be stupid for me to say "this is my journal" or I write this for my kids. In part, I do. In part, I write it for Mike and for myself. I write it to embarrass my Mom who thinks I over share waaaay too much info. But it would be a lie to say that I don't hope that somewhere someone will read my words. I think words and stories are so powerful. I write because I have found that writing is part of who I need to be. I love it.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Thanks Patrick Swayze

I just wanted to give a shout out to Patrick Swayze and say how glad I am that I grew up in the 80's and that he did what he did with his life. I know most girls my age will forever remember him as Johnny, the tough and scrappy dance instructor at Kellerman Summer Camp who took Baby out of the corner in Dirty Dancing. And let me tell you, I loved Dirty Dancing so much that I made every member in my family (Grandmothers and Dad included) go see it with me at seperate times just so I could see it over and over.

However, for me, and this is just me talking, Patrick Swayze will ALWAYS be Orry Maine, the lead character in the 80's miniseries North and South. Seriously people, I could watch this miniseries over and over. I have made Mike watch it many times and he secretly loves it every bit as much as I do. Orry Maine is one of the best characters ever written about or acted in film. Orry is from Charleston and from a wealthy, plantation owning family. He goes up North to West Point, where he meets his best friend for life, Charles Hazard from Pennsylvania. This is before the civil war and the Hazards and Maines become like family as Orry and Charles fight in the war with Mexico. However, the issues facing our country threaten to divide the families. Ultimately, the Civil War starts and Charles becomes a Colonel in the Union Army where as Orry becomes a General for the Confederacy. They eventually face each other on the field of battle and I won't tell you how it ends because hello? If you haven't seen this you NEED TO DO SO NOW. But Orry is everything a man should be and has served as the yard stick on which I judged all boys. It tremendously influenced my life and I will love it and Patrick Swayze as long as I live.

Friday, September 11, 2009

September the Eleventh

I just need to take a moment. Just a second to remind myself that I remember this day. I lived on Andrews AFB in Maryland outside of DC. Mike was driving on his way to a normal Tuesday of med school. My Mom woke me up to tell me to turn on the news. I watched as the towers came down 3 1/2 hours north of where I sat. I watched as the plane flew into the Pentagon. Wait a second. Mike used to work at the Pentagon! His old office is there. Our friends are still there! What side? What side did it fly into? Tell us what side!!!!!! There are only five sides, how hard can it be? The Pentagon was only 30 minutes from where I sat. Are more planes on the way? The hanger of Air Force One planes is only two minutes from where I sat. Could more planes be headed to Washington? MIKE! By now my neighbor Jody was at my house with her son and we were crying and glued to the television. I called Mike on his cell phone. "Where are you?" I said. "A plane hit the Pentagon Aim." He said woodenly. "I know, they aren't saying what side it hit on." I replied. "I turned my car around to head to The Pentagon when they said it. I just turned my car around." He said. "NO! Please don't go there!" I cried. "But what if people are hurt? What if I can help?" I thought super quickly..."Mike they are going to close down this base in no time flat. You aren't going to be able to get home. Come home right now and let's just be together. Please." I waited for his answer. "Okay, I'm on my way." sigh. Momentary relief. The phone rang minutes later to let me know our dear neighbor who had just had a baby lost her Mom who I had just met. Her Mom came to visit for the birth of my neighbor's baby and was on the plane that hit the Pentagon. CRAP, the world has gone crazy. Mike got home. We sat there all day with Jody and Tom and their baby. Sure enough the base didn't just close but we went to threat condition DELTA. This means an attack from a foreign or domestic enemy is imminent. How imminent? There was a tank a 1/2 mile from my front door. A tank. Later that night, I had to get out of the house because I was going crazy. I asked Mike to take a walk with me. We were in lock down on the base meaning we could not get on or off base. They had asked residents not to drive our cars and leave the roads open for official use. So we grabbed our ID cards and set out to walk over to the golf courses on Andrews. As we walked down the most beautiful serene golf cart path at sunset that you could ever imagine I heard a rustle in the bushes. I looked to my right. "Just keep walking Mam" was the reply that came out of the bushes. A soldier, in full forest camouflage with his face painted and night vision goggles attached motioned me on my way with his big machine gun. On the golf course. The President's Golf Course. What sort of world have we landed on? I just remember feeling confused and dazed and scared and grateful and out of my body for a long time. I don't know when I felt normal again. I don't know if I ever have.

It was 8 years ago. My husband is slated to go to Afghanistan again in May. We are still fighting the Taliban? Really? Still? Why? I still feel confused and scared and dazed but mostly I feel grateful. I've had two gloriously delicious babies who have turned into two funny and smart little girls. I still have my husband. Many do not. Although we have lost two Grandfathers, a Grandmother and a much beloved Aunt since then, our families are intact and whole. So yes, I am still grateful.

