It's Started Already

On the way to school Katie asked me the following question...

"Mom...when you open your eyes in the morning, do you want to sometimes just close them again? Because that happens to me all the time! Because it's so so so early!!!"

Yep Katie. That happens to me. All. The. Time.

With All Her Heart...

We were sitting in church today. They post up in the front of the church the page number of the hymns we will be singing. Number 116 was going to be our hymn for before the sacrament is passed. Jessica always opens the hymn book to the page of the hymn we are singing and looks at the words and music notes. When she was little, she used to get excited if she could find the right number. For the last few years, she loves for me to take her finger and move it over the words as we sing them. Sometimes she'll recognize the chorus or some of the words and she'll sing them softly. Mostly she loves to hum along with the organ.

Today, before the hymn started she told me in an excited little whisper..."Mom! I read all of these words! The title says Come Follow Me". Then she took her little finger and said "The first line says, come follow me, the Savior said, then let us in His footsteps tread." I hugged her and said in an excited whisper "Good job buddy! You really read all those words!" Then the organ started playing the song. In the most serious of little faces and sitting up as straight as she could sit she belted out the whole first line of the song at the top of her lungs in her very best singing voice. After the first line, she looked at me with so much excitement and I knew she was saving singing that first line of the song that she had studied so hard just for me. It brought tears to my eyes and a huge lump in my throat to see how excited she was to read and to hear her very loud little girl voice sing about Jesus. (she is VERY VERY loud) I normally don't get emotional about this kind of stuff. But there was just something about her excitement, the words of the song, the spirit in the room and it all coming together in a beautiful moment with my daughter.

I'm so thankful to be a parent. I didn't think I would love it this much. But I love it more than anything I've ever experienced. Today, I am truly grateful to God for my family.

Pushing Through It

I have decided to push through this horrible case of bloggers block. I think I can do it if I focus and set up some parameters. Pioneer Woman had blogging rules on her website today and I think I will come up with some blogging rules for myself to help me avoid these blocks that come from time to time. Here's what you can expect from now on regarding this blog.

• I'm going to write from the heart. I am going to tell you things I would tell my very best friend. I'm going to use my "voice" as a writer that is as authentic and real as possible.
• I am not going to filter myself. If one day I feel like spouting political views...great. If the next day I want to gush about something the girls did...super. If the next day I want to tell you about how an indecent picture appeared on the Disneyland monitors after a ride on splash mountain of me and my newly married self...I will. No filters! sorry Mom!
• Even though I have no filters, I won't be blogging about super personal stuff that is going to make you cringe with uncomfortableness. Like the horizontal mambo or my finances. Nobody wants to know about either of those things. I can't guarantee content won't make my mom uncomfortable but you should be okay.
• I'm going to try and remember I am writing this blog so my girls will know me. Not the rule making, nagging, at the end of her rope lady that they get most times. But my thoughts, dreams and humor. I want them to know that my life was hard, joyous, stressful and full of love. I want them to know I laughed a lot and that they have a mother that can laugh at herself. I'm going to try to remember that they, in their adult versions, are my audience. Katie and Jessica at my age now. That's who I write for.
• I'm going to blog daily. Because I agree with PDUB, if you don't nurture something everyday it will die. That's what happened to my blog over the past few months.
• I will be honest. Even if it's not pretty. Even if people judge me.
• I'll try and post more pictures.
• I will push through this block that I seem to have.

I am thirty nine. I turned thirty nine yesterday. It was a wonderful day. We took the girls to Joe's on the river and we danced. My parents joined us. Mike and I took the girls to Chuck E Cheese and then we all came home and took a nap. Then I went and had a massage. It was a low key great day. But thirty-nine. Let that one settle on your brain for awhile. On one hand I am OLD. On the other hand, this is the age I plan on staying for the next ten or so years so I better get comfortable with it. It's going to be around for awhile.

