Happy Birthday Mommy

This lady gave birth to me. She taught me to talk (a huge help to me in life it turns out) and to pee in the toilet. She also taught me many more lessons. We call them in our family...DIANE-ISMS. Let me please impart the wisdom of the ages. Well at least all the wisdom you can cram in to SIXTY FOUR years! Happy Birthday Mom!

• If you don't have time to do something right, how do you have time to do it over?
• It's not your boss's responsibility to get along with you, it is your responsibility to get along with your boss.
• It makes my teeth long. (this is something that gives you the heeby jeebies)
• No matter how much you think you know, when you go to buy a car, they always know more. Just remember that.
• I only have one thing to say. (this is never true)
• You like those pretty teeth? You want to keep em? Keep it up! (in a threatening voice. I still have my original teeth)
• Go to Russia!!! (to yell at cars on the 4th of July if they happen to cut you off)
• A lot can be learned from that movie Funky Brewster. (Ferris Beuller)
• Strangers, they just have to talk to me. (she stares them down in an uncomfortable manner until they acknowledge her)
• It's called being an adult. Welcome to adulthood.
• They're four. (or they're three, or they're two, anything to get her grandbabies outta hot water)
• Hello? HELLO?
• We went to the Hamptons on vacation! (It was Hampton Virginia...ooops)
• You know, it's a law in the State of California if they operate on you, they have to take out your spleen.
• Welcome to my world.
• There's more of those than they have hairs.
• You know as much of that as the man in the moon.
• Try being me.

Weekend Forcast - Showers of FUN and Patches of happy TEARS

I am so excited for this weekend. Some of my very favorite people are coming into town for Grammie Bea's 90th birthday! I'm so excited she's going to be 90 because as my Mom always says..."turning (fill in the blank) is better than the alternative!" And speaking of mothers, my very own is turning 64 on Sunday. We will mark the occasion with a brunch at mi casa. Cousins and the kindest dog on the planet and Aunties will abound. Saturday is Grammie Bea's party which will also be the debut of the highly anticipated Pink Princess Torte that Katie, Jessica and Grammie Bea selected along with a family sit down at Cafe' Vinotecca. Then Sunday, it's all about the quiche, William Sonoma croissants, Easter Eggs and Happy Birthday muffins. It's my Mom's birthday party with an Easter theme since we won't all be together the following Sunday for the holiday.

Have I mentioned Easter is my favorite of all Holidays? First, it's super important because it was sort of the purpose and culmination of the greatest gift you could ever receive. (Even better than something in a blue box from Tiffany's) I love Jesus. Katie is crazy about Jesus right now and tells everyone she meets how much she "just loves Jesus" and then kisses any picture of Him she can find. I'm glad she views Him as alive and real because guess what Internet, He is! My second favorite thing about Easter is the colors. I love pastels. In fact, I have decided in our next house that all the khaki and cranberry and neutral is going out the window. I am going to switch to pale yellow and apple blossom green and PINK and robin's egg blue, because is there ANY color more beautiful than Robin's Egg Blue? No there is not. My third favorite thing about Easter is the weather, the rebirth of things that have died and the bloom of flowers. Anyone who has been to DC during the Cherry Blossoms knows what I'm talking about. And the last favorite thing about Easter is the occasion to get a new dress. There is something about a new Spring dress that makes you feel young and flirty and pretty no matter how old you get. Instead of traditional Easter baskets filled with candy, my girls receive a dress in their baskets along with new shoes, tights and accessories. I always try and add a special accessory like a hat or purse or jewelry. I LOVE this tradition and look forward to surprising them their whole lives with a new head to toe outfit for Easter.

What are your plans may I ask? Our church holds a world wide conference the first weekend of April and the first weekend of October every year. This year, since Easter falls on the first Sunday in April, we will have a traditional Easter feast in between or after the broadcast of the conference. It should be a really mellow Easter. Then, the following Sunday we will debut our Easter fashions. I think I shall not serve ham because I am serving it at Mom's brunch on Sunday. I think my Dad is going to grill lamb chops which I used to think I hated but then tried two years ago alongside this mint balsamic dipping sauce and realized I like lamb chops but not lamb shank or loin or leg.