I just needed to take a second to remember. Thanks for indulging me Internet. I never remember that day. But it's important to try so I don't forget how precious this day that I've been given really is.

P.S My thoughts and prayers go out to my dear friends Jody and Tom who sat in our house that day and watched events unfold with us. We cried together and Jody and I held hands. Jody is alone with five kids in Germany right now. Tom is in Iraq.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The END of an era...

I cried when I drove away from preschool yesterday. The girls have been in school now since August 8th. There are six kids who are all together in the same class again this year. We loved our teacher and these five other Moms and I all agreed to keep our kids together since they got along so great and were all nice, non "poopy face" "stinky butt" saying kids. So yesterday the girls and I arrived our usual 10 minutes early. We meet the other Moms early so the kids can run around and play for 10 minutes before class starts and we can visit and chat. Katie's best friend since last year has been Kyler. A blond angel of a little boy with golden hair, blue eyes to die for and who is honestly the cutest child I have ever seen. Katie and Kyler run to each other when they see each other and hug like it's been a year since they last saw each other. Kyler had a little sister born in June and he told everyone he was naming her Katie. Jessica's best buddy was Alex last year but she decided that Alex has to sit in the Time Out chair too much because he doesn't follow the rules so now her best buddy is Ryan. Well.

Kyler was under the tree with Ryan and Joshua. Katie was talking to Hayley about her new shoes that had hearts on them that she just LOVED and "Mom can we please stop at the store and buy me some shoes like Hayley on the way home PLEASE?" All of a sudden Kyler yells "ROCCO (another kid) ROCCO! WE ARE OVER HERE!" Katie's head pops up and she cheerfully exclaims "KYLER, I DIDN'T SEE YOU!" and proceeds to run over to him and hug him. He stiff arms her and knocks her down on the ground! Then he says "We were calling for Rocco NOT A GIRL!" I felt like my heart was going to break in my chest. Katie, however, laughed, got up and called "HAYLEY, JESSICA, MEGAN...COME DO RING AROUND THE ROSIE WITH ME!" All of a sudden, a gaggle of little girls appears and makes a circle holding hands with Katie and sing ring around the rosie. Kyler started to leave his buddies and wanted to join in with the girls and just as Jessica went by him she said "AND YOU CAN'T PLAY! NO BOYS ALLOWED!"

So I was happy Katie wasn't upset and that she had girlfriends that supported her and played with her and she is obviously way more socially bullet proof than I am, I mean was. I was secretly THRILLED that Jessica stood up for her sister and told Kyler he couldn't play. But I am officially not happy that Jessica excluded anyone from joining their group. But mostly, I am SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOO sad that we have reached this next phase of growing up. More of the magic dust of childhood and being babies has been knocked away. Katie all of a sudden cares about shoes with hot pink hearts on them and they have entered the boys vs. girls stage of life. Just yesterday they were pulling themselves up on the couch to try and walk. I swear it was JUST YESTERDAY. I called Mike from the parking lot and sobbed into the phone "Mike, I think Katie and Kyler are officially over." And he was all "say what?" And I was all, "He just pushed her down and I think they are broken up." And he was all "okay Aim, I gotta go." He told me later that he is going to LOVE this phase of life where boys have cooties and Katie and Jessica hate boys. He's more worried about the next phase when boys take on a whole different dimension. I just miss my babies and I wish time could slow down.

Upon The Occasion of My 38th Year of Life

So yeah...my grieving time is over. I turned 38 on Monday and let me tell you, it's not super fun to turn 38. Whatever blech. Sigh. We took the Grammies and the Papa and the chicks out for a crab feast Monday night at Joe's Crab Shack. It's Katie and Jessica's favorite place for two reasons. The crab and the dancing. Anytime they aren't shoving butter covered crab in their faces and dripping butter down their paper "Let's Get Crackin' " bibs they are dancing their little selves crazy. They do all the dances with the staff of Joes. Katie's favorite is Car Wash. We all had the bucket o' crab and shared a treat with a candle. I wished for good health. It's all I wanted. I have not received it yet but here's to hoping.

Mike got me a new stereo for my dented and crappy minivan. I should not say my van is crappy. It is nice and it runs great and has barely any miles on it. But it is dented because I am bad at parking and it is still a VAN. Which automatically makes it crap. But now I have pimped out tunes so yay for the van. My parents got me all sorts of goodies from Williams Sonoma, one being the two volume set of Mastering the Art of French Cooking, by Julia Child. Yes this was the inspiration for Julie & Julia and yes I loved the movie except for the Julie parts and yes, I am now obsessed with Julia Child and am making my first attempt at one of her recipes tomorrow night. I have been reading volume one and it is an amazing book. It has like seven pages on artichokes alone, which by the by are my favorite vegetable in the universe. Tomorrow night I am making sauteed chicken in cream and onions over steamed lemon scented rice and browned mushrooms in butter and wine. YUM. I'll be posting on my recipe blog how things are going as I learn some mad French skills in the kitchen. Thanks to Mom and Dad for setting me on my way. If the scale moves an inch upward I will blame you guys.