Amy at thirty nine is awesome. I feel old and achy in my body and joints. But in my heart I still feel like I have optimism and hope for my dreams to come true. When I was engaged I was standing in line at Michaels buying my wedding favors and a relative who was helping me saw the wistful, happy glow on my face and this is what she said. "I was like you once. I was so happy and full of life. I thought things were going to be perfect. And then life beat the crap out of me. And I changed. I hardened. It will happen to you. I guarantee it. You'll get hard. You'll have to or you'll break." I looked down at my pink jordan almonds and my squares of tulle and ribbon and I remember silently vowing to myself that no matter what life threw at me, no matter how bad it got, I would NEVER allow myself to harden. I would never allow myself to be cynical or bitter. I would keep my faith in people, that they are good and kind. I made myself the biggest promise I have ever made to myself at that moment. And you know what? I feel like for the most part I've kept it. I love people. I love their differences, their humor, their quirks. I love all different kinds of people, especially those that grew up different than me. I love gay people, straight people, fat and skinny people, foodies and non foodies, fans of Gray's Anatomy and fans of The Real Housewives. I love conservatives, liberals, muslims, christians and atheists. What I don't like is mean people. Mean people suck. I don't like people that are happy when someone else fails or is suffering. You will never hear me say "well, I guess they got what they deserved" or "now they understand how they made me feel". I think pettiness is one of the most ugly traits someone can have. I don't feel I have hardened. If anything I have softened. I was so tough and feisty when I was in my twenties. My thirties have taught me to be a little bit more gentle with people. Now gentle doesn't mean fake. I also hate fake people. I think I just try and cut people the same slack I'd like them to cut me. I feel like I kept that promise to myself that I made long ago in line at Michaels. And I'm so glad I did.

So if you can handle the new commitment to authenticity and truth along with a writer with no filter so you are going to get TMI and often, stop by every once in awhile. I will share my family, my love of motherhood, my love of Mike Meeker, my love of TV, my love of cooking, my fear of diets, my weird sense of humor and my life's stories with you. I'll never go private and I'll never stop writing.

Thirty nine. Seriously? I spent it at Chuck E Cheese? I played Air Hockey and beat the pants off my five year olds. That neon yellow puck was flying at them over and over again. We whacked a mole and made eggs knock over and rolled the skee ball. We laughed a ton. It was exactly how I wanted to spend my day. I love a chic restaurant and a night on the town just as much as any girl. But dancing to "Car Wash" and "Love Shack" at Joes and eating my fill of crab with old bay was just about perfect. Bring it on thirty-nine. Let me see what ya got. I think it's gonna be fun. We better learn to like each other...or the next decade is going to be hard on you.

Blogger Block

I have blogger's block. I looked it up. It's a real thing. It is. I can't think of what to write. Every time I sign on, I hem and haw and just have nothing in my brain. I think it's the new schedule, kindergarten and all the getting up at 645. Yesterday, I was going to get one of those low fat, build a better breakfast sandwiches from Subway after I dropped the girls off. I first drove to subway and realized I didn't have my purse or my phone. I drove home, got my phone, noticed all the lights I left on and the girl's nightgowns on the floor and picked up, turned off lights and drove back to subway. Phone? Check! Purse? Not so much. So I drove home. Got my purse. Acknowledged out loud to myself how stupid I am and drove back to Subway. OOPS. This isn't subway. I drove to Carl's Jr. What? How did I get HERE? Where did Subway go? The past two times, I was at Subway.

So I grabbed a breakfast burrito and went to the grocery store. Six boxes of cereal, three jars of mustard and one head of broccoli for a family of four and my head was hurting. I just wanted to suck my thumb and take a nap.

So there you go Internet. I'm taking a vacation. Not an actual vacation where in I would be at the beach, alone, with a book and a virgin pina colada...but a virtual vacation. From blogging. I will be back on Labor Day. And when I say I will be back...baby I will be BACK. As in on Fiyah!

Favorite Things Summer Edition

I have a whole truck load of stuff to write about. Vacation highlights, kindergarten, engagement excitement and a slew of confessions. They are all coming up. But I just can't stop myself from listing some of my most recent favorite things. Like Oprah. Except there are no give aways. Someday I hope to have a give away on my blog. I hear it's the only way you can really get people to comment. And did you know comments are the secret to how much you are loved? If I did have a give away, I think it would be stuff in my house that I just never got around to using. Wouldn't that be a good idea? I have crap all around this place still in the box. It seemed like a good idea when I was at Costco/Target/Pier One/Home Goods but then it just never materialized ya know? Anyway, this about my latest favorite things.

