My Mother, My Mentor, My Friend - My First Interview of the new Getting To Know You Series

Beginning TODAY, I am turning the tables on my family and friends. Periodically, I will be posting interviews that I have conducted with various individuals important to me in my life. And given that my Mother's Day post was nonexistent because my Mother's Day was THAT bad, I thought the best person I could think of to start with is my Mom.

Now my Mom may or may not read this blog. She won't admit it to me directly but she seems to know stuff before I have the chance to tell her. She was surprisingly very candid and happy to be interviewed. My Mom is private, thoughtful and introspective. Just like me. Ha! Sometimes I don't think it's possible for a mother and daughter to be more different but then just when I think that, I find myself doing or saying something exactly like her. So without further adieu... here is the interview I did with my Mom.
Me: Hi Mom. What are you doing?
Mom: Trying to figure out this paperwork.
Me: You know my blog?
Mom: yeah
Me: Well, I want to interview you for it. I'm going to interview people cool huh? Can I interview you?
Mom: Sure!
Me: Really?
Mom: Sure! Yeah...go ahead!
Me: Oh okay, okay, let's start with this. Are you glad to talk to me on my blog?
Mom: Oh Sure.
Me: What do you think people would want to know about the mother of Amy Meeker?
Mom: How she [the mother] survived!
Me: Good one Mom! You mean how you survived?
Mom: Yep
Me: What do you think people that know you would be surprised about you?
Mom: That I hoard socks. I can't ever throw them away.
Me: Ha ha...even the ones that you can't wear because they have seams?
Mom: Yep, I can't throw them away.
Me: Who is your favorite person in the whole world?
Mom: Jessica and Katie. They are tied for first place.
Me: Why didn't you say me?
Mom: Because they make my heart sing and don't criticize me.
Me: When I was in junior high/high school and I used to steal your clothes and wear them were you really mad or just trying to teach me a good lesson?
Mom: Both. I was trying to teach you a lesson about respecting other people's property because you weren't very good at that and I was mad because you stained them.
Me: Do you think I wasn't good at respecting other people's property because I was an only child and I never had to share?
Mom: No, absolutely not. I just think you weren't good at it.
Me: I think it was because I didn't have a sibling to borrow stuff from.
Mom: I don't think so.
Me: When you were a Mom and I was 5 and starting kindergarten,what were your hopes for me for when I was a Mom and my kids were getting ready to start kindergarten?
Mom: That you would become a good reader. That's why I read to you a lot. I hoped you would stay sweet because you were really sweet. That you would learn to speak more quietly because I couldn't figure out how to teach you that. (laughing) But reading was the most important.
Me: Do you think I'm a good reader?
Mom: Yes, I think you are a very good reader.
Me: What's your favorite movie of all time?
Mom: Casablanca
Me: Why?
Mom: It's just such a great story. I laugh and cry no matter how many times I've seen it.
Me: Would you have gone with Humphrey Bogart at the end?
Mom: Oh yes. For sure.
Me: What is something that you hate doing in your every day life?
Mom: Combing my hair. I hate combing my hair.
Me: Do you like your son in law?
Mom: Yes. I love him.
Me: Why?
Mom: Because he’s a decent person, a good man, he understands commitment, doing a good job and he puts up with you and I really don’t want you back. (Laughs again)
Me: Do you like me better than Mike?
Mom: Yes of course. You are mine.
Me: Since your mother is 90, has Alzheimer's and has no chance of ever reading this blog, I'd like to ask you some questions about what it's like to be a primary care giver to a parent. I have some friends and people who have mentioned they read this blog that are getting ready to begin that phase of life and I think they would be interested in what it is like to be a care giver to a parent.
Mom: Well, it’s a pleasure, it’s a heartache, it’s hard work, it’s emotional. It is something that I don’t take lightly. I made a commitment to my Dad to take care of my Mom and it is something I take seriously. More times than not it is a pleasure. I feel lucky.
Me: What have you found to be the biggest challenge?
Mom: To be patient and understanding and realize that she is changing so rapidly. Her mind is getting worse and she’s getting worse quickly.
Me: What is the greatest joy about being Grammie's care giver?
Mom: The time I get to spend with her. That I can do things she did for us. She was a good Mom and I can do those things for her.
Me: What advice would you give someone who is getting ready to take on this role? What do you wish someone would have told you or what do you wish you would have known?
Mom: I wish I would have paid more attention and learned more about the aging process. Because if I had I would have been more patient. Sometimes I wasn't patient with Papa and I wish I would have known more and been more patient. The whole thing is, it is a joy. When I can make her life a little bit easier I feel good about it.