I guess in general, I am glad to be 38. I am happy where I'm at. But I feel frustrated that I do not have the energy and that I've been feeling so sick. I don't feel I can make plans with people because I never know how I will feel. I feel like I cancel plans and that I let down the people I love. I hate it. But I am working with a good GI specialist and hopefully, we will figure this whole thing out and hopefully it's easy to correct. I try really hard not to focus on this aspect of my life on the blog because it just makes me want to slap me when I read about it and I assume others feel the same way. Thanks for the good wishes and email and love you have sent to me. I have the best friends and family and lurker readers that a girl could ever hope for. You guys rock.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I was not meant to be a Pioneer Woman

No offense to my secret best friend Pioneer Woman, but I discovered that I have in no way any desire to be a pioneer woman. My A/C at my house died yesterday. The earliest they'll have the parts and be able to fix it is MONDAY. Maybe up to 2 weeks. So I have all the lights off and all windows open and am naked in order to beat the heat. I don't think Pioneer Woman would give me a gold star as to how I am handling this recent crisis. All I want from my air conditioner is to press a button and get cool air wafting through it's vents. Pray for me. As Jack Nicholson said in a Few Good Men "I'm a fair woman but this --- heat is making me absolutely crazy." And we all know how that story ended. I think I'm going to go order Major Meeker to instruct Airman Jessica to give Airman Katie a Code Red. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Repetitive Chaos

My sister in law Amber posted this most beautiful poem on her blog the other day called Sweet Monotony all about the dance you do as a new Mom and how sacred and special that time is. I thought about how much my life has changed since those new days of Motherhood. So I wrote my own version, called Repetitive Chaos to celebrate what my life feels like now. Here is the great poem first, followed by my silly version.

Sweet Monotony
Feeding
Feeding Burping
Feeding Burping Changing
Feeding Burping Changing Cooing
Feeding Burping Changing Cooing Fussing
Feeding Burping Changing Cooing Fussing Rocking
Feeding Burping Changing Cooing Fussing Rocking
Feeding Burping Changing Cooing Fussing Cooing
Burping Changing Cooing Fussing Rocking Sleeping
Changing Cooing Fussing Rocking Sleeping Waking
Cooing Fussing Rocking Sleeping Waking
Fussing Rocking Sleeping Waking
Rocking Sleeping Waking
Sleeping Waking
Waking

Though the order may change,
The motions are the same.Regardless of time,
Regardless of day,
My life
And the life of my baby's
Is made up of the same movements over
and over and over again.
It is exhausting
For both of us.
I sometimes long for a change. . . does she?
But then I remember that Music is made using the same seven notes in variation.
And only twenty-six letters combine to create poems, and plays, and masterpieces.
I realize that monotony can create miracles.
So I will go through the motions with my baby
And we will dance
Through the pages of our own story.

And now for the Amy Meeker version...

Repetitive Chaos
Waking Threatening
Waking Threatening
Late - going to be very late.
Looking and looking. Shoe found.
Looking and looking. Backpack located.
Looking and looking. Teddy Bear wedged in the couch cushions.
Crying. Shouting. Bribery. Treachery.
Promises. Pleading. Speeding.
Cell phone dialing. Excusing lateness.
Lecturing. Lecturing.
Throwing snacks backward. Hoping to hit my target.
Spilling. Wrappers crinkling.
Screeching to a stop.
Unloading. Unloading. Unloading the world.
Drop off. Sigh of relief. Tears of joy.
Running running. Errands too many. Running. Sweating.
Speeding. Cell phone dialing. Back to pick up.
Praying. Praying. Prayers for nap time. Please God nap time.
Thawing, defrosting. Nuking and reheating.
Loud talking. Dinner consumed. Laughing. Spilling.
Wiping. Cleaning. Wiping and cleaning.
Bathing and playing. Splashing and sudsing.
Tangle spray and brushing. Crying and begging.
Lotion rubbing and pajama picking.
Scripture reading, story telling. Prayers praying.
Water. Last minute pee pee. More water.
"I heard a noise." "She's keeping me awake"
Threatening. Not sleeping. Bargaining and warning.
Finishing everything I didn't do during the day.

Though the order may change and the events vary, the motions of the Mom and Preschooler are the same. My life and the lives of my 4 year olds are made up of repetitive chaos that makes me curl into a ball and suck my thumb in the corner. But then I remember that I have less than two years to go until all day school and I vow to cherish these moments. That usually gets me through until 10:32 a.m. Then, it's all sheer luck, caffeine and prayer.