• Mad Men is back baby! That Don Draper....mmmmmm....he could cheat on me anytime.
• The website eShakti. Seriously, they have endless designs of dresses in the most flirty, vintage, cool prints and styles. But it doesn't end there. YOU get to pick what kind of sleeves you want to have, how long you want the dress, what sort of neckline you prefer. And then you send in your measurements while wearing the bra and/or foundation garment (girdle/spanx) that you will be wearing while wearing the dress. Their little elves sew and sew and presto chango...the dress arrives exactly as you have specified. Isn't that the coolest? How many times have I passed up a dress because it has flutter or cap sleeves and my arm fat is going to spill out? Our how many dresses would I love but they are so short my knee scar shows? If you have any problem areas or just like cool dresses, you should check out this website. http://www.eshakti.com/default.asp
• Teachers! I volunteered in the girls' class today. I can't believe how awesome these teachers are. Our teacher is perfect for my girls. They love her and let me tell you, after seeing her in action, she is amazingly wonderful. It never stops amazing me how hard teachers work.
• Upstate New York: We just went out to NY on vacation. We didn't hit NYC but instead were up around the Niagara Falls region. I can't tell you how beautiful this area of the country is. Rolling hills and farms with white farm houses and red barns. Amish influences in the architechture and old fashioned Main Streets in little tiny towns. It was like a slice of Americana of a time long gone by. I loved it. Mike's family reunion was in Palmyra, New York. It was so beautiful and amazing.
• Waxed eyebrows. I admit I had neglected my eyebrows for awhile. I got them shaped not long ago and it made such a difference. Don't neglect your brows!
• OPI Gel Soak Off Nail Color - this stuff is amazing. Whenever I get a manicure, my polish chips off in like a day or two. OPI has developed this new nail color that is in a little pot and it has a gel texture. You paint it on and then set it with a blue light. It dries immediately so it's almost impossible to chip or smear. You don't have to file the natural nail on top or damage your natural nail bed in any way. And the color stays chip free for at least two weeks. The ad says three weeks but I'm really hard on my hands. You can get anything from really dark to super light. They have all the most popular OPI colors. I'm not sure if you can buy this stuff or if it's only done in professional salons. But I watched the nail tech no it and it didn't look hard at all. You would have to have one of those blue light machines but it would be worth the investment.
• Ali & Roberto - I can't help it. I know they'll never make it. But I get sucked in every time.

Life Has Been Dry Humping My Face

My Mom is on vacation so I know she won't see the title of this post and call me and ask me why I find the need to be so vulgar. If she did call me however, I would calmly tell her that the reason I needed to be so vulgar in the title of my post is because the only way to explain my life recently is as if the universe is dry humping my face. I know you guys know what I mean.

First, the girls started kindergarten. But it is July, you say, how can that be? Yes, well, that's what I thought too. However our school district has some crazy idea that year round school is a great idea and the girls started kindergarten in July. The ink wasn't even dry on their little baby graduation diplomas from preschool. They had like zero summer break. And back to school. I felt like we all got hit by a truck. I'll do a separate post about the first day because I have pictures and they are darn cute.

Then, after two days of kindergarten we went on vacation. To New York. Once again I let Mike make the flight arrangements. Stupid stupid me. We flew at night, from San Francisco, with many stops. He always does that to save a couple of bucks. We end up spending way more than we saved in parking fees, gas, luggage checking and ham sandwiches at the airport but he feels like he is getting a deal so I guess he's happier in the end. As for us? We are zombies by the time it's all over. We don't even know where we are. Katie and I have gotten really good at sleeping on each other on airplanes and during layovers. We were in New York for both Mike's extended family reunion and to spend time with Rick and Heather's family before Rick leaves on deployment. The girls loved playing with their cousins. We also got to meet my new sister in law to be who we love. I will post more on that later because it is too good of a story and deserves it's own post. It was a great trip. Just long and exhausting.

Then, back to kindergarten we went. Only now, I had missed back to school night so all the other parents were pros and I was a lost and lonely soul, looking like an idiot. I spent the past three nights trying to get the girls the right size of backpacks, homework caught up and reading all about our new school, new teacher, new policies, procedures and schedule. Kindergarten is currently kicking my ass.

The day we returned from our night of never ending airline travel, our good friend Matt came to stay for two nights. Matt is a friend of ours from Mike's residency in Nebraska. He just got back from Afghanistan and came out to see the Bay Area, run a marathon and see a girl. (not in that order) One of my goals in life is to see Matt happily married and raising children. He will be the best Dad in the world. We enjoyed his visit and the girls asked all day long "Does Matt really HAVE to leave?"