I will do an official birthday post honoring all things Mom on Sunday. I think it might include a few of her favorite sayings. She is famous for her sayings. We call them Diane-isms. Mike can rattle them off without taking a breath. It is a hobby for my Dad, Mike and me. My Mom cares for it not.

Well then, I guess I shall go for now. My activities today have included straightening my home, washing and preparing bed linens for yummy guests and cleaning out silver bullet to lend to favoritest cousin and her husband. On the agenda for this afternoon is a nap, a pedicure and grocery shopping at my leisure because I have scheduled a babysitter who will leave upon my husband returning home after a hard day healing people and saving lives. In reality he spends most of his time talking with the elderly about their cholesterol and high blood pressure, checking suspicious moles, looking into the throats and ears of crying tots, calming nervous mothers about H1N1, doing pelvic exams (this always freaks our parents out when we remind them that Mike looks at other people's vajay-jays) and thankfully washing his hands many many many times per day. I guess on some level he heals and saves lives, but not like Dr. Hunt on Gray's Anatomy who let's face it is the biggest stud there is. Except that he has a wicked case of PTSD and strangled Christina in her sleep. So that's not so good. Yeah, I think I'll stick with Mike who just kicks me in my sleep and has an endless desire to plaster his body to mine in sleep which I'm sorry is just wrong. "MOOOOOVE OVERRRRR" is heard a lot in the night in our house. It is said by both me and Katie who share our beds with the King and Queen of Snuggle Town. Maybe I need to bunk with Katie and the Velcro twins can spoon the night away?

And I just have to say one more thing. (that's a Diane-ism) But I do, so hear me out. I am embarrassed a lot to admit on this blog that I have a house cleaner. I've mentioned it before but it's always been with trepidation because I am afraid people will think I am either bragging or will judge me for some reason. The only reason I have a house cleaner is because all 4 of us are really messy. I am horribly disorganized. I leave Diet Coke cans EVERYWHERE and I spill. All 4 of us leave clothes on the floor of our bedrooms and Bare Mineral powder dusts my vanity. But the thing is see...I hate a dirty house. It makes me very very very sad. So, I have a lady that comes every two weeks and does the really deep heavy cleaning. It is all I can do to straighten and clean up before she gets here so she can see enough counter to wipe. So bragging? No. Embarrassed that I am such a mess? You betcha. But my shame has caused me to avoid mentioning a person who is a valued member of our family and who we love with all of our hearts. Her name is Luz and she arrives like clockwork every 14 days and saves all of our sanity. When the girls walk in and smell pine sol - they exclaim "aaaaahhhh LITTLE LUZ has been here!!!" When Mike comes home after a long day of work and sees the order and cleanliness he smiles and says "it's like a little haven from the world!" And when I see what Little Luz does for my family, I am more grateful than you could ever know. I love Luz. And not just because she mops my floor. I love her because she is an amazing person. She is a wife and wonderful mother. She LOVES my daughters like a second grandmother. Today, she arrived with 2 gigantic pink Easter baskets filled with candy. The girls make her cards and draw her pictures as often as they do for anyone. When the girls see her they run to her and kiss her. She makes up their room so beautifully with different stuffed animals and surprises under their pillows. Sometimes she takes the bus to my house and has to walk over a mile from the bus stop. I am ashamed sometimes that I don't do these things as well as Little Luz does for my family. That's why I don't ever talk about her. Which is wrong. Because she's AWESOME. And she allows me to do important things like blog and watch Top Chef. So judge away.

Okay, so please don't really judge me. I can't really take it. I'm off to make my grocery list. Goodbye for now.

post edit - I just realized I talked of pedicures, babysitters and house cleaners in this post. You have every right to judge me. I am awful. But as of 7pm, I will be awful with less dead skin on my feet.

Lotzee

Last week, or maybe the week before...I've had a concussion you know...I taught the girls to play five different board games that they had received as Christmas gifts. Hi-Ho Cherry-o, Chutes and Ladders, Book of Mormon Bingo, Concentration and Toy Story Yahtzee. I taught them one game each day and then they played that over and over and allowed me to rest my aching head. It was a good strategy and it worked out great.

