New Swoon...

I am, or most definitely should be, arrested. I should be locked up. I should register on the sex offender list in all 50 states. I lusted after a child. A child. I got giggly. I even let out a very loud woop woop and pumped my arm in excitement in the middle of a darkened theater. Did you hear me? I PUMPED my arm. I YELLED woop. Then another woop. I giggled (cackled more like) every time Jacob came on the screen. And given he had no shirt on for the entire movie, I found myself sad during the one scene in which he wore clothes. He is 17. That means, had Mike Meeker and I procreated on our honeymoon I could be.... Oh I can't even say it. His. Mother. He could walk into my house and say "hey there. MOM." And I'm quite positive I would not be allowed to want to run full speed into him, jump onto him and make out with him for like five hours. I am going to hell. And jail. And all the bad places people like me should go. It was so good. So. So. Good.

So me and Mike Meeker went on Friday night while the girls had a sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's. We stood on line for two hours with this lady that would not shut up about this girl in her Bible study and how she was such a bleepity bleep bleep bleep. And how at church she totally bleeping bleep bleeped. And I kept thinking, DANG LADY. Is there anything about Bible study and church and all the cussing around all the twi-tweens that doesn't go together? Shut the bleep up and Jesus loves you, is basically what I wanted to say. We purposely sat in front of a row of ten year old girls, all clad in New Moon tshirts and necklaces and they took pictures every five seconds. We giggled and jumped up and down in our seats waiting for it to start. Now, you might think I was the only one in our party of two that was giggling and jumping up and down. Not so. Mike Meeker is just as big of a twilight fan as his wife. He has read all the books. More than once. He loves Edward. As in LURVES HIM. As in, he secretly thinks he is Edward but is willing to admit he might be a cross between Edward and Jasper and he was so excited for the Volturi scene and to see how they did the wolves he couldn't form coherent sentences on the way to the theater. He saw a bumper sticker that says "I drive like a Cullen" and he really really wants to get it. He is firmly encamped in Team Edward. I however, have always been in Team Jacob and now that I saw this movie, I will be a supporter of Team Jacob FOREVER. I would so pick Jacob. The ONLY advantage to Edward is his money.

We are adult enough to admit that the Twilight movie was very bad. But New Moon was awesome. We loved it. Okay so the part where Edward and Bella are running in slow motion through the forest as Vampires in clothing from 1918 was a little stupid. But everything else was so awesome. We cheered right along with the gaggle of girls behind us. (and the rest of the theater) We stayed up like two eighth graders until 2 am talking all about the movie and the books and all things Twilight. I told Mike we had to go to bed and that he was going to start his period ANY DAY. Seriously, if he doesn't stop he might have to get some tampax to keep in his car just in case.

And as for me. I'll just be in jail, sitting in my cell with a secret little smile on my face thinking all sorts of wicked thoughts about a 17 year old. But I hear he turns 18 in 82 days. And yes, I heard that because I went to a fan website. And yes. I am aware I am in a very scary place mentally and emotionally. Please tell my daughters I always loved them. I just loved the werewolf a little bit more.