So finally... today is the first day where I have my house back to myself, have not changed out of pajamas and am preparing for a much needed nap. When I resurface, I will post amazing stories and pictures. Stay tuned for exciting stuff.

Get Out And Don't Come Back Until You Get A Job

As a kid, summer vacation was anticipated with mixed emotion. On one hand: no school, sleeping in, T.V., swimming and general laziness. On the other hand: my parents commitment to prevent all of the previous activities from occurring. They thought summer meant you should have plans and activities to keep you busy. Early on it was Vacation Bible School and then summer day camps that took place at the Community Colleges in the area. I'll admit, they were fun. I don't know if you can compare it to sleeping in and watching a Brady Bunch Marathon then laying out on my silver floatie in our pool, but it was as much fun as day camp at a college can be. I learned calligraphy, tennis, swimming, art, drama, astronomy etc. It was for geeky kids who's parents wanted to give them intellectual stimulation. I guess it was good for me and exposed me to a group of kids that I would not normally have hung around. I ended up marrying a man very much like those summer day camp kids. So all in all it was a good thing for me. But that's not what this post is about.

As time went on, I approached the summer in which I would be 15 1/2 and it would be legal in the State of California for me to get an actual job. I had to have a social security card so my Mom made sure I took care of that before school got out. My parents warned me to get out there and get a jump on finding a summer job. Once summer vacation started, I was expected to go to work, at least part time. I did not pay attention. So Monday morning, the first real day of summer vacation dawned and my Mom woke me up at 7 a.m. just like normal. She told me to get up. I was very confused. Did she not know it was SUMMER? She explained that because I didn't have a job yet, I would be leaving the house with her and Dad that morning and "pounding the pavement" until I found one. I would do this each day, all day until I found someone who would agree to hire me. I could not believe my ears. I didn't even know what "pounding the pavement" meant. Realize I was only 15 1/2 and didn't even have my learner's permit so I would literally be walking the streets of my small town to hunt for a job. ugh.


Because I was 15 and had not realized that they could not actually kill me or harm me in any way, I got up and left the house armed with copies of my resume' printed on light pink paper. My resume included my name, telephone number and all the extra curricular activities I had participated in. It also included three personal references; a family friend and two ladies I had babysat for. It was not impressive.


I knew I just couldn't work in fast food. It's a great avenue for teenagers and the kids at McDonald's looked like they were having fun but I knew I just couldn't put on that hat and ask people if they wanted "fries with that". I went to Bel Air first, the grocery store in our town that was known to pay top dollar to teenage baggers. They explained I had to apply at their main office in Sacramento. I went to various stores, Paper Place, Corner Closet, MsFits etc. All places I liked to shop and did more of that really than look for work. I think I hit Round Table for lunch who explained I had to be 16 to work there. I went to a friend's house and wasted the rest of the afternoon drinking sun tea and complaining about my plight.


I knew the next morning would find me back out on the street. My Dad must have felt sort of sorry for me because he came home with the name of a man named Doug, who owned the Pizza Barn, a long time (now gone) pizza establishment in Elk Grove. He explained that this man also operated the snack bar at the softball complex at Elk Grove park and needed part time help whenever the softball complex was open. This would be most weeknights and all day Saturday and Sunday. I called Doug that evening and we arranged to meet at the Pizza Barn the next day. I totally dressed up and arrived 10 minutes early. I sold the crap out of myself to the point that Doug (a nice crusty old bald man) laughed right at me in the interview. He actually held up his hand to tell me to stop talking already and that I was hired. I would start off working at the softball complex snack bar the next day for a four hour shift. Woohoo! I'd hang out at the park, serve some nachos and flirt with cute boys all summer. I saw myself hand delivering sunflower seeds and Gatorade to dugouts of college aged boys who would worship me for quenching their thirst.

It didn't turn out that way. I swear that snack bar was the busiest snack bar in America. We sold way too many choices; nachos, hot dogs, polish hot dogs, popcorn, sodas, icees, candy, pizza and the list went on and on. There was always a line. Always. And there was a cash register in which the change was not calculated. That's right people. I might be the youngest person alive that had to make change out of my brain. Seriously difficult for this math impaired girl. In any case, it was hot, sticky, cheesy but very fun. The softball players were more lesbian than hot guys but the players and families were both friendly and my co-workers were nice. I remember this guy I worked with that I really liked got fired for stealing money from the register. How old Doug knew it was him is still a mystery. It's not like the register kept count of the money in any accurate way.

