The Easter That Never Was Or...Tangible Proof I Am A LOSER!

We lied. We told the girls the Easter bunny would come hide eggs outside for them on Easter. Then, we got the rainfall of all rainfalls, the windstorm of all windstorms. It was drenched outside. And cold. And we have all been or are currently sick. So when those little cherubs woke up from their nap, eagerly anticipating eggs hidden to and fro in their magical backyard, we showed them a note. It said the following:

Dear Katie and Jessica,

Hop Hop! You guessed it girls, it's ME, the Easter bunny!!! I have eggs all ready for you with nifty treats inside. I know I was going to hide them today but because of the rain storm, you couldn't go outside and find them. SOOOO, I tell ya what... I am going to come back to your house on Wednesday when it is sunny and hide all the eggs I have for you PLUS TWO SPECIAL EGGS that will have an extra surprise inside that you are going to love. Thanks for being patient and I'll see ya soon.

Love,
EB

Okay Internet, how pathetic is that? Seriously? It's bad. We could have hid the eggs inside but I didn't load them with candy and I didn't feel like it because my throat hurt and I just was not in the mood. So I didn't. Instead I forged a note from the Easter Bunny. Just like I used to forge notes from my Mom to get out of Senorita Almas' Spanish class freshman year. My karma is in the toilet isn't it? It is. Oh how badly I SUCK.

The only excuse I have is I have a wicked sore throat and I am so tired and dizzy. I went to urgent care today and I tested positive for strep throat AND my iron deficient anemia is out of control and I have to get iron infusions again. For those of you who were here the last time my anemia came back, you know the depth of my grief. Iron infusions are given at the UCD Cancer Center. It is much like chemo therapy in how it makes you feel afterwards. You are fine for about 24 hours, then you beg for death to come for about 48 hours then you are fine until the next week when you have to do it all over again. Lather rinse repeat, six times! And the worst part of the whole mess is that you sit next to these amazingly brave individuals who are getting actual chemotherapy and as you can imagine, some of these folks look very very sick. And you sit there, feeling horrible about yourself because you are so grateful that the substance pumping into your veins will cure what is wrong with you while the substance being pumped into their veins might not. Your substance, life affirming and strength giving iron. Their substance, poisonous toxins designed to come as close as possible to killing them so it can actually kill the cancer. It is not a good time. And I leave feeling like a horrible person but also so incredibly grateful. But the guilt consumes me and each week my anxiety level goes up because I know all I will do for the three hours it takes to get my infusion is self reflect about how glad I am for my life and I wonder what goes through the mind of the little old lady that sits next to me all by herself bald and frail. I doubt that she is thinking the same thoughts as me. And that makes me feel even worse.

So on that happy note, I'd just like to say that "I am officially a hot mess". My throat has blisters all the way down it and the next eight weeks are going to bite and as soon as they are done (most likely) Mike will deploy to the desert for six months. Yaaaaay Meeee!

And just when you think it couldn't get any worse, I have this little confession for you regarding Easter. We were all sick. Mike was at the end of his rope because he's sick but not as sick as me and Jessica so kid duty went to him this weekend. He can't cook and I just couldn't cook yesterday. So for EASTER DINNER, we ordered Round Table. On a Sunday you guys. And we, like the losers we are, got ham and pineapple pizza because then it would at least have something on it that people eat at Easter...ham. I can't believe I just told you guys that. It was an all time parenting and human existence low point.

So my pita pocket Passover Shout Out never happened. Heart shaped waffles never materialized. Salmon for Easter dinner? Nope nope nope. Cupcakes for Grandma Meeker? Not a chance. Peanut butter and jelly, cold cereal, canned soups, Easter Pizza and a forged note from the Easter Bunny is what I will remember from Easter y2K10. So all you moms out there that think you suck? You don't. You really really don't.