Breaking News...no pun intended

So I went to the surgeon today for a follow up on Miss Knee. He told me my range of motion was great, much better than he expected. (yay) I told him I was being the ever obedient patient and keeping my leg in the brace and not putting pressure on my leg and doing mild stretching exercises and that I was only taking pain medicine at night right before bedtime if my leg was really hurting. (yay) I then looked at him with hopeful eyes and said "so ummm...what are my physical limitations at this point in regards to ummmm...driving and walking?" And he was all..."oh. you can't drive for at least 4 more weeks. And you can't walk without a walker or crutches for at least 4-6 more weeks. " (no yay) And I said "come again?" And he said "the bone has to heal and grow into the grooves in the screws we put in your leg or you could just strip the screws right out of place and cause a very bad break in your leg." (no yay) And I said..."say what?" And he said "look idiot. Did you not hear me when I told you this was a 6-9 month recovery period?" (fer sure no yay) and I was all "Well Mr. Surgeon sir, I guess did not hear that part thank you very much." (still no yay) And he said "Get out of my office. No walking. No driving. No jumping for joy. No life. Got it?" And I was all "got it dill hole." (sarcastic yay)

The End

P.S. None of this actually happened except for the fact I can't drive for 4 weeks and can't walk without a walker for 4-6 more weeks and I have to go to tons of PT. Everything else in the above post is my attempt at satire because if I can't be snarky and sarcastic I will die.