I lived on cherry/blue raspberry icees that summer. Just the other day I took the girls to Burger King and they got to have an icee. They had cherry and blue raspberry. I told the girls to get them mixed and to just trust me, they'd like it. They did and they loved it and have been begging for an icee everyday since.

I think this was a perfect first summer job. It taught me to be on time, to be part of a team, to work quickly, to deal with customers and to make change!

I want the girls to know about all the jobs I've ever had so this is the first post in a series about my jobs. Jessica told me the other day that she didn't believe that I had ever had a real job. So it inspired me to write about the many and varied jobs I have had so she can know her Mom did something besides make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and clip toenails. Seriously, I clip 40 finger and toe nails each week besides my own. Figure that out over five years. That is a lot of clipping. Gross.

You Got A Friend In Me...

Went and saw Toy Story with the girls, Mike and my parents. It was amazing. My favorite Pixar except I really loved Nemo. But it's every bit as good. Without ruining it for you I just want to share that it's so wonderful to know how many of us in this world have common experiences in childhood. If we didn't grow up all the same, how could we all get the jokes. Childhood is an amazingly special time that we should cherish and protect no matter if it is our own childhood or the childhood of our kids or the childhood of the kid of a friend. It's such a special time. And it's so short. I have a renewed commitment to helping my girls and all kids that I come in contact with hold on to that magic fairy dust that keeps life innocent and free of stress and fun. It was so fun to laugh through this movie as I held my babies on my lap and snuggled with them when they got too heavy. When the sad parts came I just held them tight and smelled the tops of their heads over and over again. It helped.

Go see this movie with a kid you love today. And if you don't have a kid, borrow one. It's so fun to see it through their eyes.

And my kids are never leaving for college. Ever. EVER.

The Tale Of The Firefighter & The Doctor

Once upon a time there were two little girls.

After two years of study, work and play, they graduated summa cume laude (or in other words they got straight Gold Stars) from the prestigious Tiny Tots Preschool. Early on, they knew they wanted to pledge the Alpha Beta Cappa (ABC) sorority. Katie majored in Art with an emphasis on the many uses of glitter. Jessica triple majored in "knowing it all" and according to her mother, she really must have learned a lot because she really DOES think she knows it all now.
Upon Jessica receiving her diploma, her teacher told a little bit about her. She wants to be a firefighter when she grows up. This was a surprise to her mom and dad given she can not watch and in fact hides during the part in Sleeping Beauty when Prince Phillip has to battle the fire to get to Aurora. But apparently, Jessica has a reason for wanting to be a firefighter when she grows up. (See post edit at the bottom of the post)

Upon Katie receiving her diploma, her teacher announced that Katie wanted to be a Doctor when she grows up. Her parents knew she wanted to be a Doctor because she tells her Daddy that she wants to grow up and work at his office so she can see him all the time. (Little did we know there was another reason we would discover later -see post edit also)

The graduation was so nice. The graduates demonstrated their educational accomplishments by saying The Pledge of Allegiance, singing the "Days of the Week" song, reciting the months of the year in order and a poem about how they are the future leaders of the world. Needless to say, their Mother cried her eyes out. She was an emotional wreck. The Dad remained stoic and did not shed a tear. It must be allergies that caused his eyes to water.

All in all, our preschool experience was perfect for our family. Kindergarten here we come!

(post edit - the girls have been talking about their jobs they are going to have when they grow up. Apparently, the reason Jessica is going to be a firefighter is so she can get the people who get hurt in the fire and take them to Katie the doctor who can fix them and make them better. Then, they can still see each other every day and be on the same team when they are big. Have I mentioned that I LOVE these girls?)

And It's Time Once Again For Me To Face My Shame - In Other Words - Eclipse Comes Out Tomorrow

Yes friends, it's that time again. Unless you live under a rock, you are aware that the third Twilight movie starts tonight at midnight. And if you think I will struggle to not ditch my sleeping babies and husband and hit the multiplex, you are CORRECT. I am not seeing this movie until Thursday. Thursday! It's like forever from now. And yes, I love the story, the books, the characters, the whole idea of a hidden world within our own. But that's not the real reason I am excited. Let's face it. I am excited about seeing little boys who are pretending to be werewolves because it makes me feel tingly. And it makes my heart flutter. And it makes me...giggle. I love Jacob. I have always loved Jacob. I would pick Jacob. Edward would not have stood a chance. Jacob is awesome and a total hunka hunka.

