Mike, Amy, Katie & Jessica

Catching Up. Getting Ready To Say Good Bye

2011-07-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a long while. There has been much that has happened. Kindergarten graduation, losing teeth, learning to read, jumping roap (record 29 in a row), diving into the deep end and touching our tummies on the bottom, triple summersaults under water, beach trips with grammie, papa and Tony 2, Yosemite trips with mom and dad, turning SIX, liking Dane at school for the simple reason he liked us first, getting over princesses and deciding we are truly nature girls, getting the flu and missing emi and luke's carnival, long days of Popsicles and talks with mom about heavy subjects, water day at the park, parades, hikes, learning to skate in the sac, making bread with Grandma, doing a talent show with Grandpa, making up jokes, doing cheers, hosting circus and magic shows in our playroom and printing tickets for our parents to present at the door, new lullaby sung by Dad..."come see" by enya. Learning what it means to dress appropriately and to follow " Shirley Temple rules at nice restaurants. If they serve Shirley Temples then a different set of behavior is expected than say at McDonalds. Winter fell into Spring and Spring bloomed into summer.

Official moving orders for our Dad to go to Colorado Springs, Colorado. We move next week. We feel medium about it. We hear there are horses and snow in the winter but it's very far away from Grammie & Papa. As long as we can come to California 4 times each year and stay for 5 weeks each visit then we think it will be okay. We will just have to see. But if it's not enough, Grammie and Papa can move to our house and we'll just have a slumber party on our parents floor.

We'll let you know how it all turns out...

Love, Katie-Kate & Jessica Rose

Tooth Fairy Objects To Being Called A "fairy"

2011-03-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

Jessica lost the most significant of teeth in her mouth last night. Her right upper front tooth. It's the one that was a little crooked from smashing into playground equipment when she was 3. It was her largest tooth. It had been wiggly for weeks and finally last night it came out. It always amazes me how excited she is when it comes out. This is my child who will cry hours after scraping her knee because she has looked down and noticed the scrape for the first time. This is the child who bawled about an arm injury until I wiped the arm with a wet paper towel and proved it was only ketchup! But a tooth and a bloody mouth? It's like Disneyland and she has to call Papa right NOW and yay! And Katie is so happy she gives everyone congratulatory hugs as if to say " whew...we made it through it"! But the weirdest phenomenon is Mike and his total joy in getting to be the tooth fairy except he doesn't like me to call him the tooth fairy. So I said " look, if you don't want to be called the tooth fairy, give me the cash and I'll do it.". He didn't even hesitate..."nope, I'm doing it. I'm much more stealthy than you. I just want to be called the tooth elf.".

Yeah, because that's a lot cooler.

Let's Clear Out The Cobwebs

2011-03-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Man it's been depressing up in here. If you need a good laugh and who doesn't...go to dooce.com today and read about Leta's lost tooth. Seriously if you have ever been a kid, parent, person or tooth fairy it's the best story in the world. I laughed out loud and read it to mike out loud and dropped my phone because I was laughing so hard. I need to get myself out of my funk.

Iron Woman

2011-03-01T22:51:00.001-08:00

Today I received an iron infusion. An iron infusion is a highly concentrated bag of iron sucrose that goes into an IV in your arm. It is for people with severe anemia who are also iron deficient. I don't talk about it a lot. I have chronic anemia and have had it for several years. I have had some blood transfusions and three series of iron infusions. The last time was in May. Having iron deficient anemia causes the following symptoms. First, you have something called Pica. Pica is where you crave chalky or different types of things to eat. In my case, I will crunch on ice all day long. If I get a glass of ice water I will ignore the water and chomp on all the ice. I also crave peppermint lifesavers and those old fashioned peppermint puffs. Some people have pica so badly they want to eat chalk or dirt. Some people will eat cigarette butts or Rolaids by the handful. I crave sour patch kids as well. Another symptom of iron deficient anemia is weakness and fatigue. It starts out by just feeling more tired than normal. Like life is overwhelming. The idea of grocery shopping or clothes shopping or any kind of shopping is like the last thing on the earth you want to do. This is always a clue to me that my anemia is back because I love shopping. The fatigue continues to get worse until I am where I am at right now. A shell of my former self. A shut in. A person who cannot muster up energy to blow dry my hair or get the milk from the top shelf of the fridge. I sleep most of the day and night. I think I am up for about three or four hours per day in various intervals. My children are being raised and cared for by a babysitter that works in our home who I used to call her a "mommy helper" but now I call her our "house/life/sanity manager". She is wonderful and makes the shame I feel about my failings as a mother a little less painful. Mike does what he can which in this case translates to getting off work early and handling everything when he gets home from bed time, homework, dishes and mostly holding me while I cry and telling me I'm not a bad mother or wife. It must be very fun for him. What a party his life has turned into. If I do attempt to do anything like go someplace or make dinner I end up shaking like a leaf, dizzy and so emotional that I start crying until Mike gently takes over and sends me to my room where I curl into a ball and cry myself back to sleep. I try and bathe regularly but I don't have the energy to wash my hair. My bedroom is a disaster area of clothes, books, and clutter spread all over the place. The rest of the house looks fine because of our wonderful "house/life/sanity manager" jumps in and just does whatever needs to be done without me asking or giving her directions. It results in a different brand of cheese or bread but it also results in my family being fed. So who gives a crap about the brand of peanut butter?

I see an oncologist for this condition. He is awesome. We have the same birthday. The same year even. I love him. Today, he had me go to the cancer center and get a bag of iron put in my IV. The last time I had iron infusions, they were given in a 5 part series with each bag of iron being the size of a small kids juice box. This time I have having one infusion and it was the size of a gallon ziploc bag. Given my physical reaction to the little bags of iron in the past I am pretty scared about how this round will go.

If you need IV iron you go to the cancer center where people receive chemo and all sorts of cancer treatments administered by IV. Since most cancer patients are also anemic, it makes sense they send me there. You sit in a room that have light blue recliner type chairs. There were six chairs in the room I was in today. They were all filled. I don't know the stories of the other people that were there, but it was obvious that they were at different stages in their fight against cancer. It's a horrible place to be. My infusion takes three hours. Every time I go, I feel this immense guilt because they have cancer and the medication they are getting is going to make them feel worse. My medication is going to make me feel badly for a few days but then I'll be so great, full of energy and vigor. As this energy and life giving liquid drips into my veins I watch as poison drips into their veins. We all have the same hopeful look in our eyes. Because hope is universal. It is where we all go no matter how badly things seem. We can't help it. My heart breaks every time. I hate being there. Their strength of spirit is inspiring and the nurses are amazing and many of them will be cured. But I still feel this overwhelming need to run from the room. I can't help it. And I am ashamed because of how I feel.

For the first twelve hours I will feel actually a little bit better. My face will be rosy and I am so glad to be done with the infusion that I am giddy in some ways. I am happy always on the evening of my infusion. I chat away with the girls and Mike and make jokes and watch TV. Then, around midnight, I start to feel cramps in my stomach and the next three to four days are so bad that I won't write about them here. I don't want to remember them. They are dark and cold and painful. The details aren't important. Because of the amount given in today's infusion I am scared that my physical reaction will be worse. But how can it be worse than last time?, I think to myself. I guess we shall see.

I want to remember this process so that I don't take days that I feel good and strong and healthy for granted. I want to thank you for your prayers. I want you to know that someday, I will get this anemia under control so I get an infusion every once in awhile but not so willy-nilly. I, along with my doctor will manage it better so I don't have to ever get to the stage where I'd rather get a root canal with no Novocaine than blow dry my hair if it means I can just lay here and not move.

Your prayers would be cherished and so appreciated during this next few days. And if you could add in a prayer that this won't have long term effects on my sweet girls. They deserve the best Mom in the world. They deserve a Mom to go on bike rides with and who bakes cookies and who dances around the kitchen with them as we make a healthy and wonderful dinner together. They deserve more than what they have right now. I am so grateful for the stand in moms in their lives. My mom and dad, mike, our helper Jessica...I would be lost with out them.

What I am going through is so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. There are so many who have such larger challenges. For me, I am scared. I am so frightened that something could happen that would keep me from raising my babies. I am so scared that something will pop up that can't be fixed. I'm not done yet because I have so much more I want to see and do and give. So I talk to God and ask Him to please heal my body for Katie and Jessica. My sweetest, most wonderful Aunt Lori who I love like another mother sent me a scripture today that I printed out on a card and have on my nightstand so I can see it as soon as I open eyes. It says..."For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says, do not fear. I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 I know this is true. I feel the love of the Lord and prayers and angels all around me. It is humbling because I don't feel deserving of any of it. But I'll take it. Because I need it.

Tonight I am sick. Tonight I am grateful. Tonight I am loved. Tonight I am sad. Tonight I am happy. Tonight I miss my babies. Tonight I miss my husband. Tonight I miss having a home I am proud of. Tonight I am scared of what people are saying about me and because I know some of it is unkind it makes me embarrassed. Tonight I am giving all of these feelings over to the Lord so that I can rest. I can't carry it tonight. I need to let it go.

I am imagining a helium balloon in the color of pink and inside it has all of these feelings of fear and anger and frustration and sadness attached to the ribbon and it is going up, up, up and now I can't see it any more. To me, that means God has it. I think now I can go to sleep.

Thank you. You know who you are. Thank you so very very much. You mean more than you will ever know.

It's Like Jessica Gave Katie Her Daughter's Kidney to Save Katie's Daughter But Really To Save Katie...

2011-02-21T19:22:00.000-08:00

Jessica and Katie have lots of toys. But they each have one particular baby that goes everywhere with them and that they can not sleep without. Jessica's baby is a rabbit named Clarice. If you know our family you have met Clarice. Katie's baby used to be in the form of a bear/blanket but the bear lost it's head long ago and she didn't care one bit. This baby (now just a scrap of material) is named Sophie. If you've met our family, chances are you've met Sophie as well. It is a my worst of nightmares that somehow we will lose either Sophie or Clarice. They've been left on the lawn, in parking lots, thrown out the window onto busy streets, lost in laundry, playrooms, cars etc. But we've always found them. It's sometimes taken hours, but they've always turned up somewhere. Even the fridge. If I had a nickle for the minutes I've spent of my life looking for them (primarily Sophie) I'd be a rich rich woman. But that's not what this story is about.

As I said, Sophie lost her head awhile back. Since then, it's been a downhill road for the old girl. She's literally coming apart at the seams. Katie is rough with her and doesn't take very good care of her so it's not wonder she is torn and tattered. Katie has always comforted herself to sleep with Sophie in a very particular way. She sucks her left thumb and then flicks the silky tag attached to Sophie's border with her other hand's finger. She closes her eyes and sucks that thumb and flicks that tag and you can just see she is in utter bliss. Jessica on the other hand is much more gentler with Clarice. She's needed some repairing on her head lately and one of her bunny ears needed a patch job but other than that, for being six years old and going through what she's gone through...the bunny is aging well.

They went to Grammie and Papa's this past weekend. I got a call from Katie letting me know that Grammie had gotten out some needle and thread and was fixing Sophie and Clarice. I was glad because Sophie's tag was starting to unravel and I had no idea how to keep it from completely coming off. I knew it would not last another two weeks and I had no idea what we were going to do. Fortunately for all of us, Katie informed me that Jessica had given Sophie Clarice's tag and Grammie had taken it off of Clarice and sewed it onto Sophie.

You guys, I seriously cried. Mike cried too. Jessica was so excited to give Sophie Clarice's tag. I told her it was super nice of her and she said "aw Mom, that's what sisters are for!" Which of course made me cry harder. I love these girls. I love how much they love each other. I love that Jessica even thought to give Katie her baby's tag. They take such good care of each other.

Please God. Let me remember this day when they are 14 and Jessica wore Katie's best shirt and got it dirty and they are rolling around on the floor pulling each other's hair out. Please let me remember that Clarice donated a vital part of herself to Sophie and that someday it will be good again. And maybe if they could just skip pre-teen and teenage years all together and jump to having sense, being responsible and liking me that would be awesome. Amen.

Dearest Mike Meeker,

2011-02-17T08:51:00.000-08:00

Dearest Mike Meeker Lover Of My Soul...

Thank you so much for coming home last night with a bag of assorted treats for me and your other two girlfriends. Did you ever think when you were teased in junior high about being Mike Meeker the Geeker Seeker that someday you'd have three beautiful, smart, successful girlfriends who worship the ground you walk on? It probably feels pretty good.

Anyhoo...last night, you melted my heart when you appeared at our humble abode carrying the things we need to make us feel special and cared for in exactly your perfect way you do. First, the diflucan for me was so needed. If I didn't get some relief soon, I might have considered voting my lady parts off the island. Then out of the same bag you surprised the girls with two clam shells of fresh strawberries from some south american farm which you called "magic strawberry land that gives us strawberries in the winter". They looked and smelled just perfectly red and strawberry-eee. We promptly cleaned them and divided them into two bowls for the girls. Then I got out the spray whip cream and did a whole routine of whip cream dancing and filling strawberry hulls that the girls found charming. They were so glad for the berries. You also saved dinner by delivering Carl's Junior to all of us. But because you are so cool, you let us eat our strawberries first. You and Jessica chowed on chicken strips and katie and I enjoyed a messy burger. It obviously wasn't the best choice for dinner, but these days are not what I'd call strong work in the kitchen so we were so grateful for the meal. You also put on sweats and climbed into bed with me and watched Surrvivior with me and totally engaged me a conversation about how much we LOVE Boston Rob. He's the best player ever. Then, you put the girls to bed with stories and prayers and left me to fall asleep in our room and rest.

You basically, swooped in and saved the day. Sort of like a super hero. And you had spent the day saving people too. When you think about it you are the closest thing to a super hero we have here in this cynical old world.

Thank you for loving me first and leaving room in your heart to fall madly in love with Jessica and Katie. We are all madly in love with you too. For different reasons. Katie loves your sensitivity, your animated way of speaking, that you watch her performances and compliment her on her hair and jewelry. Jessica loves that you do math together, snuggle on the couch together, play heroes game together, play computer together, play fort and that you are her soul mate. I love that you are the best dad in the world that you love me good and bad and that you get that I am doing my best. Even if my best is not very good.

Thanks for loving us and saving us and being there for us and working so hard and swooping in to make us feel special. We adore you.

A,K&J

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Super Nanny...

2011-01-26T18:18:00.000-08:00

I like watching Super Nanny. Frankly, it makes me feel rad as a parent. That is reason number one. Also, I get good tips and I think Nanny Jo is a genius. That's reason number two. And lastly, I like to look into other people's homes and lives because I am nosy. There. We've established my reasons for watching. We have all had the flu lately and it has produced some time to lay in bed and watch useless junk on TV online. I found myself watching an episode of Super Nanny today when Jessica crawled up into bed to in her words "spend some time with me" which meant tickle my back and let me watch what you are watching on TV.

She asked what the show was about. I explained that this family wasn't being very nice to each other and this lady had to come to their house and teach them how to show love and be kind to one another. Her name is Jo and they call her a Super Nanny because she helps families know how to be nice and mind their mommies and daddies.

Jessica watched for a minute or two and saw these two girls hitting each other and the Dad yelling. She said "Mom, we don't need that lady to come to our house at ALL. We love each other and we treat each other that way." I was so happy and beaming with pride and had a very rare pat myself on the back moment. I asked her "So you don't think we act like that family?" and she very sweetly said "No Way Mom." And I asked her if she feels Daddy and I show her enough attention and show her we love each other and told her how many times in the day she and Katie show love to our family and it makes me so proud and happy. I was so excited about our conversation and feeling so much love my poor sick flu infected precious baby girl. I proceeded tickle her back and whisper sweet things to her. Then....silence.

Jessica: "well, actually Mom. You sometimes yell."
Me: "yes, sometimes I do. I try really hard not to and I try and say sorry if I yell.
Jessica: "and you sometimes don't listen to us like if we have finished a job you sometimes tell us it isn't good enough and we have to do it better"
Me: "yes, sometimes I do need you and Katie to go back and finish a job I've given you and do it completely. I do that so you can learn the right way to do a job."
Jessica: "and sometimes Dad yells. And sometimes Katie yells. And sometimes I argue a lot."
Me: (feeling worse by the second) "yep. I guess we have things we can work on in our family too."
Jessica: "I guess you better call that lady! Think we'll be on TV?" (soooo happy & excited)
Me: "I sure hope not sweetie."

Hawaii 5-0 vs. The Mentalist (or the reason Amber & Chuck are going to disown us)

2011-01-07T15:41:00.001-08:00

Mike and I had a serious discussion last night. And I mean serious, people. I had been thinking earlier in the day how awesome Hawaii 5-0 is as a new show. And then I started thinking about how much Amber loves the Mentalist. She just loves that Patrick Jane and Cho and that pretty but big boned Grace. And I have loved the Mentalist right along with her. I've followed the Red John story with loyalty, trepidation and glee. I even have a print in my house of a bird that I named Red John. See, I'm a big Mentalist fan. But then friends, Hawaii 5-0 entered my life and things just haven't been the same for me and Agent Rigsby. And why can't I think of the dykey side kick who's in charge of their little band of agents? Irish, short, cute but sort of masculine. Come on Aim think....agent....Agent...Lisbon!!!! I knew it was sort of lesbian-ish. I'm not saying she is or isn't I'm just saying. It's possible. And he's not exactly the most masculine dude in the world. Anybody that gets a perm and highlights and curls his hair with a flat iron and wears those little suit vests isn't screaming kick ass murder ace. But I've always been okay with that. He was more of a thinking man's hero. And he had gone through major trauma when his wife and daughter got killed by Red John. So let's cut him some slack.

But now...Hawaii 5-0. There's a show. Mike and I did a point by point comparison that I know will not be interesting to anyone but maybe Amber and possibly Chuck but here you go anyway.

Main Characters: Steve McGarrity vs. Patrick Jane

McGarrity Background: Navy SEAL, Mother killed by unknown persons when he was a kid, father murdered by brother of Irish terrorist that he, as a Navy SEAL, killed. Comes to back home to Hawaii to work on a special task force for the Governor getting rid of high end crime on the island. Has a sister.
Jane Background: An enigma. Former talk show host, con-artist turned mentalist performer. Wife and daughter stabbed to death after he talks about serial killer Red John on TV. He is obsessed with hunting down and catching Red John. He now works for the CBI (California Bureau of Investigations) helping a team of agents solve various homicides in California all the while working the Red John case on the side.

Sidekicks: Dano vs. Lisbon

"Dano": "Book Em Dano" is one of the best cop lines from any show ever. Now that it has returned to television you'd think it was cheesy and sugary nostalgia. But McGarrity and Danny Williams make it seem fresh every time. Dano is a single Dad from New Jersey who transfers to Hawaii as a detective to be near his daughter Gracie. He becomes McGarrity's partner. He bumbles through the cases, knowing nothing about Hawaii and the back and forth between him and McGarrity is awesome.
Lisbon: Patricia Lisbon is the head of the CBI team that Patrick Jane consults for. A real hard nosed no nonsense cop type of girl, you'd expect her in NYC rather than Sacramento. She wears a leather jacket and black jeans in every episode and delivers her lines with a perfect blend of sarcasm and unemotional cop speak. You sense some attraction between her and Jane, but wisely, the writers are taking it nice and slow. They deeply care for each other but there's no love story as of yet.

Hot Asian Team Member
Chin: Same actor as played Jin on Lost. I think his name is still Chin/Jin. He's hot in an intellectual nice Korean guy way. He is the computer tech guy for the team and is a fallen cop who is given a second chance by McGarrity to prove he's an upstanding fella.
Cho: Cho is the hottest asian dude to ever be on TV. Chinese, buff and a man of little words and even fewer emotions. However, when he gets pissed off...LOOK OUT. He's unstoppable. And you know he actually feels a lot more than the rest of them just by his eyes. A great actor and a great character.

Hot Female Team Rookie Team Member
Kono: The actress Grace Park played Athena/Sharon Volarie on Battlestar Gallactica. For that reason alone she is super awesome, kick ass and hot. (I know I'm a girl but she's hot.) She is a Hawaii street kid and the cousin to Chin. She grew up tough and manages to convey toughness and sweetness at the same time. She's a rookie so we get a to see a lot of this through her eyes for the first time. She is not jaded but not naive. She rocks.
Grace: She had brown hair, then red hair that looked like Ariel the Little Mermaid. She is doe eyed and always seems scared and shocked. She has kicked some butt, however it is rare. She is also the tech person in the unit and does not pull off the tech speak or the cop speak very well. She always seems to be talking in a whisper too. And her shirts are too tight for her rib cage. She reminds me of a giraffe. Can you tell which girl I like better?

Extra Characters:
The Governor: Played by Designing Woman Jean Smart. First she's from the South. I love the good people of Hawaii but they'd never elect a southern houlie as Governor. She has some ties to McGarrity's father and plays sort of a pseudo mother figure to him. She tries to be tough and very politician like but she can't quite pull it off.
Agent Rigsby: The final agent on the CBI team. Smokin' hot with a great partnership with Cho. Rigsby is all thumbs and fingers to Cho's cool calm. He also had an affair with Grace and it was secret and stuff and that was okay for awhile but I'm glad they broke them up.

The state of Hawaii: how freakin cool can it be to film exclusively in Hawaii? It makes me feel like I'm there every week. The producers do an amazing job of showcasing the very best of Oahu and setting the action in real towns, real parts of the island, real streets etc. They also could be so much more risque in how many bikini and skin shots they show and they are tasteful both in that area and in the gore part of the violence. They celebrate the people of Hawaii in a great way.
Sacramento: my home town. Sacramento is beautiful and is overshadowed by other California cities like LA, San Diego and San Francisco. We are the capitol and have rivers, bridges and tons of natural beauty. The only city in the world that has more trees per square foot in Paris which is known as "The City of Trees". Paris is our sister city. The problem with the Mentalist is they do one or two shots of the characters in Sacramento and the rest of the hour is either shot indoors, on some film set or in other places than Sacramento. Also, they travel to fictional towns all over California like Sierra River, Pleasantdale, Ocean View, Sierra Lake etc. None of these towns exist. Why not film in Lake Tahoe, Nevada City, Fairfield, Sonoma, Napa? These towns are picture post cards and would add so much credibility to the show.

Our final estimation is that Hawaii 5-0 kicks Mentalist butt. Luckily, CBS owns both shows. Sorry Amber, your boy Jane has gone down. The way I see it, the score is 5-1 with Cho being the only win for the Mentalist. He's a strong reason to keep watching but just about everything in Hawaii 5-0 is better. Steve McGarrity rules!

A Wonderful List of Christmas Rememberies...

2011-01-06T16:13:00.001-08:00

Post Edit - This isn't a wonderful list at all the way the title says it is. It's actually pretty negative. My official resolution as of right now is to be more positive in the New Year. I think I'm just tired and stressed because it was a nice Christmas. Not the best Christmas ever in the entire world, but still fun and full of warm memories of my kids and their excitement. Any Christmas Mikey is home and not deployed is wonderful as well. We might not be as lucky next Christmas and if not next than for sure the Christmas after that. So I will try and remember to appreciate the positives in my life. On that note, here's my summary of the holidays.

Just doing a list this year. It hurts my brain too hard to put it into a narrative.

girls are 5-the best age so far for Christmas. They loved everything...food, caroling, Santa, cookies, lights, trees, hot chocolate, marshamallows, night gowns, staying up late, candy canes, christmas chains, decorating for Dad's birthday, wrapping their own presents and giving their presents to each other that they picked out.
Our last Christmas living in California
Marilyn's broken foot
Steve & Vanessa just married
My broken rib
Hosted Christmas Eve for second time
So many appetizers! shrimp cocktail, arrancini, steak wrapped in bacon, meat and cheese tray, veggie tray, pickles, olives, crackers, big fat wedge of brie, seriously amazing mocktails
Decorating spiced sugar cookies with Grandma Houlie.
Both my Grandmas were there physically (90 and 85)- not sure about mentally
Missed my family in Oregon and Washington - wishing we were together
Spent Christmas Eve night at mom and dads-happy to all be together under the same roof
Excitement not contained Christmas morning
We went a little lighter this year on presents - good thing since....
I bought Mike a cruise for his birthday/Christmas combo and he bought me...
My first ever real grown up lady purse - Mr. Louis Vuitton is his name thank you very much Mikey. I sleep with him by my bed each night.
Girls got array of stuff they had asked for from Santa - earrings, watches, American Girl stuff, horses, remote control cars, lots of art project
We gave mom and dad gift cards because they are getting so skinny they need new clothes and a olive wood salt holder.
Gave the grammies thermacare patches and sweaters
Gave Mike's parents many gift cards to go out to dinner given Marilyn is in a wheel chair
Had our normal William Sonoma croissants - not as good this year
Dad made the best egg white omlette I have ever had. He is the omlette master.
Had a boring dinner of honey baked ham selections with a really good spinach salad.
Mike's birthday next day - cioppino seafood feast - everyone was so tired it was sort of boring. Poor dude, he gets so jipped having his bday Dec 26th. He turned 40. We are going on a cruise. He's glad about that though.
Had to hire me a helper around here because of the broken rib. Her name is Jessica. We call her Jessica 2. We love her.
Rang in the New Year with mom and dad, jessica and katie, mike, ryan seacrest and poor old Dick Clark. Mike pissed me off just before midnight (can't remember why exactly) and I didn't want to kiss him but then I did really quickly because I was afraid of bad luck.
New Years is Katie's second favorite holiday because it has so much love and kissing and the sparky drink that tickles her nose and clinking glasses. She seriously loves it more than anyone. They banged pots and pans and yelled at the top of their lungs into the night.
I think it will be a Happy New Year indeed.

The Secret to Happiness...Turn 40. Stay Married To Me.

2010-12-26T23:29:00.000-08:00

Today, we celebrate my beloveds 40th birthday. Not a small milestone. Not a let's go to pizza for event. And the day after Christmas makes it very very very easy on me to get it all done. But I did. Not without a few compromises of my soul and a couple of promises to God that I will totally make it up to HIm this week. But it got done, Mike is happy and that's all I cared about. We had yet another combined Meeker/Oliver/Santos event. It was not what I'm sure Mike envisioned when throwing down 40 but it was nice for a lot of reasons.

First, this is just the prelude to his actual celebration. We go on our cruise on the 15th for his actual birthday. We'll be gone about 10 days and are sailing to an unknown location that is a big surprise. He was so excited to get the "ship" for his birthday. Today, he got additional clues. A pirate lunch box, a CD of pirate songs and gold chocolate coins along with some binoculars. He knows he's going, he knows it's where they have had pirates in the past. That's all. I'm so happy he'll be surprised. His party consisted of crime scene tape on the outside of the house, a ciopinno feast for a king for dinner, presents and a video that chronicled all that was cool in 1970. It was a fun night but the real present and fun starts on the cruise. I gave a toast for his birthday and I realized that I have loved Mike for over half of our lives. I love this man more than I could ever do justice on a blog about. He is my (fill in the blank) and that pretty much sums it up. I am not me without our partnership. The person he thinks I am is exactly who I want to become. He makes me laugh. We argue big. We still fight big (although not as big as when we first got married and never ever in an unhealthy way in front of the kids) and we play and love even bigger. I would say our marriage has been 3% hell, 5% hard, 80% happy, contented, affirmations of why you picked each other, and 12% this is the best day of my life I love this person so much it hurts I can never lose them or I would die I am so happy I can't believe my life turned out this way I can't believe the love I get to have is this kind of huge sort of swamp you and take your breath away love I am so lucky. I think those are pretty good percentages. I feel so very lucky. And today is one of those days in that 12%.

So at 40...Mike can still run faster than most people I know. Sometimes I'll be walking into the mall, restaurant, movie theatre etc. and he's forgotten something in the car. He runs back to get it. I'll hear running right behind me coming closer and I know to stop and steady myself because without asking he's going to jump over my head. And I feel the lightest pressure of my shoulders and he goes flying over my head and lands on two feet like it was no big deal. He can still run really fast. He is not jaded or cynical. He still loves life, loves people, loves his job, loves this country, believes there are tons more good people in the world than bad and believes that you can't judge a person by what they look like or who they hang around with our their economic or religious affiliation. He loves my family and has accepted them into his heart. He is the type of Dad who plays hard, loves hard, tells his kids why he thinks they are so awesome every day and why he would want to be their friend even if he wasn't their dad. He still wants to put them to bed, read them a story and snuggle for a sec even if he's had them all day. He never tires of his kids or being with them. He is a friend to the end, always on my side, always backs me up, even when I'm wrong. Then, in private he'll tell me "Aim, you need to rethink this situation because you are wrong." I can tell him anything, even stuff that we need to change about us. I will never ever leave him. I will never want to leave him. If I had a million dollars to bet, I would bet the same would be true about him. I don't believe he will ever leave me and I don't believe he'd ever want to leave us. We are each other's person. And our family dynamic is so overwhelming in it's feelings of belonging, trust, love and forever that I think we will end up together for as long as the Lord allows us to continue this fantastic journey together. This man, this man/boy who is 40 today stole my heart 21 years ago.. And I'm all the better for it. Thank you my favorite friend, for just being by my side, growing old but refusing to act it and making me giggle, roll my eyes and just be for the past 21 years. I'll love you forever.

Hot Potato

2010-12-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

It's just a potato. Why is it such a big freaking deal? I LOVE potatoes. I grew up in a house where we ate rice every night. Our dinner always was a piece of meat, steamed Asian style rice in an old rice cooker with kikkoman soy sauce and a vegetable of some sort. When I got married I was so excited to be rid of rice forever. Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on your take) Mike had served as a missionary for two years in the pacific islands. And guess what he ate every day for two years and absolutely loved and HAD TO HAD TO HAD TO have it every night with dinner? Rice. Cooked in a rice cooker. Yuck and yuck.

But I digress. This post is not about rice or my resentful history with this tiny grain. (Random rice fact: did you know if you go to Japan and eat sushi rice it is most likely imported from Sacramento, CA? cool huh?) So potatoes. The simple spud. Cheap and relatively easy to make in a variety of ways. Mashed, roasted, baked, boiled, in pot roast, in stew, scalloped, au gratin, potato latkes, potato pancakes, potato rolls, all deliciously awesome. But today, I'd like to talk about the best way to eat a potato. You guessed it...FRIED BABY. Specifically the french fry. Be warned, the rest of this post may stir controversy that could sweep our nation and over shadow Christmas this year. I guarantee, if you keep reading, you will be compelled to discuss this issue with your relatives at Christmas dinner.

French Fries? When served hot and salty with a ton of room temperature ketchup, is there anything better? The answer is no. But I'm disgusted by the way most restaurants have castrated the little french fry. Most fast food joints make disgusting, cardboard tasting versions of fries that we Americans shovel into our pie holes as fast as we can get them down. Gross. Even In & Out burger who makes you watch the potato cutting production as you sit in the drive thru makes sucky fries. sucky. Maybe the suckiest of all. That is why when my beloved and I found ourselves at our new 5 Guys the other night, I gave a silent prayer of thanks that there are people in the world that take fry making seriously and do it right.

