September the Eleventh

I just need to take a moment. Just a second to remind myself that I remember this day. I lived on Andrews AFB in Maryland outside of DC. Mike was driving on his way to a normal Tuesday of med school. My Mom woke me up to tell me to turn on the news. I watched as the towers came down 3 1/2 hours north of where I sat. I watched as the plane flew into the Pentagon. Wait a second. Mike used to work at the Pentagon! His old office is there. Our friends are still there! What side? What side did it fly into? Tell us what side!!!!!! There are only five sides, how hard can it be? The Pentagon was only 30 minutes from where I sat. Are more planes on the way? The hanger of Air Force One planes is only two minutes from where I sat. Could more planes be headed to Washington? MIKE! By now my neighbor Jody was at my house with her son and we were crying and glued to the television. I called Mike on his cell phone. "Where are you?" I said. "A plane hit the Pentagon Aim." He said woodenly. "I know, they aren't saying what side it hit on." I replied. "I turned my car around to head to The Pentagon when they said it. I just turned my car around." He said. "NO! Please don't go there!" I cried. "But what if people are hurt? What if I can help?" I thought super quickly..."Mike they are going to close down this base in no time flat. You aren't going to be able to get home. Come home right now and let's just be together. Please." I waited for his answer. "Okay, I'm on my way." sigh. Momentary relief. The phone rang minutes later to let me know our dear neighbor who had just had a baby lost her Mom who I had just met. Her Mom came to visit for the birth of my neighbor's baby and was on the plane that hit the Pentagon. CRAP, the world has gone crazy. Mike got home. We sat there all day with Jody and Tom and their baby. Sure enough the base didn't just close but we went to threat condition DELTA. This means an attack from a foreign or domestic enemy is imminent. How imminent? There was a tank a 1/2 mile from my front door. A tank. Later that night, I had to get out of the house because I was going crazy. I asked Mike to take a walk with me. We were in lock down on the base meaning we could not get on or off base. They had asked residents not to drive our cars and leave the roads open for official use. So we grabbed our ID cards and set out to walk over to the golf courses on Andrews. As we walked down the most beautiful serene golf cart path at sunset that you could ever imagine I heard a rustle in the bushes. I looked to my right. "Just keep walking Mam" was the reply that came out of the bushes. A soldier, in full forest camouflage with his face painted and night vision goggles attached motioned me on my way with his big machine gun. On the golf course. The President's Golf Course. What sort of world have we landed on? I just remember feeling confused and dazed and scared and grateful and out of my body for a long time. I don't know when I felt normal again. I don't know if I ever have.

It was 8 years ago. My husband is slated to go to Afghanistan again in May. We are still fighting the Taliban? Really? Still? Why? I still feel confused and scared and dazed but mostly I feel grateful. I've had two gloriously delicious babies who have turned into two funny and smart little girls. I still have my husband. Many do not. Although we have lost two Grandfathers, a Grandmother and a much beloved Aunt since then, our families are intact and whole. So yes, I am still grateful.

I just needed to take a second to remember. Thanks for indulging me Internet. I never remember that day. But it's important to try so I don't forget how precious this day that I've been given really is.

P.S My thoughts and prayers go out to my dear friends Jody and Tom who sat in our house that day and watched events unfold with us. We cried together and Jody and I held hands. Jody is alone with five kids in Germany right now. Tom is in Iraq.