Face inside my palm. Shame. Pure shame.

"My name is Amy and I am a Twi-Mom."

"Hi Amy!"

Am I A Mother? Yes. A Genius? I think so.

Today my naughty children did not want to eat their breakfast. First, they wanted a bowl of strawberries with brown sugar on top. So I provided the fruit with just a smidge of brown sugar because it was too early to fight them and they ganged up on me. Then, they wanted rice candy from our Japanese food last night. Nope. No candy, was my reply. Whining ensued. I offered cereal, toast, eggs, bacon, waffles...all sort of breakfast items were available. They wanted rice candy. No. Please? No. Back and forth.

The morning went on and frankly, I was just tired of trying to convince them to eat something healthy-ish. But I knew if they ate nothing they would be cranky and hungry earlier for lunch which would just screw up the whole day. They say necessity is the mother of all invention.

I am the mother and this was my invention. "Girls, pretend one of you is a duckie at the park. I'll give the other person bread and you can feed it to the little sister duck." Cheers and celebratory jumping. So I gave each of them a slice of high fiber wheat bread and they tore it up in little squares and threw it on the ground while the other flapped their wings and bent their head down and ate it off the ground. They both ate two slices of high fiber bread along with a glass of water. Strawberries, bread and water. Not a bad breakfast and I didn't have to toast, pour or cook it in any way. I am a genius. And yes I will be trying the same trick the next morning I am just too tired to cook.

Quack quack.

If I Could Write You a Love Song...

Mike and I noticed something strange when we had the girls. It was something so unexpected. We had prepared for parenthood you guys. After 13 years we had our plan in hand. There wasn't any tidbit of info we thought would catch us off guard. We knew what to Expect When We Were Expecting while we were both Baby Wise and full of Love & Logic if you know what I mean. So in comes these two little lives and all of a sudden, all the cheesy, the most gushy, syrupy love songs on the radio were no longer about each other. They had been written specifically as beautiful ballads for our girls.

I'm about ready to date myself and by date myself I don't mean I'm about ready to take myself out for dinner & a movie. Badah - Bing! All the 80's love songs we had thought were about each other were instead completely re-written on our hearts and seemed to sum up exactly how we felt as we fell in love with these two little ladies. "You're the Inspiration", "Waiting For a Star To Fall", "After All", "Wind Beneath My Wings" and "Always & Forever". All cheese. All about my daughters. All causing these strange lumps to swell in our throats and moisture to leak from our eyes. What the hell was happening here? It must be the lack of sleep? Nope. Turns out it was true love.

So today, we were coming home from swim lessons and the famous ballad "The Rose" came on the radio by the amazing Bette Midler. Katie asked what this beautiful sound was? So I cranked it up and sang it for her and Jessica at the top of my lungs. And by the third verse I couldn't sing anymore because I could not stop crying. Tears and squeaking. That's all I had. And I realized that there has never been a song or words that sums up what I feel about my journey to and through motherhood quite like The Rose.

"Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow. Lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the Spring becomes the rose."

Wam, Bam I hate SPAM

You know what I am really sick of? As in come ON already! SPAM. I mean, how do those people KNOW that I have a tiny little penis and might be interested in enlarging it? Who told? It's ridiculous. Does anyone really trust the cleansing of your colon to someone who sent you an email? And if the people who send this are listening...no I'm really not a horny housewife, but thanks for asking.

I'll admit it. I've had my email address for a long time. As in a long long long time. I had it before I learned about internet privacy laws and how to protect myself by never opting in to anything. I shop a lot and use my email address. I didn't pay attention at first to all the boxes you need to check and being careful they weren't sharing my information...just send me the freakin' book/clothes/make-up already! I was in a hurry. So I probably made some errors. But in the past three days, I have received three personal emails. (I know, sad huh) But I have received over 250 emails from companies wanting me to buy something. Most of these have received my business in the past, but some of these companies peddling vitamins, penis enlargement surgery, colon cleansing and porn have not been patronized by yours truly. Hey, I just caught a correlation. Follow my logic here. Maybe if I took the vitamins they are selling, my colon would be clean and my penis would grow opening up a career in the porn industry? Maybe it's a conspiracy and these are all from the same person and they secretly love me and think following this path in my life will lead to enlightenment and fulfillment? Yeah, maybe not.

Be careful out there...it's a big world wide web.