Their favorite game is Yahtzee. But they don't know it's called Yahtzee. They yell at the top of their lungs "COME ONNNNNN LOTZEE". And if they get one, they come running in the room and yell "MAMA, I GOT A LOTZEE!" So finally I broke down and asked them why they thought it was called Lotzee and they said it was "cuz in order to win you have to get A LOT in a row. You know A LOTZEE"

Makes total sense. From now and ever more it will be called lotzee.

The End.

Arrested. I should be.

You know I did it. I couldn't help it. It was just there, glowing at me like a beacon, taunting me to give up my free time and surrender. So I did. And it was delicious. I giggled and high fived the Meekster and giggled some more. I was happy I did it. Not ashamed at all. Until, today, the morning after.

I watched New Moon. Twice. And I love Jacob Black. Did you hear that Internet? I love him. But I figured out that it's okay. I love him sort of like a son. Like the idea that Katie or Jessica might marry someone like Jacob makes me happy. And giggle. And tingle. Oh dear. Maybe I love him a little bit more than a son.

It was bad enough when I had my crush on the Efron. First, I was younger. Second, he's older than Jacob. Now...I'm older and the object of my crush is younger. Am I going get the hots for Zach and Codie next? How sick am I?

I think more than anything I'd just like Jacob to mow my lawn, or sell me an alarm system. Is that so bad? Alarm salesmen don't wear shirts right? ugh. I am beyond hope.

So there you have it. Call the cops, send in the SWAT team. I am NOT a cougar. I'm just an old lady with a crush on a child. Sick sick sick. If Mike was going gaga over one of the Gossip Girls I would slap him and make him go talk to the Bishop. Double standard much?

My favorite part is when Jacob says "Age is just a number baby, what are you like 40 now?" Not quite Jacob, not quite yet. But I'm close. Which is just gross.

Hey Good Lookin...what ya got cookin???

I have been a maniac today in the kitchen. Go over to my recipe blog to see what's been cookin and where you can get the recipes. The best frosting in the world hands down bar none might or might not be listed. I'm not joking. The best frosting in the entire universe. I did NOT need to learn how to make this. I got it from Pioneer Woman this week. She's a bad influence on me. And now I am putting peer pressure on you. All the cool kids are making this frosting. If this frosting jumped off a bridge would... never mind. I got lost in metaphor and analogy.

Anyway, here's where you can find all the goodness...or badness. Well, it's where you can find the link to the recipes.

www.cookwithamy.blogspot.com

If You've Ever Read Bossy & The Geek

Okay, I've never ASKED for comments before, but today I am asking for something from you. Here's my dilemma and an explanation why I haven't written anything on my other blog for so long. It's been so much fun up until now. I took myself through Mike and my first kiss and ended there. Up until that point, it was all light and fairies and butterflies. There was no drama or seriousness. In order to continue, I am going to have to go into experiences that are impossible to keep light hearted. If I continue the story, I will recount my conversion to another religion, the decision to go away to school, my failure there and a bunch of parts of life that are hard to keep casual and fun. Not that life gets sad or that there is no humor in these experiences because there are...but it's just a lot more emotional to write about.

So here's what I am asking. If you want me to go on with the story, leave a comment in the comments section of this post. You can post a comment anonymously so I won't know who you are. So even if you've never known me but for some reason have read our story and want me to continue, please let me know. If not, I'll just end it where it's at.

Thanks!

No Self Esteem Issues Here

Katie has what you might call a healthy level of self esteem. Ummmm...how do I say this? She really really REALLY thinks she is the awesome-EST! Here are a few little things she has said recently that make us chuckle.

"Mom, I am gonna be a Lympic (Olympic) Ice Skater because it is like dancing on ice. And Mom, I'm already a great dancer so I would only need to learn the ice stuff!"

"Mom, do you hear those birdies in the tree? They are tweeting so loudly because they must know I am in the car and can hear them." Pause. "HI BIRDIES!!! IT'S ME KATIE!!! I CAN HEAR YOU!!!"

Katie holding a calculator at my parent's house. "Grammie, I am SO good at this game!" She hands my Mom the calculator. "Grammie, look how big of a number I can make...have you EVER seen that big of a number?" All she does is punch in a bunch of numbers until it can't take anymore numbers then thinks that means she "won" the calculator game.