Back in the nineties, Mike and I were a dual income no kids Washington DC working couple. Summer would take us to old town Alexandria, Virginia for walking and shopping. There was a greasy, crowded, run down 5 Guys on Hwy 1 in which we would stop for a burger and fries. In the summer, the grease residue would stick to the floor and you would literally have to slide your feet on the grease or you would slip and fall. I've seen grown men enter the 5 Guys in Alexandria and promptly biff it on the floor. I was VERY concerned when I found out that 5 Guys had gone corporate and they were opening franchises across the country. I figured they would go the way of Krispy Kreme where their product wasn't even recognizable after they expanded. Seriously the hot glazed doughnuts of the original Krispy Kremes was not at all even close to what those green roofed impostors sold out of their drive thru windows. ANYWAY, 5 Guys. I was scared. Because they have been the gold standard of french fry I have used for a long time. We entered our shiny new 5 Guys the other night and I sniffed. Hmmmm, it smells too new. I thought. I tried sliding my foot. No grease residue, people were just safely walking about. But then I saw the white board. It listed what kind of potatoes they were serving that day and where they came from. Just like the old 5 Guys did. I always thought that was a key to their fry success. If you care enough to write down the source of your potatoes, you probably care about them. The night we went to 5 Guys the potatoes were from a farm in Wyoming. We stood in line and ordered our burgers which is a very involved process if you've ever been to 5 Guys. Then, I ordered a small order of cajun fries. We slid down the line moving further down the counter. We paid for our food in an area in which you could see the fry station. And what I saw that night let me know that all was right in the world.

A new employee was running the fry station. She was obviously new because the store was new so unless she transferred from another 5 Guys, she probably had not worked there longer than a few weeks. Her manager was standing next to her watching. He stopped her. He took over the fry station. He plucked one of his fries out of the basket and broke it in half. I heard him say, they need to be crisp on the outside but do you see how soft and fluffy they are inside? That's how we need them to look. And he went over the very intense process 5 Guys uses in making their fries. I wondered if it was possible that my fries might actually be decent. We took our bag of grease to the car. We each took a fry. Mike looked at me and said "Moment of truth..." and we dipped in ketchup and sampled the fries. I think we both moaned. They were the same. Exactly the same as when we had them six years ago. Perfect french fries. And we high fived and drove home happily munching our fries.

The perfect french fry is a lot harder to make than you think. You first must have fresh potatoes. Fresh!!! Then you must cut them. Then you must soak them in cold ice water overnight. This releases a lot of starch that will screw up your fry. Then you drain and rinse them. Next, you half cook them. You lower your temp of oil to like 325 and you cook them until they are half way done. Then you take them out of the oil, drain them and set them aside. When you are ready for fries to eat, you crank up the oil to like 375 and crisp them up. This leaves you with a crisp outside and a fluffy, soft inside that can steam but won't affect the integrity of the fry. Season with whatever makes you happy. Sea salt and ketchup is the safest and most sure bet. But if you are at 5 Guys, you may trust their cajun seasoning. It is excellent.

Now go and discuss. Be prepared to have a fight on your hands. There are people out there who love In & Out fries. Gross. And people swear McDonald's fries are the best there are. And they aren't bad if they are super hot and cooked properly. But 5 Guys fries are still good cold. Swear.

So this Christmas enjoy your turkey, prime rib, ham and pumpkin pie. But before you start your diet on January 1st, swing by a 5 Guys, eat an order of fries and think of me.

Thank you very much for your time and attention. Merry Christmas.

Peace (on earth).Out.

Christmas is sort of hard. Joyous. But hard.

2010-12-20T23:45:00.000-08:00

I think I'm supposed to feel melancholy at Christmas right? I miss old friends who I wish were in my life. Usually, it's through some fault of my own that they are not and that makes me sentimental and a little bit sad. And then I got shopping and it seems like everything that screams to me from the shelves is saying "Amy dahhhhling, you would look so fabulous in me. Buy me my puppet and we'll live forever in fashion heaven!" But isn't buying yourself something the week of Christmas sort of inviting bad and selfish kharma? Is it even allowed? And my girls. Oh my girls. They are at the prime age for Christmas magic and wonder. They are so excited and want to do it all. Carolling, lights, cocoa, marshmallows, Christmas Specials in this order (Rudolph, Frosty, Polar Express, Grinch-old version, Charlie Brown, Santa Claus in Comin' To Town, some new one about the little elves getting packages out and delivered I think it's called Prep and Landing, The Santa Clause, Miracle on 34th Street -the old one in black and white but never ever NO NEVER will they watch It's A Wonderful Life. But yes, we have to watch all of those specials. Then, tree trimming. Mike and Jessica are Katie and my nemesis when it comes to tree trimming. They want everything hung just so, lights balanced, ornaments not clumped. "YOU'RE CLUMPING KATIE" screams Jessica. "Amy, the lights look like they are in a straight line, you need to twist them around the branches", scolds Mikey. So Katie and I plop ourselves on the loveseat in each others arms and we tickle backs and snuggle together and share kisses and whispered Christmas songs. All the while we watch our two favorite people decorate the tree in gleeful holiday harmony now that we are out of the way. We watch the two go at it, hands on hips and high fiving each other every two seconds and we giggle and go make cocoa. It's funny. But our tree looks nice and we get it done.

It's a tradition in our house that IF YOU ARE A SPECIAL CHILD...A VERY EXTRA SPECIAL CHILD...then sometime before Christmas, Santa delivers a note and a snow glow with him inside the globe to your house and under your pillow. The note says something about how special you are and how he can watch all the good things you do for others from inside the globe and keep track of all the good you are doing between now and Christmas. Our globes usually appear the night we decorate the tree. Somehow, Santa knows when that is going to happen and when the girls climb into bed that night, their globes and notes are waiting for them. They have a different globe for each year and we've saved all the letters. This is a tradition we just totally made up so I hope it's one the girls love as they get older.

I am hosting Christmas Eve on Friday night. We just do heavy appetizers and mocktails. We have a gingerbread house decorating contest and we frost cookies for Santa. We read the nativity story from the Bible. We have a nativity set that is one of those Fischer Price Playschool ones. The girls love getting to play with it every year. As we read the story, the girls place the people when they are mentioned in the scripture. It's so fun for the girls and man they know the story of Jesus' birth backwards and forwards. I wish so badly they had more cousins so we could do the Christmas pageant. But such is life. They don't seem to be lacking for anything.

We'll be doing Christmas morning at my Moms. Then, we'll be getting ready for Christmas dinner at our house but going over to my Mom's to actually eat the dinner. Mike's parents will join us this year which will be nice. It will be a quiet group, just us, our parents, grandmothers and that's it. But I'm glad. I wish some of Mike's brothers would be with us but they are all spread out all over the country.

I think the reason I think Christmas is hard is because it all seemed magical as a kid. The food just appeared on the plates. The home-made cookies, fudge etc. seemed to be never ending and came out of nowhere. We stayed up late and watched each person open their gifts one by one. We stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning playing with our new presents and getting them ready for use. Never did we wonder who made that yummy jello salad or who made sure we had santa napkins or my pretty holiday dress. It seemed like I always had that one thing under the tree that I was hoping for. I lived this idyllic, perfect childhood. Don't think I don't know how wonderful and perfect I had it. We loved each other on top of it all too.

Now, it's my job to make sure my girls are raised with that same sort of security. I want them to believe Santa brings the globes to their rooms . I want to make their favorite snacks for Christmas Eve and leave time for their very favorite thing which is decorating cookies. I want them to see Christmas in sparkles, with pictures of smiling faces, kisses, hugs, cuddling and good times. I want there to always be that one special thing under the tree that they are hoping for most of all. I want them to always give their own Christmas presents to their grandparents, parents and each other. They are more excited for people to open a present from them than for them to get a present them self. I want to instill and excitement in giving. That it's not a hassle, it's not something you have to cross off a list but it's something joyous that you do with thought and you give with love. I want them to tell their children..."my mom and dad made Christmas perfect for us...they took care of everything"

So that's why Christmas is hard. I realize it's a lot of work and that my parents and grandparents have been busting their butts for years. But they did it because of what they wanted to give me as a memory. And I am so thankful.

Both of my girls are very excited to sing about the birth of Jesus and to tell the story of Jesus this year. I'm very happy they aren't just excited about the presents and Santa. I think we'll get it all done. It will be joyous...

What are your Christmas traditions? I'm always looking for new ones to add....

The Road To Getting A Baby Sister

2010-12-05T00:50:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving really is my favorite holiday. I love the honesty of it. I love how, for one moment, our souls are stripped bare, like the trees outside and we are forced to stand in front of a group of people and declare what we are most thankful for. I don't think we do enough thanking in this world. I don't think we take time to look someone in the eyes, put our hand on their arm and tell them that the act of kindness they just bestowed on a child or the card in the mail last month or the telephone call out of the blue meant something to us. It's very easy to go through this life wondering if anything you do matters at all. Does anyone notice how hard I am trying? Does anyone realize that was hard for me but I did it anyway because of love? Does anyone care? But then, just as I'm about ready to take the electric turkey slicer thingy to my throat and end it all because I can't get gum out of the Halloween costumes, Thanksgiving quietly taps me on the shoulder, opens her arms for a hug and says "it's okay, I'm here". And I know I'll be okay.

This year we headed south for the holiday because (and I can hardly type this without getting teary) Mike's baby brother Steve got married. The same Steve I met in 1989 when he was 3 and I was 17. The same kid who was so shy he wouldn't talk to me but he'd pull my ponytail and say "ponytail" and then run away laughing. The same kid who I eventually won over and then proceeded to take everywhere and talk about everything with. The very same kid who has held this incredibly special place in my heart for 21 years is grown up and graduated from college and married. How did that happen? Just yesterday he was on the floor playing with our dog Josh and his stuffed soccer ball, laughing for hours as they tugged and pulled and wrestled.

Apparently time passes and little boys grow up and they fall in love. Luckily in this case, he fell in love with a gentle, kind, sensitive soul who will be a wonderful sister to me and Mike and a loving, enthusiastic and positive influence as Auntie to my girls. We totally lucked out on this one. Vanessa really is perfect for us as she's perfect for Steve. I love when it works out like that.

So we found ourselves traveling down to Corona, California. We stayed at a hotel all together. My mother in law broke her foot in three places (OUCH) and is completely in a wheel chair, unable to put any bearing on her foot at all. So my sisters in law along with our husbands got together and we put together the Thanksgiving/Rehearsal dinner that Marilyn had already planned out. Amber took over decorations because she's amazing at that . Her flower arrangements looked like they were hundreds of dollars. She had the cutest ideas for name tags and she did a great job with color scheme and making it look Thanksgiving-y but also Wedding-y which is hard to do. Faith...oh Faith. Faith got all the pre work dumped in her lap because she was the only one there in So Cali prior to the event. She did all the shopping. I sent her a list and she and Ken got all the items and began prepping for the event on Thursday at 10am. I made the list and was responsible to make sure we weren't missing a step and I have to say "yay" for my list making abilities. Bill took over hosting duties and Heather helped us where we were short handed. I didn't want to give her an official job duty given she was without Rick and might need to tend to something her kids needed. The boys all ran herd on the kiddos and somehow, by the Grace of God (truly) we pulled it together. Luckily it was catered so the only thing we made was the peas and the corn. I know there's no way we could have done more stuff than that. My favorite part of the day came about half way through dinner when Bill asked each person to stand and say what they were thankful for and how they knew Vanessa and Steve. I love this part because it always surprises me what people are thankful for. This year, I was very thankful for family and how families can come together because of a union of two people. When two people get married, a new family is created. I think families are one of the strongest forces against evil there is in this world. I think a family that tries to have The Lord be part of their home and who invites Him into their family as a full member is an incredible force against evil. I feel that way about my original family of three with my mom and dad, my little family of four now with Mike and the girls. But I especially feel it when I see the girls with their grandparents and I see my Mom teaching my daughter right from wrong or I see my Dad playing some game with them all the while they are laughing and unaware a wonderful memory is being seared onto their heart and that they'll carry it forever. I grew up as an only child so there wasn't a lot of family when it came down to numbers. But there was plenty if you measured in love. I missed my family this Thanksgiving but I was so happy to be with Mike's whole family. All the brothers were there except for Rick who is deployed with the Air Force. But all the sisters and cousins were there. It made me so happy to see the girls laughing and playing with their cousins. We took the kids bowling while the boys had their bachelor party. We went to the San Diego temple for the wedding then back to Corona for the reception. The reception was in her parent's backyard with a large tent and space heaters all around. There were pearls dripping from everywhere and candles flickering. It was a romantic and beautiful setting for a reception. We danced and danced and danced and then everyone went to the front yard with sparklers to see Steve and Vanessa off on their honeymoon.

All of my sister in laws are special to me. But there's always been this part of me that knew that the day would come when I'd be cruising into age 40 and Steve would come waltzing in with some hot babe in her twenties and all the brothers (including my husband) would be fist bumping and high fiving him. And of course, then I would have to hate her. And I wasn't looking forward to it. Now, don't get me wrong, Vanessa is one hot babe, and I've caught more than enough high fives and giggling from the grown men I call my brothers to last me for a long while. But thankfully, she is so nice that it was not even a little bit painful and I don't have to hate her. Not one little bit.

FRIDAY CONFESSIONS

2010-11-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

I plan on much more confessing to be done next Friday. I'll be in the throws of a family wedding and I have high hopes of saying/doing things that were awesome at the time, but possibly not in the best taste and prudence over all. This week, not so much to report. Sickness and a house plagued by it, does not provide for much more than a bad attitude and a hope for the ability to squash cheerful people like bugs.

Let's see, oh! Here's a good one. I ordered a certain product online and did not tell Mike I ordered it. The item cost over $200 and making a purchase of that size and not telling each other is just not done around here. But it was a selfish, needless item and one I was pretty sure Mike would not agree with me using the product in the first place. So I didn't say anything. A teeny weeny lie of omission. WELL. Of course he found out. He freaked out. He gathered all debit cards and credit cards from my person, sternly lectured about how we make decisions together and this was just useless and not even good for me. He was pretty steamed. I was appropriately contrite and really did feel pretty badly about it. Sneaky is not my motive operendi. I like being an open book. So this transgression bothered me far more than it bothered Mike. But none the less, he was pretty pissed. It was a good lesson to all of us that if we have to hide something we are doing or that we want from our significant other, then it's not the pricey item that's the problem. It's all about how you communicate and value each other as a couple. I let him stew for a day and one night and peppered his stew with I'm Sorries and I was wrongs. After the second sun had set on his disgust I told him he'd need to pull his head out of his butt now and get over it. He was glad frankly that a truce had been called because he's not very good remembering things let alone why he is mad (an emotion I am thankful he feels so much less than most) A truce has been established and joy has settled back over the land.

Long story short, just maintain full disclosure with your man. It's a good practice and one that I am going to try and be more faithful to in the future.

More confessions to come. (Hopefully of raiding the groomsmen rooms, jumping into the hotel pool at midnight and letting some cute groomsman get to third base at the very least. hubba hubba Until then...

2+2=4

2010-11-19T02:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not much a fan of formulas. I don't like prediction and for a to always proceed b followed by their trustee amigo c . I like a little unpredictability in life. For example, I hate red roses and broke up with a serious boyfriend one time over them because if I figured he didn't know by now that I hated cliche's then he wasn't trying hard enough. I like movies with twists and turns. Who Done It's are my favorite where you don't know the killer until the last few pages. I have often said I would love to be a spy but have too big of a mouth and could never stand up to torture. I loved when in college and I thought we were super broke, that Mike surprised me with a secret savings account he had been putting money into for a new computer. I like to change things up now and then, go for the unexpected. This is why today turned out to be so incredibly lovely.

I thought I knew how today would go for sure. I mean,two sick kids with scarlet fever and strep throats no less. Their mother, me, also sick with the same. Their Father unable to take off from work. Not a grandparent or helper in sight. It was going to be me in charge all day long and I knew it was going to be another tough day. I figured a lot of holding of hot, smelly, sticky children, administering of antibiotics, Popsicles and food requests for stuff that doesn't hurt my "froat". A lot of whining about being hot/sick/bored/tired from all sides and by the end of the day me seriously wondering why I paid $30,000 to modern medicine for the opportunity to procreate. But see, it didn't go down like that at ALL.

At 7:45 Katie awoke to a desperate need for hot chocolate and a gooey ham and cheese croissant because it was soft and would not hurt her throat. I laid there staring at her eager face. "Come On Mom. Get your jeans on and let's go pick food up from La Bou." The fact that she knows about picking up breakfast foods from French boulengeries at age 5 is a different story for a different day. The fact that she knows these particular croissants have been my single breakfast weakness since I had one at 10 years old is just about paying attention. "Go see if Jessica really wants one too". Not long passed before two ratty hair, stinky kids were jumping on my bed begging for warm croissants, french ham and melted guyere along with shaved belgium chocolate melted into fresh dairy milk and steamed to the perfect temperature. My kids are foodies. I grabbed my jeans, stuck on a hat, told them to put on their warmest footie pajamas and we headed out. I wondered about the wisdom of doing this when we were sick but we had been not hungry for a lot of days now. I think I was just overcome that there existed a food option out there that sounded good to all three of us and I could go get it without having to comb my hair. I called the order in so it would be all ready and all I had to do was pay and lug a bag of warm croissants and three cups of not too hot, not too cold chocolate to my van which was parked in front of the shop. I had eyes on the van at all times as the whole place is glass fronted and there were like two pepole there just in case you were going to leave me a hate comment that I let the girls stay in the car.

We were happy to have food that tasted and went down easily. We ate much less than usual as we were still not feeling great but it was still a far better cry than the bowl of milk soaked wheaties I thought was in our breakfast plans for the morning. Score one for Katie, her bright ideas and excellent palette.

I hunkered down with a book actually entitled "Happy Ever After". Not my normal thriller genre. It was actually the forth book in a quartet about four best friends who grow up playing pretend wedding day. Fast forward to adulthood and they form a business in which they plan and execute lavish weddings in Greenwich Connecticut. The first book as the best friend/wedding photographer meeting a groovy lit professor and having her "Picture Perfect" love story. The next features the best friend/florist getting her Bed of Roses. The third installment has the best friend/pastry chef Savoring The Moment as she falls in love with a guys she's known her whole life. Now in this one the best friend/wedding coordinator gets her Happy Ever After with a tough no nonsense mechanic who happened to be educated at Yale. I normally do not like these types of books. They annoy me. But when I am sick, I like the comfort of the simplicity of when love runs smoothly and the guy gets the girl. I put on the free babysitter known as the PBS Sproutlette channel and the girls were snuggled up with me with their own 5 year old version of formula stories. We normally never spend time like this. But today it was called for. And it was so nice. We had long conversations about Uncle Steve and Auntie Vanessa's wedding coming up. They wanted to know what the deal was and why the heck they weren't the flower girls because don't they know "we are EXCELLENT flower girls cuz we have TOTALLY DONE IT BEFORE!" I explained that there were two nice little girls were hadn't met yet who hadn't gotten a turn to be flower girls yet so Auntie Vanessa is going to give them a turn this time but that they still had a very important job. They had to check out Uncle Steve before he went into his reception and make sure he was perfect from head to toe. They were the groom checkers. And they are highly excited about this new job. They spent the rest of the day making ghetto gifts to give out at the reception to people that are coming to the wedding. We shared popsicles, talk about cigarettes and how they are bad, new rules about the handling of aluminum cans. The most exciting news of the day was Jessica has an officially loose tooth. Katie asked me if she would get money too when Jessica looses her tooth and the tooth fairy comes. I told her the Tooth Fairy is going to pay Jessica for her tooth and then whatever Jessica does with the money is her business. It was not even a question. They are going to share the proceeds from Tooth Fairy Collections 5050 no matter who's tooth it is. I was surprised but in a good way.
It was a day where I really got to see the love parts of our family and how we are happy to take care of one another. I did my fair share of taking care of them but they took care of me just as much, fetching water, medicine and reminding me to rest. All in all, it was a nice little day. The kind you don't remember but then, years later, you wish you could have back.

Love In the Time of Cholora

2010-11-18T01:16:00.000-08:00

Today was just one of those days. The kind that makes you wish you crawled back under the covers and never came out. We've been battling sickness in one form or another around here for the past three weeks. Today was the day in which the doctor I live with tells me that he needs to be a "dad" and I need to take them into the doctor and be seen. Given our crazy temps/rash/sore throats...I bit the bullet and took us in. We have scarlet fever and strep throat. Yay Team! As soon as he said scarlet fever my mind went to Beth and Jo March and their death scene on Beth's bed because she just had to go and look after those stupid Hummel babies and got scarlet fever. I was assured it is not as serious today and we have great medicines to fight it blah blah blah. It didn't stop me from being a wreck. And my poor Mother In Law broke her foot in three places and Steve gets married next week and she will most likely be in a wheelchair. i'm so tired, the keys are blurry and I better tuck in....

uh,turns out scarlet fever is no fun.

Say What?

2010-11-05T15:34:00.000-07:00

I don't want to forget some of the funny things my kids are saying right now. Sometimes we'll be having a conversation and I feel like looking around for hidden cameras because I can't believe the stuff that comes out of their mouth. (Sentimental, braggy mommy rubbish ahead...proceed with caution)

Jessica starts everything she has to tell me with the following sentence. "Mom, I have some good news and some bad news." Then she tells me how many of each she has. "Mom, I have one bad news and two good news-es" Today, this was the good & bad news. "Mom, the bad news is that if we put the picture I drew for Katie to thank her for being a good nurse to me while I am sick on the dresser, we can't put our fan on number two or it will blow off. The good newses are that we can put the picture on our dresser with either no fan on at all or on speed one."

The girls have an alarm clock on their dresser that goes off at 7:05 a.m. They begged for this alarm clock so they can know when to get up and get ready for school. Katie tells me all the time "Mom, you would think that the sound the alarm makes in the morning would be a happy sound but it's not. It just reminds me that I am very very very sooooo tired!"

Both girls are always talking about their enjury level. Me: "Girls, I need you to pick up your play room." Them "Mom, we are so tired we just don't have enough enjury in our legs to do it." Or, another example Them: "Mom, I ate all my dinner. I'm sure gonna have lots of enjury now."

Lasternight. Even Mike and I say lasternight now. It's a combination of yesterday and last night. Everynight when we tuck them into bed, they say something like "Mom, we went to sleep good lasternight didn't we?" or "you read a whole book lasternight, can we have two books tonight?"

They play this computer game called World of Zoo. If you have 4 or 5 year olds, go get it. They will love it. You get to be a zoo keeper and take care of all the animals. There are zebras, monkeys, kuaula bears, giraffes, big cats and pandas. The girls get to name the animals, pick what they'll look like along with the color of the animal. (pink and white giraffes!) Then they get to take care of the animals. They earn love points from their animals if they do a good job. They feed, bathe, play with, train, exercise, groom and heal their animals. The animals come up to the screen and kiss them and give them love points when they do a good job. They sit in front of the computer and talk to these animals like they are totally real. Jessica: "Hi sweetie -pie my favorite zebra how are you this morning. Okay girl, it's okay, it's just me. Here I brought you an apple. I knew you'd like that. yes, yes, I love you too. Okay girl, where's little lady? Oh, there she is!! Hi little lady..." and it goes on and on. It seems sort of sad and pathetic because they don't have a real pet and they want one so badly. And I'm feeling myself starting to break down and think about dogs again. But once we got past the guilt that they are taking care of imaginary computerized pets, we noticed that they are having an absolute ball. They love it so much and it's so cute.

It was so sad/cute, on Halloween they gave out candy because they had already gotten so much candy. We explained that since Halloween was on Sunday this year, that it would be a good idea for us to think of something we could do for our neighbors instead of just focusing on getting as much candy as possible. They were totally on board for it. They made 44 ghosts out of tootsie roll pops and white kleenex and black yarn. Then, Katie cut up her extra nice drawing paper into four squares per sheet and drew a Halloween picture for the trick or treaters. She had over 25 pictures ready by 6pm Halloween night. I gave them the big basket that normally holds our fruit and onions on our counter top. They filled it with all their treats. I let them put on their kitty ears and I drew whiskers on their faces. We talked as a family about how normally on Halloween, people pass by our house but nobody is home to give them candy because we are out trick-or-treating. This year, we were deciding together as a family that we'll make the sacrifice of getting candy in order to be here to serve the kids in our neighborhood by giving them candy, along with a craft that we worked very hard to make. They were totally pumped. (Brainwash your kids much? yeah, me too) In between trick or treaters they sat on the love seat looking out the window onto the porch. They would yell, "someone is HEEEERE!!!" as they flew off the couch to answer the door before the people could ring the bell. I can't even begin to think about what sort of thoughts my neighbors had when they went through their Halloween candy and found a picture drawn by a 5 year old and a crumpled piece of Kleenex tied (barely) around a tootsie roll pop. We are THAT family. The whackadoos down the street that put a used Kleenex in your trick or treat bag. BUT in my defense. The girls said they had a better time doing that than trick or treating and asked if they could do that next year too.
Mike and the girls have a new tradition at the park. They slide down the slide and he pours a pixie stick in their mouth. The rules are they can't slow down to catch it and he had to stand in the same place each time. He said they love it because pixie stick dust was going everywhere...in their hair, eyes, mouth, ear etc. He said it was the most fun they've had in a long time.
Jessica told me that she learned at school that there are things you should say to people and things you shouldn't say. Jessica" like you SHOULD say you are nice, be my friend, I will help you, I like your shirt, you are nice and good job. What you SHOULDN'T say is you are fat, you are ugly or go to HELL." And there's where the title of my post today came from. Because in that moment I turned to her and said "say WHAT?"

66 Months

2010-10-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Katie & Jessica,

I've not written on this here little blog in quite awhile. The largest gaps I've had so far. I've wondered why I have stopped writing. Have I run out of words to share? Not possible. Am I just sick of the whole mommy blogger thing? A little bit. Am I sad or depressed? A touch. Am I just too busy? No. Am I swinging from the chandelier and guzzling Chardonnay? Always. But I have come to realize that none of these reasons are the reasons why I have this horrible writer's block. It is because I'm scared. I am scared of what people will think of my words. I've never censored myself on this blog. I never go back and re-read what I've wrote and think about what anyone will think of it. About three months ago, I was bored on a Saturday afternoon and I went back to read some of my old posts. I realized that perhaps, just a tiny bit, I might have over shared things that fly through my crazy mind. You know I'm crazy. Dad knows I'm crazy. But having the Internet know I'm crazy was just something I hadn't thought of when writing. Not that anyone really reads this thing other than our family members and few great friends. But I started to think what if some stranger stumbled on over here and read my words. It was then that I started to think this blog thingy might not be such a great idea. I decided to make our blog private. Then I decided to heck with it, people can think what they want. This is for you guys anyway. It's for you to have and read someday when you have kids of your own and you are feeling crazy and lonely and in need of a voice during the endless days of potty training, table wiping, Target shopping, bath giving, "no" saying and sleep wanting. Maybe during those days of your own, you might decide to finally read those blog posts your old Mom wrote back in the day. And maybe it will help you to know me better. Maybe it will make you feel like less of a loser. Maybe you'll know how much I like you guys. Maybe you'll remember how much fun we have together. It's the three of us most of the time. I thought about how much I like you guys while we were running errands today. Nothing big happened, we were just talking as I drove around my beloved home town. I caught glimpses of you guys in the rear view mirror as I passed what used to be my junior high school where I met Dad. And I thought about time and how fast it's all going. I realized I needed to write some things down. I'm crossing my fingers that this might get me out of my writing funk. Besides, now that I'm such a posting flake, nobody is reading this thing anymore anyway. So, here we go...

You guys turned 66 months old this month. Sunday will mark the five year anniversary of those first formal portrait pictures you guys took. I remember that Halloween day like it was yesterday. It seems impossible it's been five years. You started kindergarten in July. You have the very best teacher in the entire world. Kindergarten has been the best thing we've ever experienced. You guys love going to school, doing homework, making friends, carrying your backpack, singing new songs, displaying your new artwork and sharing all the things you've learned. I volunteer in your class one day per week. It's my favorite thing in my life right now. I used to play school when I was a little girl. I lined up all my stuffed animals like students and I stood in the front and taught then whatever I was learning at the time. I loved to play school. Going to your class has brought back those same fun feelings as well as this happy feeling inside my heart that we are sharing something so important together. I've grown to love your classmates, our school and your teacher. You both are almost truly becoming readers. You are great at math and you love art, singing and making cards and gifts for various people in your lives.

I think I would like you to stay five. It has been the very best age so far. You are so happy. No matter what we are doing, you both bring the party with you. I can be standing in line at the grocery store, pumping gas, going to the bank or attending a doctors appointment and you guys celebrate it with gusto. You are loud. Both of you are so very loud. But so am I. So I get it and I like it. You still love each other like crazy. You make friends easily but ultimately, no matter who you are playing with, you circle back around to each other to give a quick high five, hug, or kiss and then go back to what you were doing. I keep thinking maybe you'll run out of things to talk about or get bored playing together. But you love being together and you spend most of your day giggling, skipping, twirling, dancing and hoopa-looping (hula-hooping). Sometimes I listen to your conversations without your knowing. It's in those moments that I realize how having twins, having you as twins, getting to be your mother and getting to witness your relationship is the greatest blessing in my life. It brings me so much happiness beyond what I ever imagined was possible.

Don't get me wrong we have our challenges. Jessica - you are stubborn and very good at pleading your case in many different ways should you get into trouble. You love to show off, even if it's against the rules. Katie - you want to please others so much that you have a habit of verbally pointing out how great you are. You remind us when you obey the rules, eat healthy foods, clean up your room or do anything remotely good. You love to toot your own horn which if your sister is getting scolded and you are pointing out how awesome you are. I hate to call a five year old a butt kisser. But basically...yeah. You both get into plenty of mischief if left unattended for very long. However, you are now old enough to play without a lot of supervision and do basic chores around the house. Your daily chores are: brush teeth, get earrings cleaned, get yourself dressed, clean up your room, make your bed, clean up your drawing area and playroom, put your dishes in the sink and wipe down the table and floor underneath where you ate. We forget sometimes, but for the most part, you are great at your chores. You get a gold star sticker for each area every day and every day you get all stars in each area, you get a quarter. At the end of the week, we go to the dollar store and you can pick out something you want to have. It's your favorite thing to do because you can walk through this huge store and pick anything you want. I hate the dollar store. But I love it when you complete your chores. So I'm willing to put up with cheap toys made in China that I will have to throw away in a week or two.