Men Men Men...Manly Men

The men in my life have taught me some great things. How to multi-task, hunt for a sale, love of shoes and goat cheese....ha ha HA! Just joking. But yesterday was Father's Day and it would be just down right rude to let it pass without a tribute. So here are some real things the men in my life have taught me.

Mike Meeker, the husband: How to properly load a dishwasher, how to scramble the best eggs on the planet earth, how to not tip my hand too soon (in both Risk and life) and how to do laundry. (in theory...it's never been put into actual practice by me. He does ALL the washing. I KNOW!)

John Santos, the Papa: that Hawaii is the best place on the planet earth, to be proud of your heritage and that I was pretty just how I was. I didn't need to change one bit.

Tom Oliver Sr., the Papa #2: a garden is a peaceful place to spend time, how to shoot concord grapes in my mouth, what mint, anise and rosemary smelled like and that you can have as much fun with a hose and a bucket and you can in an entire swimming pool.

Bill Meeker, the father in law: baseball players might be almost as talented as softball players (I'm still not sure), people can change a lot about themselves if they are willing to look hard in the mirror and if somebody talks too loudly during a television show, you can just keep turning up the volume until they get the hint and shut up.

Ron, Ken, Rick, Chuck and Steve Meeker, the brothers: Being the big sister is the best job on the planet. You get to boss around a bunch of boys and they laugh instead of get mad.

and finally...the most important boy...

Thom Oliver Jr. , the FATHER: you can not learn anything with your mouth moving, do a good job and don't expect freebies or to get rich quickly - just work hard and it will work out, boring is between your ears, do NOT drink at a high school party when your dad is scheduled to pick you and your friends up, be honest, be calm, help family and look forward to having grandbabies.

Thanks guys and Happy Father's Day!

A Study In Contradiction...

Mike and I were talking the other night and we decided we are very conflicted individuals. Seriously, you laugh, but we are. We fall into certain stereo types for sure, but dig a little deeper into our gooey caramel centers and we are totally conflicted about stuff. Here's what I mean.

I have always been a Democrat. I used to say I was morally a conservative but fiscally I was pretty liberal. My parents assured me that as I got older I would grow more conservative as I made more money, because I would want to keep it. But the opposite is happening. I am getting more liberal. And then Mike, OH MIKE...he told me on the way home from Medford the other day that he wants to retire in Ashland, Oregon instead of Central Point because Ashland is a hippie town and he'd rather live by liberals than conservatives. What? Umm...excuse me MAJOR Meeker, Eagle Scout, Mormon guy...aren't you supposed to be conservative? He still considers himself conservative on most issues but he's gotten about 99 times more liberal since he became a doctor. So why are we conflicted about this? Because of our religion, our families and most of our friends are totally the opposite. We are surrounded on all sides by conservative republicans for the most part. We even know people who think republicans are too liberal! And I know lots of people don't understand how in the world we could even get near the label of liberal. But at least for me, I think it's time I quit making excuses and own my identity. And part of it is a person who is more to the left than I feel comfortable admitting. I am a card carrying liberal, except they don't give out cards. I am a tree huggin, peace lovin, live and let live, big government, free speech, gun controlling liberal. I'm sure I will get a comment or two about how conservatives are the real "live and let live" folks. But I'm sorry you guys, I just don't see it. I told my Grandma that I think I might be a socialist and she laughed so hard because she was sure I was kidding. *** See post-edit at the bottom ***

Here's another conflicted area of our lives. We believe strongly that we should spend our life in the service of others. Mike's whole career is service based. Service to country and service to his patients. I am a stay at home Mom and I believe in giving time to helping others. It's just... well, it's just...how do I explain it? Well, see, we'd rather, um, watch TV. There I said it. We'd rather snuggle up on the couch and watch something we have recorded on the DVR instead of serving anybody. We feel guilty about it because this love of couch potato-ness flies in the face of what we believe.

Additionally, the fact is we are old. Yet, our souls feel so young. I still feel about 17 years old emotionally. I still get nervous if I have to go into a new social situation. I still crave popularity and want to please people. Shouldn't I have outgrown that? I am a mother and almost 40 for crying out loud. I shouldn't care about people liking me or whether someone sits by me at the next social event. But I do. I really do. Sometimes I just want to tell my old wrinkled self to grow up and put on my big girl panties. But inside, I'm still that kid at the roller rink praying that I have friends to skate with on a Friday night.