"Mom, I make the best lemonade. It's THE BEST. You will loooooove it. Here ya go!" Hands me a glass of water with maybe a half teaspoon of Countrytime. It was so gross. But I told her it was delicious.

Remember that one time I impaled my head on that tree?

Just when things were looking up for the Aimster, I stopped looking where I was going. And just like that, WHAM...I went forth and smacketh my head on thy yonder tree. So check it...I was walking out of the girl's preschool class with Kyler's mom Kelly and I hit my head on a branch that was had been pruned probably last Spring but was hidden by new leaves that had come out and obscured it from view. The branch had a knob sort of end on it and sticks sticking out of the knob so it stuck in my head at about three places. It bled like stink. I'm not sure what that saying means. Mike always tells me "head wounds, man they bleed like stink." So I wasn't alarmed when the blood was plentiful and soaking and dripping and non stopping. I got it cleaned at the urgent care. Friday is when this all went down. Last Friday. I was pretty sore over the weekend, feeling out of it and tired. Then Monday, when I had to take the girls to school it all felt like a weird Alice in Wonderland bad acid trip. I always imagine doing acid is like unto watching Alice in Wonderland. So when I was out and about on Monday and everything seems so bright and loud and acid tripish, I thought it would be a good idea to get my noggin checked out. One CT scan later and here's the skinny. I have a concussion, a pretty good one. Or a bad one. Depends on your general feeling about concussions really. I have a bone bruise and blood and fluid have gathered together to sit in between my skull and my skin which gives a feeling of pressure, headache and like my right eye is going to pop out of my head. But I have been assured it is not. No permanent damage. It should all heal just fine. But I feel like an idiot and a klutz and not like myself.

So that's where I have been. Holding my head and taking ibuprofen and going man that white rabbit is annoying. Turns out it was just Mike.

A Letter To My TV

Dear Television,

I know when we met at the Circuit City, we had an instant mutual attraction. And when I asked you to come home with me after just three dates, I felt our future was as bright as your pixels. But lately, over the past few weeks, I feel like you have been giving me so many mixed messages and manipulating my emotions in the cruelest of ways. It started with the Olympics. Really television? You made my heart soar with pride and then brought me to tears so many times I stopped counting. Just when I thought it was okay to hope again, you sent Canada to break my heart. Then, the day after what I thought was the end of your emotional torture, you sent Jake into my house. Jake and his fickle stupid heart. Watching him with Vienna last night was just the last straw for us television. I just can't take it anymore.

I think it would be a good idea for us to break up for the Spring and Summer. I think it would be a good time for both of us to think about our future and whether or not we can continue in an emotionally healthy relationship. I feel like I've given you hours of my time and got only heartbreak in return. I've given you my tears and laughter and you've just given me your sharp plasma in return. I need more from you. I need Gray's Anatomy to be good again. I need Troy Polamalu to have an injury free season so we can celebrate decent football together. I REALLY need something decent on HBO because if you can't give me that...what are we even doing? And let's not even get into how your morals and values seem to be disappearing before my very eyes.

I am going to try and see other people. I don't have anyone specific in mind yet, but I am seriously thinking about taking up Kindle on his offer to go steady. I think kindle would be better for my overall emotional health. And besides, he's trendy and cool and doesn't come with any excess baggage loaded on. I am going to try and reconnect with books and my old friend the country road. I know you think something is going on between me and my computer based on what you think you saw that one time on my lap but I swear we are just friends. It's not like that. My computer is DESIGNED to sit there.

I will always cherish the special moments we have shared. Castle and The Mentalist have really been bright spots in my life and I will miss them, I really will. I just think we need to end this now before I get so emotionally caught up in the new season of The Amazing Race and the return of V that I am too weak to walk away.

I hope someday we can be friends that support and uplift each other. I wish you happiness and fun this summer. Of course, you'll be allowed to see and spend time with the kids. I wouldn't take that away from you. (or me)

Take care television...I'll be thinking of you. And remember, we'll always have five years of wonderful memeories laughing over The Office. Those were special times that I will never forget.

Love,
Amy