Hot Potato

It's just a potato. Why is it such a big freaking deal? I LOVE potatoes. I grew up in a house where we ate rice every night. Our dinner always was a piece of meat, steamed Asian style rice in an old rice cooker with kikkoman soy sauce and a vegetable of some sort. When I got married I was so excited to be rid of rice forever. Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on your take) Mike had served as a missionary for two years in the pacific islands. And guess what he ate every day for two years and absolutely loved and HAD TO HAD TO HAD TO have it every night with dinner? Rice. Cooked in a rice cooker. Yuck and yuck.

But I digress. This post is not about rice or my resentful history with this tiny grain. (Random rice fact: did you know if you go to Japan and eat sushi rice it is most likely imported from Sacramento, CA? cool huh?) So potatoes. The simple spud. Cheap and relatively easy to make in a variety of ways. Mashed, roasted, baked, boiled, in pot roast, in stew, scalloped, au gratin, potato latkes, potato pancakes, potato rolls, all deliciously awesome. But today, I'd like to talk about the best way to eat a potato. You guessed it...FRIED BABY. Specifically the french fry. Be warned, the rest of this post may stir controversy that could sweep our nation and over shadow Christmas this year. I guarantee, if you keep reading, you will be compelled to discuss this issue with your relatives at Christmas dinner.

French Fries? When served hot and salty with a ton of room temperature ketchup, is there anything better? The answer is no. But I'm disgusted by the way most restaurants have castrated the little french fry. Most fast food joints make disgusting, cardboard tasting versions of fries that we Americans shovel into our pie holes as fast as we can get them down. Gross. Even In & Out burger who makes you watch the potato cutting production as you sit in the drive thru makes sucky fries. sucky. Maybe the suckiest of all. That is why when my beloved and I found ourselves at our new 5 Guys the other night, I gave a silent prayer of thanks that there are people in the world that take fry making seriously and do it right.

Back in the nineties, Mike and I were a dual income no kids Washington DC working couple. Summer would take us to old town Alexandria, Virginia for walking and shopping. There was a greasy, crowded, run down 5 Guys on Hwy 1 in which we would stop for a burger and fries. In the summer, the grease residue would stick to the floor and you would literally have to slide your feet on the grease or you would slip and fall. I've seen grown men enter the 5 Guys in Alexandria and promptly biff it on the floor. I was VERY concerned when I found out that 5 Guys had gone corporate and they were opening franchises across the country. I figured they would go the way of Krispy Kreme where their product wasn't even recognizable after they expanded. Seriously the hot glazed doughnuts of the original Krispy Kremes was not at all even close to what those green roofed impostors sold out of their drive thru windows. ANYWAY, 5 Guys. I was scared. Because they have been the gold standard of french fry I have used for a long time. We entered our shiny new 5 Guys the other night and I sniffed. Hmmmm, it smells too new. I thought. I tried sliding my foot. No grease residue, people were just safely walking about. But then I saw the white board. It listed what kind of potatoes they were serving that day and where they came from. Just like the old 5 Guys did. I always thought that was a key to their fry success. If you care enough to write down the source of your potatoes, you probably care about them. The night we went to 5 Guys the potatoes were from a farm in Wyoming. We stood in line and ordered our burgers which is a very involved process if you've ever been to 5 Guys. Then, I ordered a small order of cajun fries. We slid down the line moving further down the counter. We paid for our food in an area in which you could see the fry station. And what I saw that night let me know that all was right in the world.

A new employee was running the fry station. She was obviously new because the store was new so unless she transferred from another 5 Guys, she probably had not worked there longer than a few weeks. Her manager was standing next to her watching. He stopped her. He took over the fry station. He plucked one of his fries out of the basket and broke it in half. I heard him say, they need to be crisp on the outside but do you see how soft and fluffy they are inside? That's how we need them to look. And he went over the very intense process 5 Guys uses in making their fries. I wondered if it was possible that my fries might actually be decent. We took our bag of grease to the car. We each took a fry. Mike looked at me and said "Moment of truth..." and we dipped in ketchup and sampled the fries. I think we both moaned. They were the same. Exactly the same as when we had them six years ago. Perfect french fries. And we high fived and drove home happily munching our fries.

The perfect french fry is a lot harder to make than you think. You first must have fresh potatoes. Fresh!!! Then you must cut them. Then you must soak them in cold ice water overnight. This releases a lot of starch that will screw up your fry. Then you drain and rinse them. Next, you half cook them. You lower your temp of oil to like 325 and you cook them until they are half way done. Then you take them out of the oil, drain them and set them aside. When you are ready for fries to eat, you crank up the oil to like 375 and crisp them up. This leaves you with a crisp outside and a fluffy, soft inside that can steam but won't affect the integrity of the fry. Season with whatever makes you happy. Sea salt and ketchup is the safest and most sure bet. But if you are at 5 Guys, you may trust their cajun seasoning. It is excellent.

Now go and discuss. Be prepared to have a fight on your hands. There are people out there who love In & Out fries. Gross. And people swear McDonald's fries are the best there are. And they aren't bad if they are super hot and cooked properly. But 5 Guys fries are still good cold. Swear.

So this Christmas enjoy your turkey, prime rib, ham and pumpkin pie. But before you start your diet on January 1st, swing by a 5 Guys, eat an order of fries and think of me.

Thank you very much for your time and attention. Merry Christmas.

Peace (on earth).Out.