I miss working. But I don't want to go back to work. I still identify myself as someone with a career yet I have not had one for 2 1/2 years. I always said I would go back to work when the girls go to 1st grade. But won't they need me even more once they start to encounter mean girls, peer pressure, sports, activities, lunches to pack and spelling tests? I mean, how did I ever learn to spell with two working parents? How did my lunch get packed? But do I really want to be out of the work place for so long that by the time I go back people look at me as a sad, pathetic empty nester who is trying to fill time with her little jobby job? That was a rhetorical question. The answer is no. So basically I go back in 18 months or I don't go back ever? See why all the conflict? It's maddening.

Diet Coke. Need I say more?

Mike and I both feel conflicted about whether we are strict enough with the girls. On one hand, we are old school. (probably because we are old) We were raised when kids still got spanked and you told your mother to shut up if you had indeed decided that you were ready for death. We were both a little bit scared of our parents and it kept us in line. But in today's world, we are supposed to know that spanking doesn't work and that we need to empower our kids to stand up for themselves and question things. Apparently there is scientific evidence that this kinder, gentler parenting produces better kids. But we just aren't sure we buy it. Can you imagine how much our conflictedness (not a word) is screwing up our kids? Are we strict or permissive? Are we old school or new school? Poor little cherubs. They are probably so confused. I know we are.

And oh boy, this next one is the big one. I am conflicted about religion. I'm not conflicted about God. Totally do not have conflicts with doctrine. However, I feel like a cafeteria Mormon. I show up with my empty tray and I take servings of what looks good to me, instead of what is being served. Hmmm, lets see...I'll start off with an appetizer of family prayer, then I'll take a serving of love one another, a main course of Jesus and a side of forever families please. I'll take a big slice of warm fuzzy feelings topped with honesty and sprinkled with integrity for dessert. Oh, nothing to drink for me. (Because you don't serve Diet Coke anyway) As I fill up my tray with stuff that feels good and goes down easily, I wonder what I am missing out on. I steer clear of the hard work, working through trials, missionary work, temple work. Well let's just be honest, I steer clear of anything with "work" in the title. I don't discuss religion with anyone really because it makes me feel like a phony fake fraud. But here it is. For all the Internet to see. I am conflicted. I used to not be conflicted. I used to want to do the work. I used to love the work. I also used to love entertaining and my job and putting on make up and artichokes. Now, I just feel tired. So overwhelmed and so tired. I know the answer. Pick up the ball, quit whining and run with it already. I know this is the truth. I know because I have prayed about it. And I got an answer. The answer came to my heart. It said, "you need to work harder". It said "you'll be happier if you work harder." But I remain conflicted, on my couch watching Modern Family. See the problem?

And finally, I am conflicted about diets. Do they really not work? But what about all those people who lose weight on a diet? Is it really about maintaining choices you can keep up for a life time? Or should you hunker down with the celery and diet? I hate celery you guys. But I have these last stinking 40 pounds to lose. I want to lose it. But then I think...do you REALLY want to? If you REALLY wanted to, wouldn't you just go on a diet already? I've been either on a diet, going on a diet, cheating on a diet or out of control stuffing my face since I was 10. I can recite the nutritional labels of most foods and could write my own diet manual. I have gained and lost my body weight several times over. And yet here I sit, stuck and conflicted. Should I make sensible choices tomorrow but not stress super hard about the weight? If I keep that up over the long run, the weight will eventually come off right? Or I could just take a deep breath and charge into the land of food journals and portion measuring. I'm just not sure.

Feel free to comment if you have any wisdom to impart. I'll take all I can get at this point. Also, please don't worry about us. We may be conflicted but we are gold medal champions at blocking stuff out and are currently serving our second term as the co-chairs of the denial committee. So I really don't think about how my life is a big fat sham all that often. What do you feel conflicted about? Please, to share? (and if you get that movie reference you know how old I am).


POST-EDIT:
Regarding "socialism"... Mike and my dad got their panties in a wad at this part of the post. Mike is in the Air Force, so, for the record (and for big brother, if he is reading), no, I am not a member of any socialist party and I'm not a pinko-commie. And apparently, I'm not aware of all the past horrors and future ramifications of socialist regimes. Stalin, Lenin...bad dudes,agreed. Communism sucks. All I am saying is that what's going on here with the big business/special interest isn't all too cool either? Capice? And no I have not joined the Italians.