Let's see, just a few more things. Summer was great for you. You learned how to swim. Katie- you can dive to the bottom of Grammie and Papa's pool in the deep end and get a hockey puck off the bottom in one breath. Jessica - you can swim across the pool and love to swim with your goggles and sit in the spa. You took two units of swim lessons and loved them. We went on vacation to New York for Dad's family reunion and to visit Auntie Heather and Uncle Rick before Uncle Rick left for the desert on deployment. You loved playing with your cousins. We had a "slumber" party in our hotel room for you guys, Chloe, Sariah, Nora and Devon. None of your cousins actually slept in our room because you guys are all little and they wanted to go back to their parents for sleeping time. But we watched a movie, had popcorn and root beer, played games and T.P'd Grandma and Grandpa's hotel room. Uncle Steve and (soon to be) Auntie Vanessa took you on a date for sodas and paper a paper airplane contest. You were both so excited to have a real date! You've had many adventures with Grammie and Papa going to the park, bouncy place, visiting the Great Grandmas, doing art, swimming, having movie parties and lots of stuff we probably never hear about. Spending the night at their house is your very favorite thing to do. You are going to be black cats for Halloween. We'll be giving out the candy this year. Between the pumpkin patch, church parties, harvest fair at school and harvest party at your class...you've gotten plenty of junk to eat. So instead you've made tissue paper ghosts out of tootsie roll pops and Kleenex to give out to all the kids that come to the door. I love that you guys are just as excited to give out candy as you are to get candy for yourselves. You are both counting the days until we go to southern California for Uncle Steve's wedding. All of your cousins are coming and you are so excited to see Auntie Vanessa in her "bride outfit" and dance at the wedding.

I love you both so much. My only wish is to slow down time so that I can remember and savor every moment right now. You give so many kisses and hugs to me every day and pick flowers off every bush to give to me. You snuggle me when we have movie parties in my room on our big bed. You tell me every day "thanks Mom, you're the best Mom ever" if I give you something you really want. It sounds so braggy and sugary sweet. But you guys really are sweet. You are messy and can trash our house in two seconds flat. You are loud whether you are playing outside or at a library. You are expensive and have so much energy that makes me tired just thinking about it. But you really truly are happy and sweet girls. Our family gives me so much joy. Even though we'll be relocating for a new Air Force assignment next summer, I know you'll be okay because you have each other. I know I'll be okay because I have you guys and Dad. We love spending time with you guys and would rather hang out with you two on a Saturday night than go out with any adult friends or even be by ourselves.

Thanks for bringing so much light into our home and so much love into our hearts. To say that I love you doesn't even come close to how I feel about you. I think the best thing we could ever hope for our family is that we'd like each other and be best friends even if we weren't related. That's how I feel about you guys. Thanks for always including me in your playing, backyard picnics and being so excited that I come into your classroom and help out. You love for me to talk to your friends and are so proud that your Mom is the class helper. I know this won't always be the case. I want you to know that it's okay when the day comes that you'd rather I not tag along. If I get lonely, I'll come back and read these posts. And that's the reason I'll never stop trying to continue writing. I want you to know how you've changed my life. You've changed me and how I see the world. Good work guys. Keep it up!

Love You -
Mom

It's Started Already

2010-09-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

On the way to school Katie asked me the following question...

"Mom...when you open your eyes in the morning, do you want to sometimes just close them again? Because that happens to me all the time! Because it's so so so early!!!"

Yep Katie. That happens to me. All. The. Time.

With All Her Heart...

2010-09-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

We were sitting in church today. They post up in the front of the church the page number of the hymns we will be singing. Number 116 was going to be our hymn for before the sacrament is passed. Jessica always opens the hymn book to the page of the hymn we are singing and looks at the words and music notes. When she was little, she used to get excited if she could find the right number. For the last few years, she loves for me to take her finger and move it over the words as we sing them. Sometimes she'll recognize the chorus or some of the words and she'll sing them softly. Mostly she loves to hum along with the organ.

Today, before the hymn started she told me in an excited little whisper..."Mom! I read all of these words! The title says Come Follow Me". Then she took her little finger and said "The first line says, come follow me, the Savior said, then let us in His footsteps tread." I hugged her and said in an excited whisper "Good job buddy! You really read all those words!" Then the organ started playing the song. In the most serious of little faces and sitting up as straight as she could sit she belted out the whole first line of the song at the top of her lungs in her very best singing voice. After the first line, she looked at me with so much excitement and I knew she was saving singing that first line of the song that she had studied so hard just for me. It brought tears to my eyes and a huge lump in my throat to see how excited she was to read and to hear her very loud little girl voice sing about Jesus. (she is VERY VERY loud) I normally don't get emotional about this kind of stuff. But there was just something about her excitement, the words of the song, the spirit in the room and it all coming together in a beautiful moment with my daughter.

I'm so thankful to be a parent. I didn't think I would love it this much. But I love it more than anything I've ever experienced. Today, I am truly grateful to God for my family.

Pushing Through It

2010-09-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

I have decided to push through this horrible case of bloggers block. I think I can do it if I focus and set up some parameters. Pioneer Woman had blogging rules on her website today and I think I will come up with some blogging rules for myself to help me avoid these blocks that come from time to time. Here's what you can expect from now on regarding this blog.

I'm going to write from the heart. I am going to tell you things I would tell my very best friend. I'm going to use my "voice" as a writer that is as authentic and real as possible.
I am not going to filter myself. If one day I feel like spouting political views...great. If the next day I want to gush about something the girls did...super. If the next day I want to tell you about how an indecent picture appeared on the Disneyland monitors after a ride on splash mountain of me and my newly married self...I will. No filters! sorry Mom!
Even though I have no filters, I won't be blogging about super personal stuff that is going to make you cringe with uncomfortableness. Like the horizontal mambo or my finances. Nobody wants to know about either of those things. I can't guarantee content won't make my mom uncomfortable but you should be okay.
I'm going to try and remember I am writing this blog so my girls will know me. Not the rule making, nagging, at the end of her rope lady that they get most times. But my thoughts, dreams and humor. I want them to know that my life was hard, joyous, stressful and full of love. I want them to know I laughed a lot and that they have a mother that can laugh at herself. I'm going to try to remember that they, in their adult versions, are my audience. Katie and Jessica at my age now. That's who I write for.
I'm going to blog daily. Because I agree with PDUB, if you don't nurture something everyday it will die. That's what happened to my blog over the past few months.
I will be honest. Even if it's not pretty. Even if people judge me.
I'll try and post more pictures.
I will push through this block that I seem to have.

I am thirty nine. I turned thirty nine yesterday. It was a wonderful day. We took the girls to Joe's on the river and we danced. My parents joined us. Mike and I took the girls to Chuck E Cheese and then we all came home and took a nap. Then I went and had a massage. It was a low key great day. But thirty-nine. Let that one settle on your brain for awhile. On one hand I am OLD. On the other hand, this is the age I plan on staying for the next ten or so years so I better get comfortable with it. It's going to be around for awhile.

Amy at thirty nine is awesome. I feel old and achy in my body and joints. But in my heart I still feel like I have optimism and hope for my dreams to come true. When I was engaged I was standing in line at Michaels buying my wedding favors and a relative who was helping me saw the wistful, happy glow on my face and this is what she said. "I was like you once. I was so happy and full of life. I thought things were going to be perfect. And then life beat the crap out of me. And I changed. I hardened. It will happen to you. I guarantee it. You'll get hard. You'll have to or you'll break." I looked down at my pink jordan almonds and my squares of tulle and ribbon and I remember silently vowing to myself that no matter what life threw at me, no matter how bad it got, I would NEVER allow myself to harden. I would never allow myself to be cynical or bitter. I would keep my faith in people, that they are good and kind. I made myself the biggest promise I have ever made to myself at that moment. And you know what? I feel like for the most part I've kept it. I love people. I love their differences, their humor, their quirks. I love all different kinds of people, especially those that grew up different than me. I love gay people, straight people, fat and skinny people, foodies and non foodies, fans of Gray's Anatomy and fans of The Real Housewives. I love conservatives, liberals, muslims, christians and atheists. What I don't like is mean people. Mean people suck. I don't like people that are happy when someone else fails or is suffering. You will never hear me say "well, I guess they got what they deserved" or "now they understand how they made me feel". I think pettiness is one of the most ugly traits someone can have. I don't feel I have hardened. If anything I have softened. I was so tough and feisty when I was in my twenties. My thirties have taught me to be a little bit more gentle with people. Now gentle doesn't mean fake. I also hate fake people. I think I just try and cut people the same slack I'd like them to cut me. I feel like I kept that promise to myself that I made long ago in line at Michaels. And I'm so glad I did.

So if you can handle the new commitment to authenticity and truth along with a writer with no filter so you are going to get TMI and often, stop by every once in awhile. I will share my family, my love of motherhood, my love of Mike Meeker, my love of TV, my love of cooking, my fear of diets, my weird sense of humor and my life's stories with you. I'll never go private and I'll never stop writing.

Thirty nine. Seriously? I spent it at Chuck E Cheese? I played Air Hockey and beat the pants off my five year olds. That neon yellow puck was flying at them over and over again. We whacked a mole and made eggs knock over and rolled the skee ball. We laughed a ton. It was exactly how I wanted to spend my day. I love a chic restaurant and a night on the town just as much as any girl. But dancing to "Car Wash" and "Love Shack" at Joes and eating my fill of crab with old bay was just about perfect. Bring it on thirty-nine. Let me see what ya got. I think it's gonna be fun. We better learn to like each other...or the next decade is going to be hard on you.

Blogger Block

2010-08-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

I have blogger's block. I looked it up. It's a real thing. It is. I can't think of what to write. Every time I sign on, I hem and haw and just have nothing in my brain. I think it's the new schedule, kindergarten and all the getting up at 645. Yesterday, I was going to get one of those low fat, build a better breakfast sandwiches from Subway after I dropped the girls off. I first drove to subway and realized I didn't have my purse or my phone. I drove home, got my phone, noticed all the lights I left on and the girl's nightgowns on the floor and picked up, turned off lights and drove back to subway. Phone? Check! Purse? Not so much. So I drove home. Got my purse. Acknowledged out loud to myself how stupid I am and drove back to Subway. OOPS. This isn't subway. I drove to Carl's Jr. What? How did I get HERE? Where did Subway go? The past two times, I was at Subway.

So I grabbed a breakfast burrito and went to the grocery store. Six boxes of cereal, three jars of mustard and one head of broccoli for a family of four and my head was hurting. I just wanted to suck my thumb and take a nap.

So there you go Internet. I'm taking a vacation. Not an actual vacation where in I would be at the beach, alone, with a book and a virgin pina colada...but a virtual vacation. From blogging. I will be back on Labor Day. And when I say I will be back...baby I will be BACK. As in on Fiyah!

Favorite Things Summer Edition

2010-08-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have a whole truck load of stuff to write about. Vacation highlights, kindergarten, engagement excitement and a slew of confessions. They are all coming up. But I just can't stop myself from listing some of my most recent favorite things. Like Oprah. Except there are no give aways. Someday I hope to have a give away on my blog. I hear it's the only way you can really get people to comment. And did you know comments are the secret to how much you are loved? If I did have a give away, I think it would be stuff in my house that I just never got around to using. Wouldn't that be a good idea? I have crap all around this place still in the box. It seemed like a good idea when I was at Costco/Target/Pier One/Home Goods but then it just never materialized ya know? Anyway, this about my latest favorite things.

Mad Men is back baby! That Don Draper....mmmmmm....he could cheat on me anytime.
The website eShakti. Seriously, they have endless designs of dresses in the most flirty, vintage, cool prints and styles. But it doesn't end there. YOU get to pick what kind of sleeves you want to have, how long you want the dress, what sort of neckline you prefer. And then you send in your measurements while wearing the bra and/or foundation garment (girdle/spanx) that you will be wearing while wearing the dress. Their little elves sew and sew and presto chango...the dress arrives exactly as you have specified. Isn't that the coolest? How many times have I passed up a dress because it has flutter or cap sleeves and my arm fat is going to spill out? Our how many dresses would I love but they are so short my knee scar shows? If you have any problem areas or just like cool dresses, you should check out this website. http://www.eshakti.com/default.asp
Teachers! I volunteered in the girls' class today. I can't believe how awesome these teachers are. Our teacher is perfect for my girls. They love her and let me tell you, after seeing her in action, she is amazingly wonderful. It never stops amazing me how hard teachers work.
Upstate New York: We just went out to NY on vacation. We didn't hit NYC but instead were up around the Niagara Falls region. I can't tell you how beautiful this area of the country is. Rolling hills and farms with white farm houses and red barns. Amish influences in the architechture and old fashioned Main Streets in little tiny towns. It was like a slice of Americana of a time long gone by. I loved it. Mike's family reunion was in Palmyra, New York. It was so beautiful and amazing.
Waxed eyebrows. I admit I had neglected my eyebrows for awhile. I got them shaped not long ago and it made such a difference. Don't neglect your brows!
OPI Gel Soak Off Nail Color - this stuff is amazing. Whenever I get a manicure, my polish chips off in like a day or two. OPI has developed this new nail color that is in a little pot and it has a gel texture. You paint it on and then set it with a blue light. It dries immediately so it's almost impossible to chip or smear. You don't have to file the natural nail on top or damage your natural nail bed in any way. And the color stays chip free for at least two weeks. The ad says three weeks but I'm really hard on my hands. You can get anything from really dark to super light. They have all the most popular OPI colors. I'm not sure if you can buy this stuff or if it's only done in professional salons. But I watched the nail tech no it and it didn't look hard at all. You would have to have one of those blue light machines but it would be worth the investment.
Ali & Roberto - I can't help it. I know they'll never make it. But I get sucked in every time.

Life Has Been Dry Humping My Face

2010-07-31T13:19:00.000-07:00

My Mom is on vacation so I know she won't see the title of this post and call me and ask me why I find the need to be so vulgar. If she did call me however, I would calmly tell her that the reason I needed to be so vulgar in the title of my post is because the only way to explain my life recently is as if the universe is dry humping my face. I know you guys know what I mean.

First, the girls started kindergarten. But it is July, you say, how can that be? Yes, well, that's what I thought too. However our school district has some crazy idea that year round school is a great idea and the girls started kindergarten in July. The ink wasn't even dry on their little baby graduation diplomas from preschool. They had like zero summer break. And back to school. I felt like we all got hit by a truck. I'll do a separate post about the first day because I have pictures and they are darn cute.

Then, after two days of kindergarten we went on vacation. To New York. Once again I let Mike make the flight arrangements. Stupid stupid me. We flew at night, from San Francisco, with many stops. He always does that to save a couple of bucks. We end up spending way more than we saved in parking fees, gas, luggage checking and ham sandwiches at the airport but he feels like he is getting a deal so I guess he's happier in the end. As for us? We are zombies by the time it's all over. We don't even know where we are. Katie and I have gotten really good at sleeping on each other on airplanes and during layovers. We were in New York for both Mike's extended family reunion and to spend time with Rick and Heather's family before Rick leaves on deployment. The girls loved playing with their cousins. We also got to meet my new sister in law to be who we love. I will post more on that later because it is too good of a story and deserves it's own post. It was a great trip. Just long and exhausting.

Then, back to kindergarten we went. Only now, I had missed back to school night so all the other parents were pros and I was a lost and lonely soul, looking like an idiot. I spent the past three nights trying to get the girls the right size of backpacks, homework caught up and reading all about our new school, new teacher, new policies, procedures and schedule. Kindergarten is currently kicking my ass.

The day we returned from our night of never ending airline travel, our good friend Matt came to stay for two nights. Matt is a friend of ours from Mike's residency in Nebraska. He just got back from Afghanistan and came out to see the Bay Area, run a marathon and see a girl. (not in that order) One of my goals in life is to see Matt happily married and raising children. He will be the best Dad in the world. We enjoyed his visit and the girls asked all day long "Does Matt really HAVE to leave?"

So finally... today is the first day where I have my house back to myself, have not changed out of pajamas and am preparing for a much needed nap. When I resurface, I will post amazing stories and pictures. Stay tuned for exciting stuff.

Get Out And Don't Come Back Until You Get A Job

2010-07-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

As a kid, summer vacation was anticipated with mixed emotion. On one hand: no school, sleeping in, T.V., swimming and general laziness. On the other hand: my parents commitment to prevent all of the previous activities from occurring. They thought summer meant you should have plans and activities to keep you busy. Early on it was Vacation Bible School and then summer day camps that took place at the Community Colleges in the area. I'll admit, they were fun. I don't know if you can compare it to sleeping in and watching a Brady Bunch Marathon then laying out on my silver floatie in our pool, but it was as much fun as day camp at a college can be. I learned calligraphy, tennis, swimming, art, drama, astronomy etc. It was for geeky kids who's parents wanted to give them intellectual stimulation. I guess it was good for me and exposed me to a group of kids that I would not normally have hung around. I ended up marrying a man very much like those summer day camp kids. So all in all it was a good thing for me. But that's not what this post is about.

As time went on, I approached the summer in which I would be 15 1/2 and it would be legal in the State of California for me to get an actual job. I had to have a social security card so my Mom made sure I took care of that before school got out. My parents warned me to get out there and get a jump on finding a summer job. Once summer vacation started, I was expected to go to work, at least part time. I did not pay attention. So Monday morning, the first real day of summer vacation dawned and my Mom woke me up at 7 a.m. just like normal. She told me to get up. I was very confused. Did she not know it was SUMMER? She explained that because I didn't have a job yet, I would be leaving the house with her and Dad that morning and "pounding the pavement" until I found one. I would do this each day, all day until I found someone who would agree to hire me. I could not believe my ears. I didn't even know what "pounding the pavement" meant. Realize I was only 15 1/2 and didn't even have my learner's permit so I would literally be walking the streets of my small town to hunt for a job. ugh.

Because I was 15 and had not realized that they could not actually kill me or harm me in any way, I got up and left the house armed with copies of my resume' printed on light pink paper. My resume included my name, telephone number and all the extra curricular activities I had participated in. It also included three personal references; a family friend and two ladies I had babysat for. It was not impressive.

I knew I just couldn't work in fast food. It's a great avenue for teenagers and the kids at McDonald's looked like they were having fun but I knew I just couldn't put on that hat and ask people if they wanted "fries with that". I went to Bel Air first, the grocery store in our town that was known to pay top dollar to teenage baggers. They explained I had to apply at their main office in Sacramento. I went to various stores, Paper Place, Corner Closet, MsFits etc. All places I liked to shop and did more of that really than look for work. I think I hit Round Table for lunch who explained I had to be 16 to work there. I went to a friend's house and wasted the rest of the afternoon drinking sun tea and complaining about my plight.

I knew the next morning would find me back out on the street. My Dad must have felt sort of sorry for me because he came home with the name of a man named Doug, who owned the Pizza Barn, a long time (now gone) pizza establishment in Elk Grove. He explained that this man also operated the snack bar at the softball complex at Elk Grove park and needed part time help whenever the softball complex was open. This would be most weeknights and all day Saturday and Sunday. I called Doug that evening and we arranged to meet at the Pizza Barn the next day. I totally dressed up and arrived 10 minutes early. I sold the crap out of myself to the point that Doug (a nice crusty old bald man) laughed right at me in the interview. He actually held up his hand to tell me to stop talking already and that I was hired. I would start off working at the softball complex snack bar the next day for a four hour shift. Woohoo! I'd hang out at the park, serve some nachos and flirt with cute boys all summer. I saw myself hand delivering sunflower seeds and Gatorade to dugouts of college aged boys who would worship me for quenching their thirst.

It didn't turn out that way. I swear that snack bar was the busiest snack bar in America. We sold way too many choices; nachos, hot dogs, polish hot dogs, popcorn, sodas, icees, candy, pizza and the list went on and on. There was always a line. Always. And there was a cash register in which the change was not calculated. That's right people. I might be the youngest person alive that had to make change out of my brain. Seriously difficult for this math impaired girl. In any case, it was hot, sticky, cheesy but very fun. The softball players were more lesbian than hot guys but the players and families were both friendly and my co-workers were nice. I remember this guy I worked with that I really liked got fired for stealing money from the register. How old Doug knew it was him is still a mystery. It's not like the register kept count of the money in any accurate way.

I lived on cherry/blue raspberry icees that summer. Just the other day I took the girls to Burger King and they got to have an icee. They had cherry and blue raspberry. I told the girls to get them mixed and to just trust me, they'd like it. They did and they loved it and have been begging for an icee everyday since.

I think this was a perfect first summer job. It taught me to be on time, to be part of a team, to work quickly, to deal with customers and to make change!

I want the girls to know about all the jobs I've ever had so this is the first post in a series about my jobs. Jessica told me the other day that she didn't believe that I had ever had a real job. So it inspired me to write about the many and varied jobs I have had so she can know her Mom did something besides make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and clip toenails. Seriously, I clip 40 finger and toe nails each week besides my own. Figure that out over five years. That is a lot of clipping. Gross.

You Got A Friend In Me...

2010-07-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

Went and saw Toy Story with the girls, Mike and my parents. It was amazing. My favorite Pixar except I really loved Nemo. But it's every bit as good. Without ruining it for you I just want to share that it's so wonderful to know how many of us in this world have common experiences in childhood. If we didn't grow up all the same, how could we all get the jokes. Childhood is an amazingly special time that we should cherish and protect no matter if it is our own childhood or the childhood of our kids or the childhood of the kid of a friend. It's such a special time. And it's so short. I have a renewed commitment to helping my girls and all kids that I come in contact with hold on to that magic fairy dust that keeps life innocent and free of stress and fun. It was so fun to laugh through this movie as I held my babies on my lap and snuggled with them when they got too heavy. When the sad parts came I just held them tight and smelled the tops of their heads over and over again. It helped.

Go see this movie with a kid you love today. And if you don't have a kid, borrow one. It's so fun to see it through their eyes.

And my kids are never leaving for college. Ever. EVER.

The Tale Of The Firefighter & The Doctor

2010-07-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there were two little girls.

After two years of study, work and play, they graduated summa cume laude (or in other words they got straight Gold Stars) from the prestigious Tiny Tots Preschool. Early on, they knew they wanted to pledge the Alpha Beta Cappa (ABC) sorority. Katie majored in Art with an emphasis on the many uses of glitter. Jessica triple majored in "knowing it all" and according to her mother, she really must have learned a lot because she really DOES think she knows it all now.
Upon Jessica receiving her diploma, her teacher told a little bit about her. She wants to be a firefighter when she grows up. This was a surprise to her mom and dad given she can not watch and in fact hides during the part in Sleeping Beauty when Prince Phillip has to battle the fire to get to Aurora. But apparently, Jessica has a reason for wanting to be a firefighter when she grows up. (See post edit at the bottom of the post)

Upon Katie receiving her diploma, her teacher announced that Katie wanted to be a Doctor when she grows up. Her parents knew she wanted to be a Doctor because she tells her Daddy that she wants to grow up and work at his office so she can see him all the time. (Little did we know there was another reason we would discover later -see post edit also)

The graduation was so nice. The graduates demonstrated their educational accomplishments by saying The Pledge of Allegiance, singing the "Days of the Week" song, reciting the months of the year in order and a poem about how they are the future leaders of the world. Needless to say, their Mother cried her eyes out. She was an emotional wreck. The Dad remained stoic and did not shed a tear. It must be allergies that caused his eyes to water.

All in all, our preschool experience was perfect for our family. Kindergarten here we come!

(post edit - the girls have been talking about their jobs they are going to have when they grow up. Apparently, the reason Jessica is going to be a firefighter is so she can get the people who get hurt in the fire and take them to Katie the doctor who can fix them and make them better. Then, they can still see each other every day and be on the same team when they are big. Have I mentioned that I LOVE these girls?)

And It's Time Once Again For Me To Face My Shame - In Other Words - Eclipse Comes Out Tomorrow

2010-06-29T20:08:00.001-07:00

Yes friends, it's that time again. Unless you live under a rock, you are aware that the third Twilight movie starts tonight at midnight. And if you think I will struggle to not ditch my sleeping babies and husband and hit the multiplex, you are CORRECT. I am not seeing this movie until Thursday. Thursday! It's like forever from now. And yes, I love the story, the books, the characters, the whole idea of a hidden world within our own. But that's not the real reason I am excited. Let's face it. I am excited about seeing little boys who are pretending to be werewolves because it makes me feel tingly. And it makes my heart flutter. And it makes me...giggle. I love Jacob. I have always loved Jacob. I would pick Jacob. Edward would not have stood a chance. Jacob is awesome and a total hunka hunka.

Face inside my palm. Shame. Pure shame.

"My name is Amy and I am a Twi-Mom."

"Hi Amy!"

Am I A Mother? Yes. A Genius? I think so.

2010-06-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

Today my naughty children did not want to eat their breakfast. First, they wanted a bowl of strawberries with brown sugar on top. So I provided the fruit with just a smidge of brown sugar because it was too early to fight them and they ganged up on me. Then, they wanted rice candy from our Japanese food last night. Nope. No candy, was my reply. Whining ensued. I offered cereal, toast, eggs, bacon, waffles...all sort of breakfast items were available. They wanted rice candy. No. Please? No. Back and forth.

The morning went on and frankly, I was just tired of trying to convince them to eat something healthy-ish. But I knew if they ate nothing they would be cranky and hungry earlier for lunch which would just screw up the whole day. They say necessity is the mother of all invention.

I am the mother and this was my invention. "Girls, pretend one of you is a duckie at the park. I'll give the other person bread and you can feed it to the little sister duck." Cheers and celebratory jumping. So I gave each of them a slice of high fiber wheat bread and they tore it up in little squares and threw it on the ground while the other flapped their wings and bent their head down and ate it off the ground. They both ate two slices of high fiber bread along with a glass of water. Strawberries, bread and water. Not a bad breakfast and I didn't have to toast, pour or cook it in any way. I am a genius. And yes I will be trying the same trick the next morning I am just too tired to cook.

Quack quack.

If I Could Write You a Love Song...

2010-06-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

Mike and I noticed something strange when we had the girls. It was something so unexpected. We had prepared for parenthood you guys. After 13 years we had our plan in hand. There wasn't any tidbit of info we thought would catch us off guard. We knew what to Expect When We Were Expecting while we were both Baby Wise and full of Love & Logic if you know what I mean. So in comes these two little lives and all of a sudden, all the cheesy, the most gushy, syrupy love songs on the radio were no longer about each other. They had been written specifically as beautiful ballads for our girls.

I'm about ready to date myself and by date myself I don't mean I'm about ready to take myself out for dinner & a movie. Badah - Bing! All the 80's love songs we had thought were about each other were instead completely re-written on our hearts and seemed to sum up exactly how we felt as we fell in love with these two little ladies. "You're the Inspiration", "Waiting For a Star To Fall", "After All", "Wind Beneath My Wings" and "Always & Forever". All cheese. All about my daughters. All causing these strange lumps to swell in our throats and moisture to leak from our eyes. What the hell was happening here? It must be the lack of sleep? Nope. Turns out it was true love.

So today, we were coming home from swim lessons and the famous ballad "The Rose" came on the radio by the amazing Bette Midler. Katie asked what this beautiful sound was? So I cranked it up and sang it for her and Jessica at the top of my lungs. And by the third verse I couldn't sing anymore because I could not stop crying. Tears and squeaking. That's all I had. And I realized that there has never been a song or words that sums up what I feel about my journey to and through motherhood quite like The Rose.

"Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow. Lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the Spring becomes the rose."

Wam, Bam I hate SPAM

2010-06-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

You know what I am really sick of? As in come ON already! SPAM. I mean, how do those people KNOW that I have a tiny little penis and might be interested in enlarging it? Who told? It's ridiculous. Does anyone really trust the cleansing of your colon to someone who sent you an email? And if the people who send this are listening...no I'm really not a horny housewife, but thanks for asking.

I'll admit it. I've had my email address for a long time. As in a long long long time. I had it before I learned about internet privacy laws and how to protect myself by never opting in to anything. I shop a lot and use my email address. I didn't pay attention at first to all the boxes you need to check and being careful they weren't sharing my information...just send me the freakin' book/clothes/make-up already! I was in a hurry. So I probably made some errors. But in the past three days, I have received three personal emails. (I know, sad huh) But I have received over 250 emails from companies wanting me to buy something. Most of these have received my business in the past, but some of these companies peddling vitamins, penis enlargement surgery, colon cleansing and porn have not been patronized by yours truly. Hey, I just caught a correlation. Follow my logic here. Maybe if I took the vitamins they are selling, my colon would be clean and my penis would grow opening up a career in the porn industry? Maybe it's a conspiracy and these are all from the same person and they secretly love me and think following this path in my life will lead to enlightenment and fulfillment? Yeah, maybe not.

Be careful out there...it's a big world wide web.

Men Men Men...Manly Men

2010-06-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

The men in my life have taught me some great things. How to multi-task, hunt for a sale, love of shoes and goat cheese....ha ha HA! Just joking. But yesterday was Father's Day and it would be just down right rude to let it pass without a tribute. So here are some real things the men in my life have taught me.

Mike Meeker, the husband: How to properly load a dishwasher, how to scramble the best eggs on the planet earth, how to not tip my hand too soon (in both Risk and life) and how to do laundry. (in theory...it's never been put into actual practice by me. He does ALL the washing. I KNOW!)

John Santos, the Papa: that Hawaii is the best place on the planet earth, to be proud of your heritage and that I was pretty just how I was. I didn't need to change one bit.

Tom Oliver Sr., the Papa #2: a garden is a peaceful place to spend time, how to shoot concord grapes in my mouth, what mint, anise and rosemary smelled like and that you can have as much fun with a hose and a bucket and you can in an entire swimming pool.

Bill Meeker, the father in law: baseball players might be almost as talented as softball players (I'm still not sure), people can change a lot about themselves if they are willing to look hard in the mirror and if somebody talks too loudly during a television show, you can just keep turning up the volume until they get the hint and shut up.

Ron, Ken, Rick, Chuck and Steve Meeker, the brothers: Being the big sister is the best job on the planet. You get to boss around a bunch of boys and they laugh instead of get mad.

and finally...the most important boy...

Thom Oliver Jr. , the FATHER: you can not learn anything with your mouth moving, do a good job and don't expect freebies or to get rich quickly - just work hard and it will work out, boring is between your ears, do NOT drink at a high school party when your dad is scheduled to pick you and your friends up, be honest, be calm, help family and look forward to having grandbabies.

Thanks guys and Happy Father's Day!

A Study In Contradiction...

2010-06-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

Mike and I were talking the other night and we decided we are very conflicted individuals. Seriously, you laugh, but we are. We fall into certain stereo types for sure, but dig a little deeper into our gooey caramel centers and we are totally conflicted about stuff. Here's what I mean.

I have always been a Democrat. I used to say I was morally a conservative but fiscally I was pretty liberal. My parents assured me that as I got older I would grow more conservative as I made more money, because I would want to keep it. But the opposite is happening. I am getting more liberal. And then Mike, OH MIKE...he told me on the way home from Medford the other day that he wants to retire in Ashland, Oregon instead of Central Point because Ashland is a hippie town and he'd rather live by liberals than conservatives. What? Umm...excuse me MAJOR Meeker, Eagle Scout, Mormon guy...aren't you supposed to be conservative? He still considers himself conservative on most issues but he's gotten about 99 times more liberal since he became a doctor. So why are we conflicted about this? Because of our religion, our families and most of our friends are totally the opposite. We are surrounded on all sides by conservative republicans for the most part. We even know people who think republicans are too liberal! And I know lots of people don't understand how in the world we could even get near the label of liberal. But at least for me, I think it's time I quit making excuses and own my identity. And part of it is a person who is more to the left than I feel comfortable admitting. I am a card carrying liberal, except they don't give out cards. I am a tree huggin, peace lovin, live and let live, big government, free speech, gun controlling liberal. I'm sure I will get a comment or two about how conservatives are the real "live and let live" folks. But I'm sorry you guys, I just don't see it. I told my Grandma that I think I might be a socialist and she laughed so hard because she was sure I was kidding. *** See post-edit at the bottom ***

Here's another conflicted area of our lives. We believe strongly that we should spend our life in the service of others. Mike's whole career is service based. Service to country and service to his patients. I am a stay at home Mom and I believe in giving time to helping others. It's just... well, it's just...how do I explain it? Well, see, we'd rather, um, watch TV. There I said it. We'd rather snuggle up on the couch and watch something we have recorded on the DVR instead of serving anybody. We feel guilty about it because this love of couch potato-ness flies in the face of what we believe.

Additionally, the fact is we are old. Yet, our souls feel so young. I still feel about 17 years old emotionally. I still get nervous if I have to go into a new social situation. I still crave popularity and want to please people. Shouldn't I have outgrown that? I am a mother and almost 40 for crying out loud. I shouldn't care about people liking me or whether someone sits by me at the next social event. But I do. I really do. Sometimes I just want to tell my old wrinkled self to grow up and put on my big girl panties. But inside, I'm still that kid at the roller rink praying that I have friends to skate with on a Friday night.

I miss working. But I don't want to go back to work. I still identify myself as someone with a career yet I have not had one for 2 1/2 years. I always said I would go back to work when the girls go to 1st grade. But won't they need me even more once they start to encounter mean girls, peer pressure, sports, activities, lunches to pack and spelling tests? I mean, how did I ever learn to spell with two working parents? How did my lunch get packed? But do I really want to be out of the work place for so long that by the time I go back people look at me as a sad, pathetic empty nester who is trying to fill time with her little jobby job? That was a rhetorical question. The answer is no. So basically I go back in 18 months or I don't go back ever? See why all the conflict? It's maddening.

Diet Coke. Need I say more?

Mike and I both feel conflicted about whether we are strict enough with the girls. On one hand, we are old school. (probably because we are old) We were raised when kids still got spanked and you told your mother to shut up if you had indeed decided that you were ready for death. We were both a little bit scared of our parents and it kept us in line. But in today's world, we are supposed to know that spanking doesn't work and that we need to empower our kids to stand up for themselves and question things. Apparently there is scientific evidence that this kinder, gentler parenting produces better kids. But we just aren't sure we buy it. Can you imagine how much our conflictedness (not a word) is screwing up our kids? Are we strict or permissive? Are we old school or new school? Poor little cherubs. They are probably so confused. I know we are.

And oh boy, this next one is the big one. I am conflicted about religion. I'm not conflicted about God. Totally do not have conflicts with doctrine. However, I feel like a cafeteria Mormon. I show up with my empty tray and I take servings of what looks good to me, instead of what is being served. Hmmm, lets see...I'll start off with an appetizer of family prayer, then I'll take a serving of love one another, a main course of Jesus and a side of forever families please. I'll take a big slice of warm fuzzy feelings topped with honesty and sprinkled with integrity for dessert. Oh, nothing to drink for me. (Because you don't serve Diet Coke anyway) As I fill up my tray with stuff that feels good and goes down easily, I wonder what I am missing out on. I steer clear of the hard work, working through trials, missionary work, temple work. Well let's just be honest, I steer clear of anything with "work" in the title. I don't discuss religion with anyone really because it makes me feel like a phony fake fraud. But here it is. For all the Internet to see. I am conflicted. I used to not be conflicted. I used to want to do the work. I used to love the work. I also used to love entertaining and my job and putting on make up and artichokes. Now, I just feel tired. So overwhelmed and so tired. I know the answer. Pick up the ball, quit whining and run with it already. I know this is the truth. I know because I have prayed about it. And I got an answer. The answer came to my heart. It said, "you need to work harder". It said "you'll be happier if you work harder." But I remain conflicted, on my couch watching Modern Family. See the problem?

And finally, I am conflicted about diets. Do they really not work? But what about all those people who lose weight on a diet? Is it really about maintaining choices you can keep up for a life time? Or should you hunker down with the celery and diet? I hate celery you guys. But I have these last stinking 40 pounds to lose. I want to lose it. But then I think...do you REALLY want to? If you REALLY wanted to, wouldn't you just go on a diet already? I've been either on a diet, going on a diet, cheating on a diet or out of control stuffing my face since I was 10. I can recite the nutritional labels of most foods and could write my own diet manual. I have gained and lost my body weight several times over. And yet here I sit, stuck and conflicted. Should I make sensible choices tomorrow but not stress super hard about the weight? If I keep that up over the long run, the weight will eventually come off right? Or I could just take a deep breath and charge into the land of food journals and portion measuring. I'm just not sure.

Feel free to comment if you have any wisdom to impart. I'll take all I can get at this point. Also, please don't worry about us. We may be conflicted but we are gold medal champions at blocking stuff out and are currently serving our second term as the co-chairs of the denial committee. So I really don't think about how my life is a big fat sham all that often. What do you feel conflicted about? Please, to share? (and if you get that movie reference you know how old I am).

POST-EDIT:
Regarding "socialism"... Mike and my dad got their panties in a wad at this part of the post. Mike is in the Air Force, so, for the record (and for big brother, if he is reading), no, I am not a member of any socialist party and I'm not a pinko-commie. And apparently, I'm not aware of all the past horrors and future ramifications of socialist regimes. Stalin, Lenin...bad dudes,agreed. Communism sucks. All I am saying is that what's going on here with the big business/special interest isn't all too cool either? Capice? And no I have not joined the Italians.

Like a Froggy Ferny Cabbage...

2010-06-02T22:25:00.001-07:00

This past weekend, Mike Meeker and I got away for a little romantic stay in San Francisco. Say what you will about San Francisco...I know it can be a bit much for those with a more conservative palette. But for me, San Francisco is my kind of town. The food, the architecture, the water, the Golden Gate Bridge, the food, the theatre, the wackadoo people, the food, the shopping, the topography, Alcatraz and oh, did I mention the food? We stayed at the very impressive and cool J.W Marriott not to be confused with the plain ol' regular Marriott. Our room overlooked Union Square and was just steps from Nordstroms which was having their half yearly sale thank you very much. Funny story. Mike could not for the life of him remember where we were staying. Upon arriving in the city he googled our location on his iPhone only to lead us to a spot halfway across the golden gate bridge. It showed our hotel in the middle of the San Francisco Bay. So there was much yelling and male/female oriented arguing about maps vs. asking for effing directions already!!! I turned down several one way streets going the wrong way all the while screaming "I feel like I am in a canyon and getting chlaustro (my abbreviation for claustrophobia)." Mike was just sticking to his guns and kept giving me the directions from his phone. His trust in technology over common sense was driving me bazerk. Finally, we arrived at our ultra mod and fancy hotel and thanks to an ex Navy guy at the reservation desk, we got upgraded to a fancier room on the 17th floor with a view of the city and the bay. And every time Mike got in a cab for the next 2 days he would freeze up and give the name of the wrong hotel. First cab driver asked him "Where to?" His response, "The Hilton". My response "ummm No. The JW Marriott." Second cab driver asked him "Where to?" His response, "The C.W. Hilton." My response, "That's not even a hotel!!! ha ha ha The ha ha J. ha ha W. ha ha Marriott ha ha ha hee hee hee!" The third cab driver asked him "Where to?" His response "I have no idea ask her grumble grumble." My response "The JW Marriott please. (Under my breath) or we could try the C.W. Hilton ha ha ha haaaa!"

Anyhoo, we dined at Roy's of Hawaii Friday night. We had been dreaming of this miso crusted butter fish we had in Hawaii several years ago and they had it on the menu at the San Fran location so off we went. It was just as delightful as I remembered. We started off with a wagu beef and lobster sushi roll, then we had shrimp curry and mango salads and finished with the misoyaki butter fish. The best thing about dinner was at the table next to us Mr. and Mrs. Perfect were having a very awkward anniversary dinner. They had perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect clothes and she had a lot of perfect jewelry. Upon their pineapple martinis arriving, Mr. hands Mrs. a velvet pouch. Now my ears and eyes perked right up because this velvet pouch was robins egg blue and I knew exactly where it had come from. Tiffany's baby! So I'm all excited for Mrs. to see what treasure the pouch held. I held my breath. Mrs. pulls out a big ol' sparkly diamond anniversary band. In the dullest voice possible Mr. says "happy anniversary". Mrs. puts the band on her hand. She looks at it. She has said nothing. All of a sudden she blurts out "It's really sparkly, I don't think it matches." Mr. says "It matches. I made sure it was the one that went with your ring." And then Mrs. goes on and on about how she's not sure and it seems too sparkly and it might be okay. Mr. says nothing during her rambling. Then the oddest thing happens. She stuffs the velvet pouch in her coach clutch bag and they begin eating their appetizers for which she makes yummy noises and gets all excited. And I'm sitting there thinking "she is seriously getting more excited by the lobster dumplings that at least a $7,000 ring! Is she crazy?" And midway through the canoe appetizer platter Mr. goes "maybe it looks different than you thought because your fingers have gotten all fat." And then I got sad for Mr. and Mrs. Perfect. Here they were in one of the greatest restaurants in the world. They had been blessed with amazing looks and obvious wealth and they had each other. But they were miserable! And here I was with my iPhone toting husband, in our military rate hotel room, eating at a place we can only afford every 5 years or so with him making up the names of imaginary hotels and I couldn't love him more or be happier with my life. It was one of those life defining moments that makes you realize to shut your trap and just be in love and grateful. But I'd take the ring from Tiffany's if somebody wanted to give it to me. I'm just saying. It was A LOT of diamonds for pete's sake.

We hopped in our cab and sped to the Orpheum Theatre to see my absolute favorite musical of all time...Wicked. I can't explain to you how much I love this musical. I get emotional when I hand the dude my ticket and I don't stop blubbering until I leave the theatre. Here's the story without giving anything away. The play opens with the celebration in the Emerald City that the Wicked Witch of the West is dead. And then some citizen of Oz yells up to Glinda in her bubble "wasn't she your friend?" And then we go back in time to the origins and childhoods of Glinda the Good Witch of the North and Elphaba the Wicked Witch of the West. It turns out they knew each other in boarding school and the play follows their lives. Many truths we had always assumed about all the characters are turned upside down as the play explores how rumor, politics and circumstances can twist and turn the truth about events and people. Are we born wicked or do we have wickedness thrust upon us? And here's why I feel so emotional about this play. Most people think it's because it's based on The Wizard of Oz which is my favorite movie of all time. But that's only about 2% of why I love this play. Here's the real reason.

There was a time in my life several years ago when some people I loved believed me to be a certain type of person. They believed me to be hateful, mean, dishonest, sneaky, hurtful and that I purposely tried to destroy relationships. It was awful to have people think these things about you. It made me angry and it hurt deep in a place that I had never hurt before. As time went on and I felt exposed, raw and misrepresented to a host of other people, I began to change. I started to become what they thought I was. For the first time in my life, someone I loved was suffering and instead of feeling badly I was glad. I thought they deserved what they got. I had lost my way. I became horribly and totally lost. I did things that still shock me when I remember them. I allowed everything about my life to spiral out of control. My heart was broken and my compassion was gone. I was deeply depressed both situationaly and chemically. I was heavier than I ever had been. I was angry with everyone in my life and my marriage was in crisis. I felt as though everyone in the world hated me and who could blame them? Look what I had become! A monster.

There are moments in this musical that take me back to that time and remind me of exactly how I felt. I like to see this play and listen to the music often because it reminds me that every person in this world has goodness inside of them. It reminds me not to listen to mean gossip about people and that there are two sides to every story. It makes me look at every person in my life differently. For example, there are people that I grew up with thinking were flawed in certain ways. I wonder sometimes what the real story is with that person. What pain am I not aware of or what is the whole truth behind their heart? We have to be so careful how we think and judge others. We must always remember that every person has some measure of goodness inside of them, even if they have lost their way. I know there are murderers and child molesters and people that do horrible things and I'm not really speaking of them. I am more speaking of that girl you knew in high school that you thought was such a bitch. Maybe she's not. Maybe she was really insecure and had a mother who told her worth could be found only in her looks. And that lady at church who is just so hard to like...maybe she is sad and lonely and is protecting her heart by being mean and nasty so no one sees how hurt she is inside. This musical, in an amazingly wonderful way, strips down a story that I grew up loving above all others and reminds me that people are complex and we all have it inside of us to be both wicked and good. It is just my favorite story in the world and the music is wonderful.

After I sobbed my eyes out and picked through fries and a cherry diet Coke with Mike and his chocolate malt at a 50's style diner near our hotel, we stumbled back to our room feeling drunk on food and Broadway and salty fries and chocolate but mostly, we were drunk on FREEDOM. We were out in an actual big city, past midnight! We put on fluffy bathrobes, jumped up and down on the bed like...well - five year olds. Then we thought about our adorable five year olds at home that weren't with us. And then we fell on the bed in evil diabolical laughter that we were freeeeeeeeee! ha haaaaaaaaa...suck it losers!!!! And then we felt badly for about two seconds and promised to buy our angel baby girls something sparkly in the morning before we left town.

The morning greeted us unlike 99% of mornings in San Francisco. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Not a single cloud. And a gentle cool breeze made your hair flutter but didn't whip it around so it lashed at your face. It was a perfectly glorious day. We headed to the ferry building where they hold a Saturday farmers market and perused the food stalls for gourmet treats. Mike even went without his beloved breakfast foods so he could be ready to sample all that was offered. Luckily he found a gourmet ham, egg and cheese sandwich at the gourmet meat shop and fresh squeezed blood orange juice iced down perfectly at the Farmers market so he was in Heaven! After walking around for a long while, we found ourselves waiting on line for a table at Ferry Island Seafood. We snagged an outdoor table right on the water where we promptly ordered our standard San Francisco treats to share: dungeness crab louie, big bowl of clam chowder and a grilled artichoke with garlic aioli. We had our books and we sat and basked in the sun and deliciousness and freedom. We wanted to read but kept on talking and talking to each other. It's amazing how much talking we did! You would think after almost 18 years of marriage we would be pretty much talked out. But no. We just couldn't shut up. It was wonderful.

We wandered aimlessly for about an hour. We found the sparkly gifts we had been thinking of for the girls. Swavorski crystals on a necklace of ribbon. Hot pink for Katie and sky blue for Jessica. We took pictures and allowed the sun to begin to crisp our faces. We hopped in a cab. Mike was appropriately silent as I gave the instructions to the driver. We picked up our stowed luggage and car and headed slowly out of the city.

Mom and Dad gave us an extra surprise by announcing that we did not need to rush over and pick up the girls Saturday night but could pick them up Sunday morning after breakfast and before church. We did not wait on the phone for them to change their minds. We said "thankyouveryverymuch" and promptly hung up. I got to do grocery shopping for the next two days festivities and got to bed early.

After attending church at the Marshallese branch on Sunday we had Mike's mom and dad over for Sunday dinner. Inspired by our trip, we dined al fresco on steak, shrimp, grilled corn, grilled potatoes and a simple but delicious salad of tomatoes and cucumbers. Berries, home made angel food cake and ice cream sundaes were the dessert selections and were enjoyed as the last of the days light slipped away.

Again, inspired by our trip, we invited my parents and both of my grandmas over on Monday for my attempt to recreate the miso glazed butter fish that we had dined on Friday night at Roy's. I got the recipe from a website long ago, but have never had the courage to attempt making it myself. The ingredient list is odd and intimidating in the number of items that go into the dish. I wasn't sure I could pull it off. Thanks to my sous chef Dad and my line cooks Mike and Mom, it was an enormous success. The plates were beautiful and the dish was a very very close replica of the dish we had in the restaurant. I served it with steamed calrose rice and spinach sauteed with apples, pine nuts, golden raisins and shallots. We had my Grandma's sour cream lemon pie (heaven) and berries with honeyed Greek yogurt for dessert. I was thrilled and shocked that I had recreated this dish. And now that I've done it once, it will be much less intimidating to try again.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend full of time spent reconnecting with those that I love. All of these people rallied around me while I was down and out with the recent iron infusions I underwent. I wanted to cook for them to show them I am thankful for them and that I love them. And for Mike, I wanted to reconnect with my best friend and let him know I was so grateful he held us all together when I could not. He worked his butt off to keep all of our balls in the air over the past month. He is too good to me. Even if he is directionally and hotel name challenged, I couldn't be luckier in the person I share my life with.

My Mother, My Mentor, My Friend - My First Interview of the new Getting To Know You Series

2010-05-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

Beginning TODAY, I am turning the tables on my family and friends. Periodically, I will be posting interviews that I have conducted with various individuals important to me in my life. And given that my Mother's Day post was nonexistent because my Mother's Day was THAT bad, I thought the best person I could think of to start with is my Mom.

Now my Mom may or may not read this blog. She won't admit it to me directly but she seems to know stuff before I have the chance to tell her. She was surprisingly very candid and happy to be interviewed. My Mom is private, thoughtful and introspective. Just like me. Ha! Sometimes I don't think it's possible for a mother and daughter to be more different but then just when I think that, I find myself doing or saying something exactly like her. So without further adieu... here is the interview I did with my Mom.
Me: Hi Mom. What are you doing?
Mom: Trying to figure out this paperwork.
Me: You know my blog?
Mom: yeah
Me: Well, I want to interview you for it. I'm going to interview people cool huh? Can I interview you?
Mom: Sure!
Me: Really?
Mom: Sure! Yeah...go ahead!
Me: Oh okay, okay, let's start with this. Are you glad to talk to me on my blog?
Mom: Oh Sure.
Me: What do you think people would want to know about the mother of Amy Meeker?
Mom: How she [the mother] survived!
Me: Good one Mom! You mean how you survived?
Mom: Yep
Me: What do you think people that know you would be surprised about you?
Mom: That I hoard socks. I can't ever throw them away.
Me: Ha ha...even the ones that you can't wear because they have seams?
Mom: Yep, I can't throw them away.
Me: Who is your favorite person in the whole world?
Mom: Jessica and Katie. They are tied for first place.
Me: Why didn't you say me?
Mom: Because they make my heart sing and don't criticize me.
Me: When I was in junior high/high school and I used to steal your clothes and wear them were you really mad or just trying to teach me a good lesson?
Mom: Both. I was trying to teach you a lesson about respecting other people's property because you weren't very good at that and I was mad because you stained them.
Me: Do you think I wasn't good at respecting other people's property because I was an only child and I never had to share?
Mom: No, absolutely not. I just think you weren't good at it.
Me: I think it was because I didn't have a sibling to borrow stuff from.
Mom: I don't think so.
Me: When you were a Mom and I was 5 and starting kindergarten,what were your hopes for me for when I was a Mom and my kids were getting ready to start kindergarten?
Mom: That you would become a good reader. That's why I read to you a lot. I hoped you would stay sweet because you were really sweet. That you would learn to speak more quietly because I couldn't figure out how to teach you that. (laughing) But reading was the most important.
Me: Do you think I'm a good reader?
Mom: Yes, I think you are a very good reader.
Me: What's your favorite movie of all time?
Mom: Casablanca
Me: Why?
Mom: It's just such a great story. I laugh and cry no matter how many times I've seen it.
Me: Would you have gone with Humphrey Bogart at the end?
Mom: Oh yes. For sure.
Me: What is something that you hate doing in your every day life?
Mom: Combing my hair. I hate combing my hair.
Me: Do you like your son in law?
Mom: Yes. I love him.
Me: Why?
Mom: Because he’s a decent person, a good man, he understands commitment, doing a good job and he puts up with you and I really don’t want you back. (Laughs again)
Me: Do you like me better than Mike?
Mom: Yes of course. You are mine.
Me: Since your mother is 90, has Alzheimer's and has no chance of ever reading this blog, I'd like to ask you some questions about what it's like to be a primary care giver to a parent. I have some friends and people who have mentioned they read this blog that are getting ready to begin that phase of life and I think they would be interested in what it is like to be a care giver to a parent.
Mom: Well, it’s a pleasure, it’s a heartache, it’s hard work, it’s emotional. It is something that I don’t take lightly. I made a commitment to my Dad to take care of my Mom and it is something I take seriously. More times than not it is a pleasure. I feel lucky.
Me: What have you found to be the biggest challenge?
Mom: To be patient and understanding and realize that she is changing so rapidly. Her mind is getting worse and she’s getting worse quickly.
Me: What is the greatest joy about being Grammie's care giver?
Mom: The time I get to spend with her. That I can do things she did for us. She was a good Mom and I can do those things for her.
Me: What advice would you give someone who is getting ready to take on this role? What do you wish someone would have told you or what do you wish you would have known?
Mom: I wish I would have paid more attention and learned more about the aging process. Because if I had I would have been more patient. Sometimes I wasn't patient with Papa and I wish I would have known more and been more patient. The whole thing is, it is a joy. When I can make her life a little bit easier I feel good about it.
Me: What can extended family members like me, Mike, your sisters and Grammie's other grandchildren do to help you in your role as the primary person? Do you think it should be a whole family effort or do you think it works best when there's one person as the primary caregiver?
Mom: I think every person can take an interest in what's going on and what is being done. People can help out when they are available. My two sisters live far away and they always help when they can. Family members and friends should try and contact the older person as much as they are able. The older person lives for the phone calls and visits and they mean a lot to them. Share your family successes and happy news and don't share your troubles and problems. Their minds can't take it anymore. Remind them of happy times they can remember. It cheers them up a lot. If you can call or visit them on a regular schedule (like once per week) so that they get used to looking forward to the call or visit coming at the same time. That sort of consistency is important to them. They really enjoy the contact. I don't think people can call or visit an older person too much, because they forget so much of what has just happened.
Me: Do you think that is universal for all old people?
Mom: Absolutely. I see a whole bunch of people just like Grandma at the Meadows. (Grammie's assisted living community) They all are just looking forward to the next visit or phone call from their family members. I'm really lucky I have a couple of sisters who really understand and call her everyday or often times even more than once per day.
Me: I think that's really good advice. I think it can really help people. I have been surprised about email that I get or when I run into people and they mention this blog. You'd be surprised that you just probably helped somebody think about or pick up the phone and call their Grandma or have more patience with their mother. Okay moving on. Who is the best band of all time?
Mom: The best band?
Me: Yeah, band.
Mom: Journey. Probably Journey. Followed by Chicago and Styx.
Me: What is your biggest vice or bad habit?
Mom: That I waste time in the mornings. I should be more rushy.
Me: Because you are playing computer backgammon against the Russians?
Mom: No, not because I am playing computer backgammon against a Russian. I just waste too much time. Like I think about all this stuff I have to do and before I know it the morning is gone. Me: But isn't that a perk of being retired? That you don't have to rush anymore?
Mom: Well yeah, but you can really over do it. You can take retirement over the top and to new heights and sometimes I take it over the top. (laughing)
Me: Do you have plans to quit and start rushing?
Mom: No. (ha ha)
Me: Okay, thanks Mom. Is there anything else you'd like us to know or that you'd like to say on my blog.
Mom: No. Oh yeah there is. I don't like how you sometimes say words like "crap" and words that make it look like you don't have use of expanded grammar.
Me: You mean like bad words?
Mom: No, just stupid words. You use them too much. And you over share.
Me: But Mom, sometimes crap is the only word that describes my day. Sometimes certain words just fit into how I'm feeling.
Mom: Oh!!! And you talk too much about yourself. I think they call it narcissistic or something. You always write about yourself and not enough about other stuff.
Me: (laughing) Like what should I write about?
Mom: Like when you read a good book or do something with the girls you should talk more about the book instead of yourself and how you don't read this in June but you read that in September.
Me: (laughing harder) Do you read any other blogs?
Mom: No
Me: Do you see in my profile where I admit that I am narcissistic and bored and too engrossed in myself and that's why I even have a blog.
Mom: Yes I've seen that.
Me: Did you know I like talking about myself so much?
Mom: You sure do. (whew...with an exhausted voice)
Me: Well thanks Mom. I think this was a good first interview.
Mom: Oh one more thing.
Me: Yes?
Mom: On May 26th I will have been sober for 20 years.
Me: Really?
Mom: Yes, 20 years.
Me: And you quit cold turkey?
Mom: I haven't touched a drink in 20 years.
Me: Do you miss it?
Mom: Not a bit.
Me: That's really awesome.
Mom: May 26th. Twenty years.
Me: Hmmmm....that's about the same time I graduated from high school and was on my way out of the house.
Mom: Yep, my stress went away. (laughing) No you didn't have a thing to do with it.
Me: Well, good job. Lot's of people have tried to quit something they are addicted to and very few succeed over the long run. That's pretty awesome.
Mom: Thanks.
Me: Okay, bye.
Mom: Bye.

If you know my Mom, you are probably as surprised as me about how candid and open she was. It was awesome! In keeping with the narcissistic nature of my blog, I think it was my superior interviewing skills. I really think I could replace Oprah. Just joking. Thanks Mom for talking to me today. Sorry I called you ten other times and forced you and Dad to meet me and the girls and Grammie Bea for Thai food and that I chose all the dishes we ordered. It was soooo good though. I'll do a review of the restaurant on my food blog and will try to talk about the food and the place instead of me okay?

Last Night At Target

2010-05-20T16:48:00.001-07:00

It's been like two months since I've done any shopping at all. We were out of everything. $500 later at Target, the girls had HAD IT. They were bored and wanted a million toys and I was tired of fighting them and saying no. It was one of those moments you know?

So pretty soon I see Katie crying. And I'm all "now what?" And she goes "Jessica wants to play the game where we smell each other's feet and then taste them. And I just don't feeeeeel like tasting feeeeet".

Tasting feet? Really Jessica?

Just when you think they are smart, you find out they are foot tasters.

A Slide Show of My Life

2010-05-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted pictures in a long time. It takes so much dang time. So tonight as I watched Lee make American Idol history, I thought I'd put up a few reasons that I sing Hallelujah on a daily basis.

New Chapter of Bossy & The Geek

2010-05-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

Alison, thanks for the FB message and encouragement! I posted the next chapter today after almost a year hiatus from my other stupid little blog about my silly little love story with my silly little husband. I didn't know if I would continue to tell our story but I'm so glad I did. If you are checking it out for the first time, please go back to Chapter One or you will just think I am crazy and not get anything.

you can check out the latest installment at www.bossyandthegeek.blogspot.com

Have fun and I stroll down memory lane. And expect that it will not take a year for another post.

The Help

2010-05-17T12:31:00.000-07:00

Just finished the book The Help which has been sitting on the Best Seller's List since before Christmas. My Mom got it for me as a Christmas gift and one thing lead to another, like me rereading the Twilight Saga, new books by my favorites like David Baldacci and John Grisham and the great Nora Roberts (don't judge me because I am a romantic). See I have this rule, it's a great rule really if you really think about it. From Labor Day until Memorial Day I don't read ANYTHING that has literary acclaim or value. I am all about romance novels and murder mysteries and spy thrillers and People Magazine. I mean of course I read the scriptures EVERY DAY for hours and hours but other than that, I keep it 100% superficial. The reason is that I am trying to avoid seasonal depression. You heard me. Seasonal depression, look it up. When it's winter and gray outside and raining and cold I find that reading fluff makes me feel happier. I don't have to think too hard about world hunger, racism, war and sadness. My brain hardly ever hurts and I find it lessons the winter blues. During the spring and summer I am by nature a happier creature so I have room in my heart and head for the classics and more difficult pieces. I try and read contemporary literature that has won literary awards. You don't find these books in the romance or mystery shelves at Borders. They are found in the literature racks. I have to force myself to stay out of the thriller aisle and pick up John Updike and Victor Hugo and Louisa May Alcott. Edith Wharton, ugh. It's painful sometimes but like lifting weights, it's supposedly good for you.

Anyhow, a couple of books that technically would have been part of my summer reading slipped in before Labor Day. I read the Thorn Birds this winter for the first time. meh. I don't see what all the fuss was about. Meggie is maybe the most annoying character in any book and Justine possibly the most sociopathic. And Ralph is just sad and might be the greatest argument for Priests being able to marry that there ever was. But then during these infusions I was out of fluff so I turned to the only book on my shelf that was unread. It was The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It was one of the best books I have ever read. It is in my top 10 you guys. And that says a lot. It's not my normal genre, it's not the normal type of story I devour. But it was such an amazingly funny and heart warming and sad story that I could not put it down. I literally had to set the book down because I was laughing so hard. When does that happen? If you happen to pick it up, please don't be scared off by the subject matter the setting or time it is set in. Please just buy it, check it out from the library, borrow it from me and read it.

Summary: Read The Help. Please. You won't regret it. Email me and let me know what you thought about it or leave a comment here. I'd love to know if you enjoyed it.

Forgive me Internet, I have sinned.... Friday Confessions

2010-05-14T17:28:00.000-07:00

Let's just get this fire ball from hell rolling by stating that it has been forever since my last Friday confession. I'm not quite sure what happened. I still sinned, big time. I just stopped typing up my sins. I think I stopped doing my visualization of how this whole thing is supposed to go down. Scene: Argentina, it is a hot summer day. A woman enters a small Catholic church. The sun is streaming lights through the stained glass windows casting a stream of dust lights into the front pew. She is dressed in a black satin wrap around dress with a crinoline slip underneath. Black pumps. Her hair is curled at a silky bun at the nape of her neck. She has on pearls, a black pill box hat with a short black fishnet veil that shrouds her face in mystery. Her black satin purse is draped over her forearm and the lace from a white handkerchief is peeking out. She genuflects at the end of the center aisle and kneels in the pew. The sun streaming from the window swaths her image in an ethereal light as she begins her prayers. Soon, an older lady comes out of the confessional. The woman in black, stands, crosses herself again, removes her lace handkerchief and enters the dark wooden confessional. The other parishioners wonder about the lady. They wonder what she will tell the Priest this day. Will she confess unkind thoughts and disobedience to her husband or something far more sinister. Like ....wait for it....murrrrrder! Key dramatic music and end of scene. Oh I feel so much better about these confessions. I am the mysterious lady by the way. And for those of you who are new, I am neither Argentinean, Catholic, have a black dress like that, able to walk in high heels, don't own a handkerchief, can't kneel due to knee surgery and my hair is not long enough to form a bun at the nape of my neck. And I think my neck might be to chubby to even HAVE a nape. Okay, I feel like I can really let it all out now.

I have only eaten Thai and Japanese food for like two weeks. And pickles. These infusions make me so nauseous and yellow curry stew with coconut milk or beef sukiyaki are the only things that sound even remotely good to my digestive parts. It's been expensive and my family has had miso soup and teriyaki chicken like every single night.

I have started to ask my kids to fetch things for me. I hate and I mean hate when Moms do this. I imagine myself in a double wide sitting on a couch with an afghan like they had on the TV show Roseanne saying things like "junior! JUNIOR! Go on an fetch mama a Dr. Pepper baby. Go on now." And I never want to be that lady. But Katie got the stool the other day and opened the fridge and began climbing for something. I said "Katie, honey, what are you after?" She replied "Mama, I am getting you a fresh and icy cold Diet Coke in the gold can because caffeine isn't good for your head and I know you will enjoy this!" And then before I could say, "hooo doggie" a cold can of DC appeared in my hand. And I thought, this is RAD. And then I got the visual of the lady in the double wide. I am conflicted.

We told the girls they could have one chocolate chip for each area they cleaned up this morning and to surprise us. We did this because Gray's Anatomy was having a rather racy story line with some sexual dialogue and we wanted the cherubs outta the room. So we heard nothing from them for about 20 minutes then they came jumping in announcing they were done and could we "pause the TV so you can come on our tour!" I grabbed the chocolate chips and Mike and we started on the tour. In the past, they clean up their drawing/art area, bedroom, playroom etc. Today however, they brought us into our bedroom where they had made our king sized bed. "Why thank you very much girls, here is a chocolate chip." Then, we were taken over to our walk in closet. No joke you guys. They had put all of our shoes that were on the floor of the closet away and even hung up some of our clothes. Mike and I sheepishly looked at each other as I doled out the chips but our eyes spoke to each other in harmony. "This freakin rocks!" Mike's eyes said to me. "We should feel guilty for sucking so badly as parents..." my eyes replied. And then we high fived and said out loud "no way, this is too cool for school!" It was as though Santa had sent his out of work elves to our little hamlet this summer and instead of working for cookies and hot chocolate, they were happy to work for one chocolate chip per geographic area. We feel badly enough about what lazy losers we must seem that I included this in confessions but I don't feel all that guilty about it. Right now I would totally be trying to make my case with the Priest.
Even though I have been nauseous and have been taking Motrin on an empty stomach which could cause things like a stomach bleed and stuff that's bad, the Diet Coke is still flowing in full force. When will the day come when I will be free of the silver/gold can of celestial nectar? Damn you Coca Cola! You made me love you.
I have been feeling so tired, pukey, tired and weak since the whole infusion thing began that I just have accomplished next to nothing. My hair is greasy and things aren't pretty when it comes to any part of me. And I just don't care. But I should.
My children are going to have identity/seasonal crisis's (is that a word? I am looking for the plural for crisis...crisi?crisises? I have no idea) Anyway, if they look in their closet or drawers they will be given mixed signals about their age, size and what season it is. There are shirts ranging from 4T to 6. Long sleeves, short it's all there. Because I just haven't had the time to clean everything out and organize it all with current selections. I just keep shoving the bigger clothes into the drawers and hope they figure it out. Same with our shoe box. They are in size 11 and 12 shoes and I think there are a pair of red clogs in there that are size 7. I really suck at this part of parenting.
When I clean out the girl's ears I stick the Q-tip beyond the part of the ear that they say is safe. Because there are ear boogers in there. Yellow waxy gross ear boogers. Especially in Katie's left ear. Gross. And I just can't leave them in there. Even if you can't see them. I know they are there and I have to get them out. It's not safe and not necessary. If I damage her ear drum you will have the evidence to convict me right here.
I have been so lazy that I have texted Mike from the bedroom to come in from the family room to talk to me. If you look at the last three texts from me on his phone they are these: "I feel like you aren't even trying to listen to meeeeeee" "Can't you just come in here for a liiiiittttleeeeee?" "Come innnnnnnn" These were sent within ten minutes of each other last night.
I was glad that Aaron kid got kicked off American Idol. He allowed Big Mike to curl him like a bar with weights on it. I think if you want to be the American Idol and you want people to vote for you that you shouldn't allow the competition to curl you. It doesn't say "winner" if you know what I mean. As long as Crystal or Lee wins I'm cool.
My relationship with Jake from the Bachelor got to an unhealthy level. I fell in love with him (for realz) on the Bachelorette. I was so excited he was going to be the next Bachelor and was positive he was going to be different than all the other Bachelors and was going to have morals and a backbone and really wanted to find love. But no. He chose that hussy Vienna and broke my heart. Then, he went on Dancing With The Stars and every week I was like "what did I EVER see in you?" He just seemed so fake and gross and such a nerdy sell out. So when he got kicked off I actually got up and did a touchdown dance in my living room including cheers and whooping. Totally unhealthy. I was supposed to break up with my TV this summer but I wasn't strong enough. Especially not with the whole Owen, Christina, Teddy thing heating up. And Dell dying? I watch too much TV. I have no plans to stop.
I accidentally made my Grammie Bea cry on Mother's Day. She's 90 and lives in Assisted Living. She is the awesomest and I guess I scolded her when I was just trying to mediate a misunderstanding. If you ever want a self esteem boost to feel awesome about yourself...get some iron infusions so you are puking and achy, have it be Mother's Day and scold your Grammie who has Alzheimer's so she cries then try and explain and make it okay and make her cry harder. It is a recipe to feel awesome. It's better than a spa.
I haven't written thank you notes yet for Katie and Jessica's birthday presents. I swear I will do it. I swear. But in case I don't and you got them something, thank you. They love it.
Don't even get me started on how my house looks. If cleanliness is next to Godliness I am a stinky demon.
Actually, I've been reading the Old Testament lately and there's A LOT of infertility in Genesis as well as all through the entire thing and every time a new person who is really righteous is infertile I am like all "ooooo, I rock just like Rachael!!" Instead of learning I am high fiving Hannah and Sara and Elizabeth through the pages. I don't think God had celebratory high fives of my righteousness in mind when He gave these wonderful women these challenges nor do I have anything in common with them except my lady parts don't work. Just because Mike owns a football and can throw it with his arm does not make him just like the Manning brothers. It would be like if Mike threw me a pass and I missed it and he thought he was just like Steve Young because sometimes he threw passes and people missed it. It's so not the same. I need to stop high fiving the women in the scriptures because they are obedient and walking through the desert and stuff and I am having my kids pick up my shoes for payment in chocolate chips. We are not the same!

I feel ever so much better!!! Until next week when I'm sure my sin will be as scarlet and I will need to unload it all again.

To Brag or Not To Brag? A question.

2010-05-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

Whenever I have something happy to report, something delightful to my soul that has happened within the blah white colored walls of our abode, I hesitate. The pause I take is enormous and accompanied by sweaty hands and angst. Heartfelt angst. Because so many, and by so many I mean almost all and by almost all I mean all Mommy Blogs run heavy on the whole tooting of the own horn thing that the bragfest seems never ending. Mine included. Did you hear the funny thing Katie said? Did I mention how many lives Mike saved today? Did you guys know Jessica is a freakin genius? It's gross right? And I love the Mom's that are all...I'm not bragging, it's just this blog is my journal and I want to document how cute it was that McKenzie went poo poo for the first time while singing her ABC's and talking to Obama on the cell about the problems in Chechnya. Chechnya. Chechnyaaaaah. (name that movie) Anyhoo, it gets a little bit thick out there. There are only certain blogs of my friends and family that I post over on the side. These blogs are not what I'm referring to. These people don't really brag in that braggy braggerson sort of way you know? They share their lives yes. But they share the good, the beautiful, the embarrassing and the ugly. They are real. Well maybe not all of them. ha ha. Are you wondering if it's you? It's not. Or is IT? wahahahamehaha. (that's an evil laugh)

The whole point of this senseless rambling is I think I am getting to the point in my blogging where it's okay if I feel like bragging one day. It's okay if I want to shout my joy from the rooftops of the Internet. I'm getting more comfortable sharing my successes in life and not just my confessions. Although Friday confessions....? What the HELL happened to you? You are coming back this week. I promise.

So on that note I would like to tell you of the kick-A Mother's Day Mike provided that I got to enjoy this past Sunday. I'm trying out a new nickname for the husband by the by. Mikey, Meeks, Meeker, Miguline and Major Mike Meeker Mormon Missionary have all been tried and seem well old. I'm thinking of using Meek and then a word that describes what I'm describing. Like if we go see Iron Man this weekend I might say Meekdowneyjunior or if we are watching TV (Grays) I might say I watched it sitting next to meekgeeky. Get it? I don't think it's going to catch on. I'll just still call him Mike Meeker like I have since seventh grade.

On to Mother's Day! So Mike Meeker asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. Since I am iron poor these days I responded in these exact words. "Mike Meeker. Pay Attention. Are you paying attention? Okay. I want one thing only. I want a big thick bone in rib eye steak cooked on the grill, seasoned by me. It needs to be rare to medium rare. MIKE. Quit playing the computer and pay attention. Okay. Steak. Get the butcher to cut it. You don't need to do any vegetables, no potatoes, no salad. Just a big rare steak. Cut the horns off and wipe it's butt and send it in. ( ha ha. I really didn't say that part. ) " But I continued..."Seriously Mike. I don't want anything else. Just a steak. Please, you know how you get ADD and you burn the steak if you try to do vegetables and multiple cuts of meat. Just the steak man." Did he listen? Well. He is awesomer than that. He got the girls up and did breakfast in bed with oven cooked bacon just like I like it. Then he dressed the girls in their fancy dresses and took them to the Meadows so my Grammie Bea would have cards and a visit to go with her flowers I sent her. Then he took the girls to church with his parents so his mom could get cards to go with the flowers I got her. Then he came home and we all took a long nap. Then they got up and he cooked my steak perfectly...along with roasted potatoes and asparagus. Dinner was ready at 9:25 p.m. But it was perfect. Soooooo....that Mike Meeker. He might not be quick and it may take him a long time to get something done but here's the point...he can go all day, he listens to what I want, he exceeds expectations and he delivers it perfectly. If you know what I mean ladies. And in case you don't know what I mean I am referring to Mother's Day. What were you thinking about you dirty dirty dirty girls.

So today, I am bragging about my super star husband who has been being Mr. Mom these days as well as doing his normal job and he still tells me he appreciates me for all I do and am and all I can think is today I took a nap, puked, took some zofran and percocet and took another nap then watched American Idol and went to bed. I'm thinking nobody is worried about whether or not to brag about me or not. You can't brag about a non moving object that sleeps and eats Thai food.

Tomorrow, I will be bragging about what my sister in law Amber did on Mother's Day because I'm sorry it just needs to be shared.

Seacrest Out.

Yesteryear

2010-05-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

I remember the Spring of my childhood,
when I was the one in the Easter bonnet.
I liked Now & Laters and Laverne and Shirley.
There was no car to clean out or floor to sweep.
Just tin foil baseball in Grandma and Papa's backyard with Bo.
And my barbies and playing school, always being the teacher.
I should have known pretending to be a grown up was a waste of time.
I'd have plenty of time to be a grown up, why was I in such a hurry?
Now I wish I could pretend to be a kid. I wish I could pretend to be Snow White,
and attend a tea party and eat cookies with pink frosting and sprinkles.
I wish I could watch Strawberry Shortcake and laugh over made up songs about rainbows.
Oh wait a minute...I did all that tonight.
Because I am a mother. I live with five year olds. They are girls.
And life is sweeter this Spring than any Spring of my childhood.
It is good even though it's not sometimes.
I just wanted anyone who cares to know that.

Are You Ready For Some Naughty?

2010-05-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

At preschool there is a chair. It's called the ready chair. It's for kids who are being naughty. The girl's teacher gives them a warning and if they continue being naughty they have to sit in the chair until they are "ready" to join the class. Get it?

So. Miss Jessica went her whole three year old and four year old time at preschool with zero sits in the ready chair. All of a sudden she was ready to turn five and it was ready chair visit after ready chair visit. We have heard of marbles being spit at the boys, giggling when told to be quiet, laying on Katie and other children and dancing when it is not time to dance. We have been talking our heads off about following directions and listening and the sort of behavior we used to brag about. We thought she was nervous about Mike going to Afghanistan and we thought his announcement last week would cure our household of the plague of the ready chair. It is not so.

Today, we had another ready chair visit. For dancing when it was not time to dance. And the continuation of said dance when told to please stop.

When we asked Katie if she had to sit in the ready chair (as Jessica was shouting all her reasons and explanations why she shouldn't have had to sit there) Katie said that indeed, she had NOT had to sit in the chair. "Nope. Only Jessica" was the answer we received.

We continued to "talk" to Jessica about all the reasons it was not fair to her teacher to take up class time by being naughty.

We then heard a little voice from across the room where Katie had been playing. "Well see, Miss Hannah ASKED me if I wanted to sit in the ready chair but I said NO THANK YOU."

So basically I have two juvenile delinquents as children when I thought I only had one.

One Down...

2010-04-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

Just got home from infusion #1. I don't know how I forgot the taste that comes into your mouth. yucko. The next few weeks are going to suck, but I'm still on a high from finding out Mike isn't going to deploy that it just can't be as bad as it was last time when he was gone. At least I know to expect that as of midnight I will be curled into a ball with muscle charlie horses and puking my guts out. It's good to know what's coming next right? Good news is this will make me stronger and happier and will end up imparting lots of energy for shopping and parties and fashion shows and Hollywood premiers and being interviewed by Oprah...oh wait. I got carried away for a sec. A girl can dream though right?

Good News - Let's Try Not To Jinx It!

2010-04-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

We found out today that as of now, right this instant, Mike has not been tasked to go to Afghanistan or anywhere else in this next cycle of deployments. We had been prepared for him to deploy again in June. Thankfully, the Air Force needed to fill less slots than they had thought and there were other doctors who either had not deployed or who had been skipped in their last rotation that are being deployed instead.

Obviously, we are very happy for this news. However, we realize that there are a bunch of other people who will deploy in this next cycle and will leave their families. We are mindful of them in our prayers every day and are so thankful for their service.

We are relieved that our family will not have to separate again more than you can ever know. We believe that God puts us where He needs us the most in the world if we are willing to serve Him. We found out tonight from our Stake President that Mike will be working will the Marshallese branch of our church that we mentioned in my last post. He'll be going to their branch for church and serving as a missionary again among the Marshallese. He's so excited. I am going to continue to go to our ward near our house for now but plan on discussing the whole thing with our Bishop and maybe our whole family will be going to the Marshallese branch soon.

Whatever happens in regards to this, I'm just so happy we'll be together in the same house and he'll be going to work at his clinic and we'll be together. I'm the most happy for Jessica. She had a rough go of it last time Mike deployed and has been having a lot of nervousness and anxiety about summer coming because we told her back in January 2009 that she didn't need to worry about Dad going back to Afghanistan until after she turned 5 in the Summer. Of course, she remembers everything and has been feeling nervous about it since her birthday. I never thought we were doing a bad thing by telling her that. We were just trying to reassure her. When we told her tonight that Daddy had talked to his big big big boss and that they didn't need him to go away like we thought, the relief and joy and nervousness on her face was heartbreaking. I am so happy for her tonight. We made sure she knew that going away is part of Dad's job and that things can always change but that for now, he is not going away like we had talked about and planned for.

Please Air Force, don't make us eat our words.

Our house is a happy home tonight. Full of gratitude, feeling undeserving of our many blessings. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. We love you!

HELLO Hello hello hellohhhhh.... hello?

2010-04-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

Is there an echo in here? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I've been gone for a while haven't I? Well, I've been busy and tired simultaneously and I have made a discovery. Being tired and busy does not lend itself well to blogging. Either does your husband's computer going kaput so he's on yours all the dang time. So I've got a lot of ground to cover. We left you at Easter and we were down and out. But we rebounded, well sorta. My iron levels are in the toilet and I have to get infusions again which suck but I don't have to start them until this Thursday and our parents, my Grandma and girls from church are volunteering for various things as I will be out of commission. I forgot how tired I get when I have anemia. It's like if you go to reach for the milk and you look at it way up on the top shelf of the fridge and it's just too high to reach and too heavy to carry and too much to pour and put back all the way on the top shelf that your arm is shaking by the time you are done. So basically, anemia makes cereal not even worth it. In other words, anemia is of the devil.

But some great things have happened over the past few weeks that I truly don't want to forget so endulge me won't you? Well, ahem, um, do you really have a choice?

The most important thing is that my babies turned 5. FIVE. I can't believe they are five. Mike took the day off work and we hit Fairy Tale Town and Funderland and of course they picked Osaka for dinner that night. This all happened on Thursday the 15th which is their "actual" birthday. Then, on Saturday, some kids from preschool, grandparents and their two Great Grandmas that live in the area all came over a BBQ and party. There was a big pink princess castle bouncy house and a pink, yellow and silver pinata. The kids had a ball. I've never seen Katie and Jessica that excited and happy. And the kids played so well together I was amazed. They took turns and bounced and ate their lunches on the grass and had the best time. I will post some pictures ASAP. I really will. I know I always say that. But I will.

My sister in law Heather had a birthday. And I forgot to call her. No it's even worse than that. I talked her that day and forgot her birthday all together. It's not because I don't love her because you guys who know me know I love her tons and I have no good excuse other than I suck at remembering stuff right now. I had to remind myself all week long not to forget my own kids birthdays. I'm sorry Heather. Your I'm Sorry gift is coming soon. If I remember. Heather's husband, Mike's brother, is getting ready to deploy for the military. This makes me very sad and scared. I'm not scared for Heather so much because she's like super duper stronger than me. But it's just so hard on kids and their daughter is Katie and Jessica's age and their little boy is the same age the girls were when Mike went and I just feel badly for that whole situation. And it makes me scared for us for Mike to get his orders because they are coming soon and he'll be gone again in the very near future. War sucks. For a lot of reasons, not just because our husbands are going away. It's just there's nothing good about it. It's sick really when you think about it. Killing people. But it's okay because it's war? That just doesn't make sense. Peace is awesome. Let's try it world!

Our stake just founded an official Marshallese branch of our church here in Sacramento. Our church is organized by geographic regions. Your immediate surrounding area is your ward, then if you go further out it's a stake (comprised of several wards) then district or area. This allows us to get to know our neighbors. We learn to rely on them and serve them. I really like how it's done because there's never a question about where you belong. The only exception is for certain cultures in which a different language is spoken, there will be a branch (a tiny ward) formed that services can be done in that language. There's a Spanish branch in some areas, Korean branches, Tongan branches etc. Well, our stake just formed a Marshallese branch. This is significant to us because Mike served his mission on the tiny Pacific island of Majuro in the Marshall Islands. Our Stake President invited us to this first sacrament meeting of the Marshallese branch and we were so excited to go. Mike served his mission from 1990-1992 and he's never been back to visit the island he grew to love so much. It's super expensive to fly there and he's been in school/residency pretty much the whole time. When we got there, it was just as they were welcoming people for coming out. We quickly found a pew and sat down. We sang the opening hymn and Mike cried. Then an older man got up to say the opening prayer. Mike tapped me and whispered..."I know that man, he lived in Rita when I was there." (Rita is a small village on the island) I got all choked up and as he prayed in Marshallese it was so moving and I was so happy for Mike. In our Stake President's remarks, he had us stand up and mentioned that Mike was a missionary in the Marshall Islands and that the members could test him on his vocabulary during the luncheon following the services. chuckle chuckle. During the time in which the sacrament was being passed this little boy (maybe 18 mos) was climbing like a monkey all over our pew. He climbed up me, then across the back of the pew, over to his mother who was obviously of island descent. Now this branch is 1/2 Marshallese and 1/2 Fijian. I didn't know if the family next to us was from the Marshall Islands or from Fiji, but their little boy was so cute and I enjoyed playing with him when I was supposed to be paying attention. After church was done, I noticed the mother of the boy was talking to Mike. I was trying to keep the girls occupied. They needed to go potty. So we went and came back to find Mike still talking to this family. I approached him so I could say hello and urge Mike into the gym where they were getting ready to eat. He explained that the mother that was SITTING NEXT TO ME was the daughter of a family he baptised 19 years ago. She was only 11 or 12 at the time so he didn't recognize her. But she recognized him as the missionary that baptised her and also her Mom had a photo album with the names and she's always known Elder Meeker as the person who baptised her. It was in the smallest village on the whole island called Laura and was Mike's favorite area he served. She came here to live with relatives that moved here for better jobs and education. I couldn't believe it. It was so cool. Mike was really choked up. I am so grateful that our Stake President took time in his super dooper uber busy schedule to think of us and be inspired that it would mean a lot to us to come to this church service. And the luncheon after? BoyOH! My family is from Hawaii so I'm not a stranger to how islanders cook but I've never seen so much food in my life. It was so good and Mike was so happy visiting with the people, singing Marshallese songs and speaking Marshallese again. He was in heaven! We are so happy the Marshallese people have this branch to fellowship together, it's awesome.

My baby brother in law Stevie (or Steve, whatever) graduated from COLLEGE on Friday. It's painful to me that I'm so old. He was 3 years old when I started dating Mike. I love Steve so much. He recently competed for a job with a bunch of interns and won the job. They gave them like 4 months to do various projects and then they would offer one person an actual job with their firm at the end. And Steve got the job! I'm so proud of him. And he's single. And so cute! I can't say he's hawt or fiiiine because ewww, he's just a baby. But if he wasn't my baby brother and will forever be about seven years old in my mind, I would be able to tell you he's not just a smart brain if ya catch my drift. He's a CATCH! Photos, resumes and bribes can be sent to email address on the side.

I'm going to do Happy Birthday letters to the girls in separate posts so I'll fill ya in on what they are up to in those posts coming up. Mike is busy at work but loves his job and we are praying that he'll go to the safest possible place when he deploys again. I ache just thinking about him being gone. We work as a team and when you live with someone for 18 years, having them gone feels like a physical part of your body is missing. It is painful and horrible. I can't explain it other than that. The idea of him leaving makes me sick in the deepest part of myself. And yes, I know we signed up for this life. And yes, I know it's what we are supposed to do. But I had no idea the impact it would have on my children and for that, I will always feel guilty and wonder if I am being all of the mother they need me to be.

The next few weeks are going to be spotty around here because of the infusion schedule and all the feeling like crap and sleeping that will be going on. I hope it goes smoother than last time. I am thankful that Mike is here this time. I am grateful for the offers of help and service.

The Easter That Never Was Or...Tangible Proof I Am A LOSER!

2010-04-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

We lied. We told the girls the Easter bunny would come hide eggs outside for them on Easter. Then, we got the rainfall of all rainfalls, the windstorm of all windstorms. It was drenched outside. And cold. And we have all been or are currently sick. So when those little cherubs woke up from their nap, eagerly anticipating eggs hidden to and fro in their magical backyard, we showed them a note. It said the following:

Dear Katie and Jessica,

Hop Hop! You guessed it girls, it's ME, the Easter bunny!!! I have eggs all ready for you with nifty treats inside. I know I was going to hide them today but because of the rain storm, you couldn't go outside and find them. SOOOO, I tell ya what... I am going to come back to your house on Wednesday when it is sunny and hide all the eggs I have for you PLUS TWO SPECIAL EGGS that will have an extra surprise inside that you are going to love. Thanks for being patient and I'll see ya soon.

Love,
EB

Okay Internet, how pathetic is that? Seriously? It's bad. We could have hid the eggs inside but I didn't load them with candy and I didn't feel like it because my throat hurt and I just was not in the mood. So I didn't. Instead I forged a note from the Easter Bunny. Just like I used to forge notes from my Mom to get out of Senorita Almas' Spanish class freshman year. My karma is in the toilet isn't it? It is. Oh how badly I SUCK.

The only excuse I have is I have a wicked sore throat and I am so tired and dizzy. I went to urgent care today and I tested positive for strep throat AND my iron deficient anemia is out of control and I have to get iron infusions again. For those of you who were here the last time my anemia came back, you know the depth of my grief. Iron infusions are given at the UCD Cancer Center. It is much like chemo therapy in how it makes you feel afterwards. You are fine for about 24 hours, then you beg for death to come for about 48 hours then you are fine until the next week when you have to do it all over again. Lather rinse repeat, six times! And the worst part of the whole mess is that you sit next to these amazingly brave individuals who are getting actual chemotherapy and as you can imagine, some of these folks look very very sick. And you sit there, feeling horrible about yourself because you are so grateful that the substance pumping into your veins will cure what is wrong with you while the substance being pumped into their veins might not. Your substance, life affirming and strength giving iron. Their substance, poisonous toxins designed to come as close as possible to killing them so it can actually kill the cancer. It is not a good time. And I leave feeling like a horrible person but also so incredibly grateful. But the guilt consumes me and each week my anxiety level goes up because I know all I will do for the three hours it takes to get my infusion is self reflect about how glad I am for my life and I wonder what goes through the mind of the little old lady that sits next to me all by herself bald and frail. I doubt that she is thinking the same thoughts as me. And that makes me feel even worse.

So on that happy note, I'd just like to say that "I am officially a hot mess". My throat has blisters all the way down it and the next eight weeks are going to bite and as soon as they are done (most likely) Mike will deploy to the desert for six months. Yaaaaay Meeee!

And just when you think it couldn't get any worse, I have this little confession for you regarding Easter. We were all sick. Mike was at the end of his rope because he's sick but not as sick as me and Jessica so kid duty went to him this weekend. He can't cook and I just couldn't cook yesterday. So for EASTER DINNER, we ordered Round Table. On a Sunday you guys. And we, like the losers we are, got ham and pineapple pizza because then it would at least have something on it that people eat at Easter...ham. I can't believe I just told you guys that. It was an all time parenting and human existence low point.

So my pita pocket Passover Shout Out never happened. Heart shaped waffles never materialized. Salmon for Easter dinner? Nope nope nope. Cupcakes for Grandma Meeker? Not a chance. Peanut butter and jelly, cold cereal, canned soups, Easter Pizza and a forged note from the Easter Bunny is what I will remember from Easter y2K10. So all you moms out there that think you suck? You don't. You really really don't.

Traditions...

2010-04-02T00:44:00.001-07:00

As I've mentioned before, I love Easter. It is my very favorite holiday. But this year, nobody in my neck of the woods seems to be in the mood to go all out for a celebration, including me. Our church is broadcasting a global general conference that we do twice/year. Normally, this conference doesn't hit on Easter weekend. The glorious thing about conference weekend is getting to stay home in your PJs with your family, veg out on the sofa together, tickle backs and have pillows and blankets. I always, ALWAYS make blueberry pancakes one morning and we enjoy a really mellow weekend. But with it falling on Easter, it just has me all confused and jumbled. Last Sunday, I had my family over for brunch and the menu was very Spring/Easter themed. We even did an Easter egg hunt for the girls. So now, this weekend, I feel sort of like I already did Easter. And given there aren't church services actually taking place, there's no place to showcase Easter dresses, bonnets and such. What to do? Add the colds and fevers we have all had and you can see why I am not downloading and testing new recipes for an Easter feast.

Here's what I think we'll do instead. Friday night, we'll do rotisserie chicken pita pockets for Passover. Ever since I taught New Testament for early morning seminary, I have always done something to mark Passover. Sometimes it's just reading about it, sometimes I've just thrown some pita and herb spread on the table to remind us it's Passover. I've always wanted to do the whole nine yards with the brisket and the kugel and the salt water and on and on. But I've never gotten up the motivation to really research how to hold a proper Seder and I wouldn't want to do anything to offend my Jewish friends so I've just sort of done my version of a Passover Shout Out and called it that. So rotisserie chicken, stuffed in a pita with an herb and mustard sauce and veggies ought to do the trick to give props to Passover for this year. I think the girls will like to hear the story because they are super into all of the stories and traditions this year.

Saturday, we'll just chillax around the TV, watching conference. I am baking some cupcakes for Grandma Meeker and for us. We'll eat leftovers for dinner of tonight's meal which was pork chops stuffed with apricots, celery, peas and cornbread stuffing. We will dye eggs on Saturday.

Sunday, I'll have Mike's parents over for brunch in between conference sessions. I'll just make a simple meal of heart shaped waffles with strawberries and cream, bacon, scrambled eggs and OJ. Then, they are leaving to go visit Grandma Meeker and I'll send the cupcakes and Easter card for her with them. I would plan on us going with them but we've been sick with this virus and Mike and Jessica are in the coming down with it stage and Grandma Meeker is 96 so taking a chance that she might get sick from us just isn't worth the risk. If we are all completely better, maybe we'll take the ride up anyway and join them for dessert. We'll play it by ear. If we don't go up, I'll take whoever is well enough over to the Meadows to pick up Grandma Bea after the last session of conference on Sunday. It ends at 3pm. So we'll get her and bring her back here maybe and have my Mom and Dad join us. I think I'll make salmon, roasted asparagus, rice and a green salad for dinner. That is a really easy meal that takes next to no work. I have the best sauce for salmon that is from my Grammie Bea that I'll make to go with the fish. It's butter, ketchup, dry mustard, soy sauce, sherry and garlic. It sounds like it would not be good but it is amazing. We'll have the cupcakes we baked on Saturday for dessert. At some point we'll hide eggs and let the girls go look for them and we'll do Easter baskets.

Whew...just typing all that made me tired. I am feeling quite a bit better than yesterday but still not at 100%. I'll need to be careful on Friday and Saturday not to over-do it so I can have plenty of energy on Sunday to make Easter at least somewhat memorable for the girls.

I love to hear about what other people are doing and their traditions. My SIL Amber's family has a big Easter egg hunt on Saturday where her Mom hides tons of eggs filled with money. I think one of the eggs is a golden egg and has like a fifty in it and the others go down from there. All the grown ups and kids hunt for the eggs together. Doesn't that sound fun? They have a big family so I think that would be a blast. I wish we had more family that lived close by so we could organize some gigantic, cool Easter egg hunt for all the kids. I guess it's no big deal. Growing up, I hunted eggs all by myself at my Oliver grandparents because I was the only grandchild and then just Bo and I hunted for eggs together at my Santos grandparents because everyone else lived far away. I never felt sad about it growing up so I guess my girls won't either. I think it's all about how excited the adults get and if we try to make it special for the kids, then they'll feel that it's a special day. If we just say "whatever...we aren't doing anything because it's just us" then the holiday won't be a special time for them either. Who knew this parenting thing came with all this responsibility? You have to keep them alive, get them shots, buy cute hair accessories AND give them warm and loving holiday memories to boot! It's a lot for a Mom to keep up with. But it's so worth it.

Today, my Dad called and asked for Jessica. He told her that there was this big red thing in the sky and she should go to the window and look. So she took the phone and ran to the window and looked and looked and then he announced "APRIL FOOLS"! She was so excited because then she got to be the one to go do the same trick to Katie. So we've been doing April Fools Day jokes all day. Katie called my Mom and said "Grammie, Oh NO! My mom and dad left and I'm all alone in my house." pause "April Fools!" And then they told their Dad they saw a zebra in the living room. But mostly, they would hide and as I walked by their hiding place they'd jump out and yell APRIL FOOLS as loudly as they could. I tried to explain that hiding wasn't really an April Fools joke but they didn't get it. Whenever I think about April Fools I always think about the time Marilyn told me that Grandma Huntsman played a trick on Grandpa Huntsman one year. She crumbled crackers (I think) into his shoes. If you knew Grandma and Grandpa, they were pretty by the book, no nonsense type of folks, even though they were amazingly loving and fun. She said as a kid they got so excited that their Mom played a joke on their Dad. It's funny the stuff we remember as a kid. I hope my kids remember all the little traditions we are trying to implement into our family history and memories. While I am thinking about it, I'm just going to list some of our traditions we've started so far so I can be sure never to forget them.

New Years: We play beauty parlor, we bang pots and pans, we toast with sparkling cider and drop balloons from the ceiling.

Valentines: We have something red for dinner and we hand make old fashioned Valentines for others with paper doilies, glitter, stickers and handwritten messages of love.

St. Patricks Day: Leprechauns invade our home! They turn our milk green and put gold dollar coins in our shoes. We have grasshopper pie for dessert.

Easter: We will always from now on do the resurrection eggs. We dye and hide regular eggs the day of Easter. We do Easter baskets but instead of candy it has a new outfit including shoes and a special Easter accessory like a hat or purse.

Birthday: We go for manicures and pedicures and the girls get to pick where we go out for dinner.

Mothers/Fathers Day: Girls make breakfast in bed for mom/dad and pick out or make cards and give presents that they pick out from Target.

4th of July: we don't really have traditions except for a BBQ and fireworks and we wear red,white and blue.

Halloween: We always go to a ward Halloween party, girls go trick or treating and they get to pick what they want to be.

Thanksgiving: we make dream catchers for everyone who will be at Thanksgiving dinner with us.

Tree trimming at Christmas: We set out cheese, meats, crackers, cheetos and sparkling cider. (we are very specific in our menu) The engraved silver bell is the first thing to be placed on the tree, even before the lights. We lift the girls up together to put the star on the top of the tree. That night, Santa leaves a snow globe and a letter for each girl on their pillow. They are able to communicate with the North Pole through their snow globes so they can let Santa know the "nice" things they do in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

Christmas Eve: we read the Christmas story out of the Bible and we put the pieces of the nativity in place as we read about them. We only eat appetizers for dinner but we have a huge variety of food that we spread out and snack on all night. We decorate graham cracker gingerbread houses and Christmas cookies. We leave cookies, milk, carrots, celery and apples for Santa and the reindeer. We open new pajamas and wear them to bed that night. The girls must be asleep by midnight in order for Santa to come. Mike always hears Santa's bells ringing at about 11:30 as a warning to get to bed.

Christmas Day: we do stockings first. We open presents and when we are 1/2 way done, we stop and make breakfast that always includes freshly baked croissants from Williams Sonoma. Then, after breakfast we finish opening presents. We try and go really slowly so we enjoy it and we open one gift at a time and everyone watches the person opening the gift.

Our non holiday traditions are "Nobody Cooks on Friday" is where we always, ALWAYS ALWAYS either go to a restaurant or get take out on Friday nights. It's the end of the week, we are all tired and nobody should ever have to cook on Friday. "Family Slumber Party and Movie Nights" is where once/month, we have a pizza party on our bed and we watch a movie in the dark like a movie theater but we are all four in our big bed together. We eat popcorn during the movie and when it's time to go to bed, the girls jump into their sleeping bags on our floor. Grandma Meeker's two handed wave. Mike's mom always comes out of her house when we are driving away and waves goodbye to the girls with two hands up and down like her mother used to. The girls wait for it and then wave wildly back at her with their two hands. Grammie's secret. My Mom always tells the girls she needs to tell them a secret. She whispers "I love you in their ear" and then they and Grammie scream "Ahhhhhhh!!!!" with delight. I have no idea how this one started. Also, when it's sleepover time at Grammie and Papa's the girls sleep with Grammie period. They will take naps with Papa but at night time they will announce "NO BOYS ALLOWED" and the three of them stay up very late telling stories and tickling backs and arms. And the last one is our cheer. Whenever we need the girls to focus in a busy place or whenever they get scared and need our attention, someone in the family will call for "MEEKER HANDS IN!" Then, you have to put your hands into the middle on top of each others and Mike will say "Meekers on 3. 1, 2 3" and then we all yell "GOOOOOOO MEEKERS!" It's so cheesy and dumb but if the girls aren't behaving in public or running around, we can do this cheer and before we say "break" and go our own ways we are able to have their full attention and remind them of the rules and behavior we expect. So we use it more to get their attention in a way they like.

I guess we are a really tradition filled group. And we are a lot more nerdy and cheesy than I realized. But I'm glad. Maybe the girls will pass some of these down to their kids. Some of them came from our growing up homes for sure. I never realized how many there were though. I guess I shouldn't worry so much about whether or not we are raising the girls to have traditions. I think we have it covered.

Seacrest Out. (oh, and we all four of us, always vote for American Idol and Dancing with the Stars)

Weekend In Review

2010-04-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was a blast. We all got bad head colds though by Monday. We've all had fevers and sore throats. And when I say all of us, I mean all of us. My parents, us, cousins, Grandma Houlie. We are waiting to find out if Grammie Bea will get sick or anyone else. Baby Luke is in the hospital and we are praying so hard for him. I'm glad the doctors are taking it seriously and seem to be taking a lot of diagnostic measures to figure out what exactly is wrong with the little guy. We feel so badly for their family. Luke is the baby of my cousins Jeff & Ali and the brother of Emi, who my girls adore and played with all weekend. We are waiting for updates on Luke and just pray he'll be perfect. He is the cutest and sweetest baby you've ever seen.

Everyone got into town on Friday and we all went out for sushi/Japanese food on Friday night at Mikuni's. Bens Crab Shack Roll...mmmmm, it's my favorite sushi I have ever had and I am a fan of the sushi. My girl's favorite type of food is Japanese. They love miso soup with extra tofu and edamame. They always get shrimp tempura and share a sunomono salad with me. I love that my kids like more than nuggets and pizza. Don't get me wrong, they love chicken nuggets and love to go out for pizza. But they also like seafood, vegetables, brie cheese, all Asian food as well as Mexican and Italian. Jessica doesn't like spicy foods but Katie does. The next day we got up and I made heart shaped waffles with strawberries and fresh cream. Jeff, Jut, Mike and I took the three girls and Luke to the park to feed the ducks. The girls made up a version of duck duck goose but played it with real ducks and geese. Katie would go up to sleeping or unaware ducks and tag them on the head saying "DUCK" then they'd try and sneak up on the geese to yell "GOOSE". But the geese at EG park are really big and aggressive so I don't think they actually got too close to any. But they fed them all the bread and we had a nice picnic lunch of sandwiches, fruit and vitamin water in the park. Then, we all came home and got gussied up for Grammie Bea's 90th birthday party at Cafe Vinotecca. Most of our family was there. All four of my Grandma's daughters, all of her grandchildren and all of her great grandchildren except for Jut's kids. They live so far away and tickets were really expensive to Sacramento so Jut's wife Tara and their kids couldn't come out. We missed them tons and wished they were with us but totally understand the cost was prohibitive. I am sad when I think that we'll be moving away in a year and will miss family gatherings. I have gotten used to attending all of them. Anyway, my cousin John and his family came from Idaho, all of our family from Portland came. Aunt Jayni came from Tacoma (we missed Uncle Tom too) and Jeff and Ali brought their family down from Southern Oregon. Everyone else is local. Grammie's one remaining sibling, my Auntie Sue came as well as Grammie's sister in law, Auntie Madeline. It was a really nice party and Cafe Vinotecca did an amazing job with both service and food. It was great to see my cousins. As we were taking the "grandchildren" picture, Bo gave me a wedgie just as the camera went off. It made me nostalgic for the old days when I could count on wedgies and rabbit ears or Bo's finger in my nose just as any camera took our picture. It was fun to see everyone but we are all so old!

The next morning dawned earlier than I would have liked and I rushed around to get everything ready for a brunch in honor of my Mom's birthday. All of our out of town family came to my house along with my Mom and Grammie Bea and Grandma Houlie. It was fun. We did the resurrection eggs with the little girls and gave a lesson about Easter. It was really touching and I was shocked at how good all three girls did paying attention and following the lesson. It was fun to hunt for eggs. Katie is just like me when I was little. I couldn't find eggs to save my life. Every adult would be yelling for me to "look up" "right there!" "it's pink Amy, LOOK FOR PINK!" And just as I would finally go to grab it, Bo would zoom in and grab it from it's hiding place. Katie was awful at egg finding. She found three eggs and Jessica found six. I never really cared and Katie seemed to handle it just fine. Brunch was yummy and the best part is I bought most everything already premade from Nugget or Honeybaked ham or Williams Sonoma. It sure makes entertaining easier! It was so fun to sit around and laugh with my family. I love the people in my family. We all have really good senses of humor and we love to laugh. My cousin Jeff is the funniest person on the planet and he tells the best stories. At one point in time I looked over at Mike and he was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe and he got a cramp in his side and was all "Owwwww...haaaaa haaaaaa owwwww." I think those are the best moments when you laugh so hard it hurts.

Too soon it was time to say goodbye to everyone. I hate that it was so short. But by Monday, we had fevers and stuffy noses so I didn't care as much. I am happy how it all turned out except for little Luke being so sick. Pray for him okay? Even if you don't know any of these people...pray for Luke anyway! Thanks.

Happy Birthday Mommy

2010-03-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

This lady gave birth to me. She taught me to talk (a huge help to me in life it turns out) and to pee in the toilet. She also taught me many more lessons. We call them in our family...DIANE-ISMS. Let me please impart the wisdom of the ages. Well at least all the wisdom you can cram in to SIXTY FOUR years! Happy Birthday Mom!

If you don't have time to do something right, how do you have time to do it over?
It's not your boss's responsibility to get along with you, it is your responsibility to get along with your boss.
It makes my teeth long. (this is something that gives you the heeby jeebies)
No matter how much you think you know, when you go to buy a car, they always know more. Just remember that.
I only have one thing to say. (this is never true)
You like those pretty teeth? You want to keep em? Keep it up! (in a threatening voice. I still have my original teeth)
Go to Russia!!! (to yell at cars on the 4th of July if they happen to cut you off)
A lot can be learned from that movie Funky Brewster. (Ferris Beuller)
Strangers, they just have to talk to me. (she stares them down in an uncomfortable manner until they acknowledge her)
It's called being an adult. Welcome to adulthood.
They're four. (or they're three, or they're two, anything to get her grandbabies outta hot water)
Hello? HELLO?
We went to the Hamptons on vacation! (It was Hampton Virginia...ooops)
You know, it's a law in the State of California if they operate on you, they have to take out your spleen.
Welcome to my world.
There's more of those than they have hairs.
You know as much of that as the man in the moon.
Try being me.

Weekend Forcast - Showers of FUN and Patches of happy TEARS

2010-03-25T16:12:00.001-07:00

I am so excited for this weekend. Some of my very favorite people are coming into town for Grammie Bea's 90th birthday! I'm so excited she's going to be 90 because as my Mom always says..."turning (fill in the blank) is better than the alternative!" And speaking of mothers, my very own is turning 64 on Sunday. We will mark the occasion with a brunch at mi casa. Cousins and the kindest dog on the planet and Aunties will abound. Saturday is Grammie Bea's party which will also be the debut of the highly anticipated Pink Princess Torte that Katie, Jessica and Grammie Bea selected along with a family sit down at Cafe' Vinotecca. Then Sunday, it's all about the quiche, William Sonoma croissants, Easter Eggs and Happy Birthday muffins. It's my Mom's birthday party with an Easter theme since we won't all be together the following Sunday for the holiday.

Have I mentioned Easter is my favorite of all Holidays? First, it's super important because it was sort of the purpose and culmination of the greatest gift you could ever receive. (Even better than something in a blue box from Tiffany's) I love Jesus. Katie is crazy about Jesus right now and tells everyone she meets how much she "just loves Jesus" and then kisses any picture of Him she can find. I'm glad she views Him as alive and real because guess what Internet, He is! My second favorite thing about Easter is the colors. I love pastels. In fact, I have decided in our next house that all the khaki and cranberry and neutral is going out the window. I am going to switch to pale yellow and apple blossom green and PINK and robin's egg blue, because is there ANY color more beautiful than Robin's Egg Blue? No there is not. My third favorite thing about Easter is the weather, the rebirth of things that have died and the bloom of flowers. Anyone who has been to DC during the Cherry Blossoms knows what I'm talking about. And the last favorite thing about Easter is the occasion to get a new dress. There is something about a new Spring dress that makes you feel young and flirty and pretty no matter how old you get. Instead of traditional Easter baskets filled with candy, my girls receive a dress in their baskets along with new shoes, tights and accessories. I always try and add a special accessory like a hat or purse or jewelry. I LOVE this tradition and look forward to surprising them their whole lives with a new head to toe outfit for Easter.

What are your plans may I ask? Our church holds a world wide conference the first weekend of April and the first weekend of October every year. This year, since Easter falls on the first Sunday in April, we will have a traditional Easter feast in between or after the broadcast of the conference. It should be a really mellow Easter. Then, the following Sunday we will debut our Easter fashions. I think I shall not serve ham because I am serving it at Mom's brunch on Sunday. I think my Dad is going to grill lamb chops which I used to think I hated but then tried two years ago alongside this mint balsamic dipping sauce and realized I like lamb chops but not lamb shank or loin or leg.

I will do an official birthday post honoring all things Mom on Sunday. I think it might include a few of her favorite sayings. She is famous for her sayings. We call them Diane-isms. Mike can rattle them off without taking a breath. It is a hobby for my Dad, Mike and me. My Mom cares for it not.

Well then, I guess I shall go for now. My activities today have included straightening my home, washing and preparing bed linens for yummy guests and cleaning out silver bullet to lend to favoritest cousin and her husband. On the agenda for this afternoon is a nap, a pedicure and grocery shopping at my leisure because I have scheduled a babysitter who will leave upon my husband returning home after a hard day healing people and saving lives. In reality he spends most of his time talking with the elderly about their cholesterol and high blood pressure, checking suspicious moles, looking into the throats and ears of crying tots, calming nervous mothers about H1N1, doing pelvic exams (this always freaks our parents out when we remind them that Mike looks at other people's vajay-jays) and thankfully washing his hands many many many times per day. I guess on some level he heals and saves lives, but not like Dr. Hunt on Gray's Anatomy who let's face it is the biggest stud there is. Except that he has a wicked case of PTSD and strangled Christina in her sleep. So that's not so good. Yeah, I think I'll stick with Mike who just kicks me in my sleep and has an endless desire to plaster his body to mine in sleep which I'm sorry is just wrong. "MOOOOOVE OVERRRRR" is heard a lot in the night in our house. It is said by both me and Katie who share our beds with the King and Queen of Snuggle Town. Maybe I need to bunk with Katie and the Velcro twins can spoon the night away?

And I just have to say one more thing. (that's a Diane-ism) But I do, so hear me out. I am embarrassed a lot to admit on this blog that I have a house cleaner. I've mentioned it before but it's always been with trepidation because I am afraid people will think I am either bragging or will judge me for some reason. The only reason I have a house cleaner is because all 4 of us are really messy. I am horribly disorganized. I leave Diet Coke cans EVERYWHERE and I spill. All 4 of us leave clothes on the floor of our bedrooms and Bare Mineral powder dusts my vanity. But the thing is see...I hate a dirty house. It makes me very very very sad. So, I have a lady that comes every two weeks and does the really deep heavy cleaning. It is all I can do to straighten and clean up before she gets here so she can see enough counter to wipe. So bragging? No. Embarrassed that I am such a mess? You betcha. But my shame has caused me to avoid mentioning a person who is a valued member of our family and who we love with all of our hearts. Her name is Luz and she arrives like clockwork every 14 days and saves all of our sanity. When the girls walk in and smell pine sol - they exclaim "aaaaahhhh LITTLE LUZ has been here!!!" When Mike comes home after a long day of work and sees the order and cleanliness he smiles and says "it's like a little haven from the world!" And when I see what Little Luz does for my family, I am more grateful than you could ever know. I love Luz. And not just because she mops my floor. I love her because she is an amazing person. She is a wife and wonderful mother. She LOVES my daughters like a second grandmother. Today, she arrived with 2 gigantic pink Easter baskets filled with candy. The girls make her cards and draw her pictures as often as they do for anyone. When the girls see her they run to her and kiss her. She makes up their room so beautifully with different stuffed animals and surprises under their pillows. Sometimes she takes the bus to my house and has to walk over a mile from the bus stop. I am ashamed sometimes that I don't do these things as well as Little Luz does for my family. That's why I don't ever talk about her. Which is wrong. Because she's AWESOME. And she allows me to do important things like blog and watch Top Chef. So judge away.

Okay, so please don't really judge me. I can't really take it. I'm off to make my grocery list. Goodbye for now.

post edit - I just realized I talked of pedicures, babysitters and house cleaners in this post. You have every right to judge me. I am awful. But as of 7pm, I will be awful with less dead skin on my feet.

Lotzee

2010-03-23T13:10:00.000-07:00

Last week, or maybe the week before...I've had a concussion you know...I taught the girls to play five different board games that they had received as Christmas gifts. Hi-Ho Cherry-o, Chutes and Ladders, Book of Mormon Bingo, Concentration and Toy Story Yahtzee. I taught them one game each day and then they played that over and over and allowed me to rest my aching head. It was a good strategy and it worked out great.

Their favorite game is Yahtzee. But they don't know it's called Yahtzee. They yell at the top of their lungs "COME ONNNNNN LOTZEE". And if they get one, they come running in the room and yell "MAMA, I GOT A LOTZEE!" So finally I broke down and asked them why they thought it was called Lotzee and they said it was "cuz in order to win you have to get A LOT in a row. You know A LOTZEE"

Makes total sense. From now and ever more it will be called lotzee.

The End.

Arrested. I should be.

2010-03-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

You know I did it. I couldn't help it. It was just there, glowing at me like a beacon, taunting me to give up my free time and surrender. So I did. And it was delicious. I giggled and high fived the Meekster and giggled some more. I was happy I did it. Not ashamed at all. Until, today, the morning after.

I watched New Moon. Twice. And I love Jacob Black. Did you hear that Internet? I love him. But I figured out that it's okay. I love him sort of like a son. Like the idea that Katie or Jessica might marry someone like Jacob makes me happy. And giggle. And tingle. Oh dear. Maybe I love him a little bit more than a son.

It was bad enough when I had my crush on the Efron. First, I was younger. Second, he's older than Jacob. Now...I'm older and the object of my crush is younger. Am I going get the hots for Zach and Codie next? How sick am I?

I think more than anything I'd just like Jacob to mow my lawn, or sell me an alarm system. Is that so bad? Alarm salesmen don't wear shirts right? ugh. I am beyond hope.

So there you have it. Call the cops, send in the SWAT team. I am NOT a cougar. I'm just an old lady with a crush on a child. Sick sick sick. If Mike was going gaga over one of the Gossip Girls I would slap him and make him go talk to the Bishop. Double standard much?

My favorite part is when Jacob says "Age is just a number baby, what are you like 40 now?" Not quite Jacob, not quite yet. But I'm close. Which is just gross.

Hey Good Lookin...what ya got cookin???

2010-03-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

I have been a maniac today in the kitchen. Go over to my recipe blog to see what's been cookin and where you can get the recipes. The best frosting in the world hands down bar none might or might not be listed. I'm not joking. The best frosting in the entire universe. I did NOT need to learn how to make this. I got it from Pioneer Woman this week. She's a bad influence on me. And now I am putting peer pressure on you. All the cool kids are making this frosting. If this frosting jumped off a bridge would... never mind. I got lost in metaphor and analogy.

Anyway, here's where you can find all the goodness...or badness. Well, it's where you can find the link to the recipes.

www.cookwithamy.blogspot.com

If You've Ever Read Bossy & The Geek

2010-03-15T17:51:00.001-07:00

Okay, I've never ASKED for comments before, but today I am asking for something from you. Here's my dilemma and an explanation why I haven't written anything on my other blog for so long. It's been so much fun up until now. I took myself through Mike and my first kiss and ended there. Up until that point, it was all light and fairies and butterflies. There was no drama or seriousness. In order to continue, I am going to have to go into experiences that are impossible to keep light hearted. If I continue the story, I will recount my conversion to another religion, the decision to go away to school, my failure there and a bunch of parts of life that are hard to keep casual and fun. Not that life gets sad or that there is no humor in these experiences because there are...but it's just a lot more emotional to write about.

So here's what I am asking. If you want me to go on with the story, leave a comment in the comments section of this post. You can post a comment anonymously so I won't know who you are. So even if you've never known me but for some reason have read our story and want me to continue, please let me know. If not, I'll just end it where it's at.

Thanks!

No Self Esteem Issues Here

2010-03-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

Katie has what you might call a healthy level of self esteem. Ummmm...how do I say this? She really really REALLY thinks she is the awesome-EST! Here are a few little things she has said recently that make us chuckle.

"Mom, I am gonna be a Lympic (Olympic) Ice Skater because it is like dancing on ice. And Mom, I'm already a great dancer so I would only need to learn the ice stuff!"

"Mom, do you hear those birdies in the tree? They are tweeting so loudly because they must know I am in the car and can hear them." Pause. "HI BIRDIES!!! IT'S ME KATIE!!! I CAN HEAR YOU!!!"

Katie holding a calculator at my parent's house. "Grammie, I am SO good at this game!" She hands my Mom the calculator. "Grammie, look how big of a number I can make...have you EVER seen that big of a number?" All she does is punch in a bunch of numbers until it can't take anymore numbers then thinks that means she "won" the calculator game.

"Mom, I make the best lemonade. It's THE BEST. You will loooooove it. Here ya go!" Hands me a glass of water with maybe a half teaspoon of Countrytime. It was so gross. But I told her it was delicious.

Remember that one time I impaled my head on that tree?

2010-03-11T20:52:00.000-08:00

Just when things were looking up for the Aimster, I stopped looking where I was going. And just like that, WHAM...I went forth and smacketh my head on thy yonder tree. So check it...I was walking out of the girl's preschool class with Kyler's mom Kelly and I hit my head on a branch that was had been pruned probably last Spring but was hidden by new leaves that had come out and obscured it from view. The branch had a knob sort of end on it and sticks sticking out of the knob so it stuck in my head at about three places. It bled like stink. I'm not sure what that saying means. Mike always tells me "head wounds, man they bleed like stink." So I wasn't alarmed when the blood was plentiful and soaking and dripping and non stopping. I got it cleaned at the urgent care. Friday is when this all went down. Last Friday. I was pretty sore over the weekend, feeling out of it and tired. Then Monday, when I had to take the girls to school it all felt like a weird Alice in Wonderland bad acid trip. I always imagine doing acid is like unto watching Alice in Wonderland. So when I was out and about on Monday and everything seems so bright and loud and acid tripish, I thought it would be a good idea to get my noggin checked out. One CT scan later and here's the skinny. I have a concussion, a pretty good one. Or a bad one. Depends on your general feeling about concussions really. I have a bone bruise and blood and fluid have gathered together to sit in between my skull and my skin which gives a feeling of pressure, headache and like my right eye is going to pop out of my head. But I have been assured it is not. No permanent damage. It should all heal just fine. But I feel like an idiot and a klutz and not like myself.

So that's where I have been. Holding my head and taking ibuprofen and going man that white rabbit is annoying. Turns out it was just Mike.

A Letter To My TV

2010-03-02T00:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Television,

I know when we met at the Circuit City, we had an instant mutual attraction. And when I asked you to come home with me after just three dates, I felt our future was as bright as your pixels. But lately, over the past few weeks, I feel like you have been giving me so many mixed messages and manipulating my emotions in the cruelest of ways. It started with the Olympics. Really television? You made my heart soar with pride and then brought me to tears so many times I stopped counting. Just when I thought it was okay to hope again, you sent Canada to break my heart. Then, the day after what I thought was the end of your emotional torture, you sent Jake into my house. Jake and his fickle stupid heart. Watching him with Vienna last night was just the last straw for us television. I just can't take it anymore.

I think it would be a good idea for us to break up for the Spring and Summer. I think it would be a good time for both of us to think about our future and whether or not we can continue in an emotionally healthy relationship. I feel like I've given you hours of my time and got only heartbreak in return. I've given you my tears and laughter and you've just given me your sharp plasma in return. I need more from you. I need Gray's Anatomy to be good again. I need Troy Polamalu to have an injury free season so we can celebrate decent football together. I REALLY need something decent on HBO because if you can't give me that...what are we even doing? And let's not even get into how your morals and values seem to be disappearing before my very eyes.

I am going to try and see other people. I don't have anyone specific in mind yet, but I am seriously thinking about taking up Kindle on his offer to go steady. I think kindle would be better for my overall emotional health. And besides, he's trendy and cool and doesn't come with any excess baggage loaded on. I am going to try and reconnect with books and my old friend the country road. I know you think something is going on between me and my computer based on what you think you saw that one time on my lap but I swear we are just friends. It's not like that. My computer is DESIGNED to sit there.

I will always cherish the special moments we have shared. Castle and The Mentalist have really been bright spots in my life and I will miss them, I really will. I just think we need to end this now before I get so emotionally caught up in the new season of The Amazing Race and the return of V that I am too weak to walk away.

I hope someday we can be friends that support and uplift each other. I wish you happiness and fun this summer. Of course, you'll be allowed to see and spend time with the kids. I wouldn't take that away from you. (or me)

Take care television...I'll be thinking of you. And remember, we'll always have five years of wonderful memeories laughing over The Office. Those were special times that I will never forget.

Love,
Amy

Happy Birthday Amberly

2010-02-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

As you know, Amber is my sister in law. She is married to #5 of the Meeker boys, Chuck. I am married to #1 which means I am waaaaayyyy older than Amber. When I met her and to this day I think of her as a teenager. When someone asks me, now hold old is Chuck? I will say 11. He was eleven when I met him. And when someone asks me how old Amber is I say "I'm not sure but I think about 14." Amber was not 14 when I met her. But, for some reason, I just think of her as so much younger than me. I think it's my insecurities coming out about being the oldest girl, the oldest sister, the oldest oldest OLDEST. I don't like being the oldest of anything. So it must follow if Amber is 14, I could not possibly be 38. I must be like 25 if she's like 14, is what I tell myself.

But alas, she is not 14. She is 27. (see told you she was young) And I am not 25. I am 38. (I am just destined to have "oldest" attached to my identity) When I was 27, it was 1998 and I lived in Colorado. Man, that was a lifetime ago it seems.

Happy Birthday Amber. You are younger, hipper, cooler, younger, less gray, less wrinkled, younger and sweeter than me. And you always will be. But I will always be wiser. You know like the old, shriveled, hag, wise woman? Yuck. Can we trade places? Glad you are my sister. Wish you were old like me. Love you tons.

I Feel The Need To Share This Story Right Down To My Skeleton

2010-02-21T22:05:00.000-08:00

This is Noelle Pikus-Pace. She's our female racer in Skeleton. She won 4th place in the Olympics. She is a mom and is awesome. She got really hurt before the 2006 Torino Olympics. After all Skeleton is a dangerous sport right? I mean you go down the ice head first on a little tiny board. Accidents are bound to happen. And here, right here is where this story enters the land of whackadoo and caused me to shout at my television in disbelief. And you thought Bush knew a little something about shock and awe. Well, get ready for this little diddy.

So Noelle was training in 2005 and looking like a huge contender for Torino. Then, disaster struck. She was practicing in SLC. She stepped out onto the track and was fixing something on her sled when OUT OF NOWHERE she gets run over by a four man BOBSLED. She didn't crash going head first at 80 MPH down the ice. No. She got run over by a random 4 man bobsled. It hit her leg and took her out. She had to have surgery and pins and screws and a rod in her leg. She was told she wouldn't walk for 3 months. She was told she wouldn't race for almost a year if she was lucky. She was back on the ice in 6 weeks. She missed the Olympics so she took some time off to have a baby. She fought her way back and raced last night in Vancouver. I could not stop yelling at the TV every time they pointed out a mistake "BUT SHE GOT HIT BY A BOBSLED!!!"

Let me spell out how freakadeek this accident is. It would be like a long jumper running down the path and leaping into the air when WHAMO!... out of nowhere a speeding discus crashes into her leg and takes her out! Or imagine the girls snowboard competition going on when all of a sudden out of nowhere, Body Miller comes through the half pipe going 90MPH and takes out one of our chicks? This just doesn't happen right? "SHE GOT RUN OVER BY A BOBSLED!!!"

For some reason I can't get over it. I watched bobsled last night and the whole time I was looking for random skeleton athletes on the track. Can you imagine Bob Costas with the play by play "And they go into the last and final turn. Their run is looking good. They are on a world record pace. The speed is incredible folks and OHHHH NOOOO !!! They have run over a person!! Too bad. I really thought they had it!"

This story has been my defining Olympic moment so far. It is my Kerry Strug, my Apollo Anton Ohno, my Michael Phelps 4 man relay gold medal race. It's just going to stay with me. I told Mike that I bet the bobsled was driven by Tonya Harding. "Why? WHYYYYY?"

I am a sicko. "BUT SHE GOT HIT BY A BOBSLED!"

The Things I Hope They Hear...

2010-02-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

Long before I became the keeper of two munchkins of my own, I lived across the street from a very dear neighbor named Jody on Andrews AFB. Just before moving onto our street and becoming my friend, Jody had given birth to a cute cherub of a little boy. This kid was the easiest, most chilled out baby child I had ever seen and further encouraged me that possibly, someday, in the far off future, I too could do this whole parental thing. But that's not the reason for the post.

Jody had this thing on her fridge that listed all the things we "should"say to our kids to encourage happy, healthy little people. I think it might have mentioned things you shouldn't say too. Or maybe that was just how I remember it. Anyway, I have been challenged today due to the fact that I have run out of positive things to say to my kids. Unfortunately, I can come up with a whole host of things they could improve upon. So instead of giving into my craving for some negative reinforcement around here, I'm going to try and come up with some better ideas. In saving this list, I'm hoping to turn to it if I ever happen to run out of ideas again. Like when they are 15 and sneak a boy into the house when I'm not at home and when I come home at a weird time and go back into my bedroom and take off my pants and go to hang them up in my walk in closet and find their boyfriend hiding in my walk in closet, I hope very much to think back upon this first list and not the second one. (This happened to a certain Dad I know when his daughter was 15. The daughter might or might NOT have been me. And how stupid of a boy hides in the walk in closet of the parent's bedroom when he hears the keys jingling in the front door lock and the girl yells, "quick go hide!")

Things I Hope My Kids Remember Me Saying...

Great idea!
I'm so lucky that I got to be your Mom!
I'm sorry, I was wrong.
You are right.
You can do it.
I believe it you.
You are amazing.
I like you.
I'm glad you are one of my best friends.
You were the best one there.
You are smart.
That was a great choice.
I am proud of you.
I will always love you no matter what.
I will always be on your team and in your corner.
Even if you do something wrong, I will be proud of you if you tell the truth.
You are kind.
What you did was thoughtful of others.
You make me happy.
I'm glad we are a family.
You make our home a fun place to be.
Your smile is one of the best things I ever see.
You are the best part of my whole day.
I like our talks.
Thank you for sharing.
You really did a good job at following directions.
You are very pretty/handsome.
Way to go!
Hurry...let's hug!
kisses!!!
You are a great helper.
You are the BEST kid I could have ever hoped for!

And always...

If you get stuck...If you get scared...If you are sad...If you are happy...If you are sorry...If I'm not there, but you need comfort...you can ALWAYS say a prayer.

Here's a few things I hope my kids never remember hearing me say.

You are stupid. Or that was stupid. Or how stupid.
You make my life harder.
You are bad.
My kids don't do that (comparing them to another kid. For example, Sally hit someone at school. My kids don't do that. We are better than Sally)
Your brother/sister did it better.
That is so retarded.
What a lame brain decision.
I miss the days before I had kids.
I need a break from you.
I need you to go away.
Just wait until your Dad gets home.

And finally, I hope to never ever say:

I can't believe your stupid boyfriend saw me in my underwear when he was hiding in my walk in closet because you snuck him in the house when we weren't home which is totally against the rules. You better run and you better run fast because I am seriously considering ending your very short existence on this planet.

I think it's good to correct your kids and expect good behavior. In order to teach, you have to point out negative behavior. But I HAVE to remember that I get such better results when I am positive in my teaching instead of scolding or enforcing time outs or loss of privileges.

Okay, I think I can go back in there with the right attitude. I just needed to get my head together because today has been one of those days. Mom and Dad (us) feel crappy, kids are over their fevers (thank goodness) but have been cooped up for days now and are just climbing the walls with energy and spastic 4 year oldness. If ya know what I mean.

Ummmm....can I see where it says that in my contract?

2010-02-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

My kids are sick. Just head colds with fevers. Coughs are bad this time. Especially for Jessica. She gets these bronchial spasms sometimes where she can't breath and coughs over and over. The only thing that helps her is to hold her, tickle her arms, back and tummy and gently croon to her. I usually whisper things like "jeeeesiiiicaaaa rooooose...my baaaabby....my litttle cheecha...my baby girl....it's okaaaaay...my sweet baby....breathe through your nose, there ya go....my good strong big giiiirrrlll...I loooooove youuuuu." This calms her down. Beautiful right? A mother, holding and saying beautiful words of comfort to her sick child. Here's the part they don't tell you.

While you are holding and rocking and crooning, your child is spitting mucus, snot and what ever she did not thoroughly chew at lunchtime into your mouth and all over your face. Yep. Because they are scared adn sick, they want you to make eye contact with them for comfort, yet they are spewing all sorts of nastiness all over your face. Mike said she coughed into his mouth like five times yesterday. I was all five times? Ha ha ha! You are a rookie dude. She has thrown up into my mouth. Coughing into it is like child's play.

Why is this never discussed in "what to expect when you are expecting? Why don't the baby showers include a game where all the party attendees get blindfolded and coughed into their mouths and they have to guess if it's a cold, flu, strep etc? I'm just saying...why wasn't I warned?

ick.

A Love Letter To Amber

2010-02-15T12:45:00.000-08:00

My sister in law is named Amber. She loves me. She understands my love of pink and green. She is in control of the layout of this blog. I have no idea how to change the colors, backgrounds or any of the pretty stuff you see. Amber has my password and she picks all of those pretty aspects of the blog. I love that she knows me. She resists the urge to change my blog colors based on the season or holidays because she knows I fear change and do not like brown and orange. And from September to the end of November do you really have a choice of colors that does not include brown and orange. She understands that about me. I told her today that in my next kitchen, I am getting rid of the cranberry, sage, khaki and stainless steel because it just doesn't make me happy. Instead I am going to go vintage with dainty china plates hung just so on the wall, vintage aprons and table linens. I am going to decorate in black and white with accents of light pink and apple blossom green. I imagine a grandma in the 40's might have had a kitchen like that. I have decided that The Wizard of Oz will be my inspiration for my decor in the kitchen at the very least. Also in the girls bedroom. We'll see about the rest of the house later.

But back to Amber. Here is my love letter for her.

Dear Amber,
Thank you for picking colors and backgrounds I love. Also for giving me your chocolate chip cookie and spinach salad recipe. Also for giving birth to the closest thing to an actual hero that Katie and Jessica have. Also for listening to my griping about everything from my knee to housework to husbands. And thanks for letting me go to Bajio when you really wanted Kneeders that day in Utah. That shrimp taco with honey butter was something I needed.
Love Always,
Aim

Let Me Count The Ways...

2010-02-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

This is my 20th year as Mike Meeker's valentine. There has been years we have had romantic dinners out, home cooked meals and even one year, we went to McDonalds. We have been apart for several Valentine's Days and have had to celebrate with a phone call and chocolate eaten all alone. My favorite Valentines day was when I was pregnant. We knew it would be our last night out just the two of us for a long time. We got dressed up and went to one of those steakhouses that serve prime beef and charge like $50 for an ala carte steak. We bought a digital camera as our gift to each other so we would be all ready when our two baby girls arrived. This year, we will have a romantic dinner at home and Mike will have three girls as Valentines. I am making his favorite...cioppino with dungeness crab and peel and eat shrimp. In addition, I thought I'd list 20 reasons I am glad he is my Valentine. One for every year I have been lucky enough to have him as my Valentine. Sorry for the sugar shock, but I'm proud to be Mike's wife and I want him and the world to know sometimes. I don't say thanks often enough.

Dear Mikey,

Here are 20 reasons I am glad I am your Valentine.
1. You always let me read in bed with the light on as late as I want.
2. You don't come in the house at night and look around to see if I was productive that day. You are fine if the breakfast dishes are still in the sink as long as the girls are happy.
3. You totally co-parent and support me in our roles as parents. Who knew that WE would never fight about parenting? It's the most important thing to both of us so I thought we would fight a ton because we do about everything else we care about. But so far, so good. I attribute that to you. You are a fantastic Dad and totally involved and you never make me feel like you are doing me a "favor" by taking care of the kids. Our girls are so lucky to have you as their father.
4. You get me water in the middle of the night if I am thirsty.
5. You know how to calm me down if I'm upset.
6. You like T.V and watch chick shows with me.
7. You feel very strongly about the things and people you love. Nobody has to guess how you feel about America, me, the girls, the Olympics, the Steelers, crab and breakfast. Everybody that knows you knows.
8. If you catch my eye across a crowded room you still smile or wink at me.
9. You squabble with me about stupid stuff and then laugh about it.
10. Road trips!!!
11. We both vacation exactly the same way. Low key, relax, no schedule, chill out, happy bliss.
12. You taught me how to be fine with no makeup in a t-shirt and jeans. Sorry that's how I look all the time now.
13. You are loyal.
14. You always listen to my problems and you tell me if I'm wrong.
15. You believe in me.
16. You are fine if my legs are stubly.
17. You kill bugs, spiders and take out the trash.
18. You do all the laundry and are happy about it.
19. You want me to be the happiest I can be. You are fine if I want to have a career or not, as long as I am happy.
20. I always look forward to seeing you when you come home. I count down the time until you are home and everything is right again. When all four of us are together is when I am the happiest.

I love you. Thanks for being my Valentime for the past 20 years.
Love Always,
Aim

A Weekend Conundrum

2010-02-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

You know that movie, The Perfect Storm? Well, welcome to my life. Tonight, the Meeker version of the perfect storm hit full force. And I'm sad to say, there have been casualties.

First, I'm exhausted. It's Friday. For some reason, this week seemed especially busy. I made it a goal to cook every night (except Friday of course), make glittery hand made Valentimes with the girls, bake (yee gads), go to the bouncey place, visit Grandmothers x 4, clean, groom myself occasionally, meet friends at the park, get 44 Valentines ready for preschoolers, take 22 portions of snacks to preschool on Wednesday, grocery shop with girls in tow, track down shot records for the girls from previous base(nightmare) and stay up late to watch my favorite shows. My week normally does not look like this. I don't cook often and I am lucky to get a shower and find a clean spoon for cereal in the morning. Often, we are out of spoons and the girls get cereal in a ziploc baggie with a cup of milk. They know how to take a handful of cereal, a chug of milk and swirl it around to make cereal. They know this because we sometimes run out of spoons and bowls. My Mom is not happy I just shared that. We probably need more spoons.

Second, it's Valentimes weekend. (yes I know it's not actually ValentiMes, read the post below) There is a lot of pressure to get gussied up, go out to dinner, have a "real" date night, cards, gifts, brush teeth and be nice to each other. Our lives don't normally include all of these things simultaneously.

Third, we had volunteer babysitters tonight. Mike's parents are keeping the girls overnight. When you as parents of young children, find yourselves with a free evening, it's easy to over plan in your excitement and glee. What? A night off? We could see a movie, go to a fancy dinner, go to a rock concert, clean out the garage, stay up all night talking like we used to, get pancakes at Denny's at 4 am like we used to then sleep til noon the next day. You know? Like we used to!!! What will we do? What will we do?

Fourth, for those of you new to our little blog here, you might find this next fact inconsequential when compared with the three events above. Those of you that have been around awhile, will understand that this particular thing I am about to reference is really a very very big problem. Tonight...begins...the...Olympics. And I am married to the single biggest Olympic freak on the planet. This summer, Mike spent two weeks on our couch, watching every second of the Beijing Olympics. He would fall asleep from exhaustion and I would come out and cover him with a blanket. He makes us keep an American flag on our entertainment center. During opening ceremonies, we are required to stand when the U.S team enters the stadium. And during medal ceremonies in which we win the gold, the girls and he do an actual parade with American flags and stand for the national anthem. He is off three days next week and the whole week following. We always have to eat the food indigenous to the host country for opening ceremonies. If we cannot get that nationality of food we either make it or choose a food representative of our favorite athlete. We have very specific Olympic rules in the Meeker household. He even has a special sweatshirt that has the rings on it but does not denote a year or a location. He has worn it every day during every Olympics since Nagano. Then, the sweatshirt goes away until the next Olympics. We take our Olympics seriously. Well, not me, but Mike does. I mean, I like them, don't get me wrong. But for Mike, it's a whole different ball of wax.

So imagine my excitement/stress/nervousness and angst when I realized that these four things were going to hit me smack in the face tonight. All four. And frankly, I was just too tired to handle it all. How on earth were we going to get through this and satisfy all the complex parts of ourselves that exist?

Here's what we did:
Grandparents picked up girls at 5:00. I drank a very huge diet coke with caffeine, slapped on some perfume and makeup and hoped it was good enough. Mike arrived at 6:00. He set the TiVO to record beginning one hour prior and extending the recording one hour later than the opening ceremonies were supposed to last. We saw a 6:15 showing of Valentines Day at the movies in which we held hands the whole time. (So funny and cute) Mike then decided we would get Hawaiian/Japanese take out because our favorite athlete is Apollo Anton Ohno and even though he was raised in Washington, "Ohno" is Japanese and is also Hawaiian meaning "the best" or "very good". (I think we were really reaching here) While waiting for takeout we talked about how much more we loved each other than anybody in the movie or the movie theater or anywhere and reminisced about past Valentimes days and different phases of being in love and how glad we were to be in this phase, blah blah blah. We rushed our van home and immediately sat down to watch opening ceremonies. And this is where I sit now, watching Native American dancers and performers delight me with their tribal dances and songs. Mike has cried four times so far in the pre-opening ceremonies coverage. Four times people. I say to you again... FOUR TIMES.

It's going to be a long two weeks. Wish me luck.

Favorite Things - Valentine's Edition

2010-02-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

First, let me get this off my chest. My Mom pronounces certain words in her own special way. It's part of why we love her. Sometimes we will go around the table and think of how many we can name. It's fun. Well, for us. Maybe not for Mom. But my whole life, she called Valentine's day Valentimes. Like hello? It's TIME for some VALENTIMES. So Mike and I have always called it Valentimes. It's weird for me when people say it right. So there. I just had to issue this disclaimer before I start.

Do something that matters on Valentimes this year. Everyone can buy roses, chocolates, go out to dinner blah blah blah. How about a nice back rub, or clean the house or suggest doing something you hate but your spouse loves. Like for instance, for this Valentimes I am going to do all the laundry in the house and put it all away (this is normally Mike's job) so when Feb 14th dawns, his chore is done. I am going to make cioppino or steamed crab for dinner because it's his favorite. I am handmaking the Valentimes cards with the girls. That sort of thing. Mike, if you are reading this, I would love it if you cleaned out my van and had the carpets shampooed, programed my radio in my van so when I push the buttons it goes to actual stations and rubbed my left hand side teresmajor muscle for twenty minutes. This will cost less than a dozen roses by the way. And will make me every bit as happy.
Two books that are great reads, G rated and full of love. The Guernsey Potato Peel Pie Society and Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart. Wonderful wonderful wonderful!!!
Watching the Bachelor this season. Look haters...I haven't watched it since Trista and Ryan okay? But Jake....ooooohhhh Jake. He has the whole adonis this going for him, but he is basically a clean cut, smart nerd who is religious and nice. I like those types of boys. I find that by watching Jake, I think about love and romance more often and I think about falling in love with Mike Meeker and that makes me that much nicer to be around.
An apple/peeler/corer/slicer. I just got this from Bed, Bath and Beyond yesterday. One of the moms from preschool brought apples to the park that she had peeled and cored and sliced. I always thought about getting one of these from Pampered Chef but I'm not a pie baker so I figured I just wouldn't use it that often. But did you know these little suckers peel POTATOES? Oh how I hate peeling potatoes. You have no idea how much I hate it. It's why we have pasta and rice more often than potatoes by like twelve times. The one from BB&B has this suction cup thing that holds on to the counter top where as the Pampered Chef variety has a clampy thing.
Parisenne perfume by Yves Saint Lauren. It was new this holiday season and the girls bought me some for Christmas. It's pricey. Cheaper than Chanel but more expensive than say Estee Lauder. But it's wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
Ellen as the new American Idol judge. You can't go buy her or anything like the books or perfume but she is going to be great.
Roasted Shrimp cocktail. I have always boiled my shrimp in salt water with celery. But Barefoot Contessa showed how to roast the shrimp in the oven. Little olive oil, salt and pepper, 400 for like 8 to 10 minutes. So much better than boiling. But the shrimp will continue to cook so take them out when almost done but not quite. Did my first batch for 8 mins, second batch for 10 and the 8 min batch was way more tender and not rubbery.
The movie Couples Therapy. It got crappy reviews and it is sort of a crappy movie. But Vince Vaughn is just funny in everything he does. I think this movie will make you glad for who you are married to. It's all about understanding that it's a lot easier to work on a marriage than to chuck it all and start over with somebody new. No matter how shiny and new that somebody might look. PG-13 and I would say it probably should have been rated R for adult content even though there isn't nudity or violence in it. I would not feel comfortable watching it with my 13 year old daughter.
Frosted Flakes - Jessica asked if she could have Tiger cereal the other day at the store. They get "cartoon" cereal on Saturdays. I forgot how AMAZING frosted flakes are. Oh my heavens! Simple, but astounding.
glitter glue, card stock paper, white paper lace doilies, markers and stickers. This combination makes the best Valentimes cards in the world. The girls and I will be knee deep in these supplies this morning.
Saying "I Love You". Except for saying it to Mike and the girls, I am really bad at this one. My sister in law Amber is great at it. I always think that if something ever happened to me or Amber that the last thing we most likely would have said to each other is I Love You. This is because of Amber. I think it's worth trying to say it more. It's awkward to start, but I think if you just take a breath and jump into it, that it would get easier over time.

Questions, never ending questions part 2

2010-02-10T11:24:00.001-08:00

In one short little teensy tiny day, these are some of the questions I was asked by my 4 year old girls.

Mama, what do penguins do if they get cold?
Mama, when will Jesus come down again?
Mama, why does my art project have five shells and Katie's has six?
Mama, can I have snack?
Mama, what color will your hair be when I am a grown up?
Mama, when fire engines have their lights on should I pray?
Mama, next time I go to the doctor will I have to get a shot?
Mama, what time will Daddy be home?
Mama, will Daddy be home before dark?
Mama, is Daddy in Afghanistan or at close work?
Mama, will Daddy play hero game with us tonight do you think?
Mama, what about prayers?
Mama, can we play roses and thorns now?
Mama, what's for dinner?
Mama, how long can I jump?
Mama, can I have my tea party set?
Mama, can I use our art set with scissors?
Mama, when is Valentines day?
Mama, what day is it?
Mama, can we go to the park where we saw Kyler?
Mama, look! a duck
Mama, look! a yellow car
Mama, look! puffy clouds
Mama, look! I made a new friend
Mama, look! I drew you a picture
Mama, look! a bird is on that bush
Mama, what time is it?
Mama, how many more minutes do I have to play?
Mama, can I get a stool and get a treat out of the cabinet?
Mama, can I help you in the kitchen?
Mama, can you come wipe my bum bum? (twice)
Mama, how long of a nap do I have to take?
Mama, can I have a treat before nap time?
Mama, will you check on me during the night?
Mama, can I have a drink?
Mama, when I was a baby, what did I like to do?
Mama, are we going to be a family forever and ever?
Mama, do you think Snow White still lives with the dwarfs?
Mama, do you remember when I rode the Dumbo ride at Disneyland?
Mama, can we go to Cayden and Emma's?
Mama, when we go to the snow do you think we will see Cayden and Emma?
Mama, is preschool today?
Mama, can we make more Valentines?
Mama, can I watch a show on TV?
Mama, are we going to plant tomatoes in the spring?
Mama, can you please call all the zoos in town and find out if one has a elephant because our zoo's elephant died?
Mama, can you help me?
Mama, can you open this?
Mama, I'm out of energy can you carry me?

And finally, a question that was repeated many times throughout the day... "why?"

If I were a...

2010-02-08T18:37:00.000-08:00

Tag to all of you.

Okay here we go...

If I were a day of the week, I'd be Thursday.
If I were a time of the day, I'd be noon.
If I were a direction, I'd be asking myself for myself. (I always ask for directions, even in stores) If I were a tree I would be a dogwood.
If I were a tool, I would be a wusthof santoko five inch classic series knife.
If I were a flower, I would be climbing pink roses.
If I were a musical instrument I would be a trumpet.
If I were a color I would be pink.
If I were a fruit, I would be a mango.
If I were an element, I would be wind. (my house looks like a tornado)
If I were a food, I would be homemade lasagna.
If I were a place, I would be Washington DC.
If I were a material, I would be linen. (classy, expensive but always looks wrinkled)
If I were a scent, I would be Yves Saint Lauren Paris perfume. (everyday since I was 15)
If I were an object, I would be a disorganized kitchen pantry.
If I were a song, I would be Let's Go Crazy by Prince.

Lunch Time Laughter

2010-02-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

I needed to kill some time yesterday so I took the girls to Burger King for lunch and indoor play time. The following was a bit from our conversation. It is very indicative of their personalities.

KATIE: (yelling at the top of her lungs and pointing) Mom...look at those boys sitting all by themselves. Do you think their wife died? I bet she did. It's so so so sad Mom that they have to eat by themselves.
ME: Kate...don't point and yell. It's not polite. And maybe their wife just decided to stay home.
JESSICA: Mama...there are 21 people in this restaurant right now.
KATIE: (still yelling) Yep. Maybe their loving person stayed home. But why would they want to miss lunch at King Burger? Nope. I think they must have died. It's just so sad.
JESSICA: Mama, now there are only 17 people in here. I counted the workers I can see AND us. 17 includes us too. Oh...here we go! Four people just came in so now there's 21.
ME: Katie, please stop yelling and pointing.
JESSICA: Two people left again so there's only 19 but I found another worker so there is actually 20.
KATIE: (yelling even louder with a lot of drama) Mama, I want to make those boys a card and tell them I am sorry their wife died. I'm just so sad they have to eat all alone.
JESSICA: Mama - now there is 25 people here. Wow. The number of people is getting very high!
ME: Katie! Stop pointing and yelling. Jessica...you are very good at counting and I'm glad you think it's fun but you also need not to yell. We need to use our inside voices.
BOTH GIRLS: But why?
ME: Because it is not polite and good manners. And maybe those boys sitting alone will feel bad when they hear you. And everyone in the restaurant isn't talking to each other anymore, they are listening to us. So let's try to keep our voices down.
KATIE: But can I go talk to those boys?
ME: no.
JESSICA: (in a yelling whisper) Mom, now we are down to 21 again. I hope some more people come in here so I can count them.
ME: Okay so lunch is all done. Yay! You guys can go play now.

And scene.

I had to chuckle because this conversation illustrates exactly who they are. I love my loud, dramatic, pointer and my counting/math girl. I was so bad at math. She totally had to get it from Mike who was my math tutor my senior year. He was really good at math. Where Katie got the loud voice and need to get all up in people's business I have NO IDEA. ha.

And just for in the mean time...

2010-01-26T14:15:00.000-08:00

Until I get my crap together and do all the stuff I mentioned in the post below, I will give you the following subject to discuss amongst yourselves. Jake.

If I need to tell you who or what a Jake is, go away. If you know of which and whom I speak and your hiney just tingled, I am TOTALLY WITH YOU. I actually made Mike fist bump me like five times last night. He was reluctant, but when I told him that I thought that it was exactly what he would do if he was Jake he agreed to the fist bumps.

And Vienna? Gross. But I think the girls have been mean to her. But she sort of deserves it. Okay that's all.

To All Interested Parties

2010-01-26T14:08:00.000-08:00

I have not given up the blog for Y2K10 despite appearances. See I have all these pictures from Christmas and the post-Christmas cruise to Meh-hee-koh. But see they are on my camera. And there's just something about having to walk all the way in my room, get my camera, get my other camera, gather the iphones, download it all, sort through the blurry, the boring, the fat and then post the wonderment that was the holidays. And let me tell you. It was wonderment. Because of my delinquent photo gathering, I feel like I can't do the official holiday post. And if I can't do the holiday post, I can't do the cruise post, the New Years post or the post I have in my brain about breaking all of my New Years resolutions by the 10th. But tomorrow is my Dad's birthday. And the 7th was my MIL's birthday. And I always do nice birthday posts. What's a girl to do?

Anyways Internet, I haven't abandoned my blog. There is much drama (code for my boring little life), hilarity (code for stuff I think is funny) and activities (code for television watching) to report. Stay tuned.

Jingle Bells Santa Smells I scratched myself inappropriately during the song...

2009-12-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

Today was the Christmas party at preschool. Oh 4 year old preschool. As Mike was engaged in mandatory training at Travis AFB, my Dad went with me and served as official photographer. Thanks Dad! Having you there was very handy for the gingerbread house building and for an extra set of eyes and hands to keep Katie and Jessica contained once the buffet was set out.

I blame their bad behavior on the penguin cupcakes. Those little plastic penguins on top were actual plastic rings you can wear on your fingers. It was too much for them to stand.
The kids had practiced a poem and two songs to perform for their adult guests. Jessica the German Nazi pointed out to the teacher as soon as they all lined up that "we will be doing the poem first, then jingle bells, THEN Rudolph right?" The teacher kindly said "yes Jessica you are right. That is the correct order." Jessica then turned to the little boy next to her and said "See??? I told you we weren't doing Rudolph first!" This all went down while all the other kids were silent, waiting for the signal from the teacher to begin. Yep, that's my kid. In kindergarten I ran around during the Thanksgiving play saying every kid's lines because I was positive they would forget and I had memorized the whole play. Mike did stuff like that too. We were both obnoxious know-it-alls. Thank goodness that has changed. Whew.

Then, during Rudolph, Katie had a little mis-step. First, you must realize that Katie marches to a totally different tune than anyone else in the room - any room. As they were performing, she was looking out the window watching cars go by, twirling her hair, dancing the little dance they made up to the wrong song. I wanted to yell "Katie! Look Alive! Jingle Bells has a dance...Rudolph has hand motions! Get your head in the game!" But I didn't. So she had her hands on top of her head as "antlers" while she danced the dance that went to Jingle Bells. She never took her hands off her head as she looked up at the ceiling and made some face that I couldn't figure out. All of a sudden around "won't you guide my sleigh tonight" she remembered she was in the middle of performing so she lifted her skirt, scratched her twinkle and picked up the hand motions with all the other kids. She managed to make it in time to "you'll go down in history" (it's the big finish don't you know?) and then curtsied to the crowd. At first, I wanted to die. Then, I started to laugh because it's just so Katie. Had she kept time and didn't spaz out I would have actually died of shock.

It was a fun party and the food was great. Most of all, I am so thankful to our teachers who devote countless hours beyond what they get paid to do, in order to make preschool a magical, fun learning environment for my girls. Seriously, just the time it takes to clean up all the glitter makes me want to get down and kiss their feet. Thank you to teachers everywhere! Notice all of the kids at attention and notice mine in the back of the group? Merry Hyper Christmas!

Dinner My Way...

2009-12-17T20:34:00.000-08:00

I feel really pressed for time this past week. In looking at what is ahead of me in the upcoming week, I feel overwhelmed. So Mike suggested, rather than trying to cook or ordering take out, that I go to "Dinner My Way" or "Dream Dinners" and pick up some ready made meals. WE don't have a Dream Dinners in our town but we do have a Dinner My Way. So I picked up 5 meals for $50. They each serve 3 people. Given that we have two adults and two tiny people, they are the perfect size for our family. This had made life so much easier the past three days. We have dined on Shepherd's Pie, Greek Chicken with Orzo Pasta and Tortilla Soup with all the fixings. I have added bags of salad being sure to do dark leafy greens to keep things healthy. I've been surprised at how healthy the meals are in regards to fat/calories/sodium etc. Also, they have been delicious and easy. All I have to do is take the container out of my fridge, pop it in the oven and toss some dressing on the salad along with a diced tomato. We all feel like we've eaten a home made meal and it was easier AND cheaper AND healthier AND tasted better than fast food or take out.

If you are short on time, I recommend getting some ready made meals from one of these companies. You can also get frozen meals from Costco or the grocery store, but those are less healthy and you don't control the ingredients. These are all freshly prepared and I didn't have to do the work, but I was able to ask them to make them with less oil/salt than the recipe calls for.

I have so much cooking to do over the next week that any night I can do something else instead of cook like shop, wrap, clean, BATHE etc. is a good use of time and resources. Happy dinner time!

Thinking About It Tomorrow...

2009-12-16T16:16:00.000-08:00

I am just that big of a geek with massive insecurities that I thought I would be the only person alive that waited for the past month for the airing of Gone With The Wind on TCM yesterday. You see, it was 70 years ago yesterday in which Gone With The Wind premiered in Atlanta, Georgia. And I guess I just really think I am all alone in my obsessions that I assumed nobody would even notice that it was on. Then, PDub went on and on about it on her website and I realized how silly of me that I thought I would be the only one to look forward to the anniversary of the biggest movie of all time.

I read Margaret Mitchell's massive book in 1988. I was 16. I carried it around with me at school and people looked at me like I was an alien that I would ever read a book that big. I loved it. Loved loved loved LOVED IT.

Then I saw the movie. And here is a little bit about that...

I wanted to be Scarlett. I wanted her spunk and courage and 19 inch waist. I died my hair black and determined to stay out of the sun. I looked into getting green contacts. I knew someday I would have a daughter named Katie. See, I told you. This movie was life changing.

Rhett Butler is still the coolest, most dashing hero in any movie. (Except for MAYBE Carey Grant in An Affair To Remember) I love how he handles Scarlett and how he sees her faults but loves her anyway. I dreamed of a man who would know me like that, but love me despite my flaws. I didn't marry a Rhett. I most definitely didn't. Luckily, God knew I needed an Ashley. Oh, by the way, Ashley is Katie's middle name. Told you...LIFE CHANGING.

Melanie used to bug me. I used to think she was plain and weak. How wrong was I? She is so beautiful and strong and amazing. I love her so much. When Scarlett came to Ashley's birthday party after India spread the rumor that Scarlett and Ashley were caught fooling around and Rhett made Scarlett go inside by herself so Melanie can kick her out in front of everyone and Melanie goes up to her and kisses her on the cheek and welcomes her into the house I was in a puddle on the floor. Melanie Hamilton Wilkes. Man, that lady had class.

Watching this movie at 38 is so different than watching it at 16. Scarlett, although she IS strong is selfish and cruel and not nearly as fantastic as she appears. Seeing Rhett lose Bonnie through my 38 year old eyes is painful and hits too close to home. Watching how Rhett loves everyone, from Mammie, to Melanie to Belle Watley to Ashley (he saves his life) and of course, Scarlett. The fact that he walks out on her in the end into the fog in some ways makes me love him more. In my mind, he always came back eventually. But that was when I was 16. Now, I'm not sure even Rhett and Scarlett could survive the loss of a child. Especially with all the blame back and forth. It's just so wonderfully sad.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the anniversary. I can't believe Wizard of Oz and Gone With the Wind came out the same year. What a great year. It's like 1994 when Shawshank Redemption and Forest Gump competed for Best Picture or the next year that Sense & Sensibility and Braveheart were nominated. How did they choose the Oscar?

I know this crazy time of year does not justify the time it takes to watch this movie. But it's worth it and will remind you of all of our humanity and how some things are just timeless.

Gift Guide - Amy Meeker Edition

2009-12-15T17:14:00.000-08:00

I decided this past weekend that I hate the mall with a surprisingly large amount of hatred behind my statement of well...hatred. I went to the mall last holiday season. Then once this past year, then once again this past weekend. And each time I hate it even more. I love, love, love, however, online shopping. I love it so much that I even bothered to click up (that's tech for pick up don't you know?) some gifts for my very high maintenance Grandmother who is not Grammie Bea who is in her own way high maintenance but nothing compared to this other Grandmother. Lucky for me, neither Grandmother knows what the Internet is. They think it's magical every time I get an email and think I order the presents I get from a big chute attached to my house and that they just magically appear.

So I thought you might feel a little bit overwhelmed and need to blaze through a last minute shopping list. I know you can still get these things online but you might have to pay for shipping given it's the 15th.

For Him: Bosca Leather Wallet from Nordstrom.com
For Her: Anything from Tiffany. I know, you think, it's out of my budget. But you'll be surprised by some of the things you can get. And one gift in a little blue box is so much better than say when your husband gets you a Playstation and Guitar Hero just so he can play Call of Duty. (Merry Christmas to me 2008)
For Your Brother: Sweaters from the Gap on are on sale 50% off. And socks that normally go for $15 are marked down to $4. Please do NOT just buy him socks.
For Your Sister: If she's a homey type (that's homey not homely) get her either the hand soap/hand lotion in the holder set from William Sonoma. If she loves to cook: you can't go wrong with either cookbook Mastering The Art of French Cooking, by Julia Child or The Pioneer Woman Cooks, by Ree Drummond. Add a nice bottle of olive oil or some fleur de sel (French sea salt). You can get all of it at Amazon. If she's a fashionista: Get her some earrings at Anthropologie. Don't buy a fashionista clothes, purses or shoes. If she's granola and the etsy type: Get her something from etsy, I have no frame of reference for this type of girl.
For the newlyweds: A really nice ornament from swavorski or Nordstrom.
For the teenager: cash
For the tween: anything with New Moon on it. You can get it all at Nordstrom online. If it's a boy tween, I hear video games are popular. I have no idea where to get those.
For the little girl: A trunk of dress up clothes. You can either get a ready made trunk at Amazon or you can go to the thrift store and make your own. The thrift store version are always better but who has time. My girls are getting a trunk of sparkly gloves, skirts, crowns, hats etc. I also recommend the American Girl merchandise. My cousin Tara recommends starting out your little girl with the bitty baby then moving up around Age 7 to the actual dolls. But I am not doing either yet because my girls are not into dolls at all. So I bought all the Felicity and Molly books and we are going to start there. Amazon again.
For the kids who just won't leave you alone for some damn peace and quiet: The Safari Monkey with extra wand. It's a monkey that you hide. Then as the kids hunt for it with their safari wands in their hand, the wands start to light up as you get closer to the monkey. The closer you get the more lights that light up. It's a 2009 version of the hotter/colder game. I plan on making Katie hide it for Jessica and vice versa. Again, Amazon.
For Grandmothers: Estee Lauder White Linen perfume. This is the way all Grandmothers should smell. Digital picture frames with a bunch of family pictures loaded on them are a great idea too. My Dad is going to put in the hours of time it will take to load those on the frame bless him. DON'T get Grandmothers flowers. They will die by New Year and they'll forget what you got them. Grandma's also seem to like anything with a picture on it of you. At least, they act like they do. Estee Lauder is available at ulta.com or sephora.com. The picture frames are best at costco.com or officedepot.com. Chocolate at sees.com.
For Grandpas: This makes me sad because we haven't had a Grandpa for a few years now. But when we had one we found they liked treats to eat, warm socks, flannel shirts and being taken out to dinner. I really miss our Grandpas.
For your neighbor or coworker: I don't bake. I was going to but I just don't. Also, I don't drink. I get people a really nice bottle of French Lemonade or Olive Oil from our grocery store. The lemonade will run you $6-8 and the olive oil will cost around $13-$20. Sea salt is also nice.
For your boss: A nice picture frame for their office is nice. They'll put their family in it but they'll think of you. Thus, you = family = being harder to fire.
For your kids' teachers: This is where we might disagree. I go all out for the girls teachers. First, I have 2 kids in the same class so I feel like my gift should represent two kids. Secondly, they work harder than anyone I have ever known for very little pay. They love and protect my children day in and day out and I really want them to know how thankful I am for them. I do gift cards to Borders in the amount of $50. But, remember TWO kids. A lot of the kids in our class do really nice ornaments for their teachers. But that's still going to run you close to $20. So I think a gift card for Borders, a gift card for a pedicure/manicure, a gift card for a massage or something to make them feel relaxed and pampered is the best way to go.
For your hair stylist/nail technician/cleaning person/nanny: The standard is a tip for the amount of one of their services. If you pay $30 for your nails, you leave a tip for $30 when you get your nails done in December. I give my mother's helper Kayla, one week of pay as her gift.

And please, especially this year, don't forget to donate your used coats to coats for kids, your gently used toys and clothes to a charity, a new unwrapped toy for Toys for Tots and any non perishable foods to your local food drive. There are also giving trees all over every town with the name, age and wish of a needy child on a tag. Then, you go buy that gift, wrap it and tape the tag to the gift.

And most importantly, for yourself: get yourself something good this year. If your "to do" list looks anything like mine, you are going to need a gift card for a nice long massage. Schedule it now for Saturday, the 26th. You'll be so glad.

I feel so much better...

2009-12-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

My Barack O'Boyfriend sat down with Oprah and Michelle for Christmas At The Whitehouse. My faith in human kind and Christmas and wonderfulness is restored! Take that hussey Jenny McCarthy!

Because I'm sure Santa wanted a Playboy Playmate of The Year for his DAUGHTER

2009-12-13T19:08:00.001-08:00

I remember when getting ready for Christmas included things like trimming the tree, making fudge and watching ol'Bing belt out his velvety smooth rendition of White Christmas. After today, my faith in Christmas might be in danger of vanishing a little bit. After spending 45 minutes trying to get from the Arden way exit to the actual mall parking lot, I arrived home tired and ready to kick my feet up. Then I saw a preview for a new Christmas movie that the guy inside the TV told me would be sure to be "an instant Christmas classic!" The movie is called "Santa Baby" and apparently, Sunday night, they will be airing both "Santa Baby" and "Santa Baby 2 - Christmas Maybe". So this movie had enough of a following LAST year that they made a remake. Oh yes they did.

The movie stars a very blond and airbrushed Jenny McCarthy. Is it just me or didn't she become famous by taking her clothes off and posing for Playboy? Wasn't she the wild MTV girl that flashed us and talked dirty to our college age ears? And now, I'm supposed to buy that she is the daughter of Santa Claus, played by Norm from Cheers! Are you kidding me? I expected Santa to belly up the bar for a cold beer and his daughter to wiggle her way across the room wearing mistletoe and nothing else. Is this really what "Christmas Classics" are coming to? A nudey model and an alcoholic bringing us the joy and magic of Christmas? And now in the 2nd sequel version, Tori Spelling's husband Dean is going to play the love interest of Jenny McCarthy. There are so many thoughts buzzing in my head about Tori and Dean that I even wrote a letter to the girls one time about it on this blog. I'm sort of ashamed of us and the ABC family channel and television in general. I know Jenny McCarthy is an Autism crusader and all that Jim Carey nonsense now, but really that just means she wants me to not immunize my kids and dates Jim Carey. Gross. Sorry Jenny. You have a fantastic shape for a Mom but your sweater is too tight to belong in any Christmas classic movie of mine. I vote to stick with Bing Crosby and Jimmy Stewart and a clay model of Rudolph for my Christmas movie cheer.

On Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer! On Trudy?

2009-12-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Many of you know who my Grammie Bea is. She is awesomeness in a Grandma. She lives at The Meadows. The Meadows is an assisted living facility for senior citizens. It's a pretty classy joint. It's just been remodeled and is designed in sort of a Tuscan style. I can't say enough about how happy Grammie is at The Meadows. This is shocking to all of us who are related to her. We thought when the time came that she could no longer live alone that she would have to be dragged from her house kicking and screaming. Surprisingly, she went chose to go to the Meadows and she loves the food, activities, friends she has made and mostly the staff who in my humble opinion, are some the kindest people on the planet. It takes very special people to work with senior citizens. Yes, they are wise and wonderful and have amazing things to teach us. But they are also grumpy and complain about anything ranging from noise to the size of piece of pie they get for dessert. But the staff is hip and cool and loves these old people . One of the activities people announced to us tonight that the residents weren't old, they were vintage. I thought that was cute.

So tonight was the Christmas dinner celebration at The Meadows. Family members were invited to purchase a ticket for dinner and join their senior citizen. My Mom bought tickets for all of us and at 5pm (because hello? can you say early bird special) we gathered at the Meadows for some Christmas cheer. Huge shrimp cocktail, asparagus, seafood newburg and awesome prime rib greeted us. Surprisingly, there wasn't a jello or mashed potato in sight. Tiny individual desserts, sherbet punch and very very warm temperatures inside were had by all. (They gotta keep it very warm for all the arthritus and weak lungs in the crowd) Finally, after much waiting, jumping up and down and waiting some more...Santa arrived. Instead of sitting in a chair, he walked around and greeted all the people. He would approach a table and shout out in his jolly voice "Hello Norman! It's wonderful to see you. Ho Ho Ho!" And then he would go around the table greeting each person by name. After a few tables, I started to get teary. He was greeting people named Stanley, Betty, Isabel, Lou and Trudy. There was a Vivian and a Helen, along with an Ester and a Joy. As he made his way to our table with "Katie" and "Jessica", the thought came to me that the room was filled with my four year olds and many people that were 75 and up. But the look on their faces was the same. As all of us who were visiting family members checked our watches and wiped the sweat from our brow, the young and old had pure undiluted joy on their faces. They were in the presence of Santa Claus and it was Christmas and the world is wonderful right in this moment. Katie and Trudy both giggled as Santa reached out his white gloved hand. Jessica and Norman grinned from ear to ear when Santa got closer to where they were sitting.

It was wonderful. And I promised myself that I would try very hard to take a moment and think of things like a very very young or very very old person this year. I will try and enjoy the simple magic of Christmas. And I would like to say that there needs to be more people named Betty. We can't let that name die out. Get on that will you?

Different Strokes For Different Folks...

2009-12-09T20:12:00.000-08:00

Katie's preschool teacher pulled me aside today when I dropped off the girls. "Amy, I wanted to know if there was anything we can do to include your beliefs and family traditions this Christmas so the girls feel included." I looked at her like she was sprouting antlers from her head and said "say what?" She went on to explain that Katie has been announcing her distinct and varied religious beliefs to the class over the past few weeks. When I asked her teacher what exactly did she tell you? She told me that Katie told her she was "A Jewish Mormon Lover of Christ!" She wanted to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas and said she was a Jew that loved Jesus. I explained to her teacher that we were just normal Christmas believers, Mary/Joseph/Baby Jesus in Bethlehem, Santa/Reindeer etc. at North Pole, egg nog, stockings hung by the fire, caroling, mistletoe and lots of ham, turkey and fudge. Based on what Katie has been telling her, she was getting ready to break out the feast for Kwanzaa, the dreidel and menorah and candy canes, presents and carols. I told her that I appreciate it, but just the Christmas stuff is needed.

Points to Katie for wanting to encompass and involve all people from all different religions. She's a unifier that one. A little Jewish Mormon Lover of Christ.

All I Want For Christmas Contains Your Two Front Teeth

2009-12-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

So Katie said the following to me today:

K: Mom. Do you know what I want for Christmas the most of all?
M: What?
K: I'll give you a hint. It's not a toy or a game and it is on every one's self.
M: I don't know what?
K: Mom, I want your smile for Christmas. I want to get a big smile from my very best Mama on Christmas Day.
M: Ohhhhhh (seriously touched)...that is SO sweet Katie Kate! I love you!
K: Don't you think Santa will really like that I want that for Christmas Mama? I'm sure that will get me on his nice list, don't you think?
M: Mmmmmmm. I'm not sure Katie. I'm sure Santa will think it's very sweet. Now go play.

That kid can work it like nobody I know. She is always working some angle. Her favorite sentence is "Mama, I have a GREAT idea!" Followed by something that is most definitely NOT a great idea.

If it's like this at 4, I don't have a prayer of survival when she's 14.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like - Chaos

2009-12-06T18:42:00.000-08:00

Why do I not prepare more for the holidays? I need to start earlier. Much much earlier, so that I don't have the feeling deep in my chest that I have right now. That feeling that says..."Amy you are smoking a very special kind of crack if you think you are going to get it all done." Here's what I have done. Lights up outside: check. Christmas Tree and all decorating supplies out and ready to go: check. Presents for 70% of people bought: check. So I only have to: buy the rest of presents, decorate the tree, wrap 1,347 presents, take girls to see Santa, buy stocking stuffers, bake cookies and bread, have dinner with Grandma Meeker, go to Christmas party at Grandma Bea's senior community, go to Mike's Christmas party, go to dinner at Grandma Houlie's, buy and cook dishes for dinner at Grandmas, Christmas Eve at home, Christmas Day at Mike's parents, finish shopping, pack for a family of 4 for Mexican cruise, gingerbread houses, nails done, get girls hair cut, watch Frosty, Charlie Brown and Polar Express and make sure everything is spit and polished come the 24th. Make sure we are ready to leave on the 26th. Seriously, I am so glad we are going on a cruise this year right after it's all over. It will force us to relax and recover from all the hustle and bustle.

I am concerned but not complaining. I am so lucky to have my family and all of these things to do. There are lots of people who dread this time of year not because of all the activities but because of the loneliness. That would be the worst. There have been moments in the past week that have been wonderful. The excitement on the girls eyes when they got their special snow globes on their beds that officially kick off Christmas at our house, hanging lights with them in Santa hats, having MIKE HOME this year (can I get an AMEN and a HALLELUJAH?). We have had our hot cocoa and looked at lights and have had Christmas music on in the car 100% of the time. We went over to Grandma Bea's apartment at The Meadows today and brought her a wreath for her door and a pink table top Christmas tree with pink lights and purple/hot pink/lime green/turquoise blue ornaments. (Guess who picked out the pink tree?) Even though she acted like it was no big deal, we could tell she was really excited that she had a little tree and a wreath for her door. She was excited for the girls to decorate it with her. And after they were done she moved all the little balls to just where she thought they should go. My mom brought over an extension cord so we could plug it in for her. It was really cute. My Auntie Lori got her this really classy and cool sign for her door that says Count Your Blessings which is awesome because she needs to remember all the ways she's blessed for as long as Alzheimer's will allow her to. So the little sign is below the wreath that I brought and both have gold running through them so they look good together. So all in all, there have been some great moments so far.

Right now, the girls are counting to 100 and then when they are done I will be going in their room to read the The Polar Express while we suck on candy canes. They have their candy nightgowns on and they are so excited to read the book together. This will be the first time we've read the book, I just bought it Friday. If I seem a little frazzled and sort of stressed out, their level of excitement and Christmas joy causes me to remember each day that I need to take a second and just enjoy the season. They'll never have a Christmas again when they will be four. And let me tell you, four year olds are the BEST if you are looking for innocent joy and excitement and loudness. Ear splitting loudness. It's awesome.

Pictures of all of it to follow...

Thanks In The Giving - My Awesome Aunt & Uncle - Christmas Kickoff

2009-12-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

Turkey Day came and went. The girls made dream catchers for all the guests out of paper plates, leather cord, beads and feathers. We cooked and seasoned, then went over to my parents for the feast. Auntie Lori and Uncle Terry were visiting from Oregon. Have I not introduced you to them before? Oh my. I must correct that immediately. Auntie Lori is my Mom's younger sister. Number 3 out of 4 girls. She is the awesomest! She was a school teacher and is the best "with kids" person I have ever known. When I was a kid she would direct our cousin Christmas Pageant on Christmas Eve. She would play the part of the angel and she would read the Christmas story while we played our parts dressed in bathrobes and towels. As the only girl cousin in the appropriate age group, I had to play Mary forever. Susan played the baby Jesus until she was like 5 or 6. We all acted like we hated it but secretly we loved it. Auntie Lori was the person that would flop on my bed when I was a teenager and ask me all about my friends and boys and get excited at all the stuff in my life that my Mom thought was dumb. She loved to talk, shop, read and would hide with me when it was time to do the dishes. She gave me my copy of Charlotte's Web, the first book I ever read AND the first book that made me cry. It's the book that made me realize that literature has amazing power. She always made me feel super important and smart, even when I made dumb mistakes. And Uncle Terry, well I can't say enough about Uncle T. Except for my Dad, he was the single biggest influence on me as a kid (as far as a guy goes). When I flew for the first time by myself, it was to Oregon to visit them. He was so different than my Dad. My Dad is mellow and chilled out. Uncle Terry was animated and emotional. My Dad did stuff to let me know he loved me. Uncle Terry would tell Jeff and I every night how much he loved us and how we were his buddies and he'd tell Shmedley stories about his pet raccoon. He was all about "awesome", "neat!", "wow" and animated stories about anything and everything that included sound effects and hand and body motions. When everyone in my family told me that Mike reminded them of Uncle Terry when he was younger, I knew I had a good guy and not to let him go. Both my Dad and Uncle Terry are "those" Dads. The ones that will do anything for you, will make signs to get you elected to Student Body President (my senior year) and pick up Thai food on the other side of town because you are sick and feel like chicken with yellow curry. (last night) They are the move you in and put up shelves and paint and fix stuff for you Dads. And they are the never let you down Dads. Ever Ever. Mike is on the right track on being that sort of Dad. It was important to me even at a young age that I picked somebody like that. And I totally totally totally did. (Except for the handyman part. Mike is all about hiring a handyman if it will save him having to do a huge job. Or calling my Dad if it is something little. But if you need your computer fixed or a vasectomy, Mike is your guy) Anyway, is there anything better than a good guy who loves being a husband and plays dress up with his daughters including a hot pink boa while watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? I dare say there is not. (That is what is going on at my house right now)

So Thanksgiving was fine. I ate the wrong things and my Dad pitched a gravy hissy fit but we learned what Wondra was. (A separate post in necessary about Wondra alone) I made leftover turkey pot pie Sunday night. Yum. That recipe will go up on my recipe blog ASAP. Now, we are online shopping for gifts and looking forward to beginning Christmas traditions this week. We have already looked at lights. Tree and our own lights will go up this weekend.

It's sure different this year having Mike home. My heart goes out to anyone (Amelia) who's husband is deployed right now. It just sucks. I will be there again next year. I am not looking forward to it. For now, I am going to soak up all the family Christmas spirit and fun we can have. Rudolph and Yukon Cornelius just landed on the island of misfit toys so obviously...I gotta go.

Merci'

2009-11-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

My favorite holiday of the year is Easter. I love the whole idea of resurrection coinciding with Spring and renewal and things blooming. I love all the colors of Easter, pastels all mixed together. I love Easter dresses and hats and the idea of Spring cleaning, although I never do it the way I would like. I love Easter dinner, hosting it, serving coconut cake for dessert and everything being white and pink and apple blossom green and lavender. Easter is the best. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My Mom always would say "thanksgiving is just a meal". When Mike and I moved away, Thanksgiving was always the holiday we didn't come home for. We wanted to save our vacation time for Christmas and all of us, Mike, my parents and I, were working full time so nobody got enough vacation time at Thanksgiving to travel all the way across the country. I was always grateful to my Mom for telling me not to worry and that "Thanksgiving is just a meal". It made me feel better about not being home. So the first year we had the girls, we were in Nebraska, it was snowing and we weren't going home. I told Mike, "Thanksgiving is no big deal. It's just a meal. So this year, I'm going to make fajitas instead of going through all the trouble." Mike, ever happy to just have food prepared for him, thought it was great. The girls were seven months old so they were not aware of the lack of turkey. I made awesome fajitas. And I couldn't eat them because I was crying so hard. We were all alone, it was Thanksgiving and instead of smelling celery, onion and bay leaf, my kitchen was filled with the smell of sauteed peppers and marinated beef. It was so depressing.

It was that year, as I put all of the salsa and guacamole in tupperware and went to bed with a crying headache that I realized that I really really really LOVE Thanksgiving. I love the food, the colors, the idea of friends and family gathering around a big table, the smell of pumpkin and spices and even the football. But what I realized that I love the most is that even though I tell myself every year that it is dumb and I am absolutely NOT going to do it this year, at some point I find myself pausing and taking a moment to think about what I am thankful for. I can't help it. It just hits me. It might be while I am peeling potatoes or setting out my clothes or going to bed that night. But inevitably, the nagging thought will come into my head and I will force myself to think of all the way I'm blessed. And dang it, wouldn't you know that doing it makes me feel great inside every single time.

So I decided I'm not going to even try to fight it this year. Instead, I've just gone over to the dark place and embraced all the gratefulness that surrounds me. Everyday, Katie and Jessica ask how many days until Thanksgiving and then they list all the things they are thankful for and I do the same. We've been doing it all month long. This year, Thanksgiving is on steroids. And my heart is just gross with all the mush and gush. It would be so lame not to write down what I am thankful for given that I've been thinking about it all the time. I hate when other mommy bloggers do this, I really do. So in an effort to not gross you out too much and give you a cavity from all the sugar shock, I am going to try and write down what I am ACTUALLY thankful for rather than what I am supposed to be thankful for. Feel free to stop reading at any time. I'm sorry for all the narcissism. Please forgive me.

Amy's Thankful List 2009

That new show Modern Family. It is so funny and I really love looking forward to laughing that hard every week.
Diet Coke (I don't think I need to elaborate at this point)
New Moon and werewolves
The fact that the girls don't fall asleep at night but instead giggle, talk loudly, make forts, tickle each other, come out to tell us they need water, bring the mobile into bed with them so they can play it over and over and get into all sorts of mischief. It is a nuisance and I hate it on a daily basis but at my core I am thankful for the memories they are making both for themselves and for Mike and I. It is a magical time in our lives.
That we live so close to family.
Rubios Gourmet Shrimp Tacos with no habanero citrus salsa on flour tortillas.
Jeans
Bangs
Mike living in our house instead of a B-hut in Afghanistan
Sleeping in on Saturdays
Target
Julia Child's cookbook and Pioneer Woman's cookbook
Hearts cut out of paper by little hands that say "I Love Mama" in crayon.
Katie and Jessica's teachers
Mike's patients that bring us lumpia and stuffed animals for the girls and kind notes and cards.
Kozy Shack chocolate pudding. Seriously, have you tasted that stuff?

That's all I can come up with for now. It's all really true. As Jessica would say, it's not a tease, a joke or a lie.

A Love Story - That Takes A Long Time To Tell

2009-11-23T17:27:00.000-08:00

What's with me and all the movie related posts lately? Whatever. Anyway, Internet, allow me to introduce you to a little fellow called Lancelot. You might think you know this love story, but I assure you, you do not. Permit me to elaborate and take a moment of your time. You won't be sorry.

So, in 1968 the film version of the Broadway play Camelot came out. It won the Oscar for Best Film. It is my number 2 favorite movie of all time, right behind The Wizard of Oz. My parents took me to see Richard Burton play the role of King Arthur in San Francisco in 1983. It was my first live performance I'd ever seen. Think Pretty Woman at the opera and you will get my 11 year old self sitting there overcome with rapture and joy as I watched the story of Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot unfold. And again, you might think that this is the story on which this post is going to focus. You would be so wrong. Please, for the sake of all that is good and holy, continue.

Vanessa Redgrave played the role of Guinevere in the film opposite Richard Harris as Arthur. A relative unknown Italian actor, Franco Nero, played the role of Lancelot. And let me tell you, he played that role better than maybe anyone has played any role ever in any movie. First of all, he was the most handsome man in the universe. In the opening scene the camera pans up from the ground to the wall of a castle in far off France and he is standing atop the castle as he answers the call of Arthur of England and the idea of the Knights of the Round Table. Might for Right and all that. Lancelot is the ultimate of all leading men of all time. He is noble, committed to a cause, religious and undefeated in any battle. Stud. Muffin. Then, he chucks all of it because he falls in love with the Queen of England and the wife of his best friend, King Arthur. Guinevere. They try to deny their passion but ultimately they admit their love for each other and have a torrid affair. But the affair destroys them. Not only do they hate themselves for betraying Arthur, but they have betrayed the cause of Camelot, which they both believe in with all of their hearts. They get caught. Guinevere is sentenced to burn at the stake. Lancelot is banished. All the knights are taking sides. War breaks out. Arthur loves Lance like a brother and Ginny as his wife and he must carry out her sentence of death. But secretly he prays that Lance will ride in and save her even though he knows it will result in war and the final destruction of Camelot. He loves them more than anything even though they have betrayed and hurt him. Sure enough, Lancelot charges in on his white steed just in time to cut Guinevere down from the stake (they had already lit the fire) and he charges out of Camelot with her on his horse. You might think they would run off to France or Egypt. Anywhere they could be together. But alas, they do not. Their guilt and shame for betraying God, Arthur and Camelot destroy their future. Ginny spends the rest of her days in a convent as a nun. Lancelot goes into battle and will end up dying by the sword years later. It's a sad story, but like Romeo & Juliet or Braveheart, it is wonderfully tragic. The chemistry between Vanessa Redgrave and Franco Nero is electric. They sizzle up the screen unlike any two actors EVER. And up until last year, I thought that was the end of our story. Not even close.

No one heard from Franco Nero ever again. He never did another film and I assumed he faded into Italian television like Lorenzo Lamas or Rick Springfield or that dude from the Dukes of Hazard. Dreamy one day, forgotten the next. Vanessa Redgrave went on to have a great career, appearing in film and television. I have always enjoyed her work, but never as much as her role as Guinevere. Vanessa Redgrave is the mother of Natasha Richardson, the wife of Liam Niesen. You'll remember last year, Natasha Richardson lost her life in a skiing accident. People magazine did a big article on Natasha Richardson's life. There was a picture of the family gathered at the funeral. There in the picture was her mother, Vanessa Redgrave and standing by her side was her husband of forty years. You guessed it. It was Franco Nero. Lancelot. I cried my eyes out. I showed Mike and I couldn't even get out why I was crying so hard. I told him "they ended up together...hiccup...in real life. waaaaaa". I felt strangely like something unsettled in my past got put in exactly the right place. It turns out they fell in love while filming Camelot and the rest as they say...is happily ever after history. And you may be thinking, that is the end of our story. Nope. But we are getting there.

Fast forward to last Friday night. We are waiting for New Moon to start. A preview of a movie called Letters to Juliet came on. Amanda Seyfried, the daughter from Mama Mia is staring in it (I love her) opposite Vanessa Redgrave. It's about a place in Verona, Italy (the town where Romeo and Juliet is set) where people go to this wall and they leave letters to Juliet about love, loss and heartbreak. Amanda Seyfried finds a letter behind a stone in the wall written in 1957 by a woman named Claire all about how she was set to run away with this guy named Lorenzo but she didn't show up and she left him there wondering and how she tried to find him later on but couldn't. Amanda's character sets out to find Claire. She finds her in England where she is a widow but has loved Lorenzo her whole life. She (Amanda Seyfried), Claire (Vanessa Redgrave) and Claire's grandson set out for a small town in Italy to find Lorenzo. As I watched the preview I sort of found myself unable to breathe. My heart kept speeding up and I was gripping my seat. Finally, they find Lorenzo. He comes around the bend in the Italian countryside, in a vineyard, riding a white horse. He is an old man and is weathered and wrinkled. It is Franco Nero. And he is riding toward Vanessa Redgrave. Mike said he turned his head to sip his coke at the exact moment that I put all of it together and he said I gasped super loudly and just burst into tears. You guys I was like hysterically crying. Mike squeezed my hand and all I could say is "it's him!!!" And I couldn't stop crying until five minutes into New Moon. And I've been crying every time I've thought about it since. And that my friends, is the point of this post.

I know it makes no sense. But my entire childhood and adult life I have wished that Camelot could have ended differently and that Guinevere and Lancelot could have ridden off into the sunset together. I've watched it like over 50 times and each time I hope that maybe it'll end differently. And then I found out that in a very real way, it DID end differently because the two actors that set the screen on fire with their passion were really and truly in love and ended up together and have been together for 40 years. And now to get the gift of getting to see them reunite on-screen, knowing he hasn't made a film since he made one with her and that the chance to work with her again has brought him out of retirement and that they are all old and wrinkled but still so in love...it's just too much happiness for my heart to hold. I think it's the very best kind of love story.

I know it's dumb. But if you go out and rent Camelot, you will TOTALLY get it.

New Swoon...

2009-11-22T20:46:00.001-08:00

I am, or most definitely should be, arrested. I should be locked up. I should register on the sex offender list in all 50 states. I lusted after a child. A child. I got giggly. I even let out a very loud woop woop and pumped my arm in excitement in the middle of a darkened theater. Did you hear me? I PUMPED my arm. I YELLED woop. Then another woop. I giggled (cackled more like) every time Jacob came on the screen. And given he had no shirt on for the entire movie, I found myself sad during the one scene in which he wore clothes. He is 17. That means, had Mike Meeker and I procreated on our honeymoon I could be.... Oh I can't even say it. His. Mother. He could walk into my house and say "hey there. MOM." And I'm quite positive I would not be allowed to want to run full speed into him, jump onto him and make out with him for like five hours. I am going to hell. And jail. And all the bad places people like me should go. It was so good. So. So. Good.

So me and Mike Meeker went on Friday night while the girls had a sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's. We stood on line for two hours with this lady that would not shut up about this girl in her Bible study and how she was such a bleepity bleep bleep bleep. And how at church she totally bleeping bleep bleeped. And I kept thinking, DANG LADY. Is there anything about Bible study and church and all the cussing around all the twi-tweens that doesn't go together? Shut the bleep up and Jesus loves you, is basically what I wanted to say. We purposely sat in front of a row of ten year old girls, all clad in New Moon tshirts and necklaces and they took pictures every five seconds. We giggled and jumped up and down in our seats waiting for it to start. Now, you might think I was the only one in our party of two that was giggling and jumping up and down. Not so. Mike Meeker is just as big of a twilight fan as his wife. He has read all the books. More than once. He loves Edward. As in LURVES HIM. As in, he secretly thinks he is Edward but is willing to admit he might be a cross between Edward and Jasper and he was so excited for the Volturi scene and to see how they did the wolves he couldn't form coherent sentences on the way to the theater. He saw a bumper sticker that says "I drive like a Cullen" and he really really wants to get it. He is firmly encamped in Team Edward. I however, have always been in Team Jacob and now that I saw this movie, I will be a supporter of Team Jacob FOREVER. I would so pick Jacob. The ONLY advantage to Edward is his money.

We are adult enough to admit that the Twilight movie was very bad. But New Moon was awesome. We loved it. Okay so the part where Edward and Bella are running in slow motion through the forest as Vampires in clothing from 1918 was a little stupid. But everything else was so awesome. We cheered right along with the gaggle of girls behind us. (and the rest of the theater) We stayed up like two eighth graders until 2 am talking all about the movie and the books and all things Twilight. I told Mike we had to go to bed and that he was going to start his period ANY DAY. Seriously, if he doesn't stop he might have to get some tampax to keep in his car just in case.

And as for me. I'll just be in jail, sitting in my cell with a secret little smile on my face thinking all sorts of wicked thoughts about a 17 year old. But I hear he turns 18 in 82 days. And yes, I heard that because I went to a fan website. And yes. I am aware I am in a very scary place mentally and emotionally. Please tell my daughters I always loved them. I just loved the werewolf a little bit more.