Christmas is sort of hard. Joyous. But hard.

I think I'm supposed to feel melancholy at Christmas right? I miss old friends who I wish were in my life. Usually, it's through some fault of my own that they are not and that makes me sentimental and a little bit sad. And then I got shopping and it seems like everything that screams to me from the shelves is saying "Amy dahhhhling, you would look so fabulous in me. Buy me my puppet and we'll live forever in fashion heaven!" But isn't buying yourself something the week of Christmas sort of inviting bad and selfish kharma? Is it even allowed? And my girls. Oh my girls. They are at the prime age for Christmas magic and wonder. They are so excited and want to do it all. Carolling, lights, cocoa, marshmallows, Christmas Specials in this order (Rudolph, Frosty, Polar Express, Grinch-old version, Charlie Brown, Santa Claus in Comin' To Town, some new one about the little elves getting packages out and delivered I think it's called Prep and Landing, The Santa Clause, Miracle on 34th Street -the old one in black and white but never ever NO NEVER will they watch It's A Wonderful Life. But yes, we have to watch all of those specials. Then, tree trimming. Mike and Jessica are Katie and my nemesis when it comes to tree trimming. They want everything hung just so, lights balanced, ornaments not clumped. "YOU'RE CLUMPING KATIE" screams Jessica. "Amy, the lights look like they are in a straight line, you need to twist them around the branches", scolds Mikey. So Katie and I plop ourselves on the loveseat in each others arms and we tickle backs and snuggle together and share kisses and whispered Christmas songs. All the while we watch our two favorite people decorate the tree in gleeful holiday harmony now that we are out of the way. We watch the two go at it, hands on hips and high fiving each other every two seconds and we giggle and go make cocoa. It's funny. But our tree looks nice and we get it done.

It's a tradition in our house that IF YOU ARE A SPECIAL CHILD...A VERY EXTRA SPECIAL CHILD...then sometime before Christmas, Santa delivers a note and a snow glow with him inside the globe to your house and under your pillow. The note says something about how special you are and how he can watch all the good things you do for others from inside the globe and keep track of all the good you are doing between now and Christmas. Our globes usually appear the night we decorate the tree. Somehow, Santa knows when that is going to happen and when the girls climb into bed that night, their globes and notes are waiting for them. They have a different globe for each year and we've saved all the letters. This is a tradition we just totally made up so I hope it's one the girls love as they get older.

I am hosting Christmas Eve on Friday night. We just do heavy appetizers and mocktails. We have a gingerbread house decorating contest and we frost cookies for Santa. We read the nativity story from the Bible. We have a nativity set that is one of those Fischer Price Playschool ones. The girls love getting to play with it every year. As we read the story, the girls place the people when they are mentioned in the scripture. It's so fun for the girls and man they know the story of Jesus' birth backwards and forwards. I wish so badly they had more cousins so we could do the Christmas pageant. But such is life. They don't seem to be lacking for anything.

We'll be doing Christmas morning at my Moms. Then, we'll be getting ready for Christmas dinner at our house but going over to my Mom's to actually eat the dinner. Mike's parents will join us this year which will be nice. It will be a quiet group, just us, our parents, grandmothers and that's it. But I'm glad. I wish some of Mike's brothers would be with us but they are all spread out all over the country.

I think the reason I think Christmas is hard is because it all seemed magical as a kid. The food just appeared on the plates. The home-made cookies, fudge etc. seemed to be never ending and came out of nowhere. We stayed up late and watched each person open their gifts one by one. We stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning playing with our new presents and getting them ready for use. Never did we wonder who made that yummy jello salad or who made sure we had santa napkins or my pretty holiday dress. It seemed like I always had that one thing under the tree that I was hoping for. I lived this idyllic, perfect childhood. Don't think I don't know how wonderful and perfect I had it. We loved each other on top of it all too.

Now, it's my job to make sure my girls are raised with that same sort of security. I want them to believe Santa brings the globes to their rooms . I want to make their favorite snacks for Christmas Eve and leave time for their very favorite thing which is decorating cookies. I want them to see Christmas in sparkles, with pictures of smiling faces, kisses, hugs, cuddling and good times. I want there to always be that one special thing under the tree that they are hoping for most of all. I want them to always give their own Christmas presents to their grandparents, parents and each other. They are more excited for people to open a present from them than for them to get a present them self. I want to instill and excitement in giving. That it's not a hassle, it's not something you have to cross off a list but it's something joyous that you do with thought and you give with love. I want them to tell their children..."my mom and dad made Christmas perfect for us...they took care of everything"

So that's why Christmas is hard. I realize it's a lot of work and that my parents and grandparents have been busting their butts for years. But they did it because of what they wanted to give me as a memory. And I am so thankful.

Both of my girls are very excited to sing about the birth of Jesus and to tell the story of Jesus this year. I'm very happy they aren't just excited about the presents and Santa. I think we'll get it all done. It will be joyous...

What are your Christmas traditions? I'm always looking for new ones to add....