Me: What can extended family members like me, Mike, your sisters and Grammie's other grandchildren do to help you in your role as the primary person? Do you think it should be a whole family effort or do you think it works best when there's one person as the primary caregiver?
Mom: I think every person can take an interest in what's going on and what is being done. People can help out when they are available. My two sisters live far away and they always help when they can. Family members and friends should try and contact the older person as much as they are able. The older person lives for the phone calls and visits and they mean a lot to them. Share your family successes and happy news and don't share your troubles and problems. Their minds can't take it anymore. Remind them of happy times they can remember. It cheers them up a lot. If you can call or visit them on a regular schedule (like once per week) so that they get used to looking forward to the call or visit coming at the same time. That sort of consistency is important to them. They really enjoy the contact. I don't think people can call or visit an older person too much, because they forget so much of what has just happened.
Me: Do you think that is universal for all old people?
Mom: Absolutely. I see a whole bunch of people just like Grandma at the Meadows. (Grammie's assisted living community) They all are just looking forward to the next visit or phone call from their family members. I'm really lucky I have a couple of sisters who really understand and call her everyday or often times even more than once per day.
Me: I think that's really good advice. I think it can really help people. I have been surprised about email that I get or when I run into people and they mention this blog. You'd be surprised that you just probably helped somebody think about or pick up the phone and call their Grandma or have more patience with their mother. Okay moving on. Who is the best band of all time?
Mom: The best band?
Me: Yeah, band.
Mom: Journey. Probably Journey. Followed by Chicago and Styx.
Me: What is your biggest vice or bad habit?
Mom: That I waste time in the mornings. I should be more rushy.
Me: Because you are playing computer backgammon against the Russians?
Mom: No, not because I am playing computer backgammon against a Russian. I just waste too much time. Like I think about all this stuff I have to do and before I know it the morning is gone. Me: But isn't that a perk of being retired? That you don't have to rush anymore?
Mom: Well yeah, but you can really over do it. You can take retirement over the top and to new heights and sometimes I take it over the top. (laughing)
Me: Do you have plans to quit and start rushing?
Mom: No. (ha ha)
Me: Okay, thanks Mom. Is there anything else you'd like us to know or that you'd like to say on my blog.
Mom: No. Oh yeah there is. I don't like how you sometimes say words like "crap" and words that make it look like you don't have use of expanded grammar.
Me: You mean like bad words?
Mom: No, just stupid words. You use them too much. And you over share.
Me: But Mom, sometimes crap is the only word that describes my day. Sometimes certain words just fit into how I'm feeling.
Mom: Oh!!! And you talk too much about yourself. I think they call it narcissistic or something. You always write about yourself and not enough about other stuff.
Me: (laughing) Like what should I write about?
Mom: Like when you read a good book or do something with the girls you should talk more about the book instead of yourself and how you don't read this in June but you read that in September.
Me: (laughing harder) Do you read any other blogs?
Mom: No
Me: Do you see in my profile where I admit that I am narcissistic and bored and too engrossed in myself and that's why I even have a blog.
Mom: Yes I've seen that.
Me: Did you know I like talking about myself so much?
Mom: You sure do. (whew...with an exhausted voice)
Me: Well thanks Mom. I think this was a good first interview.
Mom: Oh one more thing.
Me: Yes?
Mom: On May 26th I will have been sober for 20 years.
Me: Really?
Mom: Yes, 20 years.
Me: And you quit cold turkey?
Mom: I haven't touched a drink in 20 years.
Me: Do you miss it?
Mom: Not a bit.
Me: That's really awesome.
Mom: May 26th. Twenty years.
Me: Hmmmm....that's about the same time I graduated from high school and was on my way out of the house.
Mom: Yep, my stress went away. (laughing) No you didn't have a thing to do with it.
Me: Well, good job. Lot's of people have tried to quit something they are addicted to and very few succeed over the long run. That's pretty awesome.
Mom: Thanks.
Me: Okay, bye.
Mom: Bye.

If you know my Mom, you are probably as surprised as me about how candid and open she was. It was awesome! In keeping with the narcissistic nature of my blog, I think it was my superior interviewing skills. I really think I could replace Oprah. Just joking. Thanks Mom for talking to me today. Sorry I called you ten other times and forced you and Dad to meet me and the girls and Grammie Bea for Thai food and that I chose all the dishes we ordered. It was soooo good though. I'll do a review of the restaurant on my food blog and will try to talk about the food and the place